Feelings Kinda Hurt

AwesomePossum82
AwesomePossum82 Posts: 93
in Chit-Chat
So someone I know was saying how fat she is at 130lbs. She's 5'7"....not fat. I said you most definitely are not. Then she says how she used to be SUPER HUGE at 155 :/ I said...oh wow, I'm 153. Lol. Not thinking anything. Then she said, Oh, its ok for you. You've had 4 kids. Ok, first off, I am not super huge. I'm very muscular. I guess it honestly kind of offended me. I've worked really hard to get this far. I was 182lbs. Then she just continued to spout out stuff. This stuff normally doesn't faze me but I've been hearing so much negative lately. I don't want to say anything mean in return, that's not me. I guess I'm just venting. Sometimes its kind of hard to stay positive when there's so much negative.
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Replies

  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    I'm an inch taller, weigh that and sometimes feel that way. And sometimes I even say that.
    But my friends who may weigh more, I don't even see them that way. I think they look great.

    Sweetie this isn't about you.
    Try not to be offended.


    She DOES need to learn to word things better.

    And you do look great.
  • AwesomePossum82
    AwesomePossum82 Posts: 93
    Thx. I really do think she sees me as a huge person though. Just the way she talks. Like she needs to butter me and roll me through a dbl door.
    I'm an inch taller, weigh that and sometimes feel that way. And sometimes I even say that.
    But my friends who may weigh more, I don't even see them that way. I think they look great.

    Sweetie this isn't about you.
    Try not to be offended.


    She DOES need to learn to word things better.

    And you do look great.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    She has body dysmorphia. And doesn't realize she is projecting that issue onto other people. Just bring it up next time and say that it hurt your feelings that she made you feel fat. Especially after her "You had 4 children." comment. Mother doesn't = fat.

    She needs to keep it to herself or be more considerate.
  • Stefanie7125
    Stefanie7125 Posts: 462 Member
    5'8 here. 155 is my GOAL. You look awesome, some people just don't think before opening their mouths.
  • FlyByJuly
    FlyByJuly Posts: 564 Member
    My first gut instinct when reading this is that the girl was fishing for compliments. She was saying negative things about herself in order to get you/others to say good things about her. But still, what she said to you was insensitive. It was very good of you to not say anything negative in response. Stay positive! By the way, I used to have a cat named Awesome Possum!
  • Flugangst
    Flugangst Posts: 98 Member
    I hate when people do this ****.
  • AwesomePossum82
    AwesomePossum82 Posts: 93
    Awesome Cat name!!!!!!!
    My first gut instinct when reading this is that the girl was fishing for compliments. She was saying negative things about herself in order to get you/others to say good things about her. But still, what she said to you was insensitive. It was very good of you to not say anything negative in response. Stay positive! By the way, I used to have a cat named Awesome Possum!
  • AwesomePossum82
    AwesomePossum82 Posts: 93
    I hope that's not what she's doing :/ She just seems to be super negative and always seems to make rude comments. She may not intend to. I guess it just struck a nerve this time.
    My first gut instinct when reading this is that the girl was fishing for compliments. She was saying negative things about herself in order to get you/others to say good things about her. But still, what she said to you was insensitive. It was very good of you to not say anything negative in response. Stay positive! By the way, I used to have a cat named Awesome Possum!
  • texaricangirasol
    texaricangirasol Posts: 38 Member
    Don't get discouraged.

    And realize that there are a lot of people out there that need attention and for some reason they use the needing to lose weight and "feeling huge" to start it out. They don't want to be corrected, they don't really want helpful hints, they just want compliments and pity parties...

    What's important is how you see yourself!!!

    knowing that you have muscle (and that does weigh more), knowing that you feel better than before and look better than when you started loosing weight. Or it could be that you looked good either way, but just need to loose some for health reasons or personal reasons.

    Always vent, however you can, and keep moving forward.

    As for not saying anything mean...i would have pulled that person aside and tried to ask her if she had seen a doctor, nutritionist or mental health professional. It would be out of concern, but it may also be seen as harsh or mean.

