Missing out on stuff because of weight issues

missallenxox
missallenxox Posts: 175 Member
in Motivation and Support
i am just wondering if anyone else has felt/blamed their weight problem/insecurities for not doing things. it sounds even more pathetic when i say it out loud, but its true. i have used it as a comfort zone in a way being so insecure (not comforting at all really) and choosing to not try or accomplish my real goals. please tell me someone else out there does this? but why do we????

Replies

  • sharleengc
    sharleengc Posts: 792 Member
    I used to be that way...or I used it as an excuse to not even try or give it my best. I understand how it is but once you concur that feeling, it's amazing!

    For example...my husband and I did a 65mile hike through the Bob Marshall Wilderness in the Rocky Mountains up to the Continental Divide. If you had told me, even a year ago that I would have done that, I would have laughed in your face.

    We are also completing our first 3k race this year...that's HUGE too
  • Gettingt0125
    Gettingt0125 Posts: 7
    I've used my weight as a protection at different points in my life - college (I was afraid of guys!) and now (I was afraid of my boyfriend - I gained 15 lbs when we were together). Now that I am heavier than I want to be, I sometimes feel like I don't want to go out, or do things wtih others because I don't have anything to wear that fits me. It keeps me home and safe and hiding, risk free, but losing out on life.
  • SandysNewLife
    SandysNewLife Posts: 87 Member
    many many times ! for years I had the hubby go in the pool with the kids so I wouldnt need to put a suit on. I avoided anything with rides, avoided seeing people I hadnt seen since I gained weight, avoided things with a lot of stairs or walking... Im sure there is a lot more
  • fitmommy75
    fitmommy75 Posts: 50 Member
    I realized two years ago that life was getting away from me. I was always active in high school and college and then I ballooned after I got married and had kids. It took me about 18 months to lose 86 pounds, but during that time I have found myself. I love to run, play outside with my kids and just feel more confident about ME! I can do whatever is out there. Good luck on your journey.
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
    I want to be a personal trainer, but I won't get my license because I tell myself no one wants to work with an overweight trainer.
  • kreeestal4
    kreeestal4 Posts: 10
    Hi, I still do this and in many ways i always hold myself back. I dont do fun things or even try like horseback riding, riding rollercoasters, go to public swimming places. I kist dont b/c i ashamed and i have had the embaressment of being told i was to big to ride a rollercoaster. In many ways i think about it and feel so ashamed of myself and hate myself. But this past may we went to universal studios and being a huge harry potter fan i still did not try the rides and missed out on almost the whole theme park experience, thats what made me get motivated i cant hold myself back anymore and i need to get to a point in my life to enjoy the better things. Good luck
  • sdpf507
    sdpf507 Posts: 2
    Yes....I do this all the time. It is just easier (in the short run) to hide away. I don't want to take a chance of seeing anyone who knew me when I was thin. I feel like a big fat failure. How did I let this happen? But I also feel encouraged when I know that other people have been where I am and have fought their way back out into the world. I am hopeful and know that I can do it too..
  • kreeestal4
    kreeestal4 Posts: 10
    I would, why because Im so self consious about my own weight and going to someone whos fit and perfectly cut abs makes me feel like an even bigger blob. Its nice to know someone can sympathize. You should get it.
  • minikhan95
    minikhan95 Posts: 52 Member
    I do this a lot as well! Especially at parties and social gatherings! I wouldn't say I'm overtly obese because I have a normal, healthy BMI but I still get reprimanded on a daily basis for not being a size negative 500! In my culture, being above 110 lbs at my age is considered over weight. I hate that because I don't understand how a few 23 extra pounds makes me hideous! But to sum it up, basically I still feel this way ALL the time! I'm there with-cha sista, if you need any moral support, I'm your gal! (:
  • jiddu17
    jiddu17 Posts: 187 Member
    Absolutely. all kinds of things: Swimming is a HUGE one. I used to LOVE swimming. I've wanted to try a few things, but was scared off by my weight. the biggest one, though, is the saddest one, for me.

