Why am I letting a stranger hinder my success?

nikki_1123 · July 2012

A few days ago I went to get donuts for my niece since it was her birthday the next day and she loves them. I went to the bakery and was thinking about which ones she would like best. Then I hear some younger guy (16ish) say you don't need anymore donuts. Now he could've been saying it to his gf but I'm pretty sure it was directed towards me.
I looked at him and he didn't even make eye contant with me they just kinda walked away.

I left the store without anything but then I let him get to me and I ate basically everything I could put my hands on once I got home. I don't understand why but I did. That only led to me crying for the rest of the night.

I was really starting to feel good about myself, I was almost down 20 pounds and was working out and eating well every single day. I really was starting to think that me at 5'6 and 160 pounds wasn't too bad. But I let that stupid kid ruin everything and for the past few days I've been eating like crap and haven't exercised at all. I feel like a failure.

I don't really know what the point of this post was, maybe for you to share a similar story or for me to just get it off my chest

AriG88 · July 2012

Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? I see your picture and I'm like, "OMG, this girl is gorgeous." And I read your posts and I'm inspired by them. You are strong, courageous, and independent....so let those qualities shine, girl! As for those ignorant kids....well....karma, is all I have to say. Rudeness never gets you anywhere in life. You are going place, Nikki. Don't let others drag you down.

Afterblue · July 2012

In this world there are people who will find something to be nasty about because that is the only way they can feel better about themselves. I think one of the most valuable lessons for anyone to learn, in life (not just pertaining to weight loss) is to be able to shut out the words of those who don't mean you any good, while still being open to those who may not say it right, but still mean you good. But first, some thoughts.

1. You don't know for *sure* if that comment was directed towards you. Yet, you felt terribly about it. Think about that a second. Imagine the extreme emotional vulnerability that you must be in to feel that. I am going to ask you, what apart from weight contributes to your self esteem these days? I know weight loss is going to make a lot of things much better but what is it in your life that is yours that makes you happy? Try and find those things, those happy things, those permanent things that are not going to go away because you ate too much or exercised too little. Having something that is permanent, uniquely you, and good is a strong backbone.

2. What helped me most is finding another emotional outlet. I have a kid. I have a husband who eats what he wants and doesn't gain weight. My house is full of things that could absolutely DIVE BOMB my diet if I ate emotionally (and man, there are times when I am so hungry I want to dive into a case of Funyuns and eat my way out). My emotional outlet? I kick the **** out of a punching bag. Some days , that punching bag symbolizes a rude colleague or the person who stepped on my toe with their stabby heels in the train and didn't apologize, other days it symbolizes my frustration at days when the needle doesn't move. But ultimately, it is vastly more therapeutic for me to use rage against a punching bag as a motivator than let it become a state where I feel bad for myself because why should I feel bad about myself if someone else happens to be a twit? Why should you? Another alternative is to walk away...literally. Or run. Your outlet may be spending time with happier people. Or coming here and seeking support from the community before you resort to doing something you might feel worse about.

3. Did your actions make you feel better? There is a perverse voice within us which when we are faced with a setback goes "f-word this, I am going to stuff my face". It almost seems like an act of rebellion. But against what? Against who? Who is going to hurt after you are done? That guy went home with his girlfriend and if he did say those words to you will still wake up a stupid twit, but you have a journey towards a happier place and will wake up a better you.

Finally, everyone slips up. So you had a bad day. Think about it, learn from it, and the next time something like this happens, maybe it will get easier. But, don't beat yourself over it. You deserve to be nicer to yourself.

MissTexas25 · July 2012

I don't think he was talking about you. I think he must have been talking to his girlfriend. and your weight and height are fine! i always catch people doing "fishy" things and I always assume it must be them making fun of me or them talking about my weight because i'm big. but someone once taught me, that if you have no proof or are not 100% certain, then don't worry about it because it was probly not about you. so i try to stick to it. and if they are talking about us, screw them because they have no idea what we are going through and how hard we work to get in shape.

Nicci93 · July 2012

You are smaller than me girl! I'm 5'6" and 165.. there is no way that the kid could have been talking to you. And if he was, then he is an insensitive jerk who never graduated from kindergarten because that is no way to treat other people!

You have gone through so much to lose all those pounds, I'm sure. Don't let one bad day get to you. Let is motivate you to work just that much harder

Eve23 · July 2012

Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? I see your picture and I'm like, "OMG, this girl is gorgeous." And I read your posts and I'm inspired by them. You are strong, courageous, and independent....so let those qualities shine, girl! As for those ignorant kids....well....karma, is all I have to say. Rudeness never gets you anywhere in life. You are going place, Nikki. Don't let others drag you down.

Totally agree with this

ashlinmarie · July 2012

Nikki, you are gorgeous! Don't let that jerk get you down! I'm 5'7" 177 lbs and I'm starting to feel good about myself and I still have a long way to go to hit my goal. I am dying to be at 160 (it isn't my UGW, but it will essentially knock me out of the "overweight" category and into "healthy").

