Tried ending her life.

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davery1985
davery1985 Posts: 142 Member
in Chit-Chat
Just had some news this morning that my nanan has been rushed into hospital and she isi n a critical condition. They say the next 48 hours she will probably be dead. She was starving herself and she wouldnt drink. She has also been taking asprin as she needs this anyway to thin her blood as she has a certain condition and she has to take them, but with the combination of not eating and dinking, she has caused herself damage inside that they might not beable to repair. My mum and my 3 aunties and uncles have been trying to get her to eat and drink over the past month, but she was being horrible to them, they had the doctors out to her, and they told her she had to eat or she would die, she still wouldnt. She wouldnt do anything at all and she got to the point where she wouldnt go to the toilet and just sat there and did it on the chair. I dont understand how someone can just change into a different person like she has, she was that type of person that never gave up. She was a fighter, even after my grandad passed away. I tried my best to help her,and she didnt listen.... I feel so useless. Could anyone have done anything for her?

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  • mermx
    mermx Posts: 976
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    Awww honey, that is such a sad situation. Don`t beat yourself up worrying about if you or anyone else could have done more.

    Just carry on being there for her I am sure she knows how much you love her, just keep reminding her x
  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
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    Honestly, it sounds like every did everything they could do. Sometimes life, especially old age, sucks like that. Take good care of yourself, okay?
  • davery1985
    davery1985 Posts: 142 Member
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    Yeah we hve been with her everyday, and trying to make her eat and drink, getting her to bed etc. We even had to make her have a shower. She just wouldnt do anything. I think im just upset that she ended up not caring anymore. She told me he wanted to die. Just feel so crappy at moment. Hoping i can get to see her tonight, might be the last time i get to x
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    My gramma died the same way, the only difference was she had alzheimer's.

    From my perspective, when I'm done living a healthy, meaningful life. When I'm very unhealthy and struggling
    day to day, I'm ready to go. "Life can be cut short", however on the flip side, life can be miserable at the end of a long life.

    last summer I visited my husband's gramma for what I knew would be the last time and she said to me
    "Maggie, I've lived a good life and I'm ready to go when God is willing, but I'm ready" We chatted while I was there,
    I let her spend more time with the kids alone talking. We had some alone time while people were off doing other things
    but I didn't make a huge deal about knowing she would be dead by the end of the year. She was a wonderfully spiritual woman
    who had a full life that had become miserable and stuck in her house. Everyone else was all wierded out when she was discussing who was getting what after she died. It was a process for her that she needed, and I was able to say "thank you, I appreciate it" a relative dies, the will is read, you get this really cool thing.. and? You don't get to say thank you. You don't get to say "Oh that is so pretty, I will cherish it forever"

    Please do your gramma a favor and respect that she's had a long life and she's ready. Celebrate the memories with her
    every visit, let her know you love her, but pleading for her to hang on, live another miserable unhappy day is going to be harder
    on her. Coming to terms with someone's impending death is really hard when they're alive. Best thing you can do for yourself,
    is put on a brave smile. she will appreciate it and your last memory you will have with her will be a good note.

    Don't get me wrong, I was very sad when my husband's gramma passed away, but I saved the tears for another time and decided to share smiles, hugs and memories.

    I hope some of this helps, it's never fun when someone is close to death. But with this kind of death, instead of something unexpected like my sister who died shortly before she turned 30, you have a chance to say goodbye. To say I love you one last
    time. One more hug, one more smile one more laugh. I hope you take advantage of that.

    It's not going to be an easy day, and I feel for you on that level. I hope your last visit with her is a productive one.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,130 Member
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    Is there psychological help available? Someone with the skills to intercede with your nanan, perhaps grief counsellors for the family??
  • puffidredz
    puffidredz Posts: 119 Member
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    yea i was about to say are you sure she doesnt have alzheimer's or some other mental illness? especially if thats an abrupt change in her personality. or it may be severe depression.

