Lack of motivation from MFP friends

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shell1205
shell1205 Posts: 138
in Motivation and Support
So, what is it about people who beg for "friends" that offer motivation, but they don't return the favor? I have not had a commnet on my posts for over a week, but I try to comment on others' successses, small or large. Maybe I should just delete everyone and go private...
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Replies

  • sirmio
    sirmio Posts: 44 Member
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    I don't have a lot of friends, but I usually pick them up from interesting threads or through direct messaging first. I often get comments and make them back.

    For me, little things like, "Good Job!" on everything I post isn't encouraging. I try ask questions and have discussions with my friends on what they are doing, why, how it's working, and that sort of thing.
  • littlemermaid1048
    littlemermaid1048 Posts: 55
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    Yes, it kind like feels some people only use you. You are also worthy to some feedback (good or bad) from them too. Don't feel bad if you delete the "friends" who have no interest on giving you encouragement and/or support at all. It's your right to do so. ;)
  • sirmio
    sirmio Posts: 44 Member
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    I agree with littlemermaid though, delete them. That doesn't mean go private though, just keep trying.
  • Ivana331
    Ivana331 Posts: 230
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    add me, I log on every day and always reply to people's posts!! :)
  • Ivana331
    Ivana331 Posts: 230
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    I don't have a lot of friends, but I usually pick them up from interesting threads or through direct messaging first. I often get comments and make them back.

    For me, little things like, "Good Job!" on everything I post isn't encouraging. I try ask questions and have discussions with my friends on what they are doing, why, how it's working, and that sort of thing.
    right! seems like the cookie cutter response to everything. I have friends who are doing the same workout as me and we talk about what day we are on, how we felt doing it, how we are doing it differently, etc.
  • YeahMe
    YeahMe Posts: 35 Member
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    I totally feel the same way...sometimes even a "WTG" makes my day...but lately I have been lacking...and I think it is part that I feel my MPFers don't have my back anymore....
  • cmp_denver
    cmp_denver Posts: 44 Member
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    A few thoughts, please don't kill the thinker.

    With the exception of one person, all my MFP friends are complete strangers, we don't even live in the same time zone. I don't have the same expectations, if that's the right word, for strangers as I would with someone I know in the non-virtual world. I also don't expect them to spend their time posting long responses or questions to what I post. Many people have dozens of friends on here, it would be a full time job to respond to every single person's post, let alone if they post more than one thing a day. I have limited time to read long comments and posts. However when I, or one of my friends sees something that they think requires a longer response/question. If we want to know more about something that someone has mentioned we ask/comment. Or if someone really needs encouragement, then we jump in. In my opinion, that someone even took the time to look at my posts and comment, even if only generic, is something I appreciate.

    Also, I'm not losing weight for someone else; I'm losing it for me. If I'm relying on comments from others (mostly strangers) on MFP as my support system, I am doomed to failure - the motivation has to come from within (and from friends out in the real world who really know you). How can you really be accountable or get genuine encouragement from someone you don't know and whom you can delete or be deleted by at any time?

    Just my thoughts.
  • knightreader
    knightreader Posts: 813 Member
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    i used this site for 5 or 6 months before finally adding friends last week. i didn't ask for friends but responded to a post from someone else looking for similar types of people, similar starting weight, goals, stuff like that. i think from that post, i have added a few after the original ones. i think i have 6 or 7 total, but i also take into consideration how many friends that person has. if they have 50 friends, i doubt they will really care about me, and will give me the typical "good job" reply. not for nothing, but i know i am doing a good job. i am looking for meal ideas, advice, workout ideas and stuff like that.

    perhaps you want to delete those who aren't adding to your goals, or helping you achieve them. i will say that i spend more time on here now that i have friends. time spent checking their diary, asking about their cardio workouts...stuff like that. so perhaps its a time factor for you. you can always delete, then add at another time.
  • leannehoggdodd
    leannehoggdodd Posts: 59
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    I am in need of some motivational pals! Need some people to chat with daily! Add me if you would like! Thanks
  • fieldsbean
    fieldsbean Posts: 35
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    A few thoughts, please don't kill the thinker.

    With the exception of one person, all my MFP friends are complete strangers, we don't even live in the same time zone. I don't have the same expectations, if that's the right word, for strangers as I would with someone I know in the non-virtual world. I also don't expect them to spend their time posting long responses or questions to what I post. Many people have dozens of friends on here, it would be a full time job to respond to every single person's post, let alone if they post more than one thing a day. I have limited time to read long comments and posts. However when I, or one of my friends sees something that they think requires a longer response/question. If we want to know more about something that someone has mentioned we ask/comment. Or if someone really needs encouragement, then we jump in. In my opinion, that someone even took the time to look at my posts and comment, even if only generic, is something I appreciate.

