Worse Things Happen at Sea

Those of you who know me will know I came within sniffing distance of my weight-loss goal and will then probably wonder what the hell happened. In December of last year, after 12 months of solid graft and hard work, there I sat at 110lbs down on my starting weight. I had around 20lbs left to lose but that figure wasn't too specific.

In this time I had begun to realise things weren't working out between my [then] girlfriend of 5 years and I broke it off. Many months of talking about buying a house and starting a family and suddenly I realised something was missing and I bolted.
In the intervening months I have been fighting a battle with endogenous depression which unfortunately, especially during the first 6 months, I was losing. Badly. I got myself into a sticky situation involving another ex-girlfriend of 8 years ago, and somehow convinced myself it was okay to let go a bit. Unfortunately in this time the same old crutch came out of hiding and what did I do? Well I started eating and stopped exercising. I regained just over 60lbs in those months and lost one hell of a lot of confidence. Not to mention I am once again a dreaded smoker.

Finally, after many months of trying out different anti-depressants and severel very much half-assed attempts at pulling myself back onto the myfitnesspal wagon I have arrived at today. I don't want to put myself under more pressure and say this is a turning point and I'm ready to kick my *kitten* even half as hard as I did during 2011, but here I am. Still here and still very much aware of what needs to be done. You fine people are clearly still here with me, or you wouldn't be reading this ramble of a post. For that I thank you (you too Neil, even though I know you're not reading).

Hindsight has shown me what was missing when I made the decision to end my relationship in December. It was me. I completely lost any idea of my own identity during 2011 by being so wrapped up in becomming something and someone else.
Yes, this year has been a disaster in terms of my personal health, weight loss goals and progress on myfitnesspal. And yes, to me it seems too great an undoing to be brushed off as a blip. But, just like a new driver will sometimes benefit from failing the test the first time, I feel like when I finally do reach my goal I'll be able to do it as a stronger, happier, healthier and more confident me. With a clear idea of who I am, who I want to be, and why I did this - not just because I didn't want to be a version of myself I didn't like anymore.

Don't rush this guys. It's a lifetime of change we're making here, one day at a time. Mistakes do get made, and life hands you a timebomb once in a while, but we all knew that already!

myfitnesspal is going nowhere, and neither should we.