Body dismorphia after losing weight...

LaurenAOK
LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
in Motivation and Support
These are rather personal feelings I'm posing and I wasn't going to post it, but I want to know if anyone can relate. Has anyone else experienced body dysmorphia after losing weight?

Before I lost weight, I was 145lbs and 1lb away from being in the "overweight" BMI category. I realized I could stand to lose a couple of pounds, but I didn't hate my body. I generally felt pretty comfortable. When I decided to lose weight it was because things were getting too tight, and I wanted them to fit again.

So I lost weight. My goal weight was 130. I got to it. I was fairly happy there and stayed there for a while. But I began to notice flaws. My arms were still jiggly, my thighs were still to big. My stomach still wasn't flat. So I set a new goal to 125. I'm almost there now - I think I'm around 126 (I'll find out for sure at my weigh in next Wednesday). I have never hated my body more than I do right now. Every time I look in the mirror all I can see are things I need to improve. A couple of days ago I lowered my goal weight to 123, and today I decided to lower it again to 120. Who knows if I'll lower it again after that. I just don't feel happy any more. I see a fat whale every time I look in the mirror. Intellectually I know I can't really be fat - my weight is very healthy for my height (5'4"). But when I look in the mirror all I see is fat, fat, fat. I did a photo shoot today (I do some modeling for fun) and we took a couple of pictures with my shirt tied up so you could see my stomach. I was excited about it, I thought I've come so far and my stomach would look good. When I saw the pictures I wanted to cry. I looked like a whale in the pictures. No, really.

Before anyone responds to this I want to clarify that I have never had an ED and I don't think this is where this is heading... I eat plenty every day (look at my diary if you don't believe me, I love to eat. Haha) And I don't have an unhealthy goal weight, either... I would never hope to be 110 or anything like that (that's the minimum for my height). I just thought that after losing weight I would feel better about my body, not worse. It's like now that I started focusing on my body, it's turned into such a negative thing...

There are moments of light... sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look damn good, but just as often I think I look disgusting. I'm hoping getting to my new goal weight will help, but what if it doesn't? I don't want to be unhappy with my body forever. I had stopped calorie counting for a while, so I don't think I have an obsession or anything like that. I just started again because it's easier to keep track of everything with MFP. But I had taken a break for a couple of months and did fine with that.

Just venting I guess. I'm just sad that I feel this way. I want to feel great about myself. And I do sometimes but... shouldn't it be all of the time? Can anyone relate to this? If so, what has helped you?

Replies

  • Lyndsgirl
    Lyndsgirl Posts: 26 Member
    I can definitely relate. My best friend was overweight, and lost a lot- around 50 pounds. Her goal weight was 125. When she got there though, she also thought of herself as still fat- she still saw her old self. So she is now 110 pounds, 5'6" and we are no longer friends because her sense of...personality had changed. But I have heard that when people lose weight, they still see themselves as bigger. From your pictures, I think you are gorgeous, and 125 is perfectly healthy/
  • ang3h
    ang3h Posts: 185 Member
    I know exactly how you feel. When I was around 145 lbs I decided to lose weight.. I got down to 115 and was happy but now I am up to 125 and I am really upset. Objectively I know I look so much better than I did when I was 145, plus I am much healthier since I actually exercise now.. but I see a whale when I look in the mirror too. I started strength training when I was at 115 but it's highly unlikely I gained 10 lbs through muscle in like, two months.. plus I know I look chunkier. My husband says I'm "tiny" and my friends say I'm skinny but they said I was skinny when I was 145 and wearing size 12 jeans so.. lol.

    Also I am 5'3"
  • skonly
    skonly Posts: 371
    I can definitely relate. My best friend was overweight, and lost a lot- around 50 pounds. Her goal weight was 125. When she got there though, she also thought of herself as still fat- she still saw her old self. So she is now 110 pounds, 5'6" and we are no longer friends because her sense of...personality had changed. But I have heard that when people lose weight, they still see themselves as bigger. From your pictures, I think you are gorgeous, and 125 is perfectly healthy/

    I have heard several people talk about this before, not online, people I know in real life. If you continue to feel bad maybe you should see a Dr. It seems like I remember some talk about hormones or something being involved.