I had a woman on MFP the other day that told me that guys don't like girls with cushion and because my goal isn't to be a stick, I should just give up and stay fat. Now if someone told you that would you believe them? No. Just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and forget about what that guy said. Some people will do whatever they can to bring everyone around them down...but chances are he is miserable and hates his life and that is why he does it. He means NOTHING. You are WORTH fighting for yourself and your health so keep up the weight loss!

inkedartist · July 2012

I realized that I used to think that people were talking about me, even if I didn't hear them say anything. That is a self esteem struggle, and it sucks. Trust me, I know.

This is were affirmations, and writing down lists about your good qualities, and making sure you only have supportive people in your life really counts. Every time you catch yourself saying something bad about yourself, stop, listen, then turn it around. It's kind of like arguing with yourself.

Treat it like someone was talking crap about someone you love, how would you defend that person? Now defend yourself, from that little voice in your head that makes you feel that way.

Also, see if you can meditate and find out where that comes from? A memory that is triggered might need to be looked at, forgiven and let go.

You'll figure it out! And don't worry, we are more hard on ourselves then other people are. They are too wrapped up in their own lives to mess with ours most of the time.

You are amazing!!

porcelain_doll · July 2012

I am willing to bet those words were not meant for you. I know for me that when I am feeling a certain way about myself, I tend to hear things differently as well as misinterpret things from others. For example, when I am in a bad mood at work and am assuming everyone secretly hates me, anything that they say to me will come across as either an insult or sarcasm, when in reality it was more than likely neither. I know teens can be jerks, but you are not even a big girl and I cannot fathom anyone telling you something like that in line at a bakery.

Also, I think if he had meant those words for you, he would've made eye contact when you turned to look at him. His body language didn't match the guts involved to say something like that to a stranger.

What Afterblue wrote above was beautifully written. If I were you, I would bookmark this thread and come back to it for encouragement when you have another bad day. I hope you feel better about things soon. We've all been there. :flowerforyou:

munchlaxx · July 2012

I don't understand why you would let a stranger's words bother you, when you don't even know who he was talking to? I think you've overreacted.

Personally, I hear a lot of crap from people about different things. Sometimes I KNOW it's about me, sometimes I'm unsure. Either way, I don't let others' words bug me. How are you going to get along with life if you let every word bother you?

In one ear, out the other. You just need to remember that some people are *kitten* and will talk badly about anyone. They're not worth the stress.

P.S. This is coming from someone who used to worry about what others said about my appearance. I learned to have earmuffs on. :blushing:

marinebiologist_girl · July 2012

You. Are. Gorgeous. Really, I would love to look like you. Keep at it and then you can stick it to stupid kids who try to demean people like that. *HUGS*

nikki_1123 · July 2012

I don't understand why you would let a stranger's words bother you, when you don't even know who he was talking to? I think you've overreacted.

Personally, I hear a lot of crap from people about different things. Sometimes I KNOW it's about me, sometimes I'm unsure. Either way, I don't let others' words bug me. How are you going to get along with life if you let every word bother you?

In one ear, out the other. You just need to remember that some people are *kitten* and will talk badly about anyone. They're not worth the stress.

P.S. This is coming from someone who used to worry about what others said about my appearance. I learned to have earmuffs on. :blushing:

I know I overreacted. But in no way do I let every word someone says to me bother me that much usually. It was just a bad day for me mentally and that just put me over the top. I know I can't let words bother me but when self esteem and self image has been such a large issue your whole life it's alot easier said then done I'm afraid.

Thank you everyone for your kind words though, I'm not going to let this minor set back turn into something more. It's back on track starting now.

gramacanada · July 2012

Oh! No! He's just a punk kid with no manners, or sense of decency. He's immature and maybe always will be. You are beautiful. There are 8 billion people in the world. Don't let 1 ruin all you've achieved. :flowerforyou:

RunMyOregonBunsOff · July 2012

This means that it's time to get back in the saddle and be firm with yourself that next time something like this happens you will react differently. You didn't ruin the hard work that you have put in, you just had a set back. As long as you learned something from it, you are still making progress. You are tougher than you think, stronger than you feel and beautiful. You can do this!

bubmaster · July 2012

stop being so hard on yourself,some ppl will always have some stupid..hurtful comment to make,just ignore them,and think about positive comments that have been said to you:flowerforyou:

Marmitegeoff · July 2012

In this world there are people who will find something to be nasty about because that is the only way they can feel better about themselves. I think one of the most valuable lessons for anyone to learn, in life (not just pertaining to weight loss) is to be able to shut out the words of those who don't mean you any good, while still being open to those who may not say it right, but still mean you good. But first, some thoughts.

1. You don't know for *sure* if that comment was directed towards you. Yet, you felt terribly about it. Think about that a second. Imagine the extreme emotional vulnerability that you must be in to feel that. I am going to ask you, what apart from weight contributes to your self esteem these days? I know weight loss is going to make a lot of things much better but what is it in your life that is yours that makes you happy? Try and find those things, those happy things, those permanent things that are not going to go away because you ate too much or exercised too little. Having something that is permanent, uniquely you, and good is a strong backbone.