    When I was in high school, I was not a huge girl, more like a very womanly body (but didn't know it at the time) and I was a part of the drama program all four years. I lacked the confidence to go after the things I really wanted, because I assumed, as the fat girl, I would fail (mostly because I had been rejected in MULTIPLE situations because I was the fat girl). Anyway, after high school, ALL I wanted to do was attend a Performing Arts school. Money was an issue, of course, I had no guidance on how to pay for it. But, I got all of the letters and transcripts I needed, but never sent them in. I wanted it so badly, it would have destroyed me if I had been rejected. And I was sure I would be. Fast forward - I still PAINFULLY regret not going. I DID go to Broadcast school because I figured I could still be funny, and get people's attention, but no one would have to look at me. As they say, I felt I had a face for radio. that career hasn't really panned out either, again, lack of confidence in my abilities, but I notice my confidence building back up with every ten pounds I lose. Maybe one day, I can undo all of my regrets.
  • missallenxox
    missallenxox Posts: 175 Member
    I havent been home to see any family for 4 years... they see pictures on FB of course but obviously i hide it pretty good. i was super athletic at home, and had some eating problems. my dad really pushed the skinny girl look on me and i have been afraid to face him the way i am. its pretty sad , i bet they wouldnt care as much as i do inside. I am really ashamed that this is my way of thinking. I have good reasoning and i know this is all created with miy head.i have really tried to push myself out of my comfort zone. There is improvement, but i have a long way to go to build my confidence back up.
  • Treece68
    Treece68 Posts: 780 Member
    I do know that once I get down about 80lbs I'm going to Six Flags and I'm going to ride the hell out of some roller coasters!!!!!
  • Treece68
    Treece68 Posts: 780 Member
    Absolutely. all kinds of things: Swimming is a HUGE one. I used to LOVE swimming. I've wanted to try a few things, but was scared off by my weight. the biggest one, though, is the saddest one, for me.

    When I was in high school, I was not a huge girl, more like a very womanly body (but didn't know it at the time) and I was a part of the drama program all four years. I lacked the confidence to go after the things I really wanted, because I assumed, as the fat girl, I would fail (mostly because I had been rejected in MULTIPLE situations because I was the fat girl). Anyway, after high school, ALL I wanted to do was attend a Performing Arts school. Money was an issue, of course, I had no guidance on how to pay for it. But, I got all of the letters and transcripts I needed, but never sent them in. I wanted it so badly, it would have destroyed me if I had been rejected. And I was sure I would be. Fast forward - I still PAINFULLY regret not going. I DID go to Broadcast school because I figured I could still be funny, and get people's attention, but no one would have to look at me. As they say, I felt I had a face for radio. that career hasn't really panned out either, again, lack of confidence in my abilities, but I notice my confidence building back up with every ten pounds I lose. Maybe one day, I can undo all of my regrets.

    You should try out for some local plays even if you don't get a big role maybe you will get in the choir or as towns person 1
    I did plays in high school and when it was costume fitting time I was always so embarrassed I was a size 16-18 and they hardly had anything that fit me so they had to borrow things from the local CC sometimes I even had to provide my own but I still did it and it's never to late for you to do it too.
  • jiddu17
    jiddu17 Posts: 187 Member
    Absolutely. all kinds of things: Swimming is a HUGE one. I used to LOVE swimming. I've wanted to try a few things, but was scared off by my weight. the biggest one, though, is the saddest one, for me.

    When I was in high school, I was not a huge girl, more like a very womanly body (but didn't know it at the time) and I was a part of the drama program all four years. I lacked the confidence to go after the things I really wanted, because I assumed, as the fat girl, I would fail (mostly because I had been rejected in MULTIPLE situations because I was the fat girl). Anyway, after high school, ALL I wanted to do was attend a Performing Arts school. Money was an issue, of course, I had no guidance on how to pay for it. But, I got all of the letters and transcripts I needed, but never sent them in. I wanted it so badly, it would have destroyed me if I had been rejected. And I was sure I would be. Fast forward - I still PAINFULLY regret not going. I DID go to Broadcast school because I figured I could still be funny, and get people's attention, but no one would have to look at me. As they say, I felt I had a face for radio. that career hasn't really panned out either, again, lack of confidence in my abilities, but I notice my confidence building back up with every ten pounds I lose. Maybe one day, I can undo all of my regrets.

    You should try out for some local plays even if you don't get a big role maybe you will get in the choir or as towns person 1
    I did plays in high school and when it was costume fitting time I was always so embarrassed I was a size 16-18 and they hardly had anything that fit me so they had to borrow things from the local CC sometimes I even had to provide my own but I still did it and it's never to late for you to do it too.

    Oh, I know how I could back into the swing of it, but I've still lost so much of my confidence, I can't do it just yet. In high school, we always had to create our own costumes. Our theater department was ignored (Football, football, FOOTBALL!!!!! And girls basketball). Luckily, I am on air enough to get the attention I crave. Lol.We've got Jeff Daniels Purple Rose Theater within about 1/2 hour from my house, that is one of my goals. Just have to do a few other things before I can prioritize it.
  • Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt
    Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt Posts: 226 Member
    Yeah, I've had that issue. I'm less so now, but I think I do let my weight get in the way of my doing things. Like dancing in public - just one bump into a person and I think I'm too big for the crowd and need to go shy off in a corner somewhere. Or taking a hike or bike ride with friends, because I'm afraid I'll hold them all back while they wait to catch up with me (although that's a pretty reasonable fear, since it's happened before - but then they wouldn't invite me to go if they didn't honestly want me to try, right?) Playing sports with my kids (fearing they'll get teased for having a fat mom - which has also happened). Then, on a deeper level, there's a part of myself that doesn't want to be attractive to other men - to the point where slimming down actually scares me a little. That stems from some past trauma, and I've gone through a lot of counseling to try and get past that fear, since I know it's been the cause of a lot of stop-and-go dieting in my past. The strength training is really helping me get past that fear. The more physically strong I feel, the less vunerable I feel as I slim down. Boxing and practicing Tae Kwon Do forms with my daughter help that, especially.

