Friends Accept Me Fat

wineandkisses
wineandkisses Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have friends and those within my social sphere who are tolerant of extra body fat and even encouraging me to not lose weight. This is -after- I've already worked hard at losing some weight and changing to a healthier diet. I was expecting a lot more support and inherent approval for weight loss than what I've seen and gotten. I know what I am doing is good for me, but it makes me sad when I have people telling me they don't want me to lose weight when I know it's what I should do. I don't care one way or another if my overweight friends want to stay that way and are happy with it, but when I talk about my progress and I get comments about how they don't like it, it can be upsetting. I am just wondering how I should deal with people I know who are not encouraging or congratulatory about my weight loss. I already keep a small social life, so I don't want to give up on otherwise decent friends, but I'd like to have the support of those friends too.

To put things in perspective I'm 5'5" and weighed in at 192 lbs today (which means I've lost 13 lbs from when I've started!). I'm one of those people who carry weight well, so my body fat is evenly distributed and my thighs/bottom are thick. It doesn't show in my face/neck as much so I don't look "fat". I'd like to get down to 150 or so because I feel that is when I looked my best. I am on my feet a lot at work (I am a nursing assistant) and I don't exercise much. I'm in school to be a nurse and have spent the Summer taking Human Anatomy and Physiology, which was the big push I needed to start eating right. I've learned a lot about the human body and I'd like to live healthy now that I know how.


So what do you all think?

Replies

  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
    I have friends and those within my social sphere who are tolerant of extra body fat and even encouraging me to not lose weight. This is -after- I've already worked hard at losing some weight and changing to a healthier diet. I was expecting a lot more support and inherent approval for weight loss than what I've seen and gotten. I know what I am doing is good for me, but it makes me sad when I have people telling me they don't want me to lose weight when I know it's what I should do. I don't care one way or another if my overweight friends want to stay that way and are happy with it, but when I talk about my progress and I get comments about how they don't like it, it can be upsetting. I am just wondering how I should deal with people I know who are not encouraging or congratulatory about my weight loss.

    So what do you all think?

    I have the same sort of people in my life, sigh. On the one hand, I do appreciate that they love me no matter what and I definitely wouldn't like for them to tell me constantly to lose weight. But like you described, they aren't very supportive. I have a friend who is tiny who, every time I bring up the topic, tells me things like: "weight is not important. Who cares about the number on the scale? You make too big a deal out of weight." etc etc. My husband also just says, "I like you the way you are."

    I am '5,6" and my weight has been stuck right around the 217 mark for several years. I have joint and back problems, a strong history of heart disease and diabetes in my family. I want to be healthy, I'm not just doing this to look good.

    So now that I'm done commiserating with you :wink: I will say that what I've done as I start this journey again is NOT discuss it with them. I'm just going ahead and doing it. If I discuss it with them, I'm afraid their comments will be demotivating and I can't handle it right now. I have a relative to whom I am very close who is trying to make some changes too and we support each other via text message.
  • skonly
    skonly Posts: 371
    I have friends and those within my social sphere who are tolerant of extra body fat and even encouraging me to not lose weight. This is -after- I've already worked hard at losing some weight and changing to a healthier diet. I was expecting a lot more support and inherent approval for weight loss than what I've seen and gotten. I know what I am doing is good for me, but it makes me sad when I have people telling me they don't want me to lose weight when I know it's what I should do. I don't care one way or another if my overweight friends want to stay that way and are happy with it, but when I talk about my progress and I get comments about how they don't like it, it can be upsetting. I am just wondering how I should deal with people I know who are not encouraging or congratulatory about my weight loss. I already keep a small social life, so I don't want to give up on otherwise decent friends, but I'd like to have the support of those friends too.

    To put things in perspective I'm 5'5" and weighed in at 192 lbs today (which means I've lost 13 lbs from when I've started!). I'm one of those people who carry weight well, so my body fat is evenly distributed and my thighs/bottom are thick. It doesn't show in my face/neck as much so I don't look "fat". I'd like to get down to 150 or so because I feel that is when I looked my best. I am on my feet a lot at work (I am a nursing assistant) and I don't exercise much. I'm in school to be a nurse and have spent the Summer taking Human Anatomy and Physiology, which was the big push I needed to start eating right. I've learned a lot about the human body and I'd like to live healthy now that I know how.


    So what do you all think?

    I have friends like that too. I don't even bother talking about it with them anymore. Some people just can't be happy for others. Maybe they are jealous. Who knows. I carry my weight well too and I don't look fat or obese either. At least not to people bigger than me. I have one friend who will try to talk me out of losing weight and tell me how great I look. She needs to lose over 100 lbs and can't stand anyone who isn't as big as she is.

