when will I feel like I have lost the weight

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wolfettex3
wolfettex3 Posts: 9
in Introduce Yourself
I started at 226lbs March 2011 when had c section for my youngest baby. I was always very athletic and fit before having my first child. I blew up with my son. I didnt have time to worry about the weight working 60+ hours a week and being a single mom. I got married and had two little girls 15 months apart ( I got pregnant with last baby when second baby was 5 months old.) I topped the scales at 226 and have gone down to 130-135 lbs and still have 15lbs to get to pre pregnancy weight. I dont feel the weight loss at all. Is this normal? I wear big clothes to hide myself and cant stand for my husband see me naked even tho he loves mmy bogy. Anyone know how to help me? Desperate to look in mirror and smile.

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  • madivp
    madivp Posts: 112 Member
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    That is a good question: How do we change the way we perceive our bodies. I am afraid no matter what size I become I will always see the fat girl in me. I hope there is some answers out there for us.
  • legnarevocrednu
    legnarevocrednu Posts: 467 Member
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    I have a similar problem! I have lost almost 100 pounds, and still can't look in the mirror without seeing a huge body. I don't think there is any other way to fix it besides finding some support! This is a psychological thing, and maybe joining a support group of some kind or even going to a therapist (nothing to be ashamed about there...mental health is important!) are ways to battle the way we see ourselves. Also, make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who support and care about you!
    Edited to add: Everytime I go shopping and fit into smaller clothes, I'm in shock. Sometimes my instinct is still to head to the plus size section. When I fit into a medium dress the other day, I told my friend it was because it was "stretchy". I took a size 10 jeans into the dressing room thinking they wouldn't fit at all, and when they fit perfectly, I ran out to my friend to show her in shock.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    wolfettex, my own weight loss was not as significant as yours but I share the experience of body dysmorphic disorder with you. I think I noticed that I lost weight, but I wouldn't allow myself to feel like I "deserved" it so I felt like a fat person in an alien body. Any comments from other people about my weight loss or how good I looked made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Honestly, the only thing that helped was time with a therapist. It has nothing to do with your actual size. You lost almost 100 pounds, that's a huge accomplishment, and you absolutely deserve to feel "at home" in your body. But, I can understand that with all of the body changes you've experienced within the past two years, it may be really difficult for you to feel comfortable in your own skin. I hope you are able to find a professional to talk to... It's a difficult thing to handle on your own and most people in your daily life don't understand
  • nicolio8699
    nicolio8699 Posts: 141 Member
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    I actually am more disgusted with my 175 lb body than I was with my 300 lb body. I mean, obviously, it was never a pretty sight--lol--but I am more apt to hide my body from my husband (who is endlessly loving and supportive) now than ever before. I cry about my appearance now, whereas I'd cry about my lack of will power and health problems associated with my morbidity before. Very weird. But, I'm not terribly vain, and I try to reassure myself that at least I look acceptable with clothes on now--but my poor husband suffers since I rarely will even change my clothes around him now without hiding behind a towel. I feel more like a cow now than ever. ohhh, the human mind! hopefully it eases, though! for all of us, friend:) and congrats on the incredible dedication and success!
  • mariposa224
    mariposa224 Posts: 1,269 Member
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    I'm thinking others will possibly have some more helpful advice, but I think that it comes with time, too... How long did it take you to drop the 90+ lbs? That's no mean feat, right there, BTW. Nice job! For me, though I wasn't quite as high on the scale as you, I didn't think I looked "that fat" when I looked in the mirror, but I could see it in pictures. And now, it's funny, because I can't see my "thin, fit" body in the mirror, either. But I can see it in pictures. It's probably some form of body dysmorphic disorder... I *know* I'm thin, I know that I look and feel so much better... But I don't FEEL that way. It's getting easier for me. I don't feel like some kind of imposter wearing my smaller size clothes anymore, so that's a step in the right direction.

