feeling like a failure

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newyorklover91
newyorklover91 Posts: 77 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I guess I am just here to whinge and whine, I have had a bad weekend and a bad Monday at work and on top of this, weighed myself this morning and have put on the kg I lost last week :(

A little about me...

I am a 21 year old (incredibly) self conscious girl, currently weigh 65kg, wanting to lose at least 10kg and be slim and healthy and be able to wear a bikini at the beach without a shirt and board shorts and be worried that people will point and laugh.

I have been bullied throughout school for my weight, and am a lot lighter than I once was, but still... I just want to be able to know for myself that I am beautiful and beautiful to me isnt carrying around all this extra flab.

I have been yoyo dieting since school (6 yrs ago) and have been on a diet this week, eating bad food the next (just because i've taken something to heart that someone has said) and back off it again.

I guess why I'm writing this is to get some support, some motivation and some guidance from fellow MFP buddies.

and it all comes down to the fact that I want to be one of those people posting pictures saying "look how much i've lost!" and be proud of myself. i always feel like i stand back and look at everyone losing weight and posting pictures but that's never me in the spotlight.

I have been eating well for the last 3 months and have been exercising Monday to friday with a minimum of 40mins, I was doing Mari Windsor Pilates for the first month but that wasnt helping me lose weight, so then I got the Bob Harper Pure Burn DVD and do the 20 min workout twice a day but have only just begun doing the 1 hour one on a mon, wed, fri. I absolutely HATE exercise, but then once I get into it and get it over and done with its like "yay ive achieved something!"

So far I have only lost 1kg :(:(:( but I have noticed from the BH dvd my muscles EVERYWHERE have gotten bigger and better, so would that be why I havent lost any? Could it be muscle gain? or am I just kidding myself.............. :(

Replies

  • mirandamayhem
    mirandamayhem Posts: 772
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    All I can advise is read, read read the threads, and find ways of shaking up your routine.
    Are you drinking enough water?
    Are you watching your sodium levels?
    Do you measure as well? Get the tape measure out, or go by your clothes. The weighing scales are just one way of measuring success.
    You're still young, you have your life ahead. Try to remember this is a marathon not a sprint, to get where I want to be I'm expecting at least a year of hard work.
    But we will all support you here and I'm sure lots of people will be able to advise you. xx
  • mywayroche
    mywayroche Posts: 218 Member
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    if you really put on 2.2lbs in weight over a weekend then I'm impressed, 2.2 * 3500 = 7700 calories on top of your normal daily intake of a guess-timated 2000 is nearly 6k calories per day... i find that hard to believe but i guess it's possible.

    More likely is that your body has stored some extra water from the carbs and salt that you no doubt ingested
  • skinnyme213
    skinnyme213 Posts: 5
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    Hi,
    Im 20 and am in pretty much the same boat.
    I think the best idea is to set a goal, something that you really really want and that you will actively go out of your way to get...
    For me, this is a gorgeous dress, I so badly want to fit into it & its deffs worth loosing weight for.

    Whats your motivation?
    lots of hugs
    xx
  • mywayroche
    mywayroche Posts: 218 Member
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    I tried to read the rest of the post but all I could see was someone who thinks they just put on 2,2lbs... if it hadn't happened (and probably didn't) then you wouldn't be beating yourself up.

    The extra water will dissapate over the next 3-4 days.

    Edit: ok i saw the end... you're exercising and that's great but your muscles will also hold onto some extra water to repair themselves so you've probably lost more than you think. The 'bigger muscles' you talk of are swolen and full of water, you wont gain much muscle on a diet. The average man on a heavy lifting program and a calorie SURPLUS can only expect 2lbs of muscle per month. Keep exercising and enjoy it but buy a tape measure.
  • newyorklover91
    newyorklover91 Posts: 77 Member
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    I'm not a big water drinker, I force myself to drink one litre a day.

    I just get so confused by all the posts though, everyone has a different approach to weightloss and it's really hard to know what to do!

    I'm not sure about the weight gain, I think you are right though in saying that it's water etc, because i really didnt ruin my healthy eating completely, however I did have half a packet of tim tams and now (of course) I feel really guilty and sluggish and not in the mood for exercise.

