Emotional/Mental Abuse

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jaimrlx
jaimrlx Posts: 426 Member
in Motivation and Support
Has anyone had to deal with emotional or mental abuse when trying to lose weight or reach another big personal goal? How did this affect your ability to keep going? Was it by someone you loved, or someone you had to deal with on a daily basis? Please share.

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  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
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    Yes, I have had to deal with this while trying to lose weight. It was by someone I loved who I also had to see on a daily basis. I actually used this person's abuse as motivation. When I was working out was the only time he had no control over me. I was in complete control of my body and the situation and my emotions. I could do the workouts I liked and finally feel like me. Working out also helped give me the courage to stand up to this person. I had been feeling very insecure and let the abuse continue. When I felt stronger physically, it gave me the mental courage to fight back. After fighting with this person I would also go workout and that helped a lot. Our fights were very emotional and draining, usually leaving me too upset to do anything. Once I realized if I could just get myself to the gym, and sometimes I even left my sunglasses on for the 10 minutes because I was still crying, I could make it better. I would exhaust myself physically at the gym and then when I got home didn't even feel like fighting anymore. It gave me the strength to blow him off. I hope whatever you are going through is something that will pass. Use your exercise as your personal respite to heal. PM me if you have any questions :)
  • jaimrlx
    jaimrlx Posts: 426 Member
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    Yes, I have had to deal with this while trying to lose weight. It was by someone I loved who I also had to see on a daily basis. I actually used this person's abuse as motivation. When I was working out was the only time he had no control over me. I was in complete control of my body and the situation and my emotions. I could do the workouts I liked and finally feel like me. Working out also helped give me the courage to stand up to this person. I had been feeling very insecure and let the abuse continue. When I felt stronger physically, it gave me the mental courage to fight back. After fighting with this person I would also go workout and that helped a lot. Our fights were very emotional and draining, usually leaving me too upset to do anything. Once I realized if I could just get myself to the gym, and sometimes I even left my sunglasses on for the 10 minutes because I was still crying, I could make it better. I would exhaust myself physically at the gym and then when I got home didn't even feel like fighting anymore. It gave me the strength to blow him off. I hope whatever you are going through is something that will pass. Use your exercise as your personal respite to heal. PM me if you have any questions :)

    That's really inspiring. I actually have a low-to-no support system thing going on, and a lot of the emotional manipulation and put down comes from my own family. It's very easy to stay on track when you're reminded every day by your 'loved ones' that you are too fat to be worth anything (I'm only 175lbs).. but it's sometimes hard to keep motivated when they tell you it will never happen because you're 'you'. I'm trying to be more self sufficient and dependent, but I keep getting set back by the negative. As a kid, I was conditioned to hate myself, and I'm fearing that it's what I'll always do. Glad to know I'm not the only person who's had to deal with a whole lot of this mess.

    Thanks for sharing, congrats on your success! :smile:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,953 Member
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    I don't have any close family, and I don't talk about it with my "friends" unless I know they will be on board. Most friends aren't really friends, anyway, they are acquaintances.

    As far as emotionally abusive family or significant others - I cut myself off from them. I spent years feeling bad. Then I started challenging them. They got worse. I warned them that I couldn't and wouldn't listen to them, and I was very specific. They kept on saying the same things, so I cut them out or cut way back on the time I spent with them. I was much happier.

    You don't have to stay in any abusive relationship, no matter if it is a parent or a "friend".
  • Mcmilligen
    Mcmilligen Posts: 332 Member
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    Any negativity is always hard when trying to make big personal changes. Unfortunately, family isn't always something you can run away from.

    As a teenager, my biggest critic was myself. I absolutely loathed my body, and ended up starving myself because of it. It really only ended in more self-hatred, and a long road to learn to love myself and my body. I gained 40-50 lbs just because I had killed my metabolism from starving myself for so long, and the process began to repeat itself. Eventually, I smartened up and started to spend a lot of time on my own. I began to discover who I was, and learned to enjoy life, rather that revolving my life around food.

    After this, I had a very close friend (overweight, and also insecure) whom argued with me ANY time I mentioned something health related. His points were never valid, but his goal was to always bash back at me with some sort of argument that was supposed to convince me to just not care about my health. I guess it was his way of making himself feel better. He relied on me for constant support of his issues (and believe me, they weren't minor), yet any time I spoke enthusiastically about something I clearly had a passion for (nutrition, fitness, etc), he'd jump on that and attack every single point I stood for. I gave in for a bit, and realized how unhappy I was. To end this, there was only one solution- tell him EXACTLY how I felt about all of this. I wrote him a very clear letter explaining that I cannot continue being his friend if he will not support something that is so important to me, nor can I continue to be the crutch that supports his truck load of problems (he rarely would listen to me when I needed advice, anyways). He has never spoken to me since, and ignores me when I pass him on the street (even if I smile and say "hello"). I am better off now anyways! I feel a lot less tied down, and no need to impress anyone except myself.