    and as far as doing anything for her, i think u did as much as u could. when it comes to illnesses especially mental ones, its all up to the ill person to want to get better for themselves. if they are not ready to get well, then all you can do is provide support until they are ready. you do no justice to them or yourself by beating yourself up over it, although i know its hard watching them going through what they're going through. i went through the same thing with my grandma when she had diabetes. she got severely depressed because she had to give up all the food she loved to eat and monitoring her blood sugar day in and day out with shots and pills took their toll on her mental state.

    hope she gets better. good luck.
  • ZeroWoIf
    ZeroWoIf Posts: 588 Member
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    Just had some news this morning that my nanan has been rushed into hospital and she isi n a critical condition. They say the next 48 hours she will probably be dead. She was starving herself and she wouldnt drink. She has also been taking asprin as she needs this anyway to thin her blood as she has a certain condition and she has to take them, but with the combination of not eating and dinking, she has caused herself damage inside that they might not beable to repair. My mum and my 3 aunties and uncles have been trying to get her to eat and drink over the past month, but she was being horrible to them, they had the doctors out to her, and they told her she had to eat or she would die, she still wouldnt. She wouldnt do anything at all and she got to the point where she wouldnt go to the toilet and just sat there and did it on the chair. I dont understand how someone can just change into a different person like she has, she was that type of person that never gave up. She was a fighter, even after my grandad passed away. I tried my best to help her,and she didnt listen.... I feel so useless. Could anyone have done anything for her?

    I wish I can provide some words of comfort that will make you feel better. There are times that people change for reasons that may be out of our comprehension, and with little notice. A lot of us people are kind hearted and at times we all may feel useless at some point when someone dear to us goes through changes, or something happens that we cannot stop its course. You made attempts to extend your hand but this didn't come to this because your arm wasn't long enough, nor because you didn't provide a specific help. Stay strong, and keep breathing in the mean time and hope something may change. If the boat doesn't sail to the destination that you expect it too please have comfort that you tried to steer it the proper direction, and release any blame or responsibility for the current is an uncomfortable force. I will keep you in my prayers friend.
  • davery1985
    davery1985 Posts: 142 Member
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    Thank you for all your kind wishes.
    Went to see her and she was very poorly tonight. She didnt really know who we were and was talking about the past alot. I just talked about funny little things that happened when me and my sister were young and she seemed to be happier then. She said shes had a fantastic life. Im really glad she was being more positive. She has gone downhill though, and were not expecting her to make it through the night. We all just tried to stay focused on being strong for her today. She needed it. I just hope that there is no more pain for her now.
  • arnoswife
    arnoswife Posts: 228 Member
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    My gramma died the same way, the only difference was she had alzheimer's.

    From my perspective, when I'm done living a healthy, meaningful life. When I'm very unhealthy and struggling
    day to day, I'm ready to go. "Life can be cut short", however on the flip side, life can be miserable at the end of a long life.

    last summer I visited my husband's gramma for what I knew would be the last time and she said to me
    "Maggie, I've lived a good life and I'm ready to go when God is willing, but I'm ready" We chatted while I was there,
    I let her spend more time with the kids alone talking. We had some alone time while people were off doing other things
    but I didn't make a huge deal about knowing she would be dead by the end of the year. She was a wonderfully spiritual woman
    who had a full life that had become miserable and stuck in her house. Everyone else was all wierded out when she was discussing who was getting what after she died. It was a process for her that she needed, and I was able to say "thank you, I appreciate it" a relative dies, the will is read, you get this really cool thing.. and? You don't get to say thank you. You don't get to say "Oh that is so pretty, I will cherish it forever"

    Please do your gramma a favor and respect that she's had a long life and she's ready. Celebrate the memories with her
    every visit, let her know you love her, but pleading for her to hang on, live another miserable unhappy day is going to be harder
    on her. Coming to terms with someone's impending death is really hard when they're alive. Best thing you can do for yourself,
    is put on a brave smile. she will appreciate it and your last memory you will have with her will be a good note.

    Don't get me wrong, I was very sad when my husband's gramma passed away, but I saved the tears for another time and decided to share smiles, hugs and memories.

    I hope some of this helps, it's never fun when someone is close to death. But with this kind of death, instead of something unexpected like my sister who died shortly before she turned 30, you have a chance to say goodbye. To say I love you one last
    time. One more hug, one more smile one more laugh. I hope you take advantage of that.

