How did I get to 347lbs? Day One.

Divyjo
Divyjo Posts: 2
edited September 20 in Introduce Yourself
I am New to My Fitness Pal. I logged my weight and measurements today and am just in tears.

I have ignored full length mirrors and pictures for so long. The level of denial has just been paralyzing
Until I went to see my mom last week. I have not seen her in years (for various reasons).
I saw my future when I looked at her. She last weighed in November at 536lbs, she is in a wheelchair because all the cartlidge in her knees are gone, and she has no bladder control. Her circulation is SO poor that she has large sores on her legs, and is looking at getting another pacemaker surgery. My mom is only 59yrs old.
I want a better quality of life for myself than that.
I am a really good starter, but my follow through on this topic has been extremly poor over the years.
I looked at my cabinets last night and just stared at the bags & boxes of comfort food. I got angry and started pitching the crap.
I am sure my husband and cat thought I was mental! LOL Although they are both very supportive and loving. My cat even came and cuddled with me last night as I layed in bed praying for the strength to change.

I hope and PRAY that this is the mental change I need to do the WORK that this will take. I have not always been this overweight, and I have done it with exercise and eating right before. I noticed the increasing weight gain when I stopped drinking alcohol 12 years ago. I realize now that I replaced the alcohol with food, sugar and starchy food.
Quick fixes and instant gratifications will not work here, it will commitment, exercise, change, and looking in the mirror!

I don't know if anyone will read this, but I am just so sad, angry, tearful, and hopeful and wanted to see if anyone out there has felt the same?
Can anyone relate?

Replies

  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Honey, you have found a website FULL of people who can understand and can relate!! Welcome to MFP!! Make this website your home page on your internet browser. Come here, and come here often. Find a support group on the message boards. There are groups specifically made for at certain weights (I think there are 200+ groups and 300+ groups) so that you are linked up with people who are in your same spot. FIND YOUR SUPPORT HERE. :flowerforyou: You can do this -- you have your motivation. This is DAY ONE to the rest of your life!!! WELCOME!!!
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    I don't know if anyone will read this, but I am just so sad, angry, tearful, and hopeful and wanted to see if anyone out there has felt the same?
    Can anyone relate?

    Funnel this negative energy into change. Turn all the emotion into empowerment! Don't be sad, be determined! Don't be angry, take charge of your life! Don't be tearful, be optimistic and smile!! You WILL succeed in your goals, so be happy about that! Today is the first day, be excited!!
  • kriggs
    kriggs Posts: 5
    We all feel this way. You can do this with the help of this website. It lets you see what is going in your mouth and you have lots of support from the members here. You can do this, I have lost 37lbs with eating better, exercise, and the tracking of food though this site. I have gotten clear bloodwork from the doctor, so I have avoided Diabetes.

    Hang tough.....you can do this!!
  • ourgang
    ourgang Posts: 229
    You can defiantly do this... From what you wrote it sounds like you pray and lean on your heavenly father...
    Run to the book store or order on line "Lose it for Life".. this is a GREAT 12 week book to address your weight loss..... Trust me it will help you get to the bottom of why you are eating when your not hungry. You will learn that god created food to fuel us and to celebrate with.
    Last January my mom started her weight loss journey and has lost 70 lbs!!!!!!

    The book will help you turn those negative emotions into the glory god deserves..

    Best of luck to you
    God Bless
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    I started here in January at 340 lbs. I made mini changes at first and they all add up. I am lucky to have the support of my husband ( my cats and dogs are good with it too). You can do this. The support here is incredible.

    Look into this thread http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/72232-the-over-300-club. Although I am now well below the 300 mark, the people on this thread know what you are going through and are all very supportive.

    Good luck in your journey. Please realize that this is a life long commitment and not just a short term thing.I have now totally changed the way I eat ( I threw everything out of the cupboards and fridge too) and I exercise daily.