    Thank you both for your support and guidance, I really do appreciate it and will take it on board
  • korryn92
    korryn92 Posts: 12
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    Everyone has their ups and downs on their diets so please dont give up! :) I lost weight and gained it back because i had a situation happen and went back to my emotional eating for a couple weeks but I am going to start again. You have already lost weight before so you obviously are not a failure because you have kept the weight you lost before off. It might be water retention like the person that posted before me said because weight can fluctuate from day to day so it is best to weigh yourself once a week instead of everyday. So just keep going and as long as you keep trying I think you will get there! :)
  • Lmezz11
    Lmezz11 Posts: 619 Member
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    Try taking measurements as well. Sometimes they can be better indicators of how your body is changing.

    Remember that you did not put on weight overnight therefore it won't come off over night. If you are looking for advice, read through the threads, join groups that are specific to your needs, etc. This site has a bunch of useful info.

    My personal advice: Remember why you started this journey in the first place. Use that to motivate yourself. Whether it is to be healthy, prove someone wrong, look sexy as hell in a dress, whatever... keep that in mind. Also, make sure you are getting the right nutrients, not just calorie counting. Drink a lot of water. Are you weighing yourself the same time of day and on the same scale? Changing time and the scale you use can cause the numbers to be different. Hope some of this helps.
  • jen10st
    jen10st Posts: 325 Member
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    i'm sorry you're feeling so self concious about your body. all i can say is from my experience when i fall off the wagon one day i try to tell myself that it is just one day and that my diet isn't ruined forever. if you're not losing much on the scales don't worry get a measuring tape, as you said you can feel your muscles getting stronger and thats great. i put on 1/2lb this week and was disappointed after working really hard all week, until i measured my waist and have lost an inch. don't give up and try to ignore those who make negative comments they're clearly just idiots who don't know better.
  • mywayroche
    mywayroche Posts: 218 Member
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    I'm not a big water drinker, I force myself to drink one litre a day.

    Ok this will sound backwards but bear with it. The more water you drink, the less your body will hold onto. Dehydration causes water retention, so does exercise, salt, and carbs/sugar, all of which you've had.

    Drink lots of water and weigh yourself in the morning after you take a pee :tongue:
  • JosieRawr
    JosieRawr Posts: 788 Member
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    All I can advise is read, read read the threads, and find ways of shaking up your routine.
    Are you drinking enough water?
    Are you watching your sodium levels?
    Do you measure as well? Get the tape measure out, or go by your clothes. The weighing scales are just one way of measuring success.
    You're still young, you have your life ahead. Try to remember this is a marathon not a sprint, to get where I want to be I'm expecting at least a year of hard work.
    But we will all support you here and I'm sure lots of people will be able to advise you. xx
    ^this and try not to diet, just try to meet your macros with real food. If you typically feel hungry I suggest sweet peas or beans(both good protein sources) or veggies in general fill me up as they're bulky, add water and a good lean protein and I seriously don't feel hungry ever. With out seeing your diary, can't give much advice.. But I did watch a video on YouTube where this body builder tracked a whole day's weight fluctuations and ended up with a difference of 15 pounds from food and water consumption (granted he's probably eating now drinking more than the average person as he was training that day too, but I wouldn't freak out. Just try to improve the things you know you need to improve and be patient. Good luck : )
  • korryn92
    korryn92 Posts: 12
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    I was typing when you wrote your last post hehe What I did first off was just cut the junk food out and gradually introduce healthy foods into my diet. I do not like water either but the crystal light and mio water flavoring things that have 0 calories make it easier. I hope that helps with the water :)
  • JosieRawr
    JosieRawr Posts: 788 Member
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    Also, I do measurements as my more accurate body progress indicator, but I have played with it a bit n noticed when we retain water(from salty days or tom) that bloating also throws off the measurements! So don't discourage, just be patient and pay attention to overall trends not no matter what don't give up! You're worth the effort(that's what I tell myself every day n again when I work out and don't feel like it)
  • newyorklover91
    newyorklover91 Posts: 77 Member
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    I have cut the junk food out completely (minus the tim tams on the weekend ok!) that was the first bad thing ive eaten in months! I typically have yoghurt and fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch, and steamed vegetables and lean meat for dinner. I have a cup of tea with a tiny splash of skim milk at morning tea time and a small handful of nuts in the afternoon.

