Feeling sabotaged. /rant.

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pavingnewpaths
pavingnewpaths Posts: 367 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm not exactly sure how to rant about the subtle things my mother does, because in the grand scheme of things, they aren't actually all that awful, but they get to me. Simply because I can't stand her hypocritical and condescending nature.
Yesterday, I started 30DS. I was already exhausted from work but I decided to stop messing around and using every excuse I could think of to get out of exercise. As soon as I got home, I pulled up the routine and finished level one. After showering I logged on the computer to log it. Mind you, this was about 10m before dinner. My mom calls me from the kitchen and I tell her i'm busy. 5m later, she does it again. And when I go into the kitchen to tell her that "I'm fine, you can eat without me. I was doing something." she starts ranting about how she wasn't worried about me eating, but about helping set the table. Despite the fact that I JUST explained to her(not even an hour beforehand) that I was unbelievably tired. It bothers me that she's constantly telling me I need to exercise, yet when I do she doesn't fully support you. (Not to mention the fact that she flipped out when she realized I was using heavier weights than reccommended.)
About two weeks ago, she also took the scale from my room. I had fought with her over something miniscule and about an hour afterwards she just came in a took it out to the living room. And when I confronted her about it her response was a short and ambiguous "Because."
And don't even get me started on her complaining about how much I eat. If i'm at 1200 calories, she tells me i'm going to pass out and this can't be healthy and that i'm going to get an eating disorder. Then there was a couple of weeks when I upped my calorie intake to 1500, and she says "What, have you given up on losing weight?"
Anytime my weight fluctuated even in the slightest, she'll make a comment about how I don't exercise or I shouldn't have eaten that cookie. And everytime I try to explain to her that i'm ALLOWED to indulge once in a while, she ignores me.
There's more things that add to this, and they may not seem like huge nuisances but they really bug me. It's just that when you have someone who is constantly trying to discourage you (especially when that someone is your own mother), it gets really irritating. :grumble:
Ugh. I'm sorry. I'm done now.

Replies

  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
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    Ugh, that sounds toxic :(
  • cuffs_r
    cuffs_r Posts: 41
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    I feel your pain. Alot of people out there have someone in their life that is a little less than supportive. There could be many reasons of rationality behind it,but the important thing is that you need to stick t your guns. You are doing this for yourself. Dont let your mom sabatoge you. Its gonna get to you at times, but just continue to push through it.
    Good luck and hang in there, because there are people out there cheering you on! :flowerforyou:
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    That really sucks.

    Something that no one tells you about your mission to get fit... you have to get stronger at defending your own decisions against those that dont think youll ever change.

    remember that.

    most of the people in your life assume you will never change. Its going to be uncomfortable for them when you do. Especially if they arent.

    Use that as motivation. If everyone thinks you cant/wont... that's when you have to.
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
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    I do feel your pain, hon. I do. That said, you can take it down a notch as well. Your mother wanted your help setting the table? That's hardly asking too much. If she's making dinner it's a small thing to ask to get a little bit of help. You were logging your workout, not doing it. The logging really can wait. Try working with her on the things that you can and you'll have at least a little less resistance.

    If she doesn't respect how many calories you think you need, then don't discuss it with her. How does she know what your calorie goal is otherwise? Don't tell her. Just set your goals and follow them and leave her out of it. If she asks why you're eating a cookie, simply answer "it's part of my meal plan today." and leave it at that. Don't engage the rest of the discussion about what is good and what's not.

    HTH
  • haylz247
    haylz247 Posts: 435
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    you have just got to be strong! i would just ignore her and keeping kicking *kitten*!

    why don't you show her this site? so she actually gets that you are allowed a cheat day once in a while!

    she's probably trying to break you and see how far she can push you. just don't give in to her
  • duluthian
    duluthian Posts: 69
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    This is a tough one, your Mother definitley cares about you, but is going the wrong way about supporting you. You have changed your ways and she is probably feeling a bit "put out" by this. I can understand her wanting some help at dinner, I'd love to be able to get home from work, work out, and have someone else get my dinner for me!! I also understand how this person who is a BIG part of your life can affect you so much just with the little comments. Maybe she is worried you will lose the weight and not need her anymore, leave her behind and change so much that she doesn't know her little girl anymore. Of course she wants the best for you and wants to support you, but I don't think she knows how. Maybe you could take her out for a coffee and sit and have a talk with her, explain to her that you are trying to get healthy, better yourself and that you need her "positive" help. Maybe cook some low cal meals together etc. Good luck to you and I hope you can sort it all out - Just remember she cares about you :flowerforyou:
  • pavingnewpaths
    pavingnewpaths Posts: 367 Member
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    Thank you guys, I really do appreciate the support and advice. I know that she's just trying to help (albeit showing it in a very unusual way..), but sometimes she takes it a bit far. Anyways, I definitely won't let it get to me. I've tried talking to her on multiple occasions but to no avail. I guess i'm just going to need to suck it up and deal. Just glad to know that her attitude doesn't sound out of line to me only.
  • otrlynn
    otrlynn Posts: 278 Member
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    I do feel your pain, hon. I do. That said, you can take it down a notch as well. Your mother wanted your help setting the table? That's hardly asking too much. If she's making dinner it's a small thing to ask to get a little bit of help. You were logging your workout, not doing it. The logging really can wait. Try working with her on the things that you can and you'll have at least a little less resistance.

    If she doesn't respect how many calories you think you need, then don't discuss it with her. How does she know what your calorie goal is otherwise? Don't tell her. Just set your goals and follow them and leave her out of it. If she asks why you're eating a cookie, simply answer "it's part of my meal plan today." and leave it at that. Don't engage the rest of the discussion about what is good and what's not.

    HTH

    Two excellent points made there^^^ ! You don't say how old you are, but it does sound like your mother is pretty intrusive. Try to stay strong with making the food choices you need, and respond neutrally to her "suggestions". Come here for help and support--unfortunately it does not sound like you are going to get it from your mother (which is sad!). No doubt she has some issues of her own, but it isn't up to you to try to solve them for her.

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