    It's not going to be an easy day, and I feel for you on that level. I hope your last visit with her is a productive one.

    This was truly beautiful!:flowerforyou:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    *hugs* I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    Some illnesses do manifest themselves in strange ways. My mom had senior anorexia as a side effect of other problems. It wasn't the typical eating disorder where one would try to lose weight... she just had no appetite, and not eating for a long time changes the way your brain works. It's horrific to go through... to watch a loved one go through it. My mom was hospitalized for four months, in four different area hospitals, with numerous problems and even more complications, but it was too much for her to overcome and she lost her battle in December 2008.

    It's natural to wonder what you could have done differently, but you can't do that to yourself. The best way to honor her life is to live a good life yourself. :heart: Both my parents passed away from heart and lung problems, and that's one reason I'm so big on exercise now. I will not ignore my health.
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    :flowerforyou: Flower For You And Your Grandma...
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    Thank you for all your kind wishes.
    Went to see her and she was very poorly tonight. She didnt really know who we were and was talking about the past alot. I just talked about funny little things that happened when me and my sister were young and she seemed to be happier then. She said shes had a fantastic life. Im really glad she was being more positive. She has gone downhill though, and were not expecting her to make it through the night. We all just tried to stay focused on being strong for her today. She needed it. I just hope that there is no more pain for her now.

    I'm glad you were able to have some happier moments with her.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,108 Member
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    So sorry for your pain, and your nanan's.

    I don't think anything more beautiful could have been said than what magj0y said above. I hope you'll find comfort in those words.
  • eaglemama70
    eaglemama70 Posts: 23
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    My gramma died the same way, the only difference was she had alzheimer's.

    From my perspective, when I'm done living a healthy, meaningful life. When I'm very unhealthy and struggling
    day to day, I'm ready to go. "Life can be cut short", however on the flip side, life can be miserable at the end of a long life.

    last summer I visited my husband's gramma for what I knew would be the last time and she said to me
    "Maggie, I've lived a good life and I'm ready to go when God is willing, but I'm ready" We chatted while I was there,
    I let her spend more time with the kids alone talking. We had some alone time while people were off doing other things
    but I didn't make a huge deal about knowing she would be dead by the end of the year. She was a wonderfully spiritual woman
    who had a full life that had become miserable and stuck in her house. Everyone else was all wierded out when she was discussing who was getting what after she died. It was a process for her that she needed, and I was able to say "thank you, I appreciate it" a relative dies, the will is read, you get this really cool thing.. and? You don't get to say thank you. You don't get to say "Oh that is so pretty, I will cherish it forever"

    Please do your gramma a favor and respect that she's had a long life and she's ready. Celebrate the memories with her
    every visit, let her know you love her, but pleading for her to hang on, live another miserable unhappy day is going to be harder
    on her. Coming to terms with someone's impending death is really hard when they're alive. Best thing you can do for yourself,
    is put on a brave smile. she will appreciate it and your last memory you will have with her will be a good note.

    Don't get me wrong, I was very sad when my husband's gramma passed away, but I saved the tears for another time and decided to share smiles, hugs and memories.

    I hope some of this helps, it's never fun when someone is close to death. But with this kind of death, instead of something unexpected like my sister who died shortly before she turned 30, you have a chance to say goodbye. To say I love you one last
    time. One more hug, one more smile one more laugh. I hope you take advantage of that.

    It's not going to be an easy day, and I feel for you on that level. I hope your last visit with her is a productive one.


    Your words were beautiful and well said.
  • eaglemama70
    eaglemama70 Posts: 23
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    I will be praying for you and your family. I know how hard it is to see but close your eyes and remember the good times.
  • davery1985
    davery1985 Posts: 142 Member
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    Thank you to everyone for your kind words :smile:
    She has made it through the night, but shes very weak now. I just hope there is no more pain for her anymore. She looked very scared last night, but we tried to reassure her as much as we could. Once again thank you for all your support on here, it really has helped me understand why she wanted to die. I think we have all made peace with that now, and have to just be there for her as much as we can be.
    :flowerforyou:

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