Boyfriend Breakup Motivation!

MissMichellemybelle · July 2012

So,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years. We'd been together since high school, and I've gained probably 25 lbs since high school.

I've been on MFP for about a year now, but suddenly this weight loss thing feels way different. I've had so many friends asking "are you ok? Are you eating? I totally lost like 20 lbs after my last break up!" Well, for them, great! But I am ok, I am eating, and no I haven't lost any more weight.

I don't feel unhappy, and I am a confident person. But now they have me all worried that I need to really step it up and start losing if I ever want to find a guy again!

I haven't dated/flirted/fooled around with anyone else in a LONG time. I know it sounds so superficial and petty, but I feel like I don't know how to date casually, or if anyone would even want to date me. And I'm pretty worried right now that if I don't get super serious about weight loss that I won't find someone. I'm not looking for anything serious at all, but do want to date and meet people, and with the way my girlfriends talk, thats not going to happen unless I go on some drastic diet.

Has anyone dealt with this before? How do you get back into the dating game? How do you feel confident with your body around new people?

chunkydunk714 · July 2012

sadly, after each break up I gained weight; ( I drink to my sorrows) thus, 30 pounds later here I am...on MFP. Sorry I cant be much help

but good luck!!!

Koldnomore · July 2012

I haven't dated/flirted/fooled around with anyone else in a LONG time. I know it sounds so superficial and petty, but I feel like I don't know how to date casually, or if anyone would even want to date me. And I'm pretty worried right now that if I don't get super serious about weight loss that I won't find someone. I'm not looking for anything serious at all, but do want to date and meet people, and with the way my girlfriends talk, thats not going to happen unless I go on some drastic diet.

Has anyone dealt with this before? How do you get back into the dating game? How do you feel confident with your body around new people?

Don't fall into that trap. YOU are NOT your body, YOU are YOU, and before anyone can love you, you need to be comfortable with your own skin. If you are 200lbs, 400lbs it doesn't matter. If you can't be comfortable with your self no one will be comfortable with you. A true relationship is not built on a superficial thing like weight or looks. Weight changes, looks fade, we all get old and wrinkled. Take a break, find out who YOU are, do things YOU want to do. Lose weight if you want to, but only if YOU want to. Not for some stupid reason like attracting someone else. You absolutely can NOT allow other people to dictate who you are or you will never be happy - regardless of your looks.

It may take a while - It took me 6 years after my divorce - to be comfortable with myself. I was about 200 lbs and gaining when I met my current boyfriend. I met him on MY terms because - I - wanted to. Actually we met at work and it was just a random thing, I saw him one day and figured he looked like he could use a friend so I struck up a conversation;) Don't "settle" EVER.. Decide what you want in a partner and don't take whatever comes along just because you are in the mindset that no-one wants you because I will tell you..If you believe no one wants you..no one will.

You seem from your profile to be a pretty confident, happy person.. Don't let your 'friends' tell you that you won't ever find anyone unless you are thin, that's bull****. There are people who love others for who they are and not how they look. Believe me, the right person will think you are absolutely the hottest gal out there. They will mean it when they tell you they love you no matter what! and they will support you in your choices - be it losing weight or getting healthy or whatever else!

You have to feel confident around new people with your body because the right person will love your body for what it is and you for who you are and there's no reason what so ever to pay any attention to people who don't. YOU are awesome!. When people used to ask me what I wanted in a guy I would say things like "I want someone to tell me every day how much they love me" and " I want someone who will treat me like I mean everything" and my friends would say 'Oh give it up..you're too picky, you're never going to find a guy like that". Well..it took me until I was 36 but *kitten* them..I DID and YOU can. BE YOU, don't think you have to be smarter, thinner, taller, shorter, a supermodel, rich..whatever. Just BE you!

weightless143 · July 2012

I haven't dated/flirted/fooled around with anyone else in a LONG time. I know it sounds so superficial and petty, but I feel like I don't know how to date casually, or if anyone would even want to date me. And I'm pretty worried right now that if I don't get super serious about weight loss that I won't find someone. I'm not looking for anything serious at all, but do want to date and meet people, and with the way my girlfriends talk, thats not going to happen unless I go on some drastic diet.

Has anyone dealt with this before? How do you get back into the dating game? How do you feel confident with your body around new people?

Don't fall into that trap. YOU are NOT your body, YOU are YOU, and before anyone can love you, you need to be comfortable with your own skin. If you are 200lbs, 400lbs it doesn't matter. If you can't be comfortable with your self no one will be comfortable with you. A true relationship is not built on a superficial thing like weight or looks. Weight changes, looks fade, we all get old and wrinkled. Take a break, find out who YOU are, do things YOU want to do. Lose weight if you want to, but only if YOU want to. Not for some stupid reason like attracting someone else. You absolutely can NOT allow other people to dictate who you are or you will never be happy - regardless of your looks.

