Will I ever lose weight? Feeling like a failure...

about to give up?
imagine something with me.
you step in to your bathroom, stare into the mirror at a reflection you used to despise.
your heart races as you reach for the scale, set it down on the shining, linoleum floor. your pulse continues to quicken as you shed your jeans, yank your shirt over your head, slip off your socks. you nervously wring your hands together. you place one foot on the familiar cold surface. another foot. you stare at the ceiling, close your eyes, take a deep breath. one second, two seconds, three seconds. you allow yourself to look down. after months of your hard work, your strain, your struggle, your determination. there it is. a number you used to only dream of. a number that seemed a thousand miles away. a number that defines the healthy, happy, new you that used to be nothing more than a day dream. your ultimate goal weight.
still want to quit?

A few weeks ago I signed up for another website similar to MFP. Today it reminded me I needed to do a weigh-in so I did and it told me that at my current rate of loss it will take 15 months to reach my goal. :grumble:
I can react to this in 2 ways: (1) give up because its so far away or (2) keep at it anyway on the basis that you eat an elephant one bite at a time.
I choose (2). From recently getting a degree (at the age of 40-plus) I have learnt that 3 years goes by fast so the 15 months will go by fast too.
Another way to look at it is that if you do nothing then you will defintely not get results; if you do something you should get results and if not modify your diet or your exercise routine until you find something that works.
I'm not sure if any of this helps?

"If you are tired of starting over then stop giving up" - Author unknown (to me anyway)

I just did something today that seemed impossible for me. I ran 10 miles. Now at every single mile I was on the verge of giving up, and it got harder and harder to stay motivated the closer I got, but dang it I wanted to finally be able to reach my 10 mile mark. What really helped me on were my neighbors that waved at me every 1 mile lap I made, which really motivated me. Had they not been there, I may have given up way earlier.

I know exactly how you feel, I was at that point once. But the thing is, is that you aren't alone, when you're frustrated or disappointed, having someone to talk to and suggest things to you can help motivate you though the hard parts. But the thing is, you have to be the one to stretch and strain yourself if you want to grow healthier and fitter. We will always be here to motivate you, listen, and give advice. But you are the only one stopping yourself from doing this. I have seen people who are overweight and paraplegic work out to become fit, and many of them actually gain back the use of their legs. It's just getting over the despair phase which is worst. It's not going to be easy, but the effects it will have on your life will reach in many places. You'll be more social, happier, more confident, more willpower, being fit, living longer, etc.

I agree with the previous posters. Mini goals is the best way to get through those dark times. For the last 2 and a half weeks my weight has stayed the same, not even a tiny fluctuation on the scales and I was starting to lose all hope of ever getting it going again. I had a little reshuffle of my calories (I upped them to 1400), and this weeks weigh in has shown a loss of 0.4lbs!! Not a lot, I know, but it's less than I have been for the last 2 weeks so I'm going to grab it with both hands and celebrate! I'm now 160.8lbs and my next mini goal is to get into the 150's (my ultimate goal is around 125 and I'm not even going to look that far forward yet!!). Try and use very small goals to start with; and remember, what the scales says isn't always going to make you smile. Try measuring yourself - bust, waist, hips, arms and thighs. It's good to get into the habit of measuring yourself about once a month because sometimes when the scales say no, the inches have melted off and you have yet another achievement under your belt!

Don't give up hope honey. Use your friends and the huge support network available to you on MFP. You are NOT alone!! Some days my friends on here are the only thing that keeps me moving forwards and not reaching for the giant bag of crisps! You CAN do this!! Feel free to add me as a friend for extra support, I log and post every day. Good luck! xx

You are a beautiful person and have such a great smile! What you need to see is that you are beautiful both inside and outside. That's the first step.

I was "chunky" throughtout my school years and for many years after. I always looked at the slim girls with envy and everytime I looked in a mirror I felt like I was an obese monster. I wanted to be like "them" not like "me." Even now there are days I come close to crumbling when I wear certain clothes and look at myself in the mirror.

I lost weight (close to 55 pounds) about 4 years ago going from a size 16 down to a 10 in little less than a year through exercise and careful portion control dieting. Once I hit my goal weight - I started slipping back into old habits and the last 4 years the weight creeped right back on and then some. I can't express how depressed and defeated I felt.

Sometimes it can feel like you're alone in an uphill struggle - but you're not. I've started using this site to be able to see what I am eating and how my exercise affects me and also to others who have experienced the same feelings. Having a strong support circle is a big part of keeping motivated and staying on track. I know now that I've done it once before, I can do it again - and so can you.

No exercise/diet routine is going to work overnight. Sometimes it take a few months for your body to adjust to your new routine. It takes committment and time but you WILL reach your goals. Never stop believing in yourself, never quit. And if you feel yourself slipping - reach out to the community here. We are all here for the same reasons.

Please feel free to add me as a friend and let me help keep you motivated!

Find some other reason to do what you're doing besides weight loss and then keep doing what your're doing for that.