    No one has a perfect body. If you compare yourself to others make sure it's all types. You might find you look better than most. Look at yourself in the mirror with clothes on and notice how they look on you. You have to love yourself so don't focus on what you don't like, focus on what you do like.

    See a Dr if you feel like you are struggling and need help.
  • Discogirl15
    Discogirl15 Posts: 102
    I have the exact same problem, I got down to 136, which is healthy for my height (5'7") But whenever I look in the mirror lately,all I see is fat, fat, and more fat. I am as light as I can ever remember, but whenever I look in the mirror, I think I look heavier than ever. I wasn't like this when I was overweight. I also have this horrible fear of "unhealthy" foods anymore. I tell myself that one brownie won't kill me and that really want it, but I just can't bring myself to eat it. If anyone has any ideas, please let me (and the original poste) know!:cry:
  • professorRAT
    professorRAT Posts: 690 Member
    I do understand to some extent. I can change my view of my body completely from one day to the next. Of course I can't possibly look that different within a 24 hour period, but I will be happy with my body one day, and think I look horrible the next. To be honest,I think it is hormonal. Depression is often about hormone/chemical imbalances and I think this is related. I don't know that I have a solution, but I certainly do understand. I find exercise has helped me with this somewhat and NOT just because of how my body looks but because it helps regulate those hormones, but I still have days when I really think I look awful...and I am at a healthy weight and in the best shape of my life (I was never really that overweight in the first place...pretty much like you). Not everyone can relate to this, but there are LOTS of people who can. I even have a guy friend who is in AMAZING shape and he is never satisfied with how he looks. So, it isn't just women!

    You look fantastic to me. But, I know it isn't about what others think. Try, however, to realize that what is real and what your brain makes you think on those bad days don't mesh. You seem to know this already, so you just have to find some coping skills. On days I feel this way I just try not to look in the mirror much and just go about my day because I know it will pass. A good cardio workout often helps, too.

    Hang in there!
  • jaimiefj
    jaimiefj Posts: 8 Member
    I don't know how you have lost weight and I think people are right that it's probably in image problem, more than reality.

    The only suggestion I could make is if you lost the weight with excercise maybe you could start excercise to target the problem areas and you might be happier?

    Jx
  • singingsoprano
    singingsoprano Posts: 19 Member
    You know, I think it's natural, but you do need to change your self-talk...because you're clearly in the dysmorphic range, here. You are healthy, strong and beautiful...

    But this whole process of weight loss is very ego-centric...very focused on the self, and it's disproportional to what's important in life. In other words, you need to remember why you wanted to lose the weight--which wasn't about perfection, it was about comfort-and health--and maybe strength--and maybe meeting goals...and here's the deal: You've met them...I think you'd be far better served to find a goal now that has nothing to do with your body....like--learn a new language, do volunteer work, accomplish something that has meaning...because in the end, a flat belly won't do it...a six pack won't do it, strong arms, toned legs and toned every thign else aren't ever going to be enough...