    Try not to push your husband away, he loves you, all of you. :flowerforyou:
  • OfficiallySexyVal
    OfficiallySexyVal Posts: 492 Member
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    It took me about 40 pound in for me to notice the difference. It is not a big change but it is a change for the better, the only thing I could suggest is if you have any full body pictures of you when you were at 226 compare that to a full body picture of you now. If you don't see the difference then, then I don't know what else you could do! Before I did that myself I couldn't see a change. Once I put those pictures side by side I am loving the way I look now and I still have 74 pounds to go! Good luck, I hope this suggestion helps you! Congrats on the weight loss!
  • mom2handh1975
    mom2handh1975 Posts: 224 Member
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    You've lost 100 pounds and don't see a change in your body? You should talk to your doctor about that. Your body may never be exactly the same as it was before you had children, but that's okay. You should wear clothes that fit and flatter you. That alone might help you feel better about yourself.
  • sassydebbie67
    sassydebbie67 Posts: 76
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    I'm right there with you all.. I've lost 75 lbs in the past 2 1/2 years and i feel like i haven't lost anything... I have extra skin still on my belly and arms that i'm tring to tone up but not working.. I still have a bout 25 to 30 to get where i want to be but then i think i will still feel that i haven't lost anything....
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
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    Have a goal weight similiar to yours. Started at about the same size. I have the same issue. I still see big me. I am down 50 lb, down to a size 8 from a 14/16. I still see the size 14/16 when I get dressed. I try really hard to see the real me. Maybe have someone take some candid pictures of you. Have them review and pick out your best and look at them side by side with your old pictures. Honestly that is what helped me the most as I am trying to gain back confidence. Good luck!
  • APawli1224
    APawli1224 Posts: 80 Member
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    I only lost 40lbs and that is a lot for 6 months I suppose but when I look at myself even though I see differences I still think I am HUGE and that I havent lost anything.. So when yall find the trick let me know!!
  • mjf0461
    mjf0461 Posts: 470 Member
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    I understand your feelings. Started at 267.5 lbs and now down to under 190 lbs with 25-30 more to go. I started 1-1-11 and still see myself at 267.5 lbs. I spoke to a pyschologist about this, (friend of mine) she said it can take up to 2 years for your brain to accept the changes in your body and see yourself the way others see you. Stated you will notice that you start making comments about yourself like oh look my legs are firmer or smaller and such. She said that helps change the brain and slowly things will be accepted. Not to give up just to stay strong. She also advised me to look in the mirror every single day at least 2 times a day, and say something nice about what I see. Oh my hair looks good or my face is slimmer or my bat wings are smaller. That helps the brain accept things also. I try but not dedicated to doing it. Good luck..
  • tigerpenguin
    tigerpenguin Posts: 15 Member
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    Maybe toning will help your self esteem? Everyone sees themselves differently than they are... I was in perfect shape in high school/ college and still felt chunky. I look back now and can't understand for the life of me what I was thinking. I bet your gorgeous!
  • SandraNancy
    SandraNancy Posts: 127 Member
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    Ahhh, I'm so glad it's not just me!! I lost 30lbs, and as the weight was coming off, I felt great. It was like I was watching myself shrink every time I looked in the mirror. I got down to 130lbs, which for my 5'7 frame is a perfect, healthy weight, and I've maintained that for almost two years... and yet when I look in the mirror, I still see chub.

    I wear a size 4-6, and xs to s for shirts, so logically I KNOW I can't be chubby anymore. I still have to have these pep talks with myself, though, assuring myself that if I'm wearing a size 4 dress then I cannot possibly be as big as I think I am.

    It's amazing what our minds can do to us. My mom made a pretty good point about it-- she said that I had 7 years to get used to seeing myself one way, maybe it would take 7 years to learn to see myself another way. Might be the same for you?

    Whenever you feel down, just come back to the logical. You lost a TON of weight. At your current weight, there is no way you're fat, and whatever you think you see in the mirror probably isn't what's really there. Keep your chin up!
  • sphair81
    sphair81 Posts: 5
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    I understand completely. I don't even think it's about how much we weigh and lose as much as we still see ourselves as the "fat kid" or whatever defeatist names we use to label ourselves. I still have days, even after losing the weight, that I look in the mirror and see that same person. I don't think it's about losing the weight as much as it is healing the feelings behind it. I know I've lost weight, I can see it in my clothing size, etc. But, I look at the skin, the stretch marks, etc. and I revert back to that person I was. I was in that