I'm losing it and it's not weight...

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MamaBear122010
MamaBear122010 Posts: 7
in Motivation and Support
I'm not really sure what the root of my problem is but I'm losing my motivation. I've been using mfp since february and I've lost 41 lbs, 46 in total. I've been super happy with my results, lifestyle change, just everything in general but now I'm kinda in the doldrums. The novelty of losing weight has worn off especially since it has begun to get harder the more I lose.

I think I kind of fell out of the "zone" (as I call it) when my family and me moved to a new apartment. Its been really exciting being in the new apartment with my fiance and daughter (19 month toddler). My daughter has more room and daddy and me have more privacy but we also have more stress. I feel like I'm constantly fighting threw some sort of red tape, finances have us in a slightly uncomfortable situation as well. Typically I fight stress with exercise, I always feel so much better and in control after a good hard workout. My exercise has dropped to almost zero since we moved which is about two months ago. I know this is a big contributor to my overall depression. Its not that its stopped out of laziness, although i know there are things I could do differently. The big issue is my fiance. He was somewhat a work out partner in the sense that he would rollerblade with me at least twice a week. I looked forward to these so much, omg, the feeling of it, before during and after is very similar to sex for me. He decided he doesn't want to do it anymore. This actually hurts because he acted like he loved it before. This was a big part of couple bonding we shared, at least I thought. So now he will only go once a week at best. I could suck it up and deal with it, I walked all the other days before anyway so I'll just walk more, right? Unfortunately for the baby and I, it's the middle of the summer. I typically walk for at least an hour and a half. It's too hot for her, it has been getting into the 100's here, anything over 85 is really too much for a her. I don't have a car or money for the gym. I don't want to skate alone, that would take all of the fun out of it, it wouldn't be something I'm interested in anymore. I feel like I can't win. I'm beginning to give up. I dont feel like I can get back in the "zone". I'm getting bored with food as a whole. Not just healthy food.. All food :/ I'm tired of trying.

All things combined are making for a really awful emotional stew in me. I'm no longer motivated by anything. I hate this feeling and I want it to end. I've even given myself a break for a week, hasn't really helped if anything made things worse. I can feel my body changing too. I've become bloated and a totally zapped of energy. Please someone slap me threw the computer lol. Tell me something good, tell me something bad. I don't know what to do with myself and I'm getting on my own nerves. I'm so ashamed and disappointed in myself I don't know what else to say. If you made it this far thanks for reading. My apoligies for all the awful grammar. Please give me your wisdom!

Replies

  • EvilMomma
    EvilMomma Posts: 70 Member
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    Cograts on the great work! It sounds like you've worked hard to achieve your goals.

    Sometimes life plateaus just like our dieting does. We need to stop pushing so hard and let everything we've been working on settle into place. You've got your hands full with a your toddler, a new apt. and a new body. Your man has things he's working on, too. Maybe giving yourself an atta-girl and letting the changes in your life catch up with you isn't a bad thing. It'll come together and you can get back into the Zone.

    Put yourself on a maintenance diet for a while and go find a mommy and me group or start one. Take your baby out in the early morning or early evening (I live where its in the low 100's too) for walks. Post a note in your building/complex asking for roller blading buddies. Ask your sweetie what's up? Maybe the financial stress is eating him up, too. Men take finances to heart and feel like its all their fault. Does he know that the roller blading is like good sex for you?

    And if you can't pull out of it in a few weeks, go find a doctor. Depression is a real disease that needs meds to treat it. Just like you wouldn't go without antibiotics if you had an infected ear, you shouldn't go without antidepressant if the depression gets too bad. Your baby needs you, your man needs you, you need you.
  • MamaBear122010
    MamaBear122010 Posts: 7
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    First, thank you! Your advice made me not feel like I'm being a total worthless turd lol which is like a breath of fresh air.

    I actually talked to him right after I posted because while I was reading what I was writing, it occurred to me, does he actually realize how important this is to me? Does he just think this is a slight inconvenience or what? We spoke about it and I explained deeper about how I need it and how important it is to do it together (I actually used my wording about how its like sex to me and I think that helped him get it lol). He decided he would start going with me more often but also wants to find something to try and replace it with like bike riding. I'm pretty pleased with that compromise.

    I try to take the baby outside for small periods of time even if its not just for my exercise goals. My parents have a pool and I'll often take her swimming for a little bit. Going outside with her to just play helps with me being depressed even if its a little bit. Your right tho, if I don't start feeling better soon I think I should see the doctor. A lot has happened in a short period of time too tho so I don't feel like its a chronic thing. My dad was recently laid off from his job, we've gone threw the huge job of a move, my vehicle is all but dead so my transportation is gone with no funds in site to repair, and like I posted about, I'm in the slumps with my diet and exercise. But your advise made me feel like its not unreasonable to feel kinda crappy. I haven't really thought about stopping and giving myself a pat on the back either. I guess I've just felt like the weight loss isn't good enough and I just need to keep going. Thank you again tho for helping me to realize that I should pat myself on the back and to allow myself to take a small break.
  • marathon64
    marathon64 Posts: 378 Member
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    Fill in your profile, post a pic, and get some supportive friends! By far the most awesome thing about this site is the personal connections and the opportunity to give and receive support. DO IT!!! You will not be sorry :)
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
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    I am the type of person that often passionately throws herself into things.