    Good luck...
  • shorty35565
    shorty35565 Posts: 1,425 Member
    I can relate to you very well. When I read about how you look in the mirror and find things you don't like and constantly lower your body weight, I feel like I'm reading about myself.
    I'm 5'4.75. I started out at 185lbs. I knew I was fat and I hated going shopping, but I didnt sit around and cry about being fat you know? I've dropped to 128.2lbs and I cry more about the way I look than I ever did. I look in the mirror, like you and I see is fat. It doesn't help that I'm going to have loose skin because I carry my weight mostly in my belly. I still have a gut now but with a small waist. I look pregnant actually. I had a big break down a couple days ago where I tore myself apart on my profile. I feel like I am the fattest 128lb person ever. I feel like I should be smaller at my height. And I do workout. I lift weights now. I'd never weighed less than 140 in my life, so this was new for me, but I had high expectations for the 120s. I thought i would be small. Everyone tells me I'm small. I'm been called skinny before, but skinny ppl don't have bellies like mine imo.
    My first goal was 125lbs. I lowered it to 120 when I got to about 135, because I didn't think 10lbs would make a big difference. Now that I'm 128, I've lowered it to 115, because how is 8lbs gonna make a difference. I've said to a few ppl that I might have to go to 110 because I feel like I have so much fat on my body.
    Sometimes I have my moments where i'll think 'that looks good' but I never think I look good as a whole, just certain parts. Like my calves, they're tiny so I'm fond of them. I think my biceps are decent, but I can't stand the flab below them.
    I can't tell you how to help yourself, because I wish I knew how. But know that you're not alone in this.
  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
    Yeap, I can definitely relate. I'm now back down to the same size a was in 7th form; a size that I had to diet and exercise to get to then as well (I was an overweight child and teen). I can remember being fairly satisfied with how I looked then, and in my first year at uni. But now all I see is an overweight person in the mirror; the exact shape and size as I was 3 months ago, despite having lost 10 pounds. I'm hoping that I will be happier once I reach my goal weight, which is right smack bang in the middle of my healthy BMI range.
  • Casey45
    Casey45 Posts: 160 Member
    You know, I think it's natural, but you do need to change your self-talk...because you're clearly in the dysmorphic range, here. You are healthy, strong and beautiful...

    But this whole process of weight loss is very ego-centric...very focused on the self, and it's disproportional to what's important in life. In other words, you need to remember why you wanted to lose the weight--which wasn't about perfection, it was about comfort-and health--and maybe strength--and maybe meeting goals...and here's the deal: You've met them...I think you'd be far better served to find a goal now that has nothing to do with your body....like--learn a new language, do volunteer work, accomplish something that has meaning...because in the end, a flat belly won't do it...a six pack won't do it, strong arms, toned legs and toned every thign else aren't ever going to be enough...

    Good luck...

    Well said.
  • shakybabe
    shakybabe Posts: 1,578 Member
    I was 12st 7 last year and always had a young face. I'm down to 9st 7 and think I look older, my face is thinner the pigmentation on it seems darker and more obvious in fact I never noticed it there before I now have a noticeable stripe across forehead and patch on left temple.

    I have 'old lady skin' on inside of elbows and my hands, more age spots on arms and my tummy still isnt flat even though can see my ribs, collarbones and my boobs have dropped from 40 to 34.

    My original goal was 9st 7 but then wanted to get to 9st 3 to finish wii fit. My scales showed me at 9st 3 at 4am this morning so got wii fit out to complete my last weigh in and it showed as 9st 7 on there even with -7lbs for clothing (though on quick weigh I get same weight without taking anything off for clothing and weigh naked? ) so now have to drop to at least 9st on bathroom scales to get 9st 3 on the Wii! (maybe 8st 12 I'm not sure)

    I've never had eating disorder before either and I'm 43 I know whats logical.. I'm very logical person usually but still I now feel I need to go on a fast and don't deserve to eat anything until I see 9st 3 on the Wii and complete the game.

    I did manage to have a slim fast and banana for breakfast but had to exercise for 2 hours to justify it. (it was low impact so only burned 495 but have another 505 to burn on passive trainer bike before I can eat dinner as well later.,, and I never used to care or even know about calories in my twenties, and only got weighed at hospital appointments or when I visited other people's houses where they had scales.. I was always around 9st 7 until my thyroid went wrong in 2002 and went up to 16st.

    I suspect mine is a result of fear of going back up to 16st and the further I am away from it the safer I am from not getting back there quickly!

    I still feel fat as I'm still in size 14 cos all my fat is around abdomen and middle. I think todays sizings the 'skinny fit' womens clothes make it harder as can't get in anything under a 14 unless they are baggy PJ's (UK 12-14's) and 14's are now 'extra large' and often largest size in some ranges.

