I need help and support please?

NinjaRebecca
NinjaRebecca Posts: 3
in Motivation and Support
I'm a stubborn person and I hate asking for help. Its worthless to talk to my friend or parents about what I'm going through. I really just need help. I'm sick of judgement and criticism. I don't ned advice or anything, and I'm sick of people just blowing it off like it isn't real. Like these feelings don't exist. They seem pretty real to me.

I always, without fail ( most of the time) eat about 700-900 calories per day. FOr a while, in early July, I ate only about 500 and then eventually 300 per day. Well, I'm FORCING myself to eat 1000. A single calorie over, and I just go ape *kitten*. I'm so stressed, since Im going to be a freshman in high school this year. I'm not ready. I can't face this. I feel so disconnected, alone, lonely. Oh, and miserable.

I don't understand where these feelings came from, but I just can't escape my thoughts. I can't escape the self-loathing. Today, I ate a cookie. Then, I decided that it would just be a binge day and then I ate dinner and two more cookies. Then I was so upset and stressed and tense I felt that I just had to throw it all up. I'm really mad at myself. I don't want to do this to myself.

I don't have an eating disorder and I don't want one. I don't know what to do. Whether I do or don't eat, I'm still miserable so whats the point? I'm just raging a constant war with myself. What's my next move? What do I do? I can't just stop the thoughts, quit counting calories and measurements and weight. What do I do now? Please help me.

Replies

  • AngChambers06
    AngChambers06 Posts: 126 Member
    Sounds like you do have one and you dont realize It. 1 every listing of calories you said youve eaten or are eating are WAY to low. Eat what MFP Sets for you when you put in your goals. You should at least have 1200 and if u go over a little dont dwell on it. Second I think when you start school if your school has counseling you should go talk to them, they will listen to what your going through and wont act like it doesnt exist. the school I teach at has counselers ALOT of kids see and it helps them!
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Honey I think you need more help than we can give you here. I wouldn't dismiss the fact you have a eating disorder. Can you talk to your family doctor or a school nurse/counselor when you get back to school? High School can be really stressful, I think finding some support asap, someone you can talk to without judgement would really help your situation. I think it's great you're upping your calories, although 1,000 is still really low. And it's also great that you realize this isn't good for you. That's a big step. Hang in there and I hope some others here give you some helpful advice.
  • KravMark
    KravMark Posts: 308 Member
    Ninja, sorry to hear. Don't worry about your calories so much. We are worth much more than our size or shapes. Find someone you can talk to about these feelings will help a ton! Doesn't matter who, as long as you feel comfortable w them.
  • coora16
    coora16 Posts: 1
    If you get dizzy, eat something like a cheese stick or granola bar for protein and energy, but not as many calories and other snacks(:

    When you're eating ANYTHING, drink a sip of water between EVERY single bite to decide if you really want more and if you're actually enjoying your meal/snack. Drink at least one cup of water/diet soda/tea every hour to help keep you full without the fat/calories. Try to burn more calories than you take in. Keep things like gum or Tic Tacs near to keep your mouth busy and avoid binging. If you feel a binge coming on, do an abs exercise, it helps to take your mind off the craving.

    The biggest help for me is that when I want to binge on something. I take the time to stop first and tell myself
    "Are those calories really worth losing all your hard work today? You'll taste it once right now and you'll seriously regret it later. Besides, you already know what it tastes like. You don't need any more. " And if you do binge, remember, it's not the end of the world. There's always a better day ahead.

    As for your freshman year, I can honestly tell you that pretty much everyone starting will be feeling just like you. After the first week or 2, you'll get the hang of things and feel a little less hopeless. I've gone through bulimia, binge eating disorder, severe depression, cutting and hospitalization. I've seen some pretty nasty stuff. But it DOES get better.


