people's negative images

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monkeyriley
monkeyriley Posts: 51 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have to say this here because I think there are few places where this would be understood.

I work with a lot of women. For the most part I work in the technical side of my profession and they work on the customer facing side.

Over the last year, I decided to loose weight/ get healthier, set the goal of running a marathon, and my wife and I are going through a divorce. All of this stuff is happening, but it is all fairly independent of each other. My marriage was crumbling for sometime, but my wife and I were truly working with a therapist and trying to sort this out. I also decided that I wanted to lose weight and get healthier after a decade+ of being unhappy with my body image (while still married). Once I started seeing success, I set the goal of running a marathon, which I am about two months away from accomplishing, but...

Now that I have lost the weight, and kept it off, I have started to notice peoples crap being put on to me. I especially hear this at work. I was going to get coffee yesterday, and two of the customer service reps said that I look like I just entered college. I have heard from one of them that I am 'too skinny', or that I would look better if I worked out my chest and biceps more.

I realized that these women are putting their negative feelings about their own body into myself, which is weird as a guy. I truly am happy with my body. I don't want to change it, but I also can hear what they think about themselves. I have heard this from the guys I work with too, but there's is less about support and more maybe you lost this because of your divorce and this is JUST A PHASE. It is weird because it just clicked that they aren't criticizing me, they are using me as a vehicle to place their own criticisms about themselves.

Has anyone else seen this transference? I just hit me yesterday because I went home, looked in the mirror, and I like how I look. I am not sickly looking, crazy skinny, or crazy muscular. I look like a trim, fit dude. I feel good about being me.

That feels better, I really had to get this out.

Replies

  • redscylla
    redscylla Posts: 211 Member
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    Plus, lots of people assume their opinions are valuable, when in fact they aren't. Even people without issues have this crazy idea that their opinion of you matters. Have you tried letting these people know that you don't in fact care what they think of your physique? If you're happy with your health and appearance, it doesn't matter what they think. Try saying that and see what the response is...
  • racerscottw227
    racerscottw227 Posts: 71
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    Has anyone else seen this transference? I just hit me yesterday because I went home, looked in the mirror, and I like how I look. I am not sickly looking, crazy skinny, or crazy muscular. I look like a trim, fit dude. I feel good about being me.

    I have the same problems but with friends. Most of my friends are heavy and have no desire to lose weight, even though they keep complaining about how they need to. And every time I have actually done something about it, started working out, started eating healthy, I get nothing but negative feedback or cynical feedback.

    The big one for a while was, whenever I would go out to eat with them, if I got a salad they would say that I was "eating rabbit food" and that I need to eat "normal people food". Or "You're not eating enough." (1700 cal on average).

    I also got to hear all of the excuses in the world as to why coworkers/friends/family use to not workout or eat healthy. "My metabolism won't let me lose weight." "I have a bad ankle/knee/etc." The best one was, "I have to drink soft drinks because if I drink water I'll end up in the hospital." (The last one has the most unhealthy eating patterns I have ever seen).

    It goes on and on and I've just resolved myself to minimize the time I spend talking to some of these "Debbie Downers".
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    Has anyone else seen this transference? I just hit me yesterday because I went home, looked in the mirror, and I like how I look. I am not sickly looking, crazy skinny, or crazy muscular. I look like a trim, fit dude. I feel good about being me.


    exactly...

    I am a nurse... and I find it in myself when I have to care for people who are heavier than I ever was... it makes me so sad... and I find myself comparing myself to them... and wondering "did I look like that when I was that heavy"? and I get angry at the ones who didn't change... and I know it is my own negative self image transferring to them... I work VERY hard though not to let that affect my level of care for them and I wait until I am out of the room and earshot of my patients... because I know how upset I get about htings...
  • monkeyriley
    monkeyriley Posts: 51 Member
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    I really appreciate the comments. It was weird, I just saw it for what it was.

    It wasn't that my coworkers were commenting on me, but they were putting their emotions and self-image on to me.

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