    Welcome to MFP. The success stories on this site are inspiring.
  • golddogs
    golddogs Posts: 42 Member
    It will be ok. You have taken the first step. You will do it and you will have lots of friends here to support you. Use this site and you will accomplish your goals. We all understand. Take care and may this new year be the best one for you:smile:
  • ilike2moveit
    ilike2moveit Posts: 776 Member
    We can relate to you and are here to support you. You won't regret making healthy lifestyle changes. Best wishes.
  • Divyjo
    Divyjo Posts: 2
    Thank you ALL for the supportive messages. I was overwhelmed and greatful to see such support.
    I was very nervous to post how I was really feeling, but am glad now that I did.
    Lunch was healthy today and it felt good.

    Thank you!
  • sandra400
    sandra400 Posts: 51 Member
    my highest weight in july was 407 now 361. you found the right place for support and help to reach your goal. i believe in god also
    and i truly believe he helped me to stumble onto this site. i chose to take it 50 # at a time instead of the whole at one time.
    log your foods everyday good and bad, even log what you are going to eat ahead of time either in the morning or the night before i have found it helps keep me on track. would love to be your friend if you would like,.:flowerforyou:
  • joann
    joann Posts: 624 Member
    You have taken the first step. Think of everyday as a mini challanage, there will be some days that are harder than others but just keep telling yourself you can do this...and if some days you cant dont beat yourself up just get right back on track. I have been struggling this last year. I lost 50 lbs in a year and have another 30 to go. I have probably lost that last 30 lbs 6 times over but I keep trying. I just think that at least I havent gained back the weight Ive lost. You have alot of helpful people and topics here..good luck you can do it..........................hint the recipes here are great......
  • dothompson
    dothompson Posts: 1,184 Member
    Congratulations on your new healthy lifestyle.

    Cleaning out your environment is such an awesome first step. Many people don't do that for months and justify that they need the crap in the house for their (kids, husband, guests.....). Love everyone in your household, especially yourself, enough to give them nutritious, fresh, food.

    You're going to do very well here. Just log everything (you actually learn more from the whoops moments, if you log them and ask yourself why you ate that and what choice would you make next time).

    Post often. We all understand and care!
  • msh0530
    msh0530 Posts: 1,675 Member
    Thank you ALL for the supportive messages. I was overwhelmed and greatful to see such support.
    I was very nervous to post how I was really feeling, but am glad now that I did.
    Lunch was healthy today and it felt good.

    Thank you!

    You are definitely on the right path, and yes, there are many of us who have been there, done that! I'm sorry that you had such a down time, but hopefully, it will give you the determination that you need to keep on keeping on. I always tell people that I do my best growing in life's valleys, because that's where all of the fertilizer is. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and when you feel like you are wavering, come to your MFP friends, and get awesome support! There is no triumph without the try. And a good portion of the "umph" helps too! Take the whole journey one bite at a time, and one walk at a time. When you find that you are unconsciously eating some comfort item, put it away, don't wallow in guilt over it, and start the "trying" again right then. Don't wait until tomorrow to get over the stumbles of today.
    Send me a message if you ever need a pep talk - I'd be happy to oblige. And - here's to smart choices! Have a happy, happy NEW year with the new you!
  • ivykivy
    ivykivy Posts: 2,970 Member
    I have been there too. It is so easy to get there. But once you change one thing it is easy to leave also. I changed 1 meal and started exercising and the weight started coming off. Small changes add up to a lot. Welcome:flowerforyou:
  • SASSYSMOM
    SASSYSMOM Posts: 16
    Welcome to MFP you will find the people on this site so amazing and the support is so great. everyone here is supportive and wonderful. You can do it as we have with the support and help that we all give to each other.
    Have a wonderful day and keep up the good work....
  • Eava57
    Eava57 Posts: 1,297 Member
    I blame weight gain on digital cameras! We take photos and don't really see the photos for a long time. When you finally do develop the photo you are like OMG...I don't feel that heavy!:laugh:
    Today is a new day...don't dwell in the past...Let your healthy choices start right now! Don't forget to drink your water.:drinker:
  • bettersusan
    bettersusan Posts: 240 Member
    You CAN do this. When you get discouraged, read the success stories on here! Commit to one day at a time. There will be days, in the beginning especially, that you will have to commit to one hour at a time. You CAN DO THIS though and we will help you! I will say a prayer for you today. Let us know when you are feeling discouraged or weak. Go to the computer BEFORE you go to the cabinet. WE UNDERSTAND. We'll help. We help each other. You CAN do it!!

