My mom, my worst enemy
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I now live over an hour away from my family, and have little contact with them, and I think it's for the best. Now I turn to MFP family for guidance, and support. Everybody's words of kindness on here are motivational, and touching. I don't know what I would do without this site. Thank you all. Strangers and friends a like.
you are right, it is for the best. family or not, if they are toxic and don't support you, they have no room in your life.0 -
Im so sorry Missy..You are a beautiful person. We are here for you and I can understand your frustrations but you are going to do it this time for your health and to be that beautiful blushing bride whenever you get married to that lucky guy and we all wanna get invited! Please add me as a friend if you want. Have a great day!0
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I would take an opportunity to do something great for yourself. But no matter what your mother has ever said to you I am telling you now, you can do this. Do it for you because you deserve it. If you need encouragement add me. You can do this.Just surround yourself with encouraging people from here. I found MFP after I lost 112 pounds. I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning and I know that is a terrible place to be.0
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I am so sorry. The best thing you can do for yourself is put some distance and separation in your relationship with her. I had to do this myself several years ago and my Mom and I have a much better relationship now. Good luck!0
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Honey, they are your family so you can never fully escape them. However, you can stop letting the years of verbal abuse hurt you. You can make the strides (and clearly you are) needed to improve your health and your happiness and show them your worth and your strength.
I wish you the best of luck!
I completely disagree. She should cut those people out of her life like a cencerous tumor and never look back. Who does that to thir OWN child??!!?!?0 -
I'm sorry you had to go through all that.
Try to use her BS as motivation to prove her wrong and that she couldn't keep you down. No matter how hard she tried.0 -
Oh dear god, it just pains me to hear this!
As a newer mommy (my son is 3 and my daughter will be born later this year) it terrifies me that one day my children might not have the best opinion of me, my worst fear is that it'll be for something that I honestly was trying to help. I try so hard to be encouraging and show my unconditional love but it's really difficult to see that "helpful" comments are doing the exact opposite. My mother too would make comments about my weight. She'd sew a new dress for me and make no comment then but a few days later (after she had two helpings of dessert after dinner) she'd come to me with concern for how surprised she is that I was so chubby. Recently, I heard that how you talk to your children is what their own inner-voice will become . . . if anything, please make a note of this so that you can decide what inner-voice your children (if you indeed do want kiddos) will have.
Anyway, the point is that you are not alone . . . never, ever are you alone. You are smart to look for support elsewhere; good luck to you!! :flowerforyou:0 -
I think I can somewhat relate to your story with me and my mom, but I've realized now since her passing that she was only doing what she did because she didn't want to see me suffer from my weight the way that she did and that maybe she just didn't know how to correctly go about the situation.
I wish you the best of luck with your journey and feel free to add me if you want.0 -
That is mean and really does suck. I know how you feel though because my dad was the same way. He was never around when I was growing up because of his business and thought that teasing me would motivate me to change. Instead, it pushed me to be a emotional eater who binged when no one was looking. Feel free to add me if you need the support.0
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Oh my, I am so sorry to hear that.
Please feel free to add me.
I was never really told anything like that but I got looks from people and I wasnt happy with how I looked, so i have decided to make a change. I dont really have the support, other than my friends on here.
I have 125lbs to lose.
good luck on becoming a healthier you and I hope you are never treated like that again!! People are so mean and judgemental. Your family should be happy for you and support you 100%.0 -
I agree with degausser. Your mom's your biggest fan. Maybe you should call her and have a chat. My mother in-law has a daughter who is about 300 pounds and blames her mother for all of that, but it wasn't her mother feeding her spoonfuls of peanut butter dipped in sugar in the middle of the night. I wasn't there and I don't know why my sister in law is so fat that she had gestational diabetes and now type 2 diabetes. I never say anything about it because I'm sure she's in private agony. But if I were her mother, I would try to keep my child alive and healthy even if it meant telling the painful truth. Would you expect any loving mom who cares to feed you a bunch of baloney, and tell you that you look awesome in a sundress with your underarm fat hanging over it? Maybe your best friends will do that, and that's what they're for. But a mother has to be trusted to be a mirror and should be loved in return for showing you tough love. I hope things get better between you as you come to this realization.0
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I can so relate to your pain. My stepMONSTER (bio mom died) used to sing, "Kelly Kelly two-by-four, can't fit through the open door" when I was like, 8 and a little chubby (dad never knew she did this, and he died when I was 16). She would also buy the "good" cereal (sugary stuff as a kid, is good!) and not "allow" me to have it, it was only for my brothers. So I grew up sneaking food and had a very unhealthy body/food image for YEARS. I look back at pictures now when I weighed 140 and thought I was fat!!! Now I would kill to weigh 140!!!