    Sorry for the long winded response! I hope that you can rise against the negative people in your life, and if anything- teach them a thing or two. Stay strong, I am always here if you feel like messaging me for a chat :)
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,953 Member
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    Family is sometimes the best thing to run away from.
  • prism6
    prism6 Posts: 484 Member
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    yes,and I spent many years abusing myself dealing with him. It was hard to get myself together when he left for someone'better' than horrible old me, but even though it has taken me 14yrs to get here....here is where I am and it is awsome. Gotta love yourself, in reality, you are the only one you can always depend on
  • moran1917
    moran1917 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    For me it was about digging deep inside myself and deciding who I am, why I do the things I do, and that I am worth something to me. Everything else is just static. I used to let people's comments dominate my life and do everything according to what other people said, because being me I must be wrong. But you know what? I'm not wrong. It's my life and I am doing this for me- everyone else can piss off. Find your inner confidence.
  • ThickMcRunFast
    ThickMcRunFast Posts: 22,511 Member
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    During 5 years of an emotionally abusive relationship, exercise was at times the only thing I could control. Of course, even that turned into a way to get him, somehow, to value me. Maybe if I looked like a fitness model, he would be nice to me, you know?

    It took a lot to finally get out,in the end I was just too exhausted, I couldn't stand the thought of putting in any more work for someone like him. Its tough to let something like that go, but I definitely do not miss feeling like crap constantly.

    Now I work out for me. It keeps me sane, and helps me get rid of a lot of the anger that has accompanied the break up. I'm not saying I haven't done a few crying runs (one can only imagine what I look like), but I always feel better after. Good Luck!
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    I wasn't specifically trying to lose weight when this happened... because, well, I was 11 years old... but my Dad was a former Marine who loved to lift weights and work out. Me being a fat kid wasn't something he was that pleased with, I suppose, so he would randomly design workout routines for me to do in his basement gym. Let me tell you, THAT was a great time. Just think of Chris Cooper's character from "American Beauty" 'encouraging' his kid to work out.

    Anyway, the incident that stands out most in my mind was a day when my Dad told me to get off the couch and go outside with him. We had a steep hill in our backyard that was brutal to get up and down. He thought it'd be a great idea for him to make me run up and down that hill repeatedly... for how long I don't remember, but I certainly remember my chest killing me and not being able to breathe. His words to me? "That's what all of that sitting on the couch does to you."

    Yeah, if I remember nothing else about my Dad, it's that. Any vague or faint encouragement he gave me in my life has always paled in comparison to that moment.
  • yroma
    yroma Posts: 80
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    I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing that. Some people are so dysfunctional and insecure that they attempt to make themselves feel better by belittling others. When you are the other and you grow up hearing those messages it's hard to develop a healthy sense of well-being and self-esteem. Sounds like you understand this concept and you're ready to move on. It can be difficult when the person who should be providing unconditional love takes the very opposite tactic. One thing you can do it seek out therapy. A good therapist can help model healthy relationships for you. They can help you develop yourself and your self-esteem. This site can also be a great resource with lots of folks ready to send a kind word or encouraging thought. Ironically, exercising can be a source of good feelings for you. Similar to earlier posts, exercising can help you feel a sense of control over your body, flooding you with endorphins (our body's "feel-good" hormone) and ultimately help you feel better about yourself and where you're going. I wish you the best!
  • katie001x
    katie001x Posts: 19
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    It's probably going to sound bad, but I have the exact opposite. I'm almost double the weight I was in high school and all I get is people telling me that I don't need to lose weight and that I'm fine. They give me no motivation to lose weight. Even my husband is like this. He is always saying I only weigh 90 pounds and that I have nothing to lose, even though I weigh more than him! He's always telling me that I'm sexier now than when we first met (back when I was skinny.) They don't understand that the weight is making my fibro worse and that I'll feel much better when I get it off. To be fair, I really don't look like I weigh as much as I do because I'm tall, but it is there. The only person in my life that motivates me to lose weight is my friend, Sara, who works out at the gym with me. We are the same weight, but she is much shorter than me, so she looks bigger. But she has a lot more stamina and energy than I do. I can barely do a mile and a half on the treadmill. She can do 5k (a little over 3 miles) easily. She is my inspiration. I'm constantly trying to work myself to her level.
  • NewFitKeri
    NewFitKeri Posts: 190 Member
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    Some of your guys' words really helped me. Thank you:embarassed: :flowerforyou:

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