    Ignore people. If someone makes a comment about you looking thinner, just tell them you are focusing on eating healthy now and thank them for noticing. Then immediately start talking about something else. lol.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    not to be rude or anything, but why do you need to have your friends support and approval? it's YOUR body. your health isnt determined by referendum. it's not like you're asking their opinion if a pair of shoes go with your dress, being overweight is a HEALTH concern. would you need their approval, acceptance and agreement to get a weird mole removed from your body? why would you need it for removing excess fat from your body since that's also related to health issues?

    just focus on doing what you know you need to do and stop looking to others to agree or disagree with your health needs
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    friends should support you no matter what.
  • WickedPixie1
    WickedPixie1 Posts: 111 Member
    Sounds like we have the same kind of body type...almost, I've got the buddha belly and I'm about 195 and 5'3", but everything else is balanced.
    I would just stop mentioning it to your friends and just get the encouragement either from your friends here or from the few people who are supportive of you.
    I don't have a huge social circle either and my husband is the one who sabotages me most, so I just don't mention things like that to him...he can just observe from the outside.
    When I told him I was quitting smoking, he went out after a few days and bought a pack...not because I asked, but because he thought I might start craving really bad...he likes the occasional one and I think that's the real reason why he got them, so a couple months later, I tried again and kept it quiet, it's been 3 months now. Same with weight loss...if I say I'm trying to lose, he goes out and buys me chocolate (doh)!
    At the end of the day, it's all about me and how I feel about myself and what I'm doing to get there. Compliments and support are really nice and confidence boosting, but so is hauling the skinny jeans out of the closet and realising you don't have to lie on the bed and suck your guts in as far as you can just to get the button done up.
  • skonly
    skonly Posts: 371
    friends should support you no matter what.

    this!
  • wineandkisses
    wineandkisses Posts: 7 Member
    Thank you everyone for your replies so far.

    As much as I am happy with myself and choices lately, it would just be nice to be able to share my happiness with my friends too. It isn't so much about needing approval, as it is wanting them to be happy for me. I have changed a lot over the years to better myself and this is the thing I'm working on right now (well besides school) and I wouldn't like it if I couldn't tell everyone about how awesome I am.
  • angelb1983
    angelb1983 Posts: 160 Member
    My mom used to do this to me, and I also have a couple of friends that did the same thing. Sometimes I feel people are intimidated when we start losing weight because it magnifies their negative eating and exercise habits. They are really not happy, but dont want to do anything about it so the fact we decide to do something makes them in some strange way feel inferior.
  • Afterblue
    Afterblue Posts: 78 Member
    For the longest time, it felt like my friends were either of the starve yourself to be under 100 pounds category, or eat what you want, and be unhealthy category. If I dared to tell them they were not being healthy and I was concerned about their habits, I was yelled at, told I was not supportive of their lifestyle choices, and that I suck. One friend stopped talking to me because I made a healthy meal for us, because she thought I was implying she was fat and needed to go on a diet.

    Friends can be ...strange.

    Bottom line, I love my friends no matter what their weight. But if they engage in unhealthy habits, it would not be right for me to not voice my concerns. I do it politely, and privately but ultimately, if I just let a friend starve to the point where she no longer gets periods or get so overweight that she can't climb half a flight of stairs without needing to sit down to catch her breath, without saying anything, do I really have their best interests in my mind? (Yes, I accept they will do what they will do despite what I say)

    You are no where near as unhealthy as my friends were, but I feel your true friends will support you in your quest to be healthier. It is a commendable goal and I wish you success. If a friend attempts to undermine you, you might want to evaluate why they do so. Is it just their way of telling you they like you no matter what you weigh? Or do they want you to remain your weight so that they don't feel any pressure to follow suit?
  • MuscleJunkieK8
    MuscleJunkieK8 Posts: 44
    I have friends just like that. For about 6 years I was severely anorexic. So when I gained recovery weight it was as if my friends were almost relieved that I was not a "threat" anymore.

    As upsetting as that is, through that, and now through my healthy weight loss and fitness journey, I know who my real friends are.
  • wineandkisses
    wineandkisses Posts: 7 Member
    WickedPixie1: I know what you mean about the significant other thing. It's really easy for me to just go along with my guy's diet and just spend time being a couch potato with him. That's a big part of why I gained most of the weight I'm trying to lose. We used to spend all our time eating junk food and cuddling in front of the TV. Lately I've been so busy with school and work though so I pretty much have to do my own thing now, so that's why it's been easier not to be influenced by his choices. I had to start off being quiet about this for awhile, I waited until I had some progress before I told anyone. Now I want the world to know! lol
  • THINk_kkaybbyx0
    THINk_kkaybbyx0 Posts: 89
    you have to do what's best for you hunni, if this is something that you really want, use others' setbacks & disapprovals as motivation to maintain a healthier diet. the pounds will come off =) stay commited. on here you have a greaaaat network of supporters <3 just remember that
  • wineandkisses
    wineandkisses Posts: 7 Member
    Thanks! :)
  • kellygirl5538
    kellygirl5538 Posts: 597 Member
    I have the opposite problem, I have friends who are very fit and don't accept me fat...but I am! Mind set needs to be turn on.
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
    Some variation of this keeps popping up in my life, either from friend's experiences, seeing a thread here or personal experience. I really think that people are scared of positive changes in others. Like it reflects poorly on them when others make what they perceive to be better decisions. It sucks.

    I tried doing this without any kind of support system twice before; it's such a horrible feeling when you have a great moment and your friends and loved one are like "meh." It's shockingly deflating to the ego. This time I do have support, between here and IRL, and it's much better. So, while self motivation is important, a few attaboys are important too!

    So, ignore them and come here ;)

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