People in your life who may not be as "supportive"...

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MissItalianPrincess
MissItalianPrincess Posts: 76
in Health and Weight Loss
This is Day 5 of my new forever journey and I have been feeling completely pumped and psyched, although there's been some instances where two of the most important people to me, the boyfriend and my mom, have tried to be not as supportive and I was hoping, but I'm staying strong. It is what it is. Examples:


Since I'm off for the summer ( I'm a teacher), I'm on the same workout schedule as my boyfriend. He has never had a weight problem, nor has anyone in his family had to deal with it ( among many things, my mom is a diabetic/high blood pressure and blind from the diabetes). This morning, he tells me I'm being lazy by only working out 5 days a week and if I was really serious about losing my weight and losing my big thighs,, I'd do 6. Mind you, he hasn't maintained a workout schedule in over 2 years and eats like 1700 calories in salami, hot sauce, cheese, and olives after a 30 minute workout. I mentioned how excited I am about MFP, and he refers to it as "FatBook" and thinks its so "weird" how I "need the support of overweight strangers to help tell what I'm doing wrong and and hold my hand along the way" . He claims I need to only worry about one person, like he does, myself and stop wasting my time posting "crap to strangers".

Then my mom, who has her own weight issues due to her medical problems and tells herself it's okay to eat funnel cakes and pastries for lunch when she's on vacation even though she's a diabetic but it's " okay because it's vacation", tells me I need to stop trying to lose weight because I'm going to look disgusting and I'm going to be 30 next year and I need to realize I'm never going to be my "college or high school weight again". Last time, when I briefly lived at home, she got on my case constantly when I was at 115 and encouraged me to stop because my body will never get under that again!

I swear, kick me when I'm down! Sorry so long and sorry to complain, but I needed to vent and figured this was a good place to share. So discouraged! :-(

Replies

  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
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    seeing how your mom behaves its no surprise your matched up with a BF with the same behaviors. BF's comments are mean and uncalled for.

    drop the BF (i know easier said than done, but he's got some major issues and his comments are indicators of a whole lot more going on than "big thighs" and workout schedules)

    as for your mom, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. these have helped me tremendously with difficult people in my life.

    people don't like change...

    good luck!
  • LelaYang
    LelaYang Posts: 43
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    Use what they are saying to prove them wrong. Work out 5x a week and show your bf that you don't have to workout 6x/wk to lose weight. Keep a healthy diet and share all your meals. With your mom, try to be a role model for her. During vacations, opt to share funnel cakes and go for walks...or some other healthy alternative. Don't let them bring you down, in the end, their intentions are good...it's just poorly executed. Stay strong and pull through. This is exaclty what MFP is for, yes we may be strangers, but we all have the same struggles. We just want to relate to one another...but in the end what's most important is that we have the same common goal: a healthier lifestyle! You can do it! :D
  • bpotts44
    bpotts44 Posts: 1,066 Member
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    You are not going to change other people, only your own behavior. If people aren't being supportive and they end up holding you back you may have to reduce the exposure to them. I know you say that you care for him, but I would never say something like that to my wife. Is the BF someone you could see yourself marrying?
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
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    Work out 5x a week and show your bf that you don't have to workout 6x/wk to lose weight.

    I disagree. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. BF should accept you whether you workout or not. More than likely if you were even to do that, he would find something else. And thats because its not about the x times to workout, you have to peel back the layers about whats really going on...
  • krg724
    krg724 Posts: 18
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    I'm finding those around me aren't that supportive, all of my family has weight issues and I think maybe it stems from them having the attitude that being big is ok, or either they feel insecure about the fact that if you set out and prove it can be done then their excuses aren't valid anymore. This is why I sought out MFP. of course my hubs is supportive, I can say for sure if he had said anything like your bf did we'd be having some problems in the least. good luck! Do what you need to do for you, not anyone else!
  • jeniallen
    jeniallen Posts: 7
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    i got a similar thing from my boyfriend about how this is just a fad and i'll get sick!! im going to not let it bother me and just prove everyone wrong!!!

    add me if you like i'll be happy to help you prove you can do it!!!

    x
  • krg724
    krg724 Posts: 18
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    You are not going to change other people, only your own behavior. If people aren't being supportive and they end up holding you back you may have to reduce the exposure to them. I know you say that you care for him, but I would never say something like that to my wife. Is the BF someone you could see yourself marrying?

    this
  • jae28
    jae28 Posts: 8
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    Listen believe i have support of my husband and friends , first you need to work on one thing at a time first being you and what you want health wise for you . later after you kick this and get where you want you start on that boyfriend that needs to change himself a bit . ignore everyone else dont envolve them if they are stressing or bringing you down that will not help you . its hard to lose weight if your stressed ... focus on you and leave everyone out that is why i chose this site to hear from people who actually know how it is to struggle and get support not discouragment ... just find soem friends on here chat with them daily if you need to and dont worry bout everyone else that is not supporting dont bother wasting your time telling them about your progress and dont listen to their bad remarks . this is for you not them
  • jae28
    jae28 Posts: 8
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    oh and good luck to you in your journey weight and life :smile:
  • Kerilynnda
    Kerilynnda Posts: 129 Member
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    I’m kind of going through something similar with my fiancé, with him not being as supportive as I’d like. He seems to take my working out and watching what I eat as a joke. He’ll laugh when I’m saying I’m going for a run, or going to the gym. (He weight all of 160 lbs, and he’s 6’4” – lean as can be, of course without ever stepping foot into a gym).

