I gave up, but not really.

ljaroch
ljaroch Posts: 64
in Motivation and Support
So I've been working on my weight since I was in high school but all that's happened in 10 years is that I've gained and gained. A few years ago I was at my biggest, 245, and managed to get down to 235 and at least stay there. I've gotten down to 210, but I always end up back at 235. Anyway, so the past few months I've been really serious about being better and not just dieting, but making a lifestyle change, eating better and getting off my butt more.

The other day I just gave up, though. I had a great 3 days, I lost 2 pounds, but something inside me felt like it snapped. My mom recently started chemo (she's stage 4 cholangiocarcinoma), but even before the chemo she had surgery and has just not been her for the past 8 months, so I feel like I've lost my mom in a big way. Work is insane with less resources and more work and the stress is just getting to me (hello emotional eating). My husband just went back to school while working full time and so I hardly ever see him. We're trying to have a baby and it's only been 4 months but with what's going on with my mom I'm putting a lot pressure on myself to get pregnant. The point is, the stress is so high right now and I just thought with all this and I have to deal with my fatness too? I felt like I had no will power and just decided to give up, like I'm going to be fat forever.

BUT, that is obviously not what I want. I want to be healthier and happier. I like working out. I want to be healthy to get pregnant and keep up with a kid. I just felt broken. Does anyone else get like that?

Coming to these boards really helps. So thanks to everyone for sharing their stories and motivations and support.

Replies

  • DefyGravity1977
    DefyGravity1977 Posts: 300 Member
    I have had many days like this, especially when my grandmother who was my best friend died. I have 3 kids, two of which are special needs and one is 5. There are many days that I feel alone in my journey and in my life. My motto in the past few weeks and months has become....One day, one step at a time! I can't give up because this is for me. My grandparents when to their death bed worrying about me and my weight. That was the last conversation I had with my grandfather..."Summer, when are you going to do something about the weight?" Never give up.
  • 2hobbit1
    2hobbit1 Posts: 820 Member
    Finding the time to take good care of yourself can be hard when life dumps on you. Please know that what you do for yourself is worth the time / effort and caring you bring/give to yourself. If you don't put your own health first then you can't be there 100% for your mom, your hubs, your family to be, or your coworkers.

    Yes things get tough and may get tougher but you can do this. Be strong -if you don't feel strong then just act like you are and it will happen.

    One day. one step at a time. Remember you are worthy of good health and happiness, don't put yourself down. Beleive it and make it happen. Positive thinking can take you a long way toward your goals.
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
    You should give up giving up............no, really.
  • fabandfunat51
    fabandfunat51 Posts: 117 Member
    Oh you poor thing! Pick ONE THING to be a priority in your life right now. . . in addition to working out and eating right. That might be spending quality time with your mom as she goes through this horrible time, OR spending quality time with YOU while your honey is busy OR dreaming about the time when you are fit and strong and able to have a child. You just can't do all those things at once. It would overwhelm anyone. Stress is going to keep you from getting pregnant, and if by chance you do, stess is HORRIBLE for the fetus.

    Pick one thing plus your own health, and then breathe! This too shall pass and we are all here for you.
  • ljaroch
    ljaroch Posts: 64
    Haha. Just putting this out there and hearing from people who give a care pretty much made me cry. Thanks you guys for caring and for reaching out. It's hard for me to talk about all that stuff so I really appreciate it. And thanks for sharing your story with me too. Everyone is going through something, it's just life.

    I've been pretty chipper through everything, stiff upper lip and all that, but for some reason it all got to me. You guys are right. I need to take a breath and take things one day at a time. Me falling apart isn't going to do anyone any favors, especially me!

    I'm so ready to give up giving up...and I don't mean just this time, I mean for good.
  • hockeymama1963
    hockeymama1963 Posts: 45 Member
    Oh you poor thing! Pick ONE THING to be a priority in your life right now. . . in addition to working out and eating right. That might be spending quality time with your mom as she goes through this horrible time, OR spending quality time with YOU while your honey is busy OR dreaming about the time when you are fit and strong and able to have a child. You just can't do all those things at once. It would overwhelm anyone. Stress is going to keep you from getting pregnant, and if by chance you do, stess is HORRIBLE for the fetus.

    Pick one thing plus your own health, and then breathe! This too shall pass and we are all here for you.

    She is right darlin' you need to pick your health and one of the other things and work on just those. The rest will come. I had problems getting pregnant for two of my three pregnancies. Get yourself through what is going on with mama and then plan a great vacation with hubby ( around the time of ovulation of course) It is amazing how a great vacation can produce a wonderful outcome ( pregnancy) My last one was conceived on a blanket in the woods near Lake Michigan.
  • ljaroch
    ljaroch Posts: 64
    I have felt a lot better since reaching out to you guys. While my life has gotten even more stressful the past few days, I've tried to just keep breathing and move on.

    My goal this week is to find ways to motivate myself. Make small fitness and nutrition goals, find some rewards for when I reach them, and maybe work on an "inspiration board" so remind me why I'm doing all this.

    hockeymama, I love your Lake Michigan mention. It had me snickering. Good news, my husband has summer finals tomorrow so we are going to take the whole week off and take a vacation to see his family, and by the end of the week we will have some much needed alone time! Sorry if TMI but that's exactly around my ovulation time so if I can just de-stress and focus on all the good the vacation will do me...well lets just cross our fingers!

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