    Good luck to you
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    She has body dysmorphia.
    Wow, that's quite a leap.
  • jackieatx
    jackieatx Posts: 578 Member
    She has body dysmorphia. And doesn't realize she is projecting that issue onto other people. Just bring it up next time and say that it hurt your feelings that she made you feel fat. Especially after her "You had 4 children." comment. Mother doesn't = fat.

    She needs to keep it to herself or be more considerate.

    this. times a hundred.
  • SeaChele77
    SeaChele77 Posts: 1,103 Member
    I'm an inch taller, weigh that and sometimes feel that way. And sometimes I even say that.
    But my friends who may weigh more, I don't even see them that way. I think they look great.

    Sweetie this isn't about you.
    Try not to be offended.


    She DOES need to learn to word things better.

    And you do look great.

    ^^THIS

    I've seen people my height and weigh more or the same as me and *to me* THEY look great, but I do not.
    Did she say it wrong? Yes. But was she wrong? Not so much.

    We all have different views of what we want for ourselves vs what we think looks good on others. Don't take offense, she just needs to filter her thoughts/words better. You look great - keep up the hard work!!!!
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,450 Member
    She has body dysmorphia.
    Wow, that's quite a leap.

    Agreed. Some people are just insensitive or don't think before they speak. You know that weight looks different on different people. Comparing yourself to anyone else in the planet will get you no where. So shake it off. Chalk it up to her being insensitive and keep working towards your goal.
  • jdswaker
    jdswaker Posts: 36 Member
    I agree, this is not about you. But playing a little bit of the Devil's advocate here. I'm 5'7", and just hit 134 and I still have too much fat on my middle. At my heaviest, I was 170 pounds which I could easily carry without looking heavy because I am tall. But since I can remember when I broke 100 pounds (which wasn't until I turned 18), I still feel too big. I'm not saying anything about how heavy or skinny anyone else is at 134 but for me, with all the fat sitting on my waist like a medecine ball, I am still too heavy...three kids or no.

    Don't take offense at what she said. She is trying to work out her own issues and she may not even realize how insensitive she was being. Frankly, I think this was more about her justifying why she was still trying to lose when others perceive her as small enough. But who the freak knows...or cares.

    I just want to remind everyone, that all of us have our own walk and own path and where you are comfortable, the way your weight is distributed may not be where I am comfortable or where my weight is distributed. We can't judge anyone as too big or too little. We are all seeking to look and feel better and the definition of that for each of us will be unique. A little patience and tolerance everyone.

    Do you!
  • amanda_ataraxia
    amanda_ataraxia Posts: 400 Member
    Dude, you look awesome. Bump her!
  • jcmartin0313
    jcmartin0313 Posts: 574 Member
    First of all if you are big at 155 I must be a real whale at 273....geeeeezuz please!!

    Second....you are smoking hot and I am an expert on women!!!!!
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
    I just looked at your pics and I would kill for a body like that! You've come a LONG way and you should be very proud no matter what!

    I've said that I thought I was fat when I was 50 lbs less than I am now, infront of my friend who is close to 300 lbs. I honestly didn't think anything of it at the time, but looking back, that comment may have upset her like it did you.. I'm not sure, but I do know that I didn't mean to offend HER, that was just honestly how I felt about myself at the time. I've always had a poor self image.
  • Drenched_N_Motivation
    Drenched_N_Motivation Posts: 1,004 Member
    140 is the new 200
  • BobbieLee1959
    BobbieLee1959 Posts: 605 Member
    You are beautiful...no one can take that from you, unless you let them! I would love to look like you! You have worked hard to become fit and trim and you deserve only compliments for your effort! Ignore the negative comments and pray for her to recognize that her comments are hurtful. You are taking the high road and doing the right thing!! Enjoy your blessing!
  • tbetts23
    tbetts23 Posts: 303 Member
    I took a peek at your pics. You have done amazing things! You look awesome! Listen to your friends on MFP!
  • jealous_loser
    jealous_loser Posts: 395
    I had a friend on my list who was complaining she was such a whale at a size 6/105 lbs/5'3". I took her off my friends list. Not just because her comment upset me, but because I don't need the negativity. Focus on the positive :)
  • rumor23
    rumor23 Posts: 21 Member
    I know how you feel. I have had people, even that I have worked with for years ask me when "I'm due". Well, my daughter is 20 years old, I am on the back side of my 40's so....never! I am usually mortified when I get this question and my usual answer is simply this, I am not now, nor will I be "due" in the future, I am simply just fat!. When it comes to weight or anything weight related, I think people should just not say a thing. Either this person was just being mean to you or she was just that insecure about herself that she thought she would try to upset your day.
  • ourwickedlies
    ourwickedlies Posts: 46 Member
    She has body dysmorphia.
    Wow, that's quite a leap.

