Will it ever be enough?

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Compassionrespectgratitude
Compassionrespectgratitude Posts: 28
in Motivation and Support
I have changed a lot in the last few years... And I'm not gonna lie I will never get tired of the shock on people's faces when they see me after a long time apart but it's not enough. I still hate the way I look.
It's not like I hate myself. I try to be the best person I can be and everyone is really nice to me. I have a lot of friends and I love them all but it still doesn't feel like enough.
I have never had a boy friend which is pretty pathetic but I'm really close to a lot of guys. That I guess is what really bugs me...
They all tell me how much they love me (like the little sister) but no one wants me. The other day They were playing guessing games trying to figure out who one of my friends like and they didn't know I was listening. They mentioned me and the reaction was 'god no! Noone could ever think about her like that'. Which pretty much sums it up :l
I hate that no matter how nice I am or how hard I try in feel like I will never have a chance.

Replies

  • ahmommy
    ahmommy Posts: 316 Member
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    Yikes! I think maybe you need new friends. True friends don't say things like that about each other. Also, do you ever get to meet new people? I think sometimes people who have known you for a long time see you as they always have and don't take a step back and actually see the new you. It sounds like maybe they see you as one of the guys. Also, it's possible he does like you and thinks the other guys would give him a hard time about it so doesn't want them to know.

    How old are you? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me like maybe you're pretty young, and your friends don't sound very mature. If that's the case, things will get better as you get older.

    I don't know where you are on your journey, but stick with it. One day you'll be strong and confident. Confidence is more sexy than a perfect body any day.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    The other day They were playing guessing games trying to figure out who one of my friends like and they didn't know I was listening. They mentioned me and the reaction was 'god no! Noone could ever think about her like that'. Which pretty much sums it up :l

    I would call all of them on that.... I agree with the other comment - sounds very young and immature. If they were true friends, they would not be talking about you like this at all, period.

    Hard to gauge anything else to say where you have your profile locked up tight to get to know you. However, at my age, I dont put up with garbage from people... and you dear, just heard alot of garbage from your so called friends....

    Chin up - not all guys are arses thankfully!!!

    8-)
  • sdow
    sdow Posts: 71
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    Don't hate the way you look. Love yourself through and through. You have many years left in that body.

    You will meet someone. You are right to continue to be sweet and kind--there are men out there who are looking for that in a woman. It will be enough.

    Your friends were unkind. That is on them. You don't have to take what they say to heart. It isn't the truth, only an opinion. You know the truth about you.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    Do you ever think about getting a makeover, or some new clothes? changing your style?
    Sometimes if you change some outside things, it can change the way people think about you.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Do you ever think about getting a makeover, or some new clothes? changing your style?
    Sometimes if you change some outside things, it can change the way people think about you.

    She shouldnt have to change the way she looks for people to accept her.... thats a bandaid effect... She needs to work on her mind first...
  • annabell48
    annabell48 Posts: 42
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    That's a shame. Even though I have been married for 33 years in just a short few weeks, I have the same issues as what you have as far as it never being enough. I lost 55 pounds in 9 monthes back in 2003/2004 and still have a slight bluge in the lower abdomen and have people who didn't recognize me and are still impressed with the fact I have maintained the majority of weight loss, even though I seesaw with about 20 pounds. It just doesn't seem like everyone doesn't want me in their lives. At some point we will find someone who accepts us in the form of relationships that we are truely wanting and deserving of receiving.
    luckily for me,I look at it this way, if others don't want me in their lives for who I am and are willing to include me, I don't need them in my life. Kind of harsh I know, but I've experienced this for over 50 years.
  • desilu69
    desilu69 Posts: 79
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    Do you ever think about getting a makeover, or some new clothes? changing your style?
    Sometimes if you change some outside things, it can change the way people think about you.

    She shouldnt have to change the way she looks for people to accept her.... thats a bandaid effect... She needs to work on her mind first...
    So true.. How we look at ourselves is how others will see us. Getting new clothes and new hair is just a cover up. These guys will still look at you the same. Congrats on taking the steps to a healthier life and losing the weight, now work on that self confidence, go out and meet you a new group of friends and I think you will find your life turning around. Best of luck to you. :flowerforyou:
  • ashleymichelle06
    ashleymichelle06 Posts: 47 Member
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    I think something minor like a new hairstyle and new clothes are good things to do. It's not like getting plastic surgery or something. I know I always feel more confident knowing my outside matches how I feel inside. Even just getting my eyebrows waxed makes me feel prettier, even without wearing any makeup and my hair in a messy bun. But that's just me.

    I think it would be a good idea to branch out and make new friends. Maybe try online dating, since you're looking for a boyfriend. Confidence is very attractive, and if you have to.....fake it till you make it! :)
  • GiGiBeans
    GiGiBeans Posts: 1,062 Member
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    I think the clothes you wear makes a big difference about how you feel. I see very thin women come into my shop in huge baggy clothes trying to hide from the world. When I try to put them in something that will flatter their figure they protest saying they don't want to draw attention to themselves. On the flipside I see quite a number of the larger women with beautiful confidence looking like knockouts in their clothes. Of course the best accessory on any woman is a smile.

    What's on the inside is very important, but you're a dreamer if you think subconsciously people are not judged by their looks.

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