Discouraged and Unsupported

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Ready4Change05
Ready4Change05 Posts: 34
in Motivation and Support
I really am struggling to stay on track. I've been trying really hard. Working out daily and trying to eat healthy. Yes I have made bad choices. Well I had a health screening at work and it showed I gained 5 pounds. If thats not discouraging I don't know what is. Everyone I talked too said it must be muscle but I don't see it. I feel like my confidence went even further than before . Here are some background information. I am doing this to lose some weight and try to get healthy. Along with that I am trying more than anything to gain confidence in myself. I hid my diary today because I am embarrassed by my lunch today. I have no support from anyone. Everyone knows I am trying to eat healthier. My friend wanted to go out to eat and picked olive garden. I thought I was doing well by getting soup salad and bread sticks until they came. It went down hill. Then yesterday my parents guilt me into going to dairy queen. Yes I know I have the ability to say no but they make me feel guilty for not wanting anything. I know its okay to treat yourself every once and a while but mine is every day. I really don't know how to succeed anymore. :-(

Replies

  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Only you can control what goes into your mouth and what exercise you do, it's not anyone else's fault, take personal responsibility for your health, log everything, take back control and move on from it. Feeling guilty is counter-productive!
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
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    It takes quite a while to see results. That's why so many end up quitting because they want overnight success....

    I think it's really good that you are expressing how you feel on here because we all get it! I'm sure you'll find a ton of support on here.

    Don't give up....

    p.s. When you are dieting it seems that's when the whole world wants you to eat crap...JUST SAY NO
  • DarkFlutter
    DarkFlutter Posts: 408 Member
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    I was the same way when I first seriously started.
    The first few weigh-ins were going up...but I was finally exercising and eating better.
    About 2.5-3 weeks into things started to change and I started to a see a change.
    Clothes were fitting better and the scale finally started going down.

    Don't stress about it.
    Do your best.
    You've got this!
  • TayPat24
    TayPat24 Posts: 131
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    That is what is so good about this website, there are so many people here with all different walks of life all searching for the same thing: a healthy, active, fit life. We are here to help each other succeed and continue to work at ourselves as well.
  • bodsmack7958
    bodsmack7958 Posts: 47 Member
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    You can step up and take control of your life. Family can be pressuring sometimes, but ultimately they will understand when you tell them no. If the immediately ask again, again, tell them no. They will back off. Bottom line is that it is on you who decides on how you progress with your healthy life and weight loss. It can be very difficult when you aren't supported fully in your personal life, however, that's why MFP is designed for. A group of people dedicated to a single goal. Healthy lives. My suggestion is get people on this site as friends. Even if you don't know them. I found that they can be so helpful and really encouraging. Then you just have to keep logging on and keep with the healthy lifestyle. The encouragement you might need may just be filled by some people on here. Good luck. Keep your head up. You can add me if you would like a support buddy. I'm pretty good at it!
  • NoBSJess
    NoBSJess Posts: 2 Member
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    I have a similar problem because my friends are really social and want to go out to eat and drink (did I mention DRINK?) all the time. So, I've started by working out in the morning, logging that and then figuring out what I'm going to eat/drink all day. If I don't have a good day and I don't have calories left - I don't go out. Or if I do, I plan ahead of time what I'm going to eat & how much wine I can have.