    One month from today, you WILL feel SO encouraged.

    Susan
  • Rosebud1956
    Rosebud1956 Posts: 56
    You come to the right place, and I feel you can do this. Good luck, take it one day at the time, and dont be so hard on yourself.:flowerforyou:
  • katielouhoo
    katielouhoo Posts: 676 Member
    At a regular doctor visit in August I had a wake up call that at 301 lbs. I was heading into diabetes, and they wanted to make an appointment for me at the diabetic clinic. :noway: I realized that is not how I want to live my life. So, I took my youngest daughter off to college and came home and got started dieting Wednesday, August 26.

    I bought a new better homes cookbook for weight loss and jumped in completely. I am working a little harder than MFP suggests, my doctor suggested i use 1000 calories a day. I found this site (hurray). And 2 weeks after I started I had joined a gym and begun water areobics 3 times a week. 2 weeks after that, I had a trainer at the gym get me started on the weight equipment (for 3 days that I wasn't in the pool).

    Saturday was 4 months and I believe when I step on the scale on Wednesday I will have lost the first 60 lbs. :bigsmile: I am a long way from done, but I can feel and see the physical progress I've made. I knew I was too heavy for people to notice to soon. I figured I'd have to lose more than 40 lbs. before others saw it, and closer to 60 before they could get up the courage to mention it. It was around 50 lbs. that the first person asked, but more are noticing and commenting positively, it feels good.

    But when drinks are being poured, or chocolates & cookies offered, it is still my choice alone. The goal I'm reaching for is greater than any momentary pleasure. So sorry to hear about your mom.:frown: I hope that you (and I) will be blessed with the wisdom and courage to make better choices.

    Feel free to contact me personally if you wish. I am also planning to join a new group starting "A NEW ME- 2010 Weight Loss Challenge!" They plan to weigh in and begin on Thursday. You could be part of their beginning too. :wink:

    Wishing you all the best- katie
  • pepamint83
    pepamint83 Posts: 444 Member
    Welcome to the best website and support group i have ever found. I use food when I am depressed which it sounds like you do. Know that U will have good days and bad days but the people on this site are amazing, we (and I include myself since I have been a member since Jan 12 2009) will listen to your complaints and give advice share our own issues and let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. i understand ur fears as i have family issues as well these have led me at the younge age of 26 to attempt to stop from becoming what i KNEW my future held for me.


    Please feel free to send me a message any time and if u need support we are all here for you.

    You took the first step and congrats for that
  • DeannaK
    DeannaK Posts: 178 Member
    I've just returned to myfitnesspal after trying to track calories in my head for the last few months, but it's so much easier just doing it here.. plus you can't beat all the resources and support :) I started about a year and a half ago, and it is such a great tool for losing weight.. and the community support here is awesome! I had no idea what my calorie intake was until I started tracking. The first week was the hardest, but rewarding. Hard because I had to train myself not to eat without thinking about what I was putting in my mouth (or out of boredom). Rewarding, because the results were already showing up on the scale (even if it was just a pound). Family/Friend support is also a huge motivator.

    Wishing you the best with your journey! :flowerforyou:
  • bosanka
    bosanka Posts: 336 Member
    Hi there and welcome :)
    I have joined this website - yesterday - I'm a returning user- was here but left for few reasons.
    Anyways- my wake up call was at 285 - that's " what i saw on the scale " it could have easily been more than that- but close to the 300 lbs .. ! At age of 23-24.
    So - i started little by little.. now i'm at 236. And the good part is- i finally am capable of keeping it off- did it for 3 years straight- same weight. That is a huge step for me. Since i'm a " chronic - yo-yo- dieter and I used to be 6 years bolimic- started at 15- and " kind of stopped " at 22- but not " completely" i had set backs now and than and had to do it sometimes.