Feb of 2006--The beginning of my fitness journey. It was the fifth year after being diagnosed with type II diabetes and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. The realization came to me that my health and its decline was not inevitable. I had looked up the effects of ageing, and I was shocked that what I was experiencing was NOT the effects of aging but of not moving. I realized that it was not the role of my children to take care of me if I became immobile, especially if my stiffness, the pain, the inability to get up off of the floor after dropping something. I was overweight, over-fat and undernourished.

I began fast walking (outside) after work, specificity, walking to the next Subway stop (Live in NYC, Brooklyn; Work in Manhattan). I could only do fifteen minutes without getting out of breath. My thoughts, or my body's self-speak, "You are going to kill us; ' Why are you doing this to us?" etc. My response, "Shut up and be quite," "If you don't get busy, you're slowly dying anyway so Shut UP!!" Within that first week I got to fast walking for 20/30 minutes and when we got to March, I was doing one hour, after work, when it wasn't raining hard. But what about the summer, summer in NYC, concrete and steel holding heat, heat and sun from the top and heat radiating from the sidewalks and buildings from the bottom and sides, so I move it indoors using exercise DVDs. November rolled around and I added 1 to 2 days of light resistance, but I hadn't lost weight. In fact the first three months I gained and then slowly dropped fourteen pounds; however, people thought I had lost up to 50 pounds.

Because I wasn't looking at the scales but attempting to keep my blood glucose (type II diabetes) under control I let my blood glucose numbers speak louder than the number on the scale. I also have Metabolic Syndrome the nasty combo of Type II, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, land Triglycerides, a very difficult combo to have when it comes to weight loss. But I kept walking, and walking and walking. No weight loss but Lost three dress sizes.

I picked up some exercise video games, along with a Wii and Balance Board, EASA Personal Trainer, and More Workouts; Walk It Out, and DDDR3, summer of 2010 and somewhere between Feb of 2010 and the summer of 2010 (before my video games shoed up), I dropped weight and didn't know it (persistence pays off in getting the body to do what it doesn't want to do). I got on the scales which I had banned, when a two piece dress I had purchased within the last six months, fell off well the skirt fell off. I went from 179 pounds down to 150 and didn't feel it, recognize it, etc. Of course people noticed it; however, I had heard it all before with no weight loss. I am now down to 133 with fabulous glucose control. I still have metabolic syndrome; however, my blood glucose levels are down to high normal. I've dropped three of the four meds I was on to control my diabetes. However, the cholesterol and blood pressure are still an issue.

HI. This is the biggest challenge. One I have also battled. I lost 70 pounds over the last year and I can offer these tips:

Set yourself up for success - dump the ice cream, chips, and candy - stay out of those food aisles.
Drink lots of water - I bought a Zero Water container for the fridge... nothing like a nice glass of cold water with lemon, and no plastic bottles to throw out.
Even if fresh food is a little more expensive, choose healthy snacks - I like strawberries - They're sweet, finger food, pop 'em in like candy.
Don't buy any more clothes in your current size - you won't need them after you lose the weight (and you will lose!)
If you work, bring your lunch to work - don't be tempted by what others are eating - they'll be in awe when they see how you're sticking to this.
Now the toughest thing for me... staying motivated. I try to tap into whatever emotion I can to get me through. Sometimes I'm angry (with myself), sometimes I just tap into my stubbornness. That seems to work the best. for me. I try to applaud my success, even if it's 1/2 pound. And, I forgive myself if I fall back a little. Dig deep. What do you really want? You are worth the effort and deserve to be happy.
Also, a biggie for me... I started volunteering - keeps me busy, and keeps me thankful for all I have. Kind of puts food in perspective.

Good luck to you and I predict success!

Thanks for the tips, I still have 60 lbs to go.

I'm feeling the same way at this moment!!! I have 66 lbs to loose, possibly 86 if I weigh "what is a recommended and an appropriate weight" for my height.

The changes I'm making...RIGHT NOW!!: I say them to you and MYSELF!!

1) MEASURE AND COUNT EVERYTHING YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH!!
IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL UNDERESTIMATE YOUR CALORIES...AND I GUARANTEE, YOU'RE BODY WON'T!!!!!!!
(if it's a stick of gum, or a drop of butter!!)
No tasting while you cook either because you probably are not counting those calories...but again, YOU'RE BODY IS!!!!

2) Research what your TDEE is (Total Daily Energy Expenditure). This is simply put, how many calories your body burns on a daily basis, depending on your age, weight, sex and activity level (BE HONEST with yourself). Also know you LBM and BMI. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER and part of the recipe for SUCESS!!!!!!!!!!!
.
This helped me put into perspective just how many calories I burn, which for me was 2158. For everything thing you eat over and above that number, YOU WILL GAIN! So I saw it has "ok Jen, you're body burns naturally 2158 calories/day, so when you eat a combo and dessert at McDonalds (which I totally 'live for'), AUTOMATICALLY, you are going to gain that weight", if you don't burn those calories off with exercise. "So if you want that, the consequence is you'll have to exercise it off!!!!"
Seeing this helped me because I was able to see it FACTUALLY and see it in BLACK and WHITE.
I would always tend to UNDERESTIMATE how much I eat, how many calories things are and if I don't run and be dripping wet with sweat, I'm actually not doing anything. Surprisingly I'm very hard on myself, so I get frustrated easily, which results in GIVING UP!!!!

