need help!!

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jpaw1002
jpaw1002 Posts: 322 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello MFP friends.

well I need help for my bf. I'm geting worried about him. Hes overweight and needs to start his journey...not to mention it would help me A LOT if we were both on the same path... He weighs about 350lbs, and is about 6ft or so...last night he did come to a few realizations...he had a sleep apneia attack before he met me and broke about 3 teeth from waking up out of it...and is now going to the dentist for it to get this problem fixed w/ his teeth. he also started a new job in a kitchen as a cook, *which he loves doing* and is on his feet all day and then goes to his second job where he sits. But is standig a good 7-8 hrs a day, so he's having problems with his back again, w/ one of his nerves. So he looked to me last night n said..."do you know what causes that nerve pain? b/c im fat...do you know why i broke my teeth? b/c i have sleep apneia...do u know what causes that? b/c im fat..." and he had a few others to go in with that...and he got pretty emotional during this & then sad i need to loose weight. I just need to do it....and by this time i had no idea what to say..all i could manage to say was i'm here to help you....but it broke my heart. hes a great guy & i love him & want to help him but i have NO idea how to go about it. I don't want to sound nagging..

so does anyone out there have any tips? how did u get ur spouse or seg other or anyone to start this journey? what did you say that helped what didn't ? anything!

his brother is about to move out of the condo which they cant stand each other so my bf doesn't ever go downstairs and doesnt use the kitchen to cook healthy meals. which thats about to change. the roommate thats about to come is bringing a treadmill and a weight bench and im giving him my old ellptical from our house so i hope that will help motivate him to do some.

thanks guys

Replies

  • DanaDark
    DanaDark Posts: 2,187 Member
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    Have him join MFP. Seriously, just make him do it. Tell him no sexy time unless he does it.

    He can lose a significant amount of weight with little or no exercise. Once his weight is down to a safe level for activity, can introduce weight lifting.

    You HAVE TO count calories. There just really is no other way.
  • ellie319
    ellie319 Posts: 139 Member
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    when yall go out on dates try to encourage physical activity during that time,and perhaps make meals together for date night...men are stubborn creatures buuuut if you make him think its his idea its win win lol
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
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    To be honest, it just sounds like has has no clue where to start (which almost everybody can relate to). I agree with helping him set up an account on here and set some goals.
    My boyfriend and I work opposite shifts so he works out in the morning and I work out at night. On weekends we hit the gym together. If you have that opportunity, be active together.. it helps a LOT!

    Really just giving him a starting point will be a huge push for him.
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
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    www.shapewaybodychallenge.com/nutritionnation

    Its working for me and my BF

    You can stop advertising this on every single post now.
  • the_green_midget
    the_green_midget Posts: 80 Member
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    Yeah, getting him to join MFP is probably the best first step. It's really great that he's decided that he has to change, though! It might be heartbreaking, but in the end, you both won't regret him starting on this journey. My boyfriend is kind of overweight right now too, but doesn't really think he has a problem (and it's not too bad, just a bit of a beer gut). I would be overjoyed if he decided to do this calorie-counting thing with me! Best of luck to you both!
  • helen0616
    helen0616 Posts: 97
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    I've been married for 8 yearss and I can tell you that as long as you figure out a way to make him feel like this was HIS idea, he'll be much more likely to cooperate. If it's YOUR idea, you're nagging.

    Lead by example. That always helps. If you live together, perfect, do the cooking and make it healthy. Suggest outdoor activities on date nights. Ask him to go walk with you. If you have to, tell him that you're nervous to go alone, that will kick his protective instincts into high gear.