    I was in 10-12's in my 20's at this weight but didn't have all the extra fat around the abdomen! According to Wii fit my BMI at 22 though is ideal but obviously still have loads of body fat around my middle or I'd get in smaller sizes!
  • Andromeda173
    Andromeda173 Posts: 33
    I'm the same way. Even though I'm smaller than I've ever been, smaller than high school, and I KNOW that I look different than photos from last year, I just see a fat person in the mirror. Sometimes I'll think that I look good, then I'll look in the mirror and cry. I feel like I'm fatter than ever.
    I take measurements, and both they and my pants size have gone down, but I didn't lose weight so that I had to stare at data to convince myself that I look good--I'm losing weight so that I can feel that I look good!
  • ChasingStarlight
    ChasingStarlight Posts: 424 Member
    I think it is very hard to know whether you have an accurate view of yourself or not.

    I have reached my initial goal of 115 and have now reset it- see my ticker, for similar reasons as you. I think I look slim, but there are areas which could be slimmer.

    My husband said he will tell me if I am too thin. I will not set a goal lower than the bottom range of my bmi for a healthy weight- I am using that as my safety net. I am only 5'2, and in my early 20s I was naturally even less than that, so I don't think that is unrealistic for me. I figure if I can't maintain that weight without being hungry all the time, or feel weak, or look too gaunt, I can always put on a bit more at that time.

    Anyway, you aren't alone. I think I have an accurate image of myself, but I am not 100% sure.
  • professorRAT
    professorRAT Posts: 690 Member
    You know, I think it's natural, but you do need to change your self-talk...because you're clearly in the dysmorphic range, here. You are healthy, strong and beautiful...

    But this whole process of weight loss is very ego-centric...very focused on the self, and it's disproportional to what's important in life. In other words, you need to remember why you wanted to lose the weight--which wasn't about perfection, it was about comfort-and health--and maybe strength--and maybe meeting goals...and here's the deal: You've met them...I think you'd be far better served to find a goal now that has nothing to do with your body....like--learn a new language, do volunteer work, accomplish something that has meaning...because in the end, a flat belly won't do it...a six pack won't do it, strong arms, toned legs and toned every thign else aren't ever going to be enough...

    Good luck...

    Very well put and I totally agree. Changing your internal dialogue and finding non-body focused goals is perfect advice. Listen to this smart lady! It really will help.
  • graciousdove
    graciousdove Posts: 28 Member
    Thank you for sharing how you are feeling with us right now. I know that it took a lot for you and others as well to post your feelings on line with complete strangers. However, as you can see, you are not alone. I can completely understand how frustrating it can be when you are not happy with how you look. It sounds like you just need to tone up some areas so maybe some weight lifting to tone and strength your arms and abs will really help to make you feel better.

    I aslo agree with others are saying that this whole process is extremely focused on yourself. When that happens, you will never feel good about what you look like and will always compare yourself to others. Try to focus on other things during your weight loss. Take a walk with friends, walk around a large mall and spend time looking at other things besides clothes or find other ways. Go out to dinner with friends and try not to think about calories. I wish everyone good luck and hang in there! It will pass!
  • weightlossdiva1219
    weightlossdiva1219 Posts: 283 Member
    This is literally where I am at right now. I weighed 204 lbs when I started (I'm 5'10") And set a goal weight of 155. I fluctuate between 155 and 157 now, and I'm perfectly healthy and fit. I never really cared much about how overweight I was before I lost weight. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I wasn't miserable. Now I can't stop checking my stomach in the mirror, hating myself all the time, and panicking over getting fatter. I wear this thing, it's like spanx, but it's a full body type suit...looks like a leotard with spaghetti straps. I wear it under all my clothes and when I can't wear it cause of laundry, I just don't go out. I feel too fat without it. I also wear it so much to the point where I am in pain from the pressure on my abdomen.

    I'm actually starting to think I've developed a type of eating disorder--I don't over restrict my diet by any means. I eat at maintenence, so anywhere from 1750-2000 calories a day and I work out a healthy amount.

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