    Then there's stuff I know it's NOT safe to do at my current weight, and I very much want to do (and look forward to doing when I get down about 100 lbs.). Horseback riding, for instance. Or fitting into roller coasters. Or bungee jumping. I have an adventurous spirit under this big blanket o'fat, and it needs to break free! I feel like this is really the time I'm going to make that happen. To really let myself live, instead of just survive this life. It's just time.
  • Treece68
    Treece68 Posts: 780 Member
    Absolutely. all kinds of things: Swimming is a HUGE one. I used to LOVE swimming. I've wanted to try a few things, but was scared off by my weight. the biggest one, though, is the saddest one, for me.

    When I was in high school, I was not a huge girl, more like a very womanly body (but didn't know it at the time) and I was a part of the drama program all four years. I lacked the confidence to go after the things I really wanted, because I assumed, as the fat girl, I would fail (mostly because I had been rejected in MULTIPLE situations because I was the fat girl). Anyway, after high school, ALL I wanted to do was attend a Performing Arts school. Money was an issue, of course, I had no guidance on how to pay for it. But, I got all of the letters and transcripts I needed, but never sent them in. I wanted it so badly, it would have destroyed me if I had been rejected. And I was sure I would be. Fast forward - I still PAINFULLY regret not going. I DID go to Broadcast school because I figured I could still be funny, and get people's attention, but no one would have to look at me. As they say, I felt I had a face for radio. that career hasn't really panned out either, again, lack of confidence in my abilities, but I notice my confidence building back up with every ten pounds I lose. Maybe one day, I can undo all of my regrets.

    You should try out for some local plays even if you don't get a big role maybe you will get in the choir or as towns person 1
    I did plays in high school and when it was costume fitting time I was always so embarrassed I was a size 16-18 and they hardly had anything that fit me so they had to borrow things from the local CC sometimes I even had to provide my own but I still did it and it's never to late for you to do it too.

    Oh, I know how I could back into the swing of it, but I've still lost so much of my confidence, I can't do it just yet. In high school, we always had to create our own costumes. Our theater department was ignored (Football, football, FOOTBALL!!!!! And girls basketball). Luckily, I am on air enough to get the attention I crave. Lol.We've got Jeff Daniels Purple Rose Theater within about 1/2 hour from my house, that is one of my goals. Just have to do a few other things before I can prioritize it.

    If we lived in the same town I would try out for a play with you
  • jiddu17
    jiddu17 Posts: 187 Member
    Absolutely. all kinds of things: Swimming is a HUGE one. I used to LOVE swimming. I've wanted to try a few things, but was scared off by my weight. the biggest one, though, is the saddest one, for me.

    When I was in high school, I was not a huge girl, more like a very womanly body (but didn't know it at the time) and I was a part of the drama program all four years. I lacked the confidence to go after the things I really wanted, because I assumed, as the fat girl, I would fail (mostly because I had been rejected in MULTIPLE situations because I was the fat girl). Anyway, after high school, ALL I wanted to do was attend a Performing Arts school. Money was an issue, of course, I had no guidance on how to pay for it. But, I got all of the letters and transcripts I needed, but never sent them in. I wanted it so badly, it would have destroyed me if I had been rejected. And I was sure I would be. Fast forward - I still PAINFULLY regret not going. I DID go to Broadcast school because I figured I could still be funny, and get people's attention, but no one would have to look at me. As they say, I felt I had a face for radio. that career hasn't really panned out either, again, lack of confidence in my abilities, but I notice my confidence building back up with every ten pounds I lose. Maybe one day, I can undo all of my regrets.

    You should try out for some local plays even if you don't get a big role maybe you will get in the choir or as towns person 1
    I did plays in high school and when it was costume fitting time I was always so embarrassed I was a size 16-18 and they hardly had anything that fit me so they had to borrow things from the local CC sometimes I even had to provide my own but I still did it and it's never to late for you to do it too.

    Oh, I know how I could back into the swing of it, but I've still lost so much of my confidence, I can't do it just yet. In high school, we always had to create our own costumes. Our theater department was ignored (Football, football, FOOTBALL!!!!! And girls basketball). Luckily, I am on air enough to get the attention I crave. Lol.We've got Jeff Daniels Purple Rose Theater within about 1/2 hour from my house, that is one of my goals. Just have to do a few other things before I can prioritize it.

    If we lived in the same town I would try out for a play with you

    Aw :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I quit dating for a decade.
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
    avoided seeing people I hadnt seen since I gained weight

    This.

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