Please help feeling so fat don't want to see my friends.

Options
Daisy80
Daisy80 Posts: 755 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello

I can do with some support of you lovely people. I am living in the UK but I am not from there. I have been living there for the past 8 years. I am currently back home where people tend to be slimmer than in the UK PLUS I have gained about 40lbs and I feel so conscious and scared to go out and meet my friends. They have seen me but not for a while now and I am just so terrified to meet them. I know good friends are your friends and no matter what they love me but still. All I want to do is cry and hide. I feel so fat and ugly! How can I overcome those feelings. I want to see them but I don't feel confident enough to go! I am so upset and feel horrible....

Just for you to get an idea. I am 5.6" and weigh 170lbs.

Does anyone of you have the same experience and how did you deal with it??

Daisy
«1

Replies

  • astraldream
    astraldream Posts: 39 Member
    Options
    Im in the same boat after getting in touch with old friends on fb.

    If they are friends they wont judge you but you need to be happy with yourself before you do anything.
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,038 Member
    Options
    Absolutly I have felt that way before…. try to remember that after 8 years,your friend and family has probably changed as well and they want to see you. If you are visiting for a short time just remember that you never know if your friends will be on this earth the next time you get a chance to be together in person. They wouldn't have maintained contact with you if it was only your physical appearance. everyone can use a hug!

    and .. make it goal to get back into shape (or not, maybe you are the right size and you were too far under when you first arrived in the UK) at the RIGHT size for you for just enjoying life more.

    Hugs!
  • ShellyShuey
    ShellyShuey Posts: 162
    Options
    I was your size and am now down 30 -- and when I was at my largest I had no idea I didn't look ok... you should keep your chin up, let that be your first exercise.

    The more you're in a routine of workouts the more confident you'll feel and you'll be able to see them, knowing that you're working on it. I can see being depressed if you felt there were no way out, but since you're here and working at it? You will get there and they will be happy to see you, I promise.

    Don't make the night about your weight, make it about all the great stories you have about your life in the UK and leave it at that. You have to give them a chance, they will surprise you by supporting you.
  • Mad4282
    Mad4282 Posts: 171 Member
    Options
    GURL! I have been there! make sure you buy a new outfit, something that makes you feel good in a pretty color and fake it till you make it! If you don't feel confident, smile and act like the most confident person in the room. Seems silly, but trust me, confidence and a big smile are contagious, and if you act confident soon you WILL BE confident and the people around you will not notice your weight or anything like that, but how incredibly happy you seem and how wonderful they feel around you. Good luck and no matter what your size, know that you are gorgeous inside and out!
  • Tiffani1985
    Tiffani1985 Posts: 25
    Options
    Yeah if they are your true friends they will love you and accept you the way you are. Remember never lose the weight because of someone else do it for YOURSELF! I feel like that sometimes because I know someone who has had twins and everyone tells her how good she looks and things. I dont get that from the same people. But it is ok though I know I can lose the weigh and I am trying hard so far I have loss 7 pounds and I feel great. I dont need anyone but my boyfriend and family to tell me I look good. I am going this for me but also my little girl. I want to be able to play with her when she wants to and not feel fat and out of breath . So do it for you and if you put your mind to it you can do it. Like I said before if they are your true friends they will love you no matter what.
  • tltrahan2000
    tltrahan2000 Posts: 4 Member
    Options
    Hello, you need to face your friends. They may be able to give you the support you are seeking instead of judging you. It may be them who gives you the motivation to get out there and feel better about yourself. You NEED to get out and see people. Staying in the house can lead to further depression. I
  • evademers
    evademers Posts: 55
    Options
    I know how you feel! Last year at this time i weighed 135 i also am 5ft6 then I was put on meds that made me eat and eat and now I am 175. I have been working out for almost 3 months and I feel so much better and more confident even though I am making slow progress but i have lost some inches and feel like a million dollars. Start working out if you arent already and you will feel great knowing alone you are working on yourself mentally and physically. Your true friends wont care about your weight. Dont stress that!! But before i started working out i would hide too but now i walk around proud because i know i am doing something about it even though they might now know it. Hang in there get moving and feel great about yourself. I am almost 40 years old and if i can do it so can u!!!! :)
  • xASHYxSMASHYx
    xASHYxSMASHYx Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    Well first let me say, you really aren't all that bad off. Quite a few of my friends are even shorter than you and in the same weight range and still know how to rock their curves. It's really all about the way you carry yourself.
    That being said, I can understand how you are feeling. I went through a period of deep depression when I was at my heaviest weight (much more than your current weight) and I basically became a recluse. I didn't leave my house for months. I would do my shopping in the middle of the night at walmart so I didn't run into anyone I knew. I avoided friends and didn't return their calls. Looking back at that time in my life I regret it, because it's a year of my life I wasted being unhappy. Because, even though I was overweight I still had my health and lots of other great things in my life, but just couldn't see it. I also lost a lot of friends, because when I finally woke up and realized how silly I was being, they didn't wanna know me.
    My best advice is just enjoy your time with your friends and make the most out of it. If they are your friends they won't care about your weight, and will just be happy to spend some time with you.
  • xASHYxSMASHYx
    xASHYxSMASHYx Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    GURL! I have been there! make sure you buy a new outfit, something that makes you feel good in a pretty color and fake it till you make it! If you don't feel confident, smile and act like the most confident person in the room. Seems silly, but trust me, confidence and a big smile are contagious, and if you act confident soon you WILL BE confident and the people around you will not notice your weight or anything like that, but how incredibly happy you seem and how wonderful they feel around you. Good luck and no matter what your size, know that you are gorgeous inside and out!