    We luckily usually eat fairly healthy – so I’m lucky with that. But I agree it’s frustrating! I wish you the best of luck, and just remember you’re doing this for you – and once you accomplish your goals, you’re going to feel GREAT!!!!
  • Rage4lightning
    Rage4lightning Posts: 72 Member
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    I realize I'm only pulling from the negatives you've posted and that I know nothing at all about "the rest of the time," but your boyfriend sounds rude and hateful. Sometimes you have people in your life who add little more than negativity but it's easier to stick with them than to let them go. Perhaps you should consider whether or not this is one of those times.

    As for your mother, I'd be willing to bet that what she's saying is coming from internal motives as opposed to you. Has she given up hope of dealing with her diabetes healthily? Maybe she feels that there's nothing she can do so she might as well continue with her bad eating habits. If you reach your goal and lose the weight, you're leaving her behind. So, her only recourse is to try and drag you down.

    Either way, I'm glad you're here where you can find the support you deserve!
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    You are not going to change other people, only your own behavior. If people aren't being supportive and they end up holding you back you may have to reduce the exposure to them. I know you say that you care for him, but I would never say something like that to my wife. Is the BF someone you could see yourself marrying?

    this

    ^^THIS
  • MissItalianPrincess
    MissItalianPrincess Posts: 76
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    Thanks for all the excellent advice! I completely agree and take into consideration everything that's being said- I appreciate the honesty. The BF will always add the disclaimer that I need to "lighten up and toughen up" and he's just kidding and I " should know that". Jokes aside or not, so completely uncalled for, and there's no excuse for that deplorable behavior/comments. They both claim they are completely supportive, and I know people don't change, but I promise you this, if the tables were changed, I would never imagine saying things like that at all! But then again, I'm a different kind of person. Believe it or not, things have improved, but through this process, I'm reevaluating a lot and placing more boundaries than I ever have. And, little do they realize, this is just motivating me to work even harder and be a great example to both of them and myself. I'm so goal-oriented and I will succeed! I'm happy to be able to share in this with all of you. :-)
  • MissItalianPrincess
    MissItalianPrincess Posts: 76
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    The BF has been motivated to eat healthier and workout since I started. I cook all the meals usually and he's good with pitching in when he isn't working, so that isn't too much of a problem, but it's the comments he makes that he thinks are so funny! I'm a strong, but sensitive, person and I hate all the negativity. He is not an emotionally open person and I'm the opposite, so we've worked through a lot of these issues, but still will never find humor in any of the comments. In fact, he's getting ready for work and it's killing him to find out what I'm so furiously typing away at on my iPad about him on MFP lol! Guilty much?

    As far as my mom goes, it's been such a struggle for her. She's 5'1" and 165 and her endocrinologist tells her it will be rather difficult that get to her goal weight. It was easier for me to help her when I lived closer to her and hopefully that will happen very soon as I am moving back to the East coast from the West coast. Being blind, I know, has to be such a challenge with all of this, but I've seen her do it before and I'm convinced she can be motivated to do it again one day!
  • booksavvybabe
    booksavvybabe Posts: 26 Member
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    sometimes getting started is the hardest part, both for you and for hose closest to you. You have to train new habits, and the old habits are tough to break. Change is tough and everyone has their own coping mechanisms... your BF should really try to be more open minded though. Working out 5x's a week is a lot more than a whole lot of other people (most people), and there is nothing wrong with that... Best of luck, hopefully your BF and mom will come around, I found that once they start seeing the changes in you, they become more open and helpful
  • dovek11
    dovek11 Posts: 94 Member
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    BF saying that he only thinks about himself.... he is telling you the truth. Believe him. Is this the man you really want to be with? Then you need to ask yourself why you would settle for someone who doesn't think you are perfect how you are right this minute, and love and support you in any effort you take on to be healthier?

    You put pressure on him now to do better. He has to put his money where his mouth is. But if you give up, he can give up and his life will be easier. See? Then he can also call you a failure or a quitter.
    Seriously look at why you are with him....

    Other people have issues and they do tend to put them on us. Your mom doesn't want to take the steps needed to get healthy either, so your doing so makes her feel bad about herself. Misery loves company.

    Most, if not all of us, have people in our lives who cannot be supportive. We hope to get a pat on the head, some approval, some reassurance. But honestly, many people are just NOT capable of giving it. Its sad but true. Don't feel bad for yourself, feel bad for the people so wrapped tightly with their own issues they cannot be happy for you. How sad for them.

    Is your journey to health and weight loss for you, or for someone else's approval? You likely just said it was for you. Then really, what does it matter what they say to you? You are loving yourself enough to take care of yourself. If that threatens them, its their problem, not yours.

    Good health to you!
  • MissItalianPrincess
    MissItalianPrincess Posts: 76
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    So much food for thought. Points well made, lots to reflect on. Seriously, lots of thanks. :-)

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