I need some help.

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gail2207
gail2207 Posts: 133
in Health and Weight Loss
So annoyed.

My man had been doing so well with his diet, he’d lost 11lb in one week, and now he’s just sneakily given up.

I found 2 empty skittles packets in his pockets, 2 giant bars of dairy milk, 2 empty packs of fresh cream doughnuts and eclairs in the bin, with an empty bottle of full fat Dr Pepper. And the thing is I know that’s not all. I know he’s been sneaking so much crap at work. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just those things spread out over time, but he eats whole packs of 4 doughnuts and eclairs in one. It’s so unhealthy and I don’t understand why he can’t just be strong.

We’ve only got 4 months until we’re getting married now and I know he’s going to regret it so much if he doesn’t lose weight and he has to look back on pictures of himself at this size for the rest of his life. I don’t know what to do.

Replies

  • AwesomeSquirrel
    AwesomeSquirrel Posts: 632 Member
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    11lbs in one week is not healthy. As his future wife you should encourage him to make lifestyle changes, not starve himself which invariably leads to binges. And frankly he needs to do this for himself - if he's in it because of pressure from someone else then he is set up to fail IMO.

    Is he currently using MyFitnessPal? If not maybe recommend that, when you log everything you eat that tends to lead you to better choices.
  • beattie1
    beattie1 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    I'm afraid that you can't make him lose weight. You can try to motivate him to want to lose weight, but there's nothing you can do to stop him tanking up on those "naughty" treats if he decides to do it.

    I've been fat ALL my life - my poor mum tried really, really hard to get me to lose weight, but as I didn't want to, she never succeeded. I have been slimmer at several points in my life and they were all when I decided to change my habits. No-one else can impose the discipline it requires from the outside.

    Your way forward could be to try to motivate your man - to point out that those pictures of your wedding day will be around for a long long time and he'll prefer to look back on them with him slim and trim in them.

    It also occurs to me that if he's lost 11lbs in one week, his diet is way too restrictive for him. Believe me - foodies can't "just be strong" when it comes to not eating food they love, particularly when hungry. I find I have more chance of sticking to a "healthy eating regime" when it's not TOO drastic. In general, men lose weight more easily than women do so there is still time for him to lose a significant amount of weight before your wedding.

    You need to renegotiate with him, setting REALISTIC goals that he can achieve without getting so hungry/ deprived feeling that he's ready to eat the furniture, let alone succumb to the temptations of doughnuts and all those other delicious calorie laden goodies we're surrounded by.

    And he might not lose the weight you'd like him to - I've been happily married to a man who eats lots of chocolate almost every day, and it shows. But I still love him and want to be with him.
  • fittertanme
    fittertanme Posts: 259 Member
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    hi gail well I would say talk to him ask if he is ok and say that you seen them and if not on here you could get im to join us and you both can share your goals and see the rewards as when you get married there should be no secrets that you should hide from eachother apart from special events and if you tell him he might feel better for getting it off his chest so please tell him what you have seen and how you feel feel free to ad me
  • gail2207
    gail2207 Posts: 133
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    Thank you both for your advice.

    I should just clarify now that the 11lb was lost in an entirely healthy way, and a way of his own choosing. He has just come out of the army and he's used to having to lose a lot of weight quickly before going away on exercise. He and I are both very sensible when it comes to getting the amount we need to stay healthy, and he's very knowledgable about health and fitness, the only problem is he loves treats which is why he's piled on the pounds since leaving the army! So rest assured he hasn't been starving himself or anything like that, he simply cut out crap for a week and we went on long walks together.

    I've found I can't really negotiate with him so I don't know what to do...he had to come to the decision himself to lost the weight in the first place, and now everytime I point out he's falling off the wagon it seems to make it worse!
  • gail2207
    gail2207 Posts: 133
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    hi gail well I would say talk to him ask if he is ok and say that you seen them and if not on here you could get im to join us and you both can share your goals and see the rewards as when you get married there should be no secrets that you should hide from eachother apart from special events and if you tell him he might feel better for getting it off his chest so please tell him what you have seen and how you feel feel free to ad me

    Thank you, this has made me realise that instead of getting angry at him I probably should try and talk to him first..
  • LisaJ2904
    LisaJ2904 Posts: 157 Member
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    Thank you both for your advice.

    I should just clarify now that the 11lb was lost in an entirely healthy way, and a way of his own choosing. He has just come out of the army and he's used to having to lose a lot of weight quickly before going away on exercise. He and I are both very sensible when it comes to getting the amount we need to stay healthy, and he's very knowledgable about health and fitness, the only problem is he loves treats which is why he's piled on the pounds since leaving the army! So rest assured he hasn't been starving himself or anything like that, he simply cut out crap for a week and we went on long walks together.

    I've found I can't really negotiate with him so I don't know what to do...he had to come to the decision himself to lost the weight in the first place, and now everytime I point out he's falling off the wagon it seems to make it worse!


    personally if my OH started pointing out to me everytime I slipped up I would go insane. I think that you can only support and encourage when he makes healthy choices. Talk about how great YOU feel, eating well, and how you are looking forward to looking fabulous at your wedding without putting him down. These little comments will resonate, without him feeling like he's failed. Good luck and have a wonderful day x

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