    If you need any advice, or even just a friend, I will ALWAYS be here for you, darling. Message me some time. We can get through it together.
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a tough place. I'm no expert on eating disorders, but being so stressed about food isn't a healthy way to be. I know there are eating disorder heplines out there - maybe that will be an easy place to start talking to someone who can give you advice on who might be able to help in the real world.
    Hang in there!
  • AngChambers06
    AngChambers06 Posts: 126 Member
    If you get dizzy, eat something like a cheese stick or granola bar for protein and energy, but not as many calories and other snacks(:

    When you're eating ANYTHING, drink a sip of water between EVERY single bite to decide if you really want more and if you're actually enjoying your meal/snack. Drink at least one cup of water/diet soda/tea every hour to help keep you full without the fat/calories. Try to burn more calories than you take in. Keep things like gum or Tic Tacs near to keep your mouth busy and avoid binging. If you feel a binge coming on, do an abs exercise, it helps to take your mind off the craving.

    The biggest help for me is that when I want to binge on something. I take the time to stop first and tell myself
    "Are those calories really worth losing all your hard work today? You'll taste it once right now and you'll seriously regret it later. Besides, you already know what it tastes like. You don't need any more. " And if you do binge, remember, it's not the end of the world. There's always a better day ahead.

    As for your freshman year, I can honestly tell you that pretty much everyone starting will be feeling just like you. After the first week or 2, you'll get the hang of things and feel a little less hopeless. I've gone through bulimia, binge eating disorder, severe depression, cutting and hospitalization. I've seen some pretty nasty stuff. But it DOES get better.


    If you need any advice, or even just a friend, I will ALWAYS be here for you, darling. Message me some time. We can get through it together.


    you should friend and talk to her it sounds like she can help you! Dont focus so much on a number of calories but more on the nutrients and vitamins your body needs you to eat and whats good to put in. My biggest challenge is to stop eating crap food and give my body healthy food. Focus on steps and accomplish them a little at a time!
  • NinjaRebecca
    NinjaRebecca Posts: 3
    Thank you all so much. I can't even really express how I feel right now because it's all just swimming around in my head. I wanted to reply to you though coora because I recently relapsed back into self harming and my family was helpful for a while but they jut gave up on me and. I gave up on me. I really want to feel loved ad I think maybe I feel that I'll be worth more if Im skinnier. I only have one friend, who won't be going to my high school and Ive had a little bit of a troubled past. Very distant to my family as well, and just hearing kind words of love from anyone has got me crying right now. Thank you so much. The only thing that could make this day worse is self harming again.
  • mishimouse101
    mishimouse101 Posts: 47 Member
    It would be great if you could find someone to talk to in person about what you are going through. Wishing you all the best-just know every awkward teenage moment will pass and most other people are too busy worrying about themselves.

    A nutritionist could really be of help to figure out what you need calorie-wise as a growing teen. Yes, you probably are still growing a bit. I didn't get taller after 15 or 16 but was filling out in curves til 18 or 19. You have higher minimum needs for development as a young person. Girls on average, still have a developing brain until around 18-20, boys up til 24!!! You wanna be smart, right? Don't starve your brain, LOL!

    Why not ask your parents if you can see a nutritionist for help? Or if you can join a gym or take a fitness/dance class? An hour to two hours of activity a day will help your stress and help you lose weight.

    What net calories does MFP have for you-most likely 1200 minimum?

    If not a nutritionist, do you attend worship services and is there a youth or adult minister that you could ask to speak with one-on-one about your dread of high school and weight loss goals? They are experienced in helping people who want to make positive changes and might even think of some cool new friends to introduce you to!

    Can you find a job or volunteer work until school starts to get you mind off things? What about helping out at home or with an elderly relative?

    Here are a couple of good articles for you.

    http://www.livestrong.com/article/302648-how-many-calories-should-a-teenager-eat-per-day/

    http://www.livestrong.com/article/524758-how-much-should-a-teenager-exercise-in-a-week/

    Big hugs!
  • mishimouse101
    mishimouse101 Posts: 47 Member
    Honey I think you need more help than we can give you here. I wouldn't dismiss the fact you have a eating disorder. Can you talk to your family doctor or a school nurse/counselor when you get back to school? High School can be really stressful, I think finding some support asap, someone you can talk to without judgement would really help your situation. I think it's great you're upping your calories, although 1,000 is still really low. And it's also great that you realize this isn't good for you. That's a big step. Hang in there and I hope some others here give you some helpful advice.