It may take a while - It took me 6 years after my divorce - to be comfortable with myself. I was about 200 lbs and gaining when I met my current boyfriend. I met him on MY terms because - I - wanted to. Actually we met at work and it was just a random thing, I saw him one day and figured he looked like he could use a friend so I struck up a conversation;) Don't "settle" EVER.. Decide what you want in a partner and don't take whatever comes along just because you are in the mindset that no-one wants you because I will tell you..If you believe no one wants you..no one will.

You seem from your profile to be a pretty confident, happy person.. Don't let your 'friends' tell you that you won't ever find anyone unless you are thin, that's bull****. There are people who love others for who they are and not how they look. Believe me, the right person will think you are absolutely the hottest gal out there. They will mean it when they tell you they love you no matter what! and they will support you in your choices - be it losing weight or getting healthy or whatever else!

You have to feel confident around new people with your body because the right person will love your body for what it is and you for who you are and there's no reason what so ever to pay any attention to people who don't. YOU are awesome!. When people used to ask me what I wanted in a guy I would say things like "I want someone to tell me every day how much they love me" and " I want someone who will treat me like I mean everything" and my friends would say 'Oh give it up..you're too picky, you're never going to find a guy like that". Well..it took me until I was 36 but *kitten* them..I DID and YOU can. BE YOU, don't think you have to be smarter, thinner, taller, shorter, a supermodel, rich..whatever. Just BE you!

Wow. That was so great. I'm in a similar situation. I had gained weight during my last relationship and I felt like that was the reason for the breakup. For a while I felt like the only reason I was working out was so that my ex would miss me. Which is completely stupid. I'm trying to feel more comfortable with myself and not let how others see me affect what I think of myself.

locomokeman · July 2012

I think that what everyone has said so far is true. "Good looks", and maybe hearing, will fade away with time

. Don't worry too much about your current weight. Eat healthy and exercise for your own well being and health and let your fitter look be a bonus, a cherry on top to the benefits from taking care of yourself.

I'm sorry that your friends are being the way they are; they should be more supportive. I went a long, long, umm long time without ever dating someone. I never had the guts to ask a girl out because I am not what you call traditionally handsome. So I went a while kicking myself around and trowing pity parties. I eventually grew out of my shell and realized that I had a funny side to me. I was able to make people, specifically women, laugh and enjoy my company. I got closer to the opposite sex and had many friendships. I was only a question away from going on a date. Now, it was still hard to ask for fear of rejection but I knew that they liked my personality and thought I was fun. So yeah, I was finally able to date around and it was great. Your future true love will love you for you. Whether you gain some weight from a pregnancy, stress, or whatever; if they love you it wont matter. All it takes is to get to know people and I'm sure with a good attitude and personality you will have guys all around you.

Men love women of all types. Some prefer women who are not uber fit but have some skin on them (scouts honor). Other men do prefer an ab ridden women, although I have not met to many guys who love stick figure women. But one thing is true; all, straight, men love them some women; you guys have such beautiful body types as oppose to us, we are all hairy an stuff.

Anyway, I don't know if this helps any but I looked at a couple of your profile pics and you are pretty, beautiful even. My two male roommates agree. Good luck in the dating world, you will find your guy.

j_wilson2012 · July 2012

You are the exact girl taht guys like pickin up at the bar! :laugh:
no hard feelings.

bethfartman · July 2012

You should just focus on yourself for a while. Being on your own and not having to account for someone else in your day to day life is a really freeing experience once you get used to it and as long as you focus on bettering yourself and don't wallow around depressed you will come out of it with not only a better understanding of yourself, but a better understanding of what you want from a partner. Take a good amount of time to get healthy and feel good about the way you look. I don't really agree that the way you look doesn't matter (within reason), it's typically a somewhat accurate representation of how you feel about yourself and life in general and when it comes to dating, first impressions count.

ErinBeth7 · July 2012

Oh I've been where you are. I found MFP because of a breakup. I started losing weight to feel better about myself (that was in 2011). I was seeing more worth in myself, smiling more because I was investing time in myself, not someone else. That is when the dating had started to feel appealing again. More or less, I focused on me, lost 15lbs and felt more confident and happy.

I think if you start to work on yourself, give more to yourself, then you will start feeling like a prize! (not that you aren't already)

cmriverside · July 2012

I would seriously rethink the girls I have as friends. Wow. I just can't imagine why they would say those things to you at this time.

Also, men like all sizes of women. I know lots of women who found their husbands when the women were very overweight. Don't put this kind of pressure on yourself, you don't have to find someone anytime soon, and you should not be looking if you are feeling insecure. You'll just attract the wrong guys - like the dude above said, "That's the kind of girls we like to pick up at the bar." Eww and eww.

Boyfriend Breakup Motivation!

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