Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough for him/her?

Keepingmygoal · August 2012

I missed out on someone I really cared about, all because of my weight. I've since realized that I can't expect someone else to love me if I don't love myself....and I have this idea in my head that I'll love myself once I've reached my goal weight and can live a healthy life. As twisted as that is I hope it's true, because right now I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, and that I must be silly to think that any guy wants me to be their girlfriend.

Maybe I've just come across a string of not so great guys, maybe it's just bad luck (or even bad karma), but I know that's not how it works for everyone. I'm not looking for a pity party, and I'm not looking for direct support, I'm looking for people to share their stories about finding that special someone. I want to hear about times where you were so 'down in the dumps' and ready to give up, but then suddenly out of nowhere came someone who loved you for everything you are.

Give me some motivation, some hope. Thanks in advance.

britneyy32 · August 2012

I feel the same way, mostly because of a certain guy that I really cared about and liked a lot disappeared from my life with no explanation, after he fooled me to think that I was so special and that he cared about me a lot. And I can't help but think bad things about myself because of it. Especially since he was so into working out and getting ripped and stuff, it made me feel all inadequate that I'm not super toned and fit looking.

And I feel like every guy that ends up in my life ends up being a huge disappointment. So I would really like to hear some inspiring stories as well!

mandydanyele · August 2012

Well you know what I'll say first. If someone can't love you because of your weight, then their not worth loving.

I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. He came into my life shortly after i ended an abusive relationship. I was in a very bad place. I felt worthless, ugly and that nothing would ever get better. But things do get better. People come into your life for a reason. Don't regret anything and learn from everything. Someone worth it will come along when it's time.

Heatherg1212 · August 2012

Don't let a guy get you down ladies!! You are all beautiful in all your shapes and sizes! If the "boy" you were with couldn't see that then he doesn't deserve you! Once you start to feel a little better about yourself you will see things and people differently. Trust me I know from experience! I was with my sons father since highschool and he crapped all over me I dot think he ever said I was pretty , maybe once. I went to nursing school started to do things I liked and wanted to do. It was hard but on e I left I felt like I could breathe again like I was reborn. I know it's not the same situation but I feel for ya ladies! Just know its not working out because it's not meant to work out.

Keepingmygoal · August 2012

I feel the same way, mostly because of a certain guy that I really cared about and liked a lot disappeared from my life with no explanation, after he fooled me to think that I was so special and that he cared about me a lot. And I can't help but think bad things about myself because of it. Especially since he was so into working out and getting ripped and stuff, it made me feel all inadequate that I'm not super toned and fit looking. And I feel like every guy that ends up in my life ends up being a huge disappointment. So I would really like to hear some inspiring stories as well!

I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. Maybe we are just overly trusting people, but that same exact thing has happened to me more times than I care to admit. Having someone leave your life without any sort of logic explanation is a hard pill to swallow, but in reality I highly doubt any of us want to be with someone who treats people like that, let alone someone they once considered special.

Crochetluvr · August 2012

I have almost always been overweight but never thought that should be a reason why I wasnt good enough for someone. And I guess there are men who felt the same way because I never had any trouble getting dates or having relationships. My b/f is very fit and met me when I was not much thinner than I am now and he didn't care. Personality won out.

That's not to say there weren't guys that snubbed me because I wasn't trim, fit and athletic. But that was their loss, not mine.

sjkrause1 · August 2012

It's the other way around. You'll lose weight after you become convinced that you're worthwhile. Once you're worth it, you lose weight because you want to feel better, have more energy, be healthier, and live longer. After you lose weight, you may or may not be more attractive to others, but it won't matter so much. You will be the same person, and you will know that, so anybody who suddenly likes you because of your smaller dress size will seem shallow. And they are shallow. So don't go out with them.

Another thought -- Did you ever think that maybe the guy WANTS you to think you're not good enough for him? Maybe he's pretty insecure himself, and figures the only way to hold on to you is to make you insecure as well. If that's the case, you'll feel lousy as long as you stay with him.

Bottom line -- Being with somebody won't ever make you feel OK about yourself in the long run. If you're worthwhile, you're worthwhile, whether you're in a relationship or not.