    The trouble with that is that I passionately hate it occasionally. And this has been true of many things - my music performance career, my current sales career, anything that I want to do well (which is really "be perfect at") seems to be subjected to this extreme hatred at some point or another. Sometimes repeatedly.

    So even this journey has required some breaks, where I kind of log sometimes, or take a break from logging, or just "don't care" as much anymore. Sometimes it's hard, because my husband is a rock - he is steady, he is not passionate, he can be so consistent. However I have to separate myself, or I will get burned out quickly and easily.

    I just had to bring this up because maybe you are the same way - and a break may do you a ton of good. I know it always seems to help me. Something always brings me back again.
  • MamaBear122010
    MamaBear122010 Posts: 7
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    I do believe I jump into things with full force and then begin to get burned out, especially when things don't go exactly how I envisioned them. I always seem to put an image in my head of how things should be or the end result and when they don't become reality I'm hugely disappointed. Of course that's not really rational but that mind set does put me in "all or nothing" mode. I do feel like that is a contributor to my lack of enthusiasm at the moment. But, I am going to give myself a small break and begin again. Maybe if I feel like its a fresh start or a new take on the same task I'll feel more inclined to continue, at least before I burn out again. Like pp mentioned, the art of consistency would really come into practice, if knew how to be consistent.

    As for support from friends, I have supportive family and my fiance is really supportive and that's as far as I've needed until now. Sometimes they don't agree with my diligence or simply don't know what to say. I didn't begin mfp for the support tho, not that its a bad thing or anything. I simply started using it as a phone app and enjoyed seeing peoples success stories on the website. Those, in themselves, gave me so much strength to go on but I will consider trying to be more involved in the online support. I'm also, for the most part, a very private person and for some reason my weight is a huge source of shame and embarrassment, I typically don't like to talk about its comings and goings with strangers (even those who are facing the same struggle as me). This post in particular was made out of pure desperation.

    I'm sure some of my ideals and thinking are strange or naive about this whole getting healthy thing but I'm still figuring myself out. Thank you all for helping me with this learning process. I truly appreciate all the support not to mention the time and thought you spent on your responses.
  • HelenDootson
    HelenDootson Posts: 443 Member
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    I moved into a new area and gave birth 5 days later, was very lonely and depressed for a good while - I joined every mother and babygroup I could find, went for a few weeks, decided on the ones I liked and having other people around at the same point in life struck up some amazing friendships. Lots of areas have Buggy running groups - Groups of mums running with their prams! No reason you can't do it on blades! The mutual support got me through some very dark times, and 11 years later both my son and I (and even my husband) have some wonderful local friend.
    Stick with it and remember, even if you are having the worse day ever - Tomorrow is another day xx
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
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    You sound like youre starting to get your head around things a bit more, because from your original post, and I say this in the kindest way possible, all I read were excuses.

    'I cant do this because of this'

    Be your own best friend, not worst enemy. If youre not feeling too great, a good place to start changing that is diet and exercise. Eat well, healthy nutritious food. Exercise, and dont make excuses about it. Put on some music and dance around your living room, do some push ups. Feeling better will follow suit, because when you're treating your body well, you feel better about yourself, happier and have more energy. You should turn things like the rollerblading you enjoyed into you time. Do something fun alone, without your husband or bub and feel more confident in yourself :)
  • Shelgirl001
    Shelgirl001 Posts: 478 Member
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    You sound like youre starting to get your head around things a bit more, because from your original post, and I say this in the kindest way possible, all I read were excuses.

    'I cant do this because of this'

    Be your own best friend, not worst enemy. If youre not feeling too great, a good place to start changing that is diet and exercise. Eat well, healthy nutritious food. Exercise, and dont make excuses about it. Put on some music and dance around your living room, do some push ups. Feeling better will follow suit, because when you're treating your body well, you feel better about yourself, happier and have more energy. You should turn things like the rollerblading you enjoyed into you time. Do something fun alone, without your husband or bub and feel more confident in yourself :)

    I agree with this, especially the bottom section about finding new fun exercise to do. Maybe when you take the baby to Mom's for the pool you could spend a bit of time in the water just swimming while Mom watches the baby. This is great exercise and will feel good, also.
    Another thing you can try is dancing with the little one to any kind of music. Little ones love it and it's great for you, also. Enjoy your exercise,. There are so many forms that are so much fun. :) Friend me if you want to. I try hard to be encouraging.

    Have a great day!!!

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