    I love this! You said it so well.
  • Daisy80
    Daisy80 Posts: 755 Member
    Options
    Thank you so so much everyone for taking the time and reply! It has honestly really helped me! It is great to have this community here to go to for support :flowerforyou:
  • Daisy80
    Daisy80 Posts: 755 Member
    Options
    GURL! I have been there! make sure you buy a new outfit, something that makes you feel good in a pretty color and fake it till you make it! If you don't feel confident, smile and act like the most confident person in the room. Seems silly, but trust me, confidence and a big smile are contagious, and if you act confident soon you WILL BE confident and the people around you will not notice your weight or anything like that, but how incredibly happy you seem and how wonderful they feel around you. Good luck and no matter what your size, know that you are gorgeous inside and out!

    I love this! You said it so well.

    I just put on ,my prettiest dress and curled my hair! It's funny that you said it as I just had a long chat with my boyfriend over the phone and he's been so sweet! He said that when we were here last time one of my best friends came up to him and said that I seem so happy and confident and that they are so happy to see me this way! I am probably my own worst enemy!

    I will just go out and be confident and enjoy myself!

    Again thank you!
  • justleeanne
    justleeanne Posts: 251 Member
    Options
    I hope you have a brilliant night! :)
  • Daisy80
    Daisy80 Posts: 755 Member
    Options
    Thank you! I'll update tomorrow :-)
  • sandiegosummer
    sandiegosummer Posts: 55
    Options
    GURL! I have been there! make sure you buy a new outfit, something that makes you feel good in a pretty color and fake it till you make it! If you don't feel confident, smile and act like the most confident person in the room. Seems silly, but trust me, confidence and a big smile are contagious, and if you act confident soon you WILL BE confident and the people around you will not notice your weight or anything like that, but how incredibly happy you seem and how wonderful they feel around you. Good luck and no matter what your size, know that you are gorgeous inside and out!

    THIS!!!!!!
    FAKE IT TO YOU MAKE IT is keeey!!! if you act confident and happy people won't even notice and might even say...wow something about you looks really good!

    also speaking from experience after spending a long time away from home it's soo good to catch up and be back in an old comfort zone that within 20 min you'll forget all about self consciousness and enjoy being around old friends :)

    Good luck and have a great time
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Options
    Here's wha tyou should do.

    workout 3 times a week, really hard. I mean really hard.

    that way, anytime you feel someone is looking at you like youre out of shape - at least they arent looking at you like youre out of shape AND dont care and arent doing anything about it.

    Someone who isnt where they wanna be, and they spend all their time planning how they are going to take care of it and how they are going to strategize their fat attack (but never actually start or stick to said plans) and complain that they arent losing weight.... sucks.

    Someone that banishes all forms of procrastination and just does what they can all the time every chance they get - is amazing. because they are already changing their life and action is awesomer than words.

    Be the girl who IS changing, not the girls whos worried she HASNT changed YET.
  • Daisy80
    Daisy80 Posts: 755 Member
    Options
    Thank you again for the replies! Before I went on my holiday I just finished the NROLFW book and will join the gym once I am back. For about 1 months I have been eating mostly clean and even here on holidays stuck to my way of eating mostly. I have also done the 30 Day Shred every few days while I am here. I am working on myself it is just that I am not where I want to be yet and normally I can cope with it but the fact of seeing people I haven't seen in a while reminded me about all the things I amunhappy about....if that makes sense!
  • vbarrient
    vbarrient Posts: 52 Member
    Options
    You know you have gained weight so just accept it and start working on it. It will not matter to them if they are truly your friend anyway. I am sure you will not be the only one who has not gained weight!!! We all do it!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Options
    Whoa deep breath!!!! Life is short, go see your friends!!! You are on MFP now....so make a commitment to a healthy lifestyle! Feel good about that commitment and move forward and make plans with your friends! Also......a new pretty top or new hairdo, or mani pedi can go a long way to making a girl feel pretty (lol works for me)!!! Accept where you are in life, commit to making a change, and go out and enjoy life :flowerforyou:
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,073 Member
    Options
    You've gotten some really good advice from previous posters. Here's my $.02 worth: Walk in like you own the place and just sparkle! Moods are contagious, you know. Have you ever been around someone who is angry? Everyone else ends up tense and angry, too. Same with someone who is down, nervous, etc. Do a 180 degree turn and dazzle them with a natural confidence, a dazzling personality, all while rocking that new look someone mentioned. That's what they'll see and remember. Good luck to you and remember to enjoy the ride. :o)
  • Daisy80
    Daisy80 Posts: 755 Member
    Options
    Hi all!

    Just wanted to update! And of course I had such a great night! I am feeling a bit silly now for making such a big deal out of it.....No one said anything in regards to my weight. It was lovely to see everyone and I am so glad I didn't hide. Thank you all for being so supportive!


    Now I am excited to see them again in December when I will have slimmed down a bit! :smile:

Categories