Therapeutic purposes

I don't know that I care for anyone to read these. But I think keeping track of my mental preparation and mental journey will help me reflect on my skewed perspective of food. This is definitely a spiritual journey for me. I find great peace and comfort in junk food. It's embarrassing but I have a relationship with food that has been so harmful to me. I know the times in my life when I have put on the most weight are those times that I feel without purpose or comfort. So if I find my purpose in Christ and my comfort in the joy of the Lord I know that I can overcome this ridiculous obsession with over-consumption. I have a personal trainer and a personal dietitian on board and they have been helping me since AUGUST! And I am still tipping toward 300 pounds. I don't know if I have ever been this big or if I was that I cared. I get so aggrevated with my body image. I catch myself in the mirror and I just have these pouches of fat under my chin. I layer my colthes. On the fourth of July. I wear a bathing suit under my clothes regularly. I don't say these things to pity myself, I am merely stating the facts and my aggrevation regarding them. So I want to not be uncomfortable in my own skin. My therapist suggested I look at myself and say "I like this. I will work on this, etc..." Not to look at myself and pinch my fat hoping that I can pinch it off like a cellulitic pimple. There are things I like. I like my face. I like my hair. I like my ankles. The rest of me needs work. And that's what I plan on doing. Working on the rest of me. Starting with my mind. I am cutting out fast food. Altogether. McDonald's has an awesome Southwest Chicken Salad but an even better Angus Burger. and I'm talking about the meal deal. Not just the burger. So I think it would be in my body and heart's best interest just to skip the drive-thru altogether. So far, today has been excellent. My dietitian has me on 1800 cals. per day and MFP says I can eat 2330. That was nice to hear. But I think I can stay in the 1800 range. It'll take work but I know I can do it. So far so good. Let's hope dinner is a success. I have faith that it will be because I can do all things through Christ. Including controlling my addiction. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to live today and your new mercies that wake me in the morning. Amen and amen.