Can you believe it?

I just keep pushing myself!! I still have a hard time fathoming that I went from getting caught cheating when the trainer made us run around the block during a group session, to completing a full Marathon in one year!! I run now 4/5 days a week, lift 3/4 days a week, and spin 3 days a week. I love my life and the structure I have put myself into, but still don't see the "fit" person that all my workout group sees... I catch myself staring at this person in the mirror at the gym, watching their muscle movements and thinking "that's some pretty good definition" but I don't always realize it's ME I'm looking at.

I keep going hoping that one day, I will wake up and recognize this person as ME, but for now, we call her BADASS BARLOW, until I can fully accept the character, I just pretend I'm that person I think LOL.

I know, not helpful at all, but I like to play the game with myself ;P

A full marathon?! Congrats! I am hoping to complete a half marathon by next summer, but it might be more of the distance than an actual one as my husband and I are getting stationed in Japan and besides the running club and my own running, I'm not sure how much else there will be as far as races. I've been running a loop that is very similar to the one we had to run for our high school gym test....almost the exact path and just a bit further. I walked most of it in high school and what I didn't walk, one of my friends carried me piggy back for it. Now I run it 4-5 days a week. I just started running without the C25K program about a week and a half ago when I finished my first 5K and just ran my own distances for week 8.

When i think of myself going to the gym and working out on the elliptical or doing a strength training routine...I know that is me. But for some reason, I can't accept myself as a runner. I consider myself one, but when I look in the mirror, I don't see it. I guess 23 years of thinking you can never do something really weighs in on you...alright, maybe only 10 years, but STILL. I run at night so the whole day I sit there and never believe I'm going to go out and do it...but I couldn't imagine not doing it. So then I go out and run and get home feeling accomplished and tired and the next morning it starts again. My brain can't comprehend my body is doing it!

I feel like I do the same thing with the character thing. It is more like "alternate universe Ashlin". My husband tells me how badass I'm becoming with my running and weight loss and how proud he is and my manage at work who is a huge running enthusiast is the same way. I even FEEL badass after I run, but I can't accept that it is ME accomplishing it.