    Also, I'm not losing weight for someone else; I'm losing it for me. If I'm relying on comments from others (mostly strangers) on MFP as my support system, I am doomed to failure - the motivation has to come from within (and from friends out in the real world who really know you). How can you really be accountable or get genuine encouragement from someone you don't know and whom you can delete or be deleted by at any time?

    Just my thoughts.
  • sharleengc
    sharleengc Posts: 792 Member
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    I admit that sometimes I don't always comment. I tend to go through phases where I comment more or less. However, I have noticed that I tend to comment more on the status things that people write over the completed diary posts/exercise posts unless I have some type of question.
  • smtillman2
    smtillman2 Posts: 756 Member
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    I personally feel like more friends isn't better. Maybe you should have fewer friends but of a better quality. People that you know are interested in encouraging you.
  • corriewarren
    corriewarren Posts: 16
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    add me add me add me :) hehehehe

    I will try to help you and boost you up when you need it! I haven't been on MFP long, but I do enjoy it - lots more than FB. If you won't get tired of cleshay's (spell check) then, Im for you :)
  • Thatsdatdiva601
    Thatsdatdiva601 Posts: 209 Member
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    A few thoughts, please don't kill the thinker.

    With the exception of one person, all my MFP friends are complete strangers, we don't even live in the same time zone. I don't have the same expectations, if that's the right word, for strangers as I would with someone I know in the non-virtual world. I also don't expect them to spend their time posting long responses or questions to what I post. Many people have dozens of friends on here, it would be a full time job to respond to every single person's post, let alone if they post more than one thing a day. I have limited time to read long comments and posts. However when I, or one of my friends sees something that they think requires a longer response/question. If we want to know more about something that someone has mentioned we ask/comment. Or if someone really needs encouragement, then we jump in. In my opinion, that someone even took the time to look at my posts and comment, even if only generic, is something I appreciate.

    Also, I'm not losing weight for someone else; I'm losing it for me. If I'm relying on comments from others (mostly strangers) on MFP as my support system, I am doomed to failure - the motivation has to come from within (and from friends out in the real world who really know you). How can you really be accountable or get genuine encouragement from someone you don't know and whom you can delete or be deleted by at any time?

    Just my thoughts.

    I agree, well put!
  • cathiaflock
    cathiaflock Posts: 112 Member
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    Shell:

    I know how you feel. I try to be very encouraging even if it's little comments but if I need motivation myself nobody says a word. It is disheartening. Though yesterday I posted that I had failed cause I only did 15 min of my workout and my body hurt so bad and I have arthritis in my shoulder; so I posted it on my FB and didn't care for the responses I received from my friends on there; especially when they say themselves you have to listen to your body. Nobody on MFP responded is my point. Sometimes you just need people to be encouraging or motivating at the right time. So sorry to hear that nobody is responding to your posts.
  • beaches222
    beaches222 Posts: 437 Member
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    Motivation really helps so much! Feel free to add me. I try to give motivation as i want it given as well. It helps me so much!!
  • destinedwi
    destinedwi Posts: 11
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    I try to add comments like way to go or good job when people lose weight, not if they are under calories or something like that. I do find it frustrating when i comment and then they never do.
  • sunrise611
    sunrise611 Posts: 1,850 Member
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    The best thing you can do is to type comments on your home page for others to respond to and to occasionally post on their pages. Ask questions, wave hello or something to let them know you're thinking of them. Usually, you will some receive feedback.

    I hide the stuff that no one needs to see like when I type on someone's page or when I exercise (since my burns are pretty low and unimpressive compared to many others anyway) and when I close out my food diary. My food diary and exercises are open for my friends to read any time they want; I just don't announce them.

    Too many announcements add clutter to your profile page that people that stop by have to weed through. I like them to be able to read more interesting daily stuff in addition to the profile page that tells about you.

    You can turn off announcements in your Settings (from the My Home page). Keep it active and informative.
  • leannehoggdodd
    leannehoggdodd Posts: 59
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    I need encouragement badly on weekends - I am so good through the week and then suddenly soon as it gets to friday all this red wine appears and I am weak!!

    I agree you should loose weight for yourself but its also great to get motivation from people in the same boat, I have re-started my weight loss 3 weeks ago and have lost 9 pound and it really.is being on here which is keeping me motivated.

    X
  • aqm22
    aqm22 Posts: 153 Member
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    I admit that sometimes I don't always comment. I tend to go through phases where I comment more or less. However, I have noticed that I tend to comment more on the status things that people write over the completed diary posts/exercise posts unless I have some type of question.

    lol, same here. I never know what to say when commenting on diary completion...I hate responding with just WGT or good job. It seems so insincere.

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