when people call you fat

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Thaton
Thaton Posts: 12 Member
in Motivation and Support
Last year i lost some weight, and during winter i managed to gain most of it back. I only realised this today when i was taking pictures with my friend. My sister came home for the long weekend today and the first thing she says is "wow you are soooo fat". I just ran(something i haven't done in a while) to the bathroom and started crying. Why did it hurt less when i acknowledged i was fat, yet it felt like someone stabbing me when my sister did the same? I also feel like a failure for gaining back the weight, please help me!!! I don't ever want to be called fat ever again

Replies

  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Because when we tell ourselves that we are fat, we have a filter (called denial) that allows us to separate the word from what it really means.

    When someone else says it, it catches you by surprise.

    Time to stop being fat.

    Today.

    Tomorrow, you'll be fit just because you've started living an active lifestyle. fit-minded. goal-oriented. evolution in progress.

    not fat.

    on your way....

    5133274_2950.jpg
  • porffor
    porffor Posts: 1,212 Member
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    I agree about the catch you by surprise part. It cuts to the core - I've been there, even had verbal abuse on an escalator in london from a stranger once.. I gave as good as I got though I tell ya, but boy it cut me hard to know he was talking the truth - just I didn't agree with him being unkind and humiliating me.

    All you can do is recognise what YOU don't like about yourself, be it your life or your body and start changing it.. not for anyone other than you!

    I'm not religious but I do believe we should make the most of what we have, not defer till tomorrow. As much as humanly possible anyway! lol
  • Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt
    Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt Posts: 226 Member
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    I remember a saying someone told me - "Hurt people hurt people." For someone to be pointing out your flaws for no reason, KNOWING how hurtful it is, they have to be harboring some demons of their own. Some flaw they'd rather not see, so they focus on pointing out everyone elses, even if it hurts them. When someone calls you fat, whether it's friends/family/total strangers, don't blame yourself for it - see it as a defect of theirs, for immaturely using you as a crutch for not being able to focus on their own problems.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    Because when we tell ourselves that we are fat, we have a filter (called denial) that allows us to separate the word from what it really means.

    When someone else says it, it catches you by surprise.

    Time to stop being fat.

    Today.

    Tomorrow, you'll be fit just because you've started living an active lifestyle. fit-minded. goal-oriented. evolution in progress.

    not fat.

    on your way....

    5133274_2950.jpg
    ^^This. There's a reason why this girl has lost 90 lbs and kept it off.

    Just sayin.
  • supergirlie00
    supergirlie00 Posts: 169
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    I agree with the surprise factor of someone calling you fat. Fat is a harsh and ugly word (in my opinion) and family members tend to be very blunt with each other and tell you what others are thinking but won't say. My family is the same way, they don't hold back! Although I would of probably reacted in a similar manner (who want's to be told they are fat?) maybe look at it as a motivator, we all know the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Keep your head up high and best of luck to you!
  • PANZERIA
    PANZERIA Posts: 471 Member
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    The last time I went up to visit with my mother (and I mean, the LAST time...we don't speak anymore, but for other reasons), I got off the plane and the FIRST thing out of her mouth (she was drunk) was "Holy CRAP! You weren't kidding when you said you gained weight!"

    That was my breaking point, and my starting point. Yep. I was hurt. Yep. It took all of my willpower not to run away crying.

    I started going to the gym, and my mom would say to me "Monique, you should be a model right now with the amount you work out and how little you eat. You may as well give up. I'm fat, your aunt is fat, you're fat. That's just the way it is."

    But for the last four years, I have changed my diet, and I regularly exercise 5-6 days per week. Now, I am the FITTEST of my friends and the envy of my family in terms of physical fitness.

    Change it around on them. Make yourself a machine. Use it as motivation.

    YES. You are ALLOWED to be hurt. Yes. You are ALLOWED to cry. Those are your emotions and no one can tell you how you should and should not feel. Take a few days to really realize what's going on, and don't talk yourself out of it. Really make a plan. Talk with your family and your friends and lay down ground rules for your new lifestyle. Do research, figure out what exactly you need to change in your life, and do it.

    Use it as motivation and start a new life! This is a new beginning, and this website is incredibly supportive. It's amazing what a few small changes can do to make your life better.
  • Krissy366
    Krissy366 Posts: 458 Member
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    Last year i lost some weight, and during winter i managed to gain most of it back. I only realised this today when i was taking pictures with my friend. My sister came home for the long weekend today and the first thing she says is "wow you are soooo fat". I just ran(something i haven't done in a while) to the bathroom and started crying. Why did it hurt less when i acknowledged i was fat, yet it felt like someone stabbing me when my sister did the same? I also feel like a failure for gaining back the weight, please help me!!! I don't ever want to be called fat ever again

    Call me a 5 year old, but I think I would have replied with, "And you're so ugly." I agree with the other posts about why it hurts to hear it from someone else even if you have admitted it to yourself, but I'd take it a step further and say that rudeness from anyone directed at me always upsets me, and your sister was quite rude.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,082 Member
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    We all want people to love us, or at least treat us well.

    This starts with treating ourselves well. No one can love you the way you do.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    One of my older brothers would call me fat all the time or tell me that I'd be the ugliest one at whatever event/party/bar/club we happened to be going to.

    Know what I did? I got in shape. I used it as motivation and worked hard. Now I'm probably in better shape than him even though he just got out of the marine corps over a year ago and I'm a smoker.

    I also cut his a** out of my life and don't have to deal with his toxic attitude/behavior anymore.

    Edited to add: I wasn't even "fat" at the time. I was just a little overweight at 157lbs at 5'7.
  • supergirlie00
    supergirlie00 Posts: 169
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    The last time I went up to visit with my mother (and I mean, the LAST time...we don't speak anymore, but for other reasons), I got off the plane and the FIRST thing out of her mouth (she was drunk) was "Holy CRAP! You weren't kidding when you said you gained weight!"

    That was my breaking point, and my starting point. Yep. I was hurt. Yep. It took all of my willpower not to run away crying.

    I started going to the gym, and my mom would say to me "Monique, you should be a model right now with the amount you work out and how little you eat. You may as well give up. I'm fat, your aunt is fat, you're fat. That's just the way it is."

    But for the last four years, I have changed my diet, and I regularly exercise 5-6 days per week. Now, I am the FITTEST of my friends and the envy of my family in terms of physical fitness.

    Change it around on them. Make yourself a machine. Use it as motivation.

    YES. You are ALLOWED to be hurt. Yes. You are ALLOWED to cry. Those are your emotions and no one can tell you how you should and should not feel. Take a few days to really realize what's going on, and don't talk yourself out of it. Really make a plan. Talk with your family and your friends and lay down ground rules for your new lifestyle. Do research, figure out what exactly you need to change in your life, and do it.

    Use it as motivation and start a new life! This is a new beginning, and this website is incredibly supportive. It's amazing what a few small changes can do to make your life better.

    Family members can be SO insensitive! It's really awesome to see you take that negative into a positive! Go you!! :drinker:

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