    Be positive and encouraging and uplifting. Point out the good, not the bad. Pick your battles. You guys can do it!
  • FinallyFindingLisa
    FinallyFindingLisa Posts: 222 Member
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    Even without him "wanting to" my husband dropped some 25 pounds when I stopped enabling him. I shop (and I know not all the women do) but if you do, you have an enormous amount of power over what your household eats (my family of 4, since I started my journey, has lost almost 200 pounds!!) Most people, especially men, will not stop at the store to pick up a bag of chips, they're too lazy. I buy no sugar since I am diabetic and he's borderline and there's virtually no white carbs in my house. His bread is whole grain and our pasta/rice is brown. The best thing I did was to work through our existing recipes and remake them into a healthier version. As long as it tastes good he'll eat it. Best of luck to both of you on your journey.
  • SaraBelle0312
    SaraBelle0312 Posts: 328 Member
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    Ask him to join our races and runs, we go SLOW and at our own pace. he is tall enough to where he will be able to keep up. If you invite him into your new healthy lifestyle, he will feel included and might want to join as well. We are pretty cool people ya know? Start cooking healthy for him. Not only will it feel like a treat to him, but you can make it together and get him into the idea of good healthy food!. Go on walks and talk about each others day. Swimming is GREAT because it is low impact and you burn SO many calories. And it can turn into sexy time lol. I am in the same boat you are in, but not as severe. Josh is just "old" and tired of feeling like it lol.
  • frhenderson
    frhenderson Posts: 32 Member
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    I think the best place to start is with a food diary like MFP. If he's the type who likes to research and buy gadgets (and has some discretionary cash) have him start outfitting his "toolbox" with a good kitchen scale and heart rate monitor/calorie burn device. Show him how to use MFP and tell him if he wants to lose weight the first step is to log EVERYTHING for two weeks. He can change eating and exercise habits during that time if he wants to, but the most important thing is to learn what he eats and what he burns. If he is resistant to change, the next two weeks can be about logging why he eats and why he burns. I've found that change is easier to sustain if you feel you have control and reason for the change, so rather than telling him what he should do, help him discover it for himself.
    I've been doing this for my son and he just weighed in 6 lbs lighter and he's soooooo proud of himself.
  • jpaw1002
    jpaw1002 Posts: 322 Member
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    we don't live together so the "constant monitoring" isn't there.im hoping when his bro moves out we'll eat dinner there more then going out b/c thats just bad all the way around. I've been trying to get him to join mfp. i talk about the cool features it has on the apps and the website and everything but he just kinda goes "oh thats cool" im like...ok..i think now with him working two jobs tho he will be more active then he was b/c at his other job he didn't go in until 3-430ish and sat down all day, hes a music instructor at night for guitar so..yea lol. but im going to start trying a few different approaches & see what happens but keep the ideas coming & feel free to add me as a friend :) thanks everyonee
  • doomspark
    doomspark Posts: 228 Member
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    Agree with what others have said about coaxing him into joining MFP. Once he starts logging everything he eats, it will be a huge wake-up call for him. But HE has got to be the one to do it.

    DO NOT LOG HIS MEALS AND EXERCISE FOR HIM.

    As a very wise poster above me said, if it's your idea, you'll be nagging him.
  • sweetbride2011
    sweetbride2011 Posts: 8 Member
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    You hit the nail on the head!
  • lmgc1985
    lmgc1985 Posts: 29
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    He can always PM me if he wants, ive just started my weight loss journey... AGAIN, but know what it feels like, we are a simmilar weight and height, may help! Add me if you want to go down that path. All the best either way.
  • jpaw1002
    jpaw1002 Posts: 322 Member
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    OH & he recently quit smoking, it's been about 2months smoke free....so he is making small changes and idk how much harder that makes it to lose weight after stoping smoking, i never did....so thats also another factor we have
  • doomspark
    doomspark Posts: 228 Member
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    OH & he recently quit smoking, it's been about 2months smoke free....so he is making small changes and idk how much harder that makes it to lose weight after stoping smoking, i never did....so thats also another factor we have

    I put on most of my weight when I stopped smoking, FWIW. Grats to him for breaking the nicotine chain!
  • jpaw1002
    jpaw1002 Posts: 322 Member
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    yeah & i got him to do that i was there by his side through that and he thanks me all the time for helping him break that habbit. so i feel like if i could just ease him into this he'd see it and do the same he did w/ that

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