3) Set 'little goals'. When I tell myself how much weight I have to loose, I don't see the "140" number in my head. I don't even really discuss this number unless I'm explaining my ULTIMATE goal!. I start smaller. For example as of this morning I was 218 lbs. My first mini goal is to get to 213 lbs which I was at a few weeks ago, but went on vacation and ate myself up 10 lbs. My second mini goal is to get to my "pre-baby weight" of 200 lbs (that's still high, but it's of an IMPORTANCE to me!!). Then I will try 10 pound increments which 'appears' is ALOT more manageable!!
When I think "OMG I have 86 lbs to loose", I freak and then give up because it seems IMPOSSIBLE!!

4) I remain POSITIVE and say only POSITIVE things to myself/about myslef and not look at what others have achieved, unless I'm using it as my motovation!!.
Example "oh I can't eat that" or "I have to much to loose" or "wow look at her, she lost so much and looks great" (but think to yourself that you look like crap because you're comparing yourself. " MYOB...(Mind Your Own Business) and focus on yourself!!!" (I'm sure you get my point!!)

Now the above may sound like I've already made the changes and have huge sucess but I don't. I've just started back this past Friday (July 27/12) and plan on starting the 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels TOMORROW!!!!

I believe we're already friends on here, so let's keep in touch!!

Before you start any of the avove, you have to know/answer these questions to yourself:

1) What's the problem?
2) Why is it a problem?
3) Is there a goal?
4) What is the goal?
5) Why is this the goal?
6) Have you tried to achieve this goal?
7) Did you fail at achieving this goal?
8) If yes, why have you failed?
9) What are you afraid of?
(This is a BIG one) For me, it's hard work from working out!! (As pathetic as that sounds, it's the truth!!)

When you have answered those questions, you can begin to develop a PLAN of achieving the goal and using the above mentioned suggestions can/will help!

Hope this all makes sense!!

Jenn :flowerforyou:

One thing that really helped me stick to it was to find little ways to reward myself along the way. I bought a day planner and gave myself a sticker every day that I stuck to my diet. It may sound like somthing out of kindergarten, but it helped me track how well I was sticking to the plan without worrying about the scale.

I've always bn a fan of cooking, so I tried new recipes every week to expand my diet but also as a fun thing to do with myself that didn't seem so diet-y.

Whatever you decide, I know you can find a way that workss for you to stick with it this time!

Hey there,

I'm still a long way off from my "goal weight" (for me, I'm not exactly sure what that is yet though), but what really changed my approach was decided that I was going to simply "change my habits". I'm travelling now, so that seems to be extremely difficult, but when I was home working on things with my normal routine, I simply started to change how I cooked, what I brought into the house, (whether I would walk out the door with money or not, checking that I wouldn't just spend it on food), when I would exercise, if I would exercise, how much I would exercise. It was turning out to be simple changes, and then the larger things started to happen. If you're like me & the idea of getting to that "goal" is just too big, aim for the simple things you can do. Start with how you eat on a regular basis, not that it means you have to cut everything out, but that you should start to substitute more of the good-for-you than the bad-for-you stuff. I wish you the best (feel free to add me, though I'm currently on intermittently while abroad).

the big picture is daunting. Try losing 1 pound. Make that your goal. You don't have to lose 50, 30, 20 or even 5 pounds, you just have to lose that one. When you do lose it, good for you. Now you have a new goal. You have to lose 1 pound. That's it. Again, not 50, 30, 20 or 5 just one pound.

Be realistic. Some weeks no matter how awesome you do, you won't lose. There are theories, rhymes and reasons as to why, even when the simple maths don't work out, but it just happens that some weeks you just won't lose. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, per say. It just means that pound didn't come off that week so you have to work another week at it.

Look at it this way. You're going to eat no matter if you eat mindfully or you eat thoughtlessly. You have to eat to live. However you attack each and every day is up to you. It's a choice you and some days are harder than others. Set youself up to eat mindfully and you'll have more "good" days than bad.

You're not a failure. You just haven't found the combination that works for YOU. Until you find that combination just keep plugging along and trying different things.

I kept getting frustrated and giving up on my weight loss goals until a friend of mine shared a story with me with the point being basically-In a year or two from now, you're gonna look back and wish you already did it. The time's gonna pass anyways, you might as well have something to show for it. If you change nothing, nothing will change. I remember this when I get frustrated because of lack of immediate results or want to "loosen" up on my diet some. I keep going no matter what because in a year from now I'm going to be soooo glad I did!

I also agree with everyone else about mini goals.Something to distract from your ultimate goal that seems so huge. Some of mine have been drinking a glass of water before every meal for 2 weeks, or eating fruits and veggies with every meal. Anything you want that helps you go in the right direction!!! Good luck to you!!!