Anyways, I haven't seen/spoken to her in over 20 years. I sent her a letter once, spelling out all the horrible things she did to me but it came back undeliverable. Still, I felt better for having written it. If I had sought therapy I'm sure I could've gotten through it easier, but I "toughed" it out for years and only now (at 38) am starting to love myself and realize food is for nourishment and fuel, AND to be enjoyed. I work out and eat right for myself, and I don't hide or feel guilty if I want a treat.
Parents don't realize just how devastating words can be to their kids. I think you've done right to distance yourself from them, now just work on healing yourself. (((hugs)))0 -
bump... won't be home from work for another hour and i have a response to this...0
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I also did not get the Mum I deserved especially when it comes to my weight! I learned to listen to my friends and positive people instead. For the last 18 months of her life my Mother was not able to say anything about my weight as it was coming off (about 80lbs of it anyway!) & so she never mentioned anything at all. It was hard for her not to say anything nasty but she had to just shut up! She is gone now for 3 months but I still miss the Mum I deserved & never got. Sometimes you have to separate yourself for your own good!
Keep at it for YOU!0 -
Thank you for posting your hardship. I too have had mother and father issues all my life. I am the only "fat" person in my family. Even growing up my father used to call me thunder thighs at the age of 7. Those remarks stay with us weather we like it or not. My size 6 mother used to take me shopping and when I found something I liked she bought the exact same thing for herself and would say she couldn't find it in my size. I know she was concerned about my weight in high school but never motivated me just insulted me which let to more over eating.. Even now when I go around uncles I get told that every time they see me I am fatter..like it is supposed to be a nice greeting or something. The last time I heard this I blew up and told him off saying all the imperfections he had. Now this probably is not a preferred way of handling the situation but it made me feel good. I think he did not realize how much it bothers me. My husband loves me for who I am and I am learning to do the same. Especially since we are trying for a family we have tried to gain a healthy attitude about food. My husband is the only "skinny " person in his family. He has it a whole different way. It has helped me to see that the same kind of pressure and remarks can go the other way also. We just have to be strong and learn what makes us happy in the end. Thank you for your comments I am new to the community and appreciate you being honest.0
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My mother is exactly the same - she is a narcissistic mother. I finally have cut her out of my life completely and it is a huge weight off my shoulders. It is so hard when the person who is supposed to love you the most in the world cuts you to shreds instead. Surround yourself with people who love and support you and stay strong - you are not who your mother says you are!!0
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Honey, they are your family so you can never fully escape them. However, you can stop letting the years of verbal abuse hurt you. You can make the strides (and clearly you are) needed to improve your health and your happiness and show them your worth and your strength.
I wish you the best of luck!
I completely disagree. She should cut those people out of her life like a cencerous tumor and never look back. Who does that to thir OWN child??!!?!?
You most certainly can fully escape them - and you should, if they are toxic people. My sister is very toxic. I haven't spoken to her in almost three years, and have no intention of ever speaking to her again.
Hugs to you, Missy.0 -
Stay strong. You ARE beautiful. Don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. Remember this, if Betty Page or Norma Jean
were here today they would both be considered "plus' sized. Lose the weight you want but remember.. real men love curves. No one want to drive a, ahem, hot rod down just a straight road. :blushing: We're all here to support you! Feel free to add me if you'd like.
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I've never understood how a woman could do something like this to her child! Please know that your mother had and has the problem, NOT you. You are taking steps to overcome the abuse that was dealt you and we will all be there to help you thru your journey. You CAN make these positive changes in your life and be a happy, loving person. Please feel free to add me as a friend if you like.0
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I really relate to your situation! Growing up, I was put on diets from a young age by my mom because I wasn't up to par with other girls my age and she did nothing but compare me all the time. It screwed with my perception of my self, my confidence, and my metabolism. By age 26, I weighed 334 lbs. I finally stuck some distance between me and her and gave myself some time to heal (though I still don't think I have completely) and now she and I are doing better most days. I hope you find peace within yourself and know that you are above the situation!0
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