EAlexandraB · August 2012

About a year ago, I broke up with a guy because he kept telling me how SEXY I was and it weirded me out :laugh: (Yes, I realize that's a little crazy.)

It took me an embarrassingly long time to sort out that he may have genuinely found me sexy, and that how I perceive myself does not necessarily correlate with how other people perceive me.

Ultimately, people don't start or stay in relationships if they think the other person is not good enough. Your weight is only one part of you, and, frankly, not a very interesting part. Don't sabotage your relationships because you're not quite where you want to be!

ChapinaGrande · August 2012

OOh! OOh! Here's my story!
Once upon a time, I was in an abusive relationship. He was an alcoholic and a coke head and he made me believe that he was the only person who would tolerate an ugly schmuck like me. His pet name for me was "Moron." After our daughter was born, I took her and left. Later, I met another guy who seemed perfect because, well, he was constantly telling me he was perfect. He told me how horrible I looked, how lazy I was, what a horrible mother I was... you get the idea. After he dumped me, I wanted to die because the only people capable of tolerating me were gone. After a series of ghastly men told me in convincing tones that I was not worth loving, I believed it. I believed that I didn't deserve love, so I made one of those Thanksgiving dinner announcements that I would never date again. My daughter and I would take care of each other and, after she went to college, I would die alone. And I was OK with that.

I am a teacher in adult education. One day, I walked into class to find a new student. He was so sweet and caring and really fun to talk to and a really enthusiastic learner. Unfortunately, he was a man and this would never do since men could never love me. However, for some reason, I agreed to go have Mexican food after class one day with him and regularly after that. I tried as hard as I could to push him away because I knew that if I loved him, that would give him some power over me and he could hurt me so bad and it could be the time that pushed me over the edge to suicide. Literally. I didn't want a boyfriend. I told him repeatedly that I never wanted to get married and I didn't want to love him. But he was patient and kind. He was sweet to my daughter, who also was emotionally hurt by my previous boyfriends. If I freaked out because I spontaneously had a flashback of abuse during an intimate moment, he held me and cried with me. Unfortunately, he dropped out of my program at school. On the other hand, we got married 2.5 months ago. I believe that my husband is the one who saved my life. He brought me out of a deep depression and made me want to improve myself--to get counseling, eat healthy, and exercise. He has made my daughter feel secure in a home with two parents. Without any exaggeration, this has been the best 2.5 months of my entire life. He is my best friend.

And they all lived happily ever after.

SWilkins75 · August 2012

I have one as well.

I was 19 when I met my ex. I was one of those girls who just wanted a man to love me and a family of our own. I guess the reason why I wanted children soon was because I come from a very dysfunctional family. My mom was a crack head and when I got old enough I took full custody of my 2 little brothers and raised them for 5 years. My boyfriend at the time was controlling, physically and mentally abusive but I was always too scared to leave him. My brothers wanted to beat him down so many time for the way he treated me, but I told them not to bc it would come back down on me. I stayed with this *kitten* for 12 years. I was just scared and I loved his family. He was the only one who treated me that way. His family was more of a family to me than mine were. I had hoped he would chance one day and he never did. He would accuse me of sleeping around with other guys through the first 8years of our relationship and would punish me for something I never did over and over again. Until one day, I thought to myself that if I am going to be hurt and accused for something I didn't do, damn it I might as well do it! So behind his back i started drinking with friends, partying out of town, staying out all weekend, traveling to concerts with friends to other states and acted like I was single. I settled down young by raising my brothers then getting into a serious relationship, I never had time to date or have fun. I stayed home being insulted and treated like a dog. But from 25 -31 I lived a secret life that he assumed he knew about, but I never admitted to nothing, I felt like I was getting him back for all of the times he hurt me. I have a lot of guy friends with benefits and met a lot of younger hotties at these concerts and parties and I did what I want. I was basically leading a double life. But I didn't like my real life....I wanted to be this other person having freedom, meeting new people, having fun, traveling..