2. What helped me most is finding another emotional outlet. I have a kid. I have a husband who eats what he wants and doesn't gain weight. My house is full of things that could absolutely DIVE BOMB my diet if I ate emotionally (and man, there are times when I am so hungry I want to dive into a case of Funyuns and eat my way out). My emotional outlet? I kick the **** out of a punching bag. Some days , that punching bag symbolizes a rude colleague or the person who stepped on my toe with their stabby heels in the train and didn't apologize, other days it symbolizes my frustration at days when the needle doesn't move. But ultimately, it is vastly more therapeutic for me to use rage against a punching bag as a motivator than let it become a state where I feel bad for myself because why should I feel bad about myself if someone else happens to be a twit? Why should you? Another alternative is to walk away...literally. Or run. Your outlet may be spending time with happier people. Or coming here and seeking support from the community before you resort to doing something you might feel worse about.

3. Did your actions make you feel better? There is a perverse voice within us which when we are faced with a setback goes "f-word this, I am going to stuff my face". It almost seems like an act of rebellion. But against what? Against who? Who is going to hurt after you are done? That guy went home with his girlfriend and if he did say those words to you will still wake up a stupid twit, but you have a journey towards a happier place and will wake up a better you.

Finally, everyone slips up. So you had a bad day. Think about it, learn from it, and the next time something like this happens, maybe it will get easier. But, don't beat yourself over it. You deserve to be nicer to yourself.

That is very well said. (thank you Afterblue)

You are GEORGEOUS,

This is but a bit of learning and will help in the future.

You can lose weight, he will never lose stupid.

onyxgirl17 · July 2012

I'm 5 foot 6 and 160 as well. How rude of that guy, you look gorgeous!

leahartmann · July 2012

Some people are surprisingly stupid! I agree with those saying, his comment wasn´t about you. Why should it be? Your heigh and weight sounds fine. You look beautiful. You sound intelligent. Don´t let emotional eating destroy what you´ve achieved.

EnterFitness · July 2012

Good question! This is why I don't go jogging and running in broad daylight!

All good thoughts and advice and compassion here. Yes, to all of it.

If it was me in your shoes I'd think it was me he was directing his comment to. Not because he was, but because; so sadly, and don't get me wrong or out of context here, but he would be right. "I" don't need donuts!

I'm sorry he sent you into a tailspin though. I'm not sure why we react to negative comments with self-sabotage and trust me, you are not alone on this one.

Negative attacks = self-sabotage. If someone can find a cure for that, bottle it and sell it, we'd all be in a better place.

Hang in there lovely, someday that boy will turn 40 and lets check back on his physique then!!

j_wilson2012 · July 2012

It sounds like you need to jump on the horse and ride, little lady. First of all....people are going to say something like that, no matter where ya go, if to them you look overweight. Dont let it get you down. Second....this coming from a guy that hangs out at a donut shop. Anybody you know do that? Third, nobody every needs donuts. They are full of fat, sugar, and calories. We eat them because they taste good. Third...every time you work out, just think of people like that who call you fat, or a slob, or you arent thin enough. And then, take that and power through. I will tell you what works for me...I think of my future self naked. I think of how I want to be, and how I am now. To be honest, I wouldn't sleep with me either, even if I was gay! Today, I needed motive to get off the couch....I ate about 1200 calories, and that was just breakfast. But then, I got up, laced up them shoes, and didnt sit back down for 4 hours....decided I had errands to run. Next thing I know, I did the best workout I have done this week, and I was NOT planning on it today. Good luck!

BTW....to me, you look like a brunette Kirsten Dunst

ChapinaGrande · July 2012

I'm with the rest of these folks. You're absolutely beautiful. I also suspect the comment wasn't for you. I'd love to go on and on, but I'd be repeating what these lovely folks have already said. I would only like to add that, while I generally give the air of being a gentle human being, I have a hidden a-hole side that rarely comes out, but when it does, it's not pretty. When I hear someone say something like what that guy did, I say under my breath, "You must really hate yourself to speak to another human like that. I feel sorry for you." Whether it was meant for me or his gf, it makes me feel a little superior and, let's be honest, we all need to feel superior over people like that, because WE ARE. Be strong!

katrinkap · August 2012

Oh honey! I'm so sorry that this immature 16 balls haven't dropped yet idiot said such cruel and hurtful words to you. I am 5'5 also and am at 167 and I know I'm doing just as good as I can be, but like you, on Tuesday, a life changing event happened and I lost it and indulge in cookies.... What I did was I let myself have a pity party, brush myself off and then got back on the horse again. Tis will not be the last time you let your emotions run your eating habits. Just acknowledge it and do the best you can to deal with it and focus. You got this! Add me girl, we can cheer each other on!

Why am I letting a stranger hinder my success?

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