I Don't Buy Junk But the People I live With Do

I can be a very disciplined person, but I only have so much will power. I realize that my weight was best controlled when I lived alone. When I moved in with my mom a few years ago, I started to pack on the pounds. Moving out of her place to live with my husband helped somewhat since I controlled the meals. But he is constantly bringing home foods that derail my diet. Once he brought home a half a sheet cake, like the one's you see in the birthday cake section. He said he felt like cake. How am I supposed to walk past a big birthday cake for days and days without getting a piece. My husband is fit, he works out a lot and eats pretty much what he wants. He thinks that exercise should be enough for me too. He hates when I don't make him sweets and other fatty dishes because he says he's not on a diet.

I also have to stay with my mom sometimes due to work since she lives closer. She makes it so hard. The other day she fries and breads chicken breast and when I say that I'm trying to avoid fried foods, her response I only used a little bit of oil. She calls me as I'm getting off work and asks me to bring her back some White Castle. Now I have to go to White Castle order her food and drive back with it. Amazingly I didn't get any, but still there she is constantly putting me in this position. Bring me an Entermann's Cake, pick me up some ice cream AGGGH.

I try not to buy things or bring foods into the house that would cause temptation, but since I don't live alone I can't seem to get others in my life to get how hard they are making this for me. I'm only human. Anyone else in the same position?

Replies

  • sissyr75
    sissyr75 Posts: 24
    Yes, I am right there with you. My daughter and I live with my parents and my sister. I have asked over and over if we could all eat healthier and not have so much chunck food in the house. I am trying to stay away from that and am also trying to get my daughter to eat better. We are both very picky as it is so its very hard. I also believe that if my dad eats healthier or controls his portions, his diabetes would either be better or go away.

    I have food stamps and I buy most of my food seperate. I will occaisonally help out and buy food to feed the whole family. I have put my foot down and said no more. If I can't get you all to eat healthier than I am using my FS to buy nothing but mine and my daughter's food. My mom "claims" that is fine with her, but the other day, I bought my daughter one of those peanut butter/apple treats that you find in the produce area. Well we came home and everyone had a fit cuz we didn't get any for the rest of the family!!!

    I also hear complaints that because my daughter and I are to picky, that they can't eat things they like cuz we always have to eat something that she and i will eat with the family. I have said at any time they want to fix something we don't like, go ahead and she and I will make do. I have Rocco Dispirtos cookbook and I have asked to fix some things out of there. Well my mom says that we can't because its not enough portions for my dad. I am so tired of hearing that.

    Sadly, though, due to the economy we have to live with them for now.
  • Katahna
    Katahna Posts: 326 Member
    Well, first off there needs to be a realisation that food is sustinance, full stop.

    It should be no issue who eats what, so long as you are looking after yourself and your daughter.


    I would recommend finding a way to educate the rest of your family as to WHY you make these decisions, and explain that it is ONLY sustinance, it is nothing more, nothing less.
  • ShyFeather
    ShyFeather Posts: 138 Member
    I'm pretty much stuck living at my parent's house until I graduate (I don't want a pile of loans for living expenses after all) so I have to deal with this as well. My mother is probably the biggest problem. She is always sending me out to buy her candy or wine or some other junk food. Irony: her doctor told her she has to lose weight... It depresses me that she doesn't even try.

    The one good thing is that my sister is also living a healthier lifestyle so I at least have an ally in the house.
  • dittmarml
    dittmarml Posts: 359 Member
    The only thing I can suggest is to confront it directly - which it sounds like both of you have tried to do - but try the following:

    1) Ask for a family meeting
    2) Explain that you have made a change in the way you eat and that this change is as important to you as getting a college degree, or a new job, or raising a child to make good choices in life (these are just examples - whatever resonates in your family)
    3) Propose how you would like to go about it, but it will help if you can buy the food and prepare it yourself. Also say that you do not want to pick up food for people that will tempt you to go off your diet - it's like someone telling you you don't need to study or can forget about raising the child, she'll raise herself, or...(again, whatever would work in your family).
    4) Tell people that you want to offer whatever you're making to others and if it makes sense to buy things together and share in each other's meal planning you would love that.
    5) Ask for feedback, and encourage cooperation when it pops up. Make it clear your decision is about your choices not about dictating terms to anyone else.

    But whatever you do - it's you who has to come up with the plan - you who needs to present it, and you who needs to gently stick by it, including sometimes doing things (sticking to your guns) at the risk of upsetting folks.

