need some marital advice

js0704
js0704 Posts: 2
edited December 2024 in Chit-Chat
Hello I need some advice. I apologize in advance if this gets to long or if sounds like a rant, but I don't know where to go because I don't want to air out my dirty laundry to my friends, family, or coworkers. (thats why i just created this profile) Well anyway the background is I'm not making any money right now trying to get my business going and my wife of 12 years is working full time 3rd shift. We got into a huge fight back on July 4th. Without going into all the details we were in the backyard with the kids in bed after way too many cocktails, and said some terrible things to each other (I have given up alcohol since that night because I can't ever let this happen again). After a week without talking I had to apologize in a letter. A week later I got off the couch on her days off. The worst was that one day I tried to give her a kiss on the cheek and she backed away and had this look on her face that I never had seen before and on Sunday morning she got off early and instead of getting into bed like normal she went into my sons bed with him. Anyway after a week of not being able to talk I had to apologize in a letter. She said that she just needs some time to herself but didn't know how long. Things have started to get better but it is far from normal. I love my wife and family very much. I just don't know where her head is at. I would do anything to make this workout for the best. In the mean time a friend of her the 50 shades of grey books. Last week the kids were at my in laws and we went to an early movie than dinner. After dinner we sat at the bar while she was drinking I had water, but the point is we sat all night and just talked however not about what happened at the beginning of the month. It truly was a great evening. Now this is why I bring up the book thing. When we got home she went to have a cigarette while I went inside. I took my phone out and she text me saying "U can F' me tonight but only if you tigh me up tight." This is so not like her but anyway I responded and she sent another message saying she wanted to be spanked and have her hair pulled. I went along with it and I admit it felt a little odd because I'm not rough like that and couldn't figure out where this came from. I originaly thought it was just the drinks she had, but now I realize it came from the book. Now last night when I came home I tried to make conversation with her but I was getting short one word answers. So I said excuse me for trying to have a conversation and took the kids outside. When she left for work she gave me a kiss and I said I love you and she finaly said I love you back. I didn;t know if that was just a reaction or if she meant it. So after the kids were in bed I was trying to get a feel for where her head is at so I checked the internet browser history and saw that she was looking up ben wah balls. Now I know this has something to do with the book. My question is do I go out and get them for her, then do some kind of text message to her like she did or do I do nothing? If I do plan A do I come off like a stalker since the only reason I know is because I checked the browser history?

Replies

  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Fascinating first post.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    no i already gave her the ben wah balls...but seriously foklks.....what did u say to her...it must have been really bad
  • LetsTryThisAgain54
    LetsTryThisAgain54 Posts: 381 Member
    Seriously, if this is a true post, the last place I'd ask for advice is on here. You know you're going to get some f**ked up answers.
  • js0704
    js0704 Posts: 2
    Id rather not get into it but the problem is we haven't been talking and we should have talked about it earlier. I'm not 100% to blame for that argument and I know she feels the same way. However I should have bit my tongue but I needed to say something because It has been eating at me for a few months. I just handled it wrong.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    without knowing what you said it actually is really dificult to advise you....but I would say you better get her back as its obvious she is already thinking about cheating
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    I bet all your marriage problems could be fixed if you learned to use the enter key.

    By that it means it looks like you just randomly ramble and you don't break things up well. Take a breath and communicate. As for the 50 shades of gray. Honestly just enjoy it. ;-)

    That and you just post a huge wall of text.
  • LilMissSunshine_
    LilMissSunshine_ Posts: 520
    ::coughs:: Paragraphs ::coughs:::
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
    Don't buy those silly toys for her! Fist her instead! SHE'LL LOVE IT!!!!
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    Don't buy those silly toys for her! Fist her instead! SHE'LL LOVE IT!!!!

    Don't the Obama's do that?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoReNb4Yhec
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    ARFARF!
  • patkterry
    patkterry Posts: 50
    Did you mention how long you have been married? Whatever that argument was- its making her think there is SOMETHING else out there.. call it mid life crisis or whatever.
    So experimenting with bondage etc- I would totally go with it and participate. Everyone needs crazy sex every once in a while- hopefully it will help your marriage. I would definitely not recommend groups, but anything between 2 people I think is good to go.

    You are going to have to give her time, and keep sleeping on the couch. You need to work on getting your life together and bringing in money to help support the family.
    Good Luck
  • SarahH84
    SarahH84 Posts: 12
    without knowing what you said it actually is really dificult to advise you....but I would say you better get her back as its obvious she is already thinking about cheating

    What makes you say she is thinking about cheating?
    I think they need to really clear the air, too much not said because both seem to be ashamed/hurt by what was said. Get it all out in the open and MOVE ON from it!
  • EirePetal
    EirePetal Posts: 54 Member
    without knowing what you said it actually is really dificult to advise you....but I would say you better get her back as its obvious she is already thinking about cheating

    Respectfully, it is not obvious that she is thinking about cheating. I read the books and it certainly makes one curious and frankly a little hot. My husband is a gentle and considerate lover (and I love him for it), but I have to say, I kinda wanted to experiment after the read.

    Like many other people have said on here, it is difficult to advise a person if you don't know all the facts and you don't know the personalities of the couple. With that in mind, when a woman says she needs time after being hurt, she does need the time. There is processing such as "do we still love each other; can I trust him not to hurt me like this again; how can we get past this." This is not about the toys, I wouldn't get those for her. Ask her about the book, what she liked about it, would she like to experiment some. As for your fight, what about asking her if she would like to talk about it with a counselor present to mediate. You love her, you want to work this out with her and you understand that because the conversation could possibly get heated and hurtful again, it might be healthy to have a trained professional present to help keep the discussion from crashing.

    Please remember that this is only my opinion and you would have to judge by what you know of her feelings on counseling or what actually happened that night. Perhaps others can add to this or even give you better advice.

    Good luck.
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    All of this is BS!
    The important question is;
    What type of business are you trying to start and are you looking to hire?
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
    You guys need to have a calm convo. Get a mediator and talk out what's bothering you. There's very little things in a marriage that can't be fixed if both parties are willing to try.
    That or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6TavVzx-Yw
  • marisol7649
    marisol7649 Posts: 484 Member
    The fight seems to have gotten very nasty, it is great to fight but not say things that are cruel. That being said you wrote a letter an apologized, I think that is better. Right now perhaps she does not want to talk about it because whatever was said, there might have been some truth to it and she is hurt. Talk about later.

    As for the books all of my friends LOVE those books. This is my take on it; Grey is a man that what he likes he goes for it and takes it. In the bedroom he is authority, the master, you must follow his orders, if you don’t, you get punish; however he does take care of her, he is also the protector.

    She is giving you the opportunity to have more of the power in the bedroom-take it.
    This is the opportunity for her to give you the control. I don’t think she will cheat on you.

    Have fun and good luck
  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
    Whatever you do, don't tie her up with your good silk ties. They're a pain to get knots out of, and they won't be the same.

    I have no idea if that's relavent to fifty shades. I do know I dislike cutting up my ties.

    And ben-wa balls aren't as fun as they sound.
  • ThustonHowell
    ThustonHowell Posts: 43
    Don't think I'd buy the balls until you had confirmation she wants to use them on herself.
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