    Quite honestly, at least until you lose the weight, you need to surround yourself with people who will support you and NOT encourage or suggest things like Dairy Queen. Pffft - who would do that to someone trying to lose weight? And, if it's something like Olive Garden - look at the menu online ahead of time and choose things like the salad with no dressing. For me, it helps to visualize a whole day. Good luck & don't get discouraged!!
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    It seems that you don't have a lot of weight to lose but you're compounding your issues by making it about guilt and negativity. Getting healthy is a positive thing and something to be excited about. Try to focus on the advantages of achieving your goals and then forgive yourself when your not perfect. Live life and enjoy but keep your focus on health :). Good luck!
  • pcpharr
    pcpharr Posts: 37 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel and I know how hard it is to shake the feelings of frustration. I've been eating my emotions for so many years and there are times I feel so disgusted with myself, but it never seems to be enough to make a change. Your definitely not alone.
  • jujudot
    jujudot Posts: 129 Member
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    Hang in there! I am battling the same thing right now. I have stayed within my calories and have exercised almost every day for the past week. The scale went up by a pound. :huh: I do know that if I stick to this, it will eventually start to change (this is my 2nd attempt-last summer I was 40lbs lighter and did a BIG backslide when I became ill this past winter). Feel free to add me if you'd like some extra support on here!
  • Ready4Change05
    Ready4Change05 Posts: 34
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    Thanks I really appreciate it. Please don't get me wrong when I say they guilt me into things. I'm not blaming them, I know everything is from me putting it in my mouth. I just mean it is hard when you do say no constantly and they keep asking. They just think that I don't need to lose weight or do anything and I shouldn't worry about what I eat so they keep trying and buying that stuff. I know once I do say no and stick with it one day, then the next will be a little easier. I'm just feeling like it is impossible to do that when I live with two people who constantly do that. Thanks for all your support though!
  • Vercell
    Vercell Posts: 437 Member
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    I understand how you feel I am a mother of four and I been trying to lose this weight going on 7 years now cause of not being able to say no to family and co worker, and I now except full responsiblity for myself and I say no cause when I am unhappy about my body and how I feel there is no one around but me so I need to do whats best for me. My diet is not perfect I still give myself treat now and then.
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,012 Member
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    It is so hard and the whole world is centered around eating. But you need to decide how bad you want it. the key is to not give up. Break it down into smaller doable goals like 5 or 10 lbs and just concentrate on that. When you go out to eat look up the nutritional info before you go decide what you will eat and dont look at the menu, just order and dont change your mind. I go to olive garden or whereever my family and friends go, Olive garden has apricot chicken with steamed vegetables for only 295 calories. It is delicious but of course not what you think of when you think olive garden. Hang in there and dont give up
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
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    You're too young to be so discouraged :)

    It sounds like you know what's gone wrong as far as your diet...maybe do some more research on calorie counts at restaurants like Olive Garden and DQ..there will be 'safer' options, you just need to take your time and keep learning as you go. As you continue to practice making good choices, it will get easier!

    I very kindly and respectfully suggest that losing weight may not help your self-confidence if you don't learn how to stick up for yourself when friends and family pull you into unhealthy situations. I know that is much easier said than done, but it almost sounds like the guilt and shame are doing the emotional sabotage that's causing you to slip.

    Sometimes people don't know how to adjust how they show their love...like parents wanting to buy you ice cream :) It doesn't mean they don't love you or want to support you, they may just not know how.
  • P90xMandy
    P90xMandy Posts: 22 Member
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    Hey!
    keep your chin up, and try to break the cycle once and for all, perhaps if you made the effort to let people know thKat it is a very serious mission for you, and they notice you always seeking out the healthiest choices on the menu, they will start to take you seriously.
  • 04hoopsgal73
    04hoopsgal73 Posts: 890 Member
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    You are sticking to your goals and sometimes a firm second, "No- thank you' is all family & friends should need to hear.
    I emphasize with you being alone but You can do this for sure.

    You are making a major change in your life now which is who you want to be in life: healthy, enjoying life, not looking at
    good nutrition as a diet but a natural way of living.

    I guess if someone gets nasty with you, you could say,"I wouldn't put crap in my gas tank to run my car properly, why would I want to put crap in my body to do the same thing?"
  • tejasmh87
    tejasmh87 Posts: 91 Member
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    Ready4Change0,

    Okay I know you are stressed out, upset, and depressed...emotions are complicated things.

    Its only 5 pounds.

    How long between health screenings? A month? 6 months? A year?

    Now if it was only a week between, is it TOM? how stressed out are you at home/work?

    I have family that likes to eat out too and its hard to stay on track. So instead of berating yourself into the dirt- think of the major places your family and friends want to eat out at. Make a list and look up the nutritional info.

    PLAN AHEAD. If you are stuck in the situation then be smarter about it.

    Find the healthiest things you can get and note them in your phone somehow so you have YOUR menu.
    Split a dish in half by ordering a to go box and before you begin eating- put half away.
    Salad is good, but order the dressing on the side and dip your fork in it and then get your bite.


    I had a shock at my docs office last week. My scale said 293 that morning (fasted for bloodwork). At the doc's office- 303. 10lb difference. I told my doctor this and she told me "Pick a scale and use ONLY that one."
    Does YOUR scale say you've gained 5lbs recently? If not, the tell Doctors scale to shove it.

    Also do not be embarrassed about your diary and hide it. One day I ate archer farms (target brand) red velvet sandwich cookies for a whopping 1065 calories- and my boyfriend SAW IT!!!
    It was a bad day with a pet's death---I was gonna bust my diet with sugar and I didn't give a D-mn.

    But... BUT....I knew I had to be better for the rest of the week and I was. Even lost weight in fact.