But on Halloween of 2006 one of my friends from Indiana brought his friends with him to a concert we were meeting at in Detroit. He was tall, funny and had the bluest eyes and the longest lashes I have ever seen. He took my breath away. I was there seeing someone else and he had a girlfriend back in Indiana. So we never let each other know we were interested. So we find each other online, we start talking on the phone, then we would visit back and fourth from Indiana to Michigan frequently. I hated the time we were a part. He was nothing like any man I had ever known before. He had the same aspirations and goals in his life as I had for mine. He was raised by his grandparents and I think that made all of the difference in the world. He was everything I ever wanted. We would sneak calls to each other when our ex's were sleeping and say good night to each other. He broke up with his ex (she treated him so bad) and told me that he isn't going to wait forever for me to dump my ex. I knew this was my chance to get out of this horrible relationship. I finally did and Chris left his job,family and friends and moved over 360 miles to be with me and protect me in case my ex tried hurting me. It was easy leaving the ex, because we never married or had kids even though we never used bc. I regret that I spent my 20's with someone who treated me like that.

This is getting pretty long so I'll hurry. We are both very much in love. We got married 5.9.09, had a baby girl on 10.21.09, my son was born 11.10.11 and I have never been happier. He treats me so well. Sometimes I feel bad that I am10 years older and that I tied him down. But he says that's all he ever wanted to. A wonderful marriage and family. It seems like he just rode in on a white horse and saved my entire life from unhappiness. My life started over the day we met

Alex_is_Hawks · August 2012

I always feel like i'm not good enough...even when I was probably too good for them .....

losing the weight isn't going to change that...only working on my self esteem and my head/heart is going to change that...

(sighs) I gotta long road....long long road.

princessdracos · August 2012

I always feel like i'm not good enough...even when I was probably too good for them .....

losing the weight isn't going to change that...only working on my self esteem and my head/heart is going to change that...

(sighs) I gotta long road....long long road.

I was just talking to a friend about this very thing! I'm nearing the point where my lack of self-esteem bothers me more than what I worry other people might be thinking, if that makes any sense. Not quite there yet, though.

ahmommy · August 2012

I often felt like "damaged goods." Not for the same reason, but I think it can lead to a similar place. I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager, and I had a lot of psychological trauma as a result. I started dating my now-husband at the end of our senior year of high school. At that time, I was basically in "survival mode" and hadn't dealt with my issues. I thought I was okay, but I had just buried my problems so deep I didn't even know they were there. We dated for about a year before everything came bubbling up. I was diagnosed with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. There were days when I felt like everyone around me would be better off if I just went away and they didn't have to deal with me and my issues anymore. What's interesting is that our relationship almost ended before I started actually dealing with my issues. I was so insecure and I became clingy and was basically smothering him. We took a two week hiatus and we would talk on the phone but we didn't see each other during that time. That was my wake up call - if I didn't do something, I was going to lose him. Once things settled down, I started counseling and getting the help I needed. Through it all he stuck by me, I don't know if I could have done it without him. Now we've been together 12 years and married almost 7. I no longer feel like I don't deserve him, although I still feel lucky to have him (and hope that I always feel that way).

The good men are out there, who can and will see past your issues, whether they're physical, emotional, or both.

nikki91950 · August 2012

it does get better. I stayed with the same guy for 6 years- he stayed with me at my heaviest (150's) and even my lowest in the 110's, but even though he was with me no matter what and always loved me no matter what I looked like or how I dressed, I never felt like I could just be myself. I never thought I was going to be good enough. I broke off that relationship a year before our wedding, and I'm in a brand new one now… and even after just five months together, even though I'm nowhere even close to where I want to be physically, I'm more confident and proud of myself than ever before. I don't know if it's thanks to him, or to myself, but life is so much better now, and easier to look at myself every day with a smile.

ThickMcRunFast · August 2012

I have one, I got out of a five-year relationship with a mentally/emotionally abusive guy a few months ago. You couldn't have paid him to give me a compliment. He once told me that he liked it when I looked like I was almost about to cry, because that meant he had won. He convinced me that I was fat, ugly, and worthless, even though I could objectively see that I was a healthy, fit, successful woman. By the last year I felt like I couldn't end it with him, because who else would even consider going on a date with me?

I found that kicking his a** out of my house was a hell of a lot easier than trying to make myself look perfect, so he would love me.

Going on dates again is nerve-wracking, to be sure. But I've found that I honestly haven't cared if some new guy likes me or not...after all, what is this new guy to me? No one deserves to be treated poorly. There is always another guy/girl out there.

Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough for him/her?

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