    The point is- it is not always " what we are eating " it is mostly what is eating us ?

    Like you said it yourself - you are a good starter- cleaning the food etc. But later you start slacking- that's because most p eople had into the " weight loss " without a game plan. Most of us get into this whit a huge load of a sudden motivation- that motivation can last few days- few weeks- and what will be plan B- once the motivation fades ?
    What are your " safet steps " once you don't feel like doing it ? This is the kind of things we all have to figure out.
    Why do i eat ? What do I eat?
    We have to figure out our " patterns " because we all have them but not all of us are aware until we start to write things down and maybe in few monhts we can se a repetitive pattern . That is a huge help- once we discover that.

    I don't want to be a " smarta.. " i'm sorry if i come across like that- but i'm trying to give you some heads up how to prevent getting off the wagon - completely - once you lose your motivation , because motivation- comes and goes, but " discipline and a game plan" stay. We can't relay on motivation- it's to short and we have a long way ahead of us - there's no way motivation can last that long !

    So start thinking now " what will i do " how will i keep myself from " b inging - falling off the wagon etc once i feel depressed or don't see any results in a long time ?

    Have your support system planned out.
    Get always something " new " to keep you going- it doesn't have to be anything major or expensive, but small things keep me motivated and " fresh " - maybe a new workout dvd, new workout shoes ? maybe a heart rate monitor down the road, new workout music that you can download on your ipod ? .. new challange ? reward your self every now and than for accomplishments you have achieved- anything but food rewards, maybe " smaller size clothes ? I found it depressing not to fit in smaller sizes even though i felt smaller- but than i reward myself with new shoes ? make up ? a nice book..
    Plan a " day off " from everything and everyone- just yourself- do what you mostly would like to do or love to do . Maybe a hot bath tub with a nice cappucino ( will not kill you every now and than - it's a " reward .. that you have been loking forward to .. for a whole .. week / month ? .. " .. listen to relaxing music, read a nice book while in the hot tub.. and just think of all the good things you did so far, and how good you have been.

    Major problem with us that have this " negative and low self esteem " is.. that we call us " bad " or not worthy etc. Once you " slip" have a.. " big meal " way over you calorie limit - don't call yourself " bad " not even in your thoughts, see it as a opportunity to learn .. to see what you got from it, were you really satisfied ? was it worth it ? make this kind of " notes " in your memory - for next time, than you will remember ' oh it wasn't really worth the calories last time " .. so it might help you in future..

    And - we know that you have not been always this size- I like to say " every big person had to start small " .. so we all been " small " at a point in our life.. but for various reasons- we are what we are now.

    Food addiction- should be recognized just as " drug addiction " or alcohol / smoking, because it is an addiction !
    And i think it is worst than any of the above. why ?
    Well - drugs , alcohol and cigarettes are not " neccecity " for life. You don't need them to survive. And they are not everywhere available - all the time, they are not pushed at you at every gathering you go to, they are not at kid's birthday parties, atmovies, at .. they are not served and put on every freaking comercial on tv..
    But food is . Every comercial. Every gathering. You are surrounded by it. Everyone is " doing it " ( eating ) .. and you can't be like the alcoholics - saying " oh .. for 10 years i didn't have a drop " .. or the drug -addicts " i'm clean " ... how you gonna do that with the food ? If you are a recovering alcohol addict- y ou can't even be in the same room as the alcohol.. but if you are a food addict- you can't say " oh ..didn't have a piece in years " .. but- even though you are an addict you have to eat.. just have to be able to " stop " .. so it's is the worst kind of addiction.. because it's in my opinion hardest to recover from - if ever possible. ? Maybe maintain it and control it- but i think every " obese- food addicted pe rson " like myself knows how easy it is to fall back into the old steps .

    I'm sorry - i don't want to kill you with all my tips at once.. but since i have been doing " diets " all my life- and " healthy lifestyle " for the past 3-4 years i do have a tip or two to share if you like me to :)

    I'm here if you need any help :)
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