    Agreed. Some people are just insensitive or don't think before they speak. You know that weight looks different on different people. Comparing yourself to anyone else in the planet will get you no where. So shake it off. Chalk it up to her being insensitive and keep working towards your goal.

    I wouldn't say she's insensitive or not thinking before she's speaking. When someone is talking about their weight and their body, that's exactly what they're talking about, people just read into it too much. How someone sees themselves usually doesn't reflect on how they see other people. I've struggled with my body image my entire life. I've always seen myself as chubby/fat no matter what weight I am, but if I were to see a girl the same size or bigger than me, I'd probably think she has a great body and wish to look like her. And like someone else has said in this topic, no one looks the same even if it's the same weight anyway. Every body is different.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,772 Member
    If you feel her comments are being said to be hurtful, address it with her directly.

    If you feel her comments come from a place of insecurity or worse, let it go... she's hurting herself, not you.

    Either way, don't allow her the power to hurt you.
  • deadmittens
    deadmittens Posts: 536 Member
    People like that are just fishing for compliments. Ignore them.
  • SocWkrBee
    SocWkrBee Posts: 374
    She has body dysmorphia. And doesn't realize she is projecting that issue onto other people. Just bring it up next time and say that it hurt your feelings that she made you feel fat. Especially after her "You had 4 children." comment. Mother doesn't = fat.

    She needs to keep it to herself or be more considerate.

    You can't just go around diagnosing people all willy nilly! She does not have bdd. She has "fishing for compliments NOS".

    Edit: Shoot I didn't read all of the post, just the first couple. Yeah what she said right above me!
  • matroma
    matroma Posts: 24
    Sounds like she wants attention or to slight you to make herself feel better. Her issues are her issues. Focus on you, your goals. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere in life had I taken to heart all the things various people had said to me, in an effort to make me feel like crap!
  • tennisbabe94
    tennisbabe94 Posts: 444 Member
    Disregard her comments. I see how that's offensive, I'd feel the same way. That was insensitive of her but you look awesome, you're focusing on your health, keep up the good work and forget her. :smile:
  • babydollash
    babydollash Posts: 15
    People like that are just fishing for compliments. Ignore them.

    Not always, I'm much thinner than all my friends but I still feel big at my CW. I don't say it out loud and if I do it's only after I've eat a big meal.....then I think it's ok to say.
  • nalfavi
    nalfavi Posts: 174 Member
    So someone I know was saying how fat she is at 130lbs. She's 5'7"....not fat. I said you most definitely are not. Then she says how she used to be SUPER HUGE at 155 :/ I said...oh wow, I'm 153. Lol. Not thinking anything. Then she said, Oh, its ok for you. You've had 4 kids. Ok, first off, I am not super huge. I'm very muscular. I guess it honestly kind of offended me. I've worked really hard to get this far. I was 182lbs. Then she just continued to spout out stuff. This stuff normally doesn't faze me but I've been hearing so much negative lately. I don't want to say anything mean in return, that's not me. I guess I'm just venting. Sometimes its kind of hard to stay positive when there's so much negative.

    Just tell her there are people out there my size, so you're doing damn good for yourself ;)

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