    I will try to increase how much water I drink but I can't promise it as I'm already forcing it lol

    Thank you for all your help, you guys are great :)
  • dawson55510
    dawson55510 Posts: 197 Member
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    Hey! if you have put this weight on in the space of a weekend it will only be water weight dont stress give it a few days and i bet your weight will be back where it was. I put on around 10-12lbs every weekend eating whatever i want but still not going overboard but it usually is off me by wed-thursday of the following week. I was bullied in school because of my weight so i feel you pain but its makes you a better kinder person imo chin up and you will be fine in a few days but dont give up!!
  • LisAllum
    LisAllum Posts: 55
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    I know just how you feel hon. I am coming out of a slump myself right now. I gained back almost 5lbs of what it's taken me over 2 months to lose and it really hit me hard. I drink around 2-3 litres of water a day now (it's much easier than it was at the start!) I have had to reduce exercise due to a knee injury still playing up, but I increased my calories to 1400 and found that this seems to be working for me. I have lost 4lbs of the *weight gain* in the last week, which leads me to believe it was water retention. Don't give up!

    Grab yourself some really supportive friends who are prepared to go through your diary with you on a daily basis and who will be completely honest with you; as well as being supportive and giving you tips and advice. I have some GREAT friends just like this and they are my rocks! You CAN do this honey, it is completely normal to gain a little now and then, especially if you are exercising too. I agree with getting a tape measure too, because the scales aren't always your friend. Keep a separate diary/spreadsheet and try to see if there is a pattern to your gains. It could be the workouts, it could be your monthly cycle, it could be that you are simply not drinking enough or that your weekly calorie average is too low.

    Feel free to add me as a friend if you want to. Remember, we are all wanting the same thing from this, to be slimmer, fitter and healthier. It's a life journey, not a 5 minute walk, so just be patient and it will definitely happen for you x
  • MarlinWil
    MarlinWil Posts: 119 Member
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    How tall are you, friend? You are not a truly heavy weight, and obviously do not have loads to lose. If you are short, then it would show sooner, but the cool side of that is that it also shows more when you lose it. You'll be one of those petite chicks that average and taller girls often envy! If you are an average height, then you really haven't got to lose a great deal! Yay. And as someone has said before, you have succeeded in losing and keeping weight off before. This is obviously the residual stuff that takes longer to lose.

    There are so many great threads and inspiring stories out here. For me, my weight is sticking like glue to me, and each week is a battle. I've been on here for around 2 months, and have lost 700 grams. That's a lot to do with having my thyroid removed, which is not fair to compare. But the sucky feeling of failure is the same, regardless of the reason why the weight is sticking. I have had to learn to push through the "feelings" and stay on track with where I am headed. Discouragement just takes me in the wrong direction if I act on it, and then I'll just end up feeling worse and having to start all over again - probably in a worse position than I'm in now!

    The beautiful friends I have made on here have also helped. We cheer each other on, regardless of how small the individual victory is, and for sure we cheer each other up when we reach a day of personal conflict and frustration. It has taken time to build trust and knowledge of each other, but wow has it been a rewarding experience getting to know these special people, and their stories. I'm not sure if you have any friends on here, yet. If you do, then open up to them about your goals and frustrations - I guarantee it will help. Please feel free to add me if you want, I'm on here every day, and am more than happy to be on your cheer squad.

    All the best! : )

    Wil
  • newyorklover91
    newyorklover91 Posts: 77 Member
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    Thank you thank you thank you all, this has been the kick up the butt I needed and the support I have always wanted but too afraid to ask for.

    Might I just add (although you can probably read me like a book!) that I am admittedly quite an emotional eater, if something isn't going my way or ive had a bad day, I will go straight to the cupboard. And I know that I am doing it but I can't stop it. I am trying really hard and have done for the last few months to stop it, by picking up a piece of fruit instead of fatty foods or lollies. I have been proud of myself by doing this.

    I am not too keen on my job, as the work is mind-numbingly boring and the people I work with are really critical, especially one older lady who *thinks* she's gods gift to the world, (who might I add is a size 16 - bigger than myself) and who makes herself happy by picking at everything I eat for lunch/throughout the day. This just gets to me and I know I shouldnt take things like this to heart but I do.

    Thank you again for all your help and support.

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