    So plan ahead when dining out.
    Think about half into a to go box beforehand, dip your fork in dressing
    Pick one scale and make it your official scale
    Don't be embarrassed about what you eat- we all are human!

    *BIG HUGS*
  • GabsMommy28
    GabsMommy28 Posts: 47 Member
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    I haven't read all of the replies so I don't know if someone mentioned this or not but please keep in mind, not all scales are the same. Even in doctor's offices. When I was pregnant I would get weighed during our centering group and then the next day at an appointment (I had Gestational Diabetes) and there was an 5-8 pound difference ALWAYS. Don't feel discourage and go by what YOUR scale says cause it's the one you will be weighing yourself on and will show you your progress.
    Plus ...
    It's ok to slip every once in awhile but what is important is to stand up say, ok, well nothing can be done about that now and move on and most importantly FORGIVE YOURSELF! Guilt adds stress and actually stops weight loss.
    Keep in mind you don't have to not go to those places that your friends and family want to go. It's all about knowing the food and the portions. Olive Garden may be tricky but remember you don't have to eat the whole dang bowl of pasta (you can get 3 meals out of one bowl). Salad isn't always better because of all the crap people put on it. But if you go out, eat the right portion and then just watch yourself the rest of the day. (Helps to plan your day out, eat extra well in the other meals + park further from the restaurant so you get some extra steps in). And they have healthier options at places like Diary Queen. You just need to stop and think about what all there is.
    I would suggest getting either a pocket book or a phone app that has lots of the restaurants in it with all their different foods so you know EXACTLY what is in eat.
    But most important is to remember ... you are human, you gotta forgive and love yourself to succeed.
    If you feel like you could use some additional support or someone to talk to feel free to add me. (Trust me I know needing some outside family support, I am living in a household of skinny people!)
  • skeeter2584
    skeeter2584 Posts: 34 Member
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    First off, give yourself a huge pat on the back for deciding to make a healthy change! A person's weight may actually INCREASE at first because fat is being replaced by muscle (muscle weighs more than fat). However, there are a myriad of factors that can cause a person to gain weight. When someone is under stress, their body makes more of a hormone called cortisol. Stress seems to mimic a kind of "starvation mode"; someone's body will try to conserve whatever it has stored up when the going gets rough. Too much sleep or too little can also cause weight gain. Endocrine disorders and family history are potential causes as well. Consumption of too much sugar (soda is a HUGE culprit) can also do it. As for eating out, many restaurants post their nutritional data online. Not all of them do, though, and some restaurants are healthier than others. A word of caution: beware of appetizers!!! They COULD pack 1,000 or worse, even 2,000 calories per serving!!! On top of that, what they put on your plate might even be 3, 4, or 5 servings!!! If you go out to eat in the future, politely ask your server approximately how many ounces are in the meal you plan to order. Also see if they can give you a rough estimate of your meal's caloric content. Mortifying as it may be, don't be afraid to order half or even a third of the usual amount. Remember: more food means more calories, especially if that meal isn't too healthy in even small amounts. Also, don't let your family and friends beat you up if you don't want to order anything. It's YOUR body and consequently YOUR choice!!! If you DO want something, order a smaller portion. It may shock you to know that I've eaten McDonald's twice in the past two weeks, and I've already lost 5 pounds.
    *insert record scratch sound effect here* How did I do it? I ordered a small fry and 6 nuggets instead of a large fry and 20 nuggets. I recommend looking at Eat This, Not That by Matt Goulding and David Zinczenko on Men's Health. One last thing: don't let a gain of five pounds discourage you - by taking action NOW, you'll be stopping further weight gain in its tracks. You are also much better off now than if you had ignored those 5 pounds and let them become 50, 100, or more. I hope I was able to help you out and I wish you all the best. Take care and have a great night. :smile:
  • wallacekraft
    wallacekraft Posts: 3 Member
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    Dont give up. My wife and I go out to eat every Sunday. This past Sunday we went to Olive Garden. I used the mobile app and picked the soup and salad. I knew how much eat item was and planned accordinly. Yes it messed me up a little, but that was because I ate a little more salad and two breadsticks. I should have skipped them since they are each 150 calories. When ever you are going to eat out pre plan your meal, this will help asure your success.
  • HelloSweetie4
    HelloSweetie4 Posts: 1,214 Member
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    I can totally understand parents guilting you into eating poorly. Mine try it and so does my husband. They always mean well and they don't do it on purpose. You have to learn to stand your ground and say "No I don't have it in my calorie budget today" After a while they will realize what they're doing and try to stop, or at least do it less often.

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