    I agree that you need more support ASAP!!!

    Teen Line (800) 852-8336
  • asmithson19
    asmithson19 Posts: 59
    It is 'easy' for us to say try not to focus on numbers and stop counting the calories but it is not that simple...
    I think you have acknowledged there is an issue here, which is the first step - You should be very proud of yourself for this!

    I am all the way over here in Australia but a couple of the posts above have listed some numbers and I think the next step is to give them a call - You have nothing to lose by expressing your thoughts and concerns to them, just like you have done with us... Even read out your post and ask them to hear you out before they start to give you advise.

    What I can tell you is that these feelings won't go away overnight but there IS help out there for you and each day will get easier once you have some steps in place.

    There is not doubt this is a very scary time in your time but you know what - I bet there are other girls starting at your high that share the same fears as you - You may feel alone, but try and remember you're not.

    Please keep 'talking' - whether it be in person, on this forum or another forum - As it sounds like these replies have helped! Most people in this world will listen and will help you - Reach out to us whenever you need it.

    xxx
  • nade0069
    nade0069 Posts: 109 Member
    Sounds like you do have one and you dont realize It. 1 every listing of calories you said youve eaten or are eating are WAY to low. Eat what MFP Sets for you when you put in your goals. You should at least have 1200 and if u go over a little dont dwell on it. Second I think when you start school if your school has counseling you should go talk to them, they will listen to what your going through and wont act like it doesnt exist. the school I teach at has counselers ALOT of kids see and it helps them!

    ^^ this
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    I really want to feel loved ad I think maybe I feel that I'll be worth more if Im skinnier.

    :flowerforyou: Whether you are HUGE or TINY you deserve love either way. Your size has nothing to do with it. Summers can really suck to when it comes to being lonely - so much easier when you're in school and seeing people every day. Look at High School as an opportunity to make some new beginnings and meet some new friends. If you're having trouble meeting people maybe join a club.
  • NinjaRebecca
    NinjaRebecca Posts: 3
    Ok so yesterday I had to go to a barbeque and I didn't know what I'd eat so I decided I would skip breakfast and lunch, just to feel safe, but if I'm not eating a safe food, then I just have to purge it up. I work at my dad's dry cleaning business, and so my dad went over to rite-aid and bought me some honey nut cheerios They're 190 for a serving, so I just ate 1/2 (9 cals). After I purge, I have cough drops to help soothe my throat Since I would be stuck at work, I didn't want my voice to be raspy so I didn't purge them. Anyway, later at the barbeque I had a tri-tip sandwich and threw it up in a port-a-potty and lied to my mom about it. Why else would I be in the bathroom for 15 minutes? Then, I decided I already screwed up today, so I told my mom to take me to Baskin Robbins then I later had popcorn, then purged again. I tried to talk to my mom but she doesn't understand and usually makes things worse. What do I do? I'm 1.8 pounds away from being underweight. I almost reached my goal (.8 pounds left to go) but it doesn't seem like I'm happy. I thought that I'd be fine once I reached my goal but I just want to lose 5 more pounds. I'm so alone in this, and I desperately need help.
  • EvilMomma
    EvilMomma Posts: 70 Member
    I'm so glad you are reaching out! That's the hardest thing of all to do. The second hardest is to push through all the negativity in your mind to actually get help. You sound like you can do that, you have the courage to tell us what's happening...

    Please, please tell your mom/dad you need an appt with your doctor and tell him/her about the binging/purging, limiting your caloric intake, and the self-injuring. Talk to your school counselor about the same thing. Ask your mom/dad to take you to a counselor. Keep talking and insisting that you need help and you'll get it. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have a positive freshman year.

    You can do this...

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