    This is never easy - perhaps other people will have other ideas. It's key to both explain how important this is to you, how willing you are to work with other household members to work things out, and to set boundaries and stick to them. Then be prepared to have to continue to gently "train" your household, reminding them about the discussion.

    Good luck!
  • It's the same thing here. My boyfriend is standing by me to help me lose weight, but he doesn't need to lose weight, he is naturally muscular/skinny. For the longest time I would buy 2 sets of groceries, healthy for me, regular food for him and my son. Now that he is having health issues, he is slowly changing his habits. But basically I think the other folks have to learn for themselves what we go through on a daily basis with food. Food for us is an addiction like drugs to an addict are. Unless they have the addiction, they will never understand our battle. I have since started losing weight again now that we are all on the same food plans. Only thing I can say is wait it out until you are able to get on your own again. Your progress will be slower, but slow and steady wins the race.
  • SpazzyMal
    SpazzyMal Posts: 291
    While much can be done a lot of the time if you talk to people and make sure they truly understand where you are coming from, there is also something to be said about this: you cannot control other people, and if you try too much, ultimately it will drive a wedge between you and them and resentment will foster. Remember, however, that you ARE in control of you. And guess what? You CAN do this. Good luck!
  • TyFit08
    TyFit08 Posts: 799 Member
    I have had the conversation with my husband and with my mom time and time again but at seems like after a few days they go back to status quo. My husband acts as if I'm depriving him by not cooking some of the richer meals that he enjoys. The problem is I really enjoy them too and my self-control around some of these foods isn't 100%. What really bothers me is when my husband or my mom see me give in to temptation, they are quick to say you shouldn't be eating that, that's not on your diet. Well you brought it into the house. What do you expect. While I was staying with my mom last week she baked a cake. Keep in mind she already had 2 Enterman's cakes and a bag of Chips Ahoy, but still she baked a cake. She saw me getting a slice and had something to say. I said the sooner I eat it, the sooner it will be gone and I don't have to look at it.

    It is hard when some things are so engrained in people. I grew up with dessert after dinner. Always. My mother always bought lots of snacks. My husband also has a serious sweet tooth and believes its a great way to finish off dinner. I love sweets too, but when I don't have them I don't desire them. But when I see it, I want it. I just can't win
  • Your decision to eat healthy has no bearing on how those around you decide to eat. If you force them to only keep foods in the house you can eat you will make things harder on them. It comes down to self control and if you can't control yourself that doesn't mean the people around you should have to suffer. My husband eats junk sometimes but that's him and I won't try to control or dictate his diet. Sorry if I come across rude but I get annoyed when people think the world should stop just because they choose to eat healthy.
  • TyFit08
    TyFit08 Posts: 799 Member
    I don't want to dictate anyone else's diet, but there is being supportive and being inconsiderate. My husband wanting a slice a cake, no big deal. Buy a slice a cake. But no he brings home a chocolate cake that can feed 20 and its just the two of us. When I stay with my mom for work she keeps trying to force fried foods and sweets on me. I don't mind running her errands when I'm there, but picking up fast food or entermann's cakes aren't exactly what I had in mind, yet she doesn't see how this could impact my journey. Sometimes I just want to go be by myself for a few months until I lose this weight. Losing weight is hard, limiting or eliminating junk food can be even harder. When the people around you aren't being supportive with their actions, it makes it that much harder.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Well, this does have to be a lifestyle change, not a diet. Instead of saying I cannot eat this or that, eat just very small quantities of those things and log it as part of your calories for the day. But supplement with lots of veggies and fruits. Also I don't know how much you are exercising, but of course you can eat more calories when you are exercising more.
  • londoneye
    londoneye Posts: 192 Member
    I don't want to dictate anyone else's diet, but there is being supportive and being inconsiderate. My husband wanting a slice a cake, no big deal. Buy a slice a cake. But no he brings home a chocolate cake that can feed 20 and its just the two of us. When I stay with my mom for work she keeps trying to force fried foods and sweets on me. I don't mind running her errands when I'm there, but picking up fast food or entermann's cakes aren't exactly what I had in mind, yet she doesn't see how this could impact my journey. Sometimes I just want to go be by myself for a few months until I lose this weight. Losing weight is hard, limiting or eliminating junk food can be even harder. When the people around you aren't being supportive with their actions, it makes it that much harder.

    How about this (disclaimer: I've never tried it, it's just an idea): You clear a cupboard and a drawer in the fridge for your husband to put his treats in. The deal is this: he doesn't tell you what's in there, and you don't look. For you, the cupboard and drawer don't exist, they're off limits. Out of sight, out of mind! It's like there are certain sections of the supermarket that are NOT FOR ME. I don't even look at them so I won't be tempted.

    Could this be a compromise solution?
  • TyFit08
    TyFit08 Posts: 799 Member
    I don't want to dictate anyone else's diet, but there is being supportive and being inconsiderate. My husband wanting a slice a cake, no big deal. Buy a slice a cake. But no he brings home a chocolate cake that can feed 20 and its just the two of us. When I stay with my mom for work she keeps trying to force fried foods and sweets on me. I don't mind running her errands when I'm there, but picking up fast food or entermann's cakes aren't exactly what I had in mind, yet she doesn't see how this could impact my journey. Sometimes I just want to go be by myself for a few months until I lose this weight. Losing weight is hard, limiting or eliminating junk food can be even harder. When the people around you aren't being supportive with their actions, it makes it that much harder.

    How about this (disclaimer: I've never tried it, it's just an idea): You clear a cupboard and a drawer in the fridge for your husband to put his treats in. The deal is this: he doesn't tell you what's in there, and you don't look. For you, the cupboard and drawer don't exist, they're off limits. Out of sight, out of mind! It's like there are certain sections of the supermarket that are NOT FOR ME. I don't even look at them so I won't be tempted.

    Could this be a compromise solution?

    I like that, hopefully I can get him on board. It's crazy when I think about how I was a size 4 or 6 all the years I lived alone. I never realized how easily influenced I am until I had to deal with others and their eating habits which in turn affected mine and next thing I knew I had gained fifty lbs. Some days my willpower is very strong, other days not so much. I need to work on that.
  • MichelleL2016
    MichelleL2016 Posts: 21 Member
    My whole family is like that. They are all overweight too, but they don't want to change. So instead of feeling helpless and just giving in like I always used to, I just kept saying no even though sometimes it was pretty hard. It is a lot easier now then it used to be. They learned that I wasn't going to cave so they have quit asking me or bringing the foods around me...Sometimes I do give in, but I make sure that I don't eat too much...you can't expect to ALWAYS say no :)
  • I'm having the same problem. I've always been of healthy weight, and somewhat under. I always had digestive issues. When I got married, his habits rubbed off on me. I started experiencing IBS C and yeast/candida on a monthly basis. Doc said eliminate sugar and wheat gluten, though I'm not diabetic. I never ate a lot of sugar before, so I knew i had issues but I didn't know it was these things that was causing it until I got married. Meaning I indulged on sugar and things that contained wheat gluten which, unbeknownst, were the very things poisoning me. It was a blessing/curse scenario: now I know why I have digestion/candia, but now it's out of control. Through the use of this site, I got the IBS under control, but the sugar is another thing altogether.

    His family has diabetes - although he's in good shape - and so you'd think he'd be more sympathetic. Yes, I agree that it's my issue only, but in sickness and health and all, well, it would be nice if he could be supportive. Recently, I asked him to remove the truckloads of snickers, milky ways, nestle crunches, and peppermint patties from the house. He managed to give a lot away to trick or treaters, but I asked him if he could take it to work. The answer was no. Like some said here, I guess they just don't realize that this is like alcoholism. It's really hard to control and the temptation on a grand scale is not only tempting but depressing. It saddens and depresses me that I'm not normal. But it's not like I said, "Don't eat it," I said, "Please, take it away."

    Look, I don't blame him, but if I can't get my health under control, and he's a part of the reason, then I gotta go elsewhere. I went to him for help because I need support because I'm failing, and his response was, "I'm not forcing you to eat it." But he is making life harder for me, and letting me down as a husband during the most important part which is sickness, in which I thought guys are supposed to be "there" for you. As such, I'm moving out. I can't believe I'm leaving because of junk food. It sounds so bad, but if I don't, then my condition could progress. And the truth is, it has progressed. It's not his fault but I need to do whatever I have to in order to survive. I feel weak and lame for not being disciplined in the face of a challenge. I suppose that, like an alcoholic, I'll probably fall off the wagon now and again. But I don't think alcoholics would live in a house with a full on boozer. The temptation would be to great. When my friend finally admitted she had a problem, the first thing we all did was clear out her house. From then on, we made sure to be supportive by not indulging in alcoholic beverages, though we did drink a glass of wine from time to time.


    Well, anyway, good luck to everyone. Hope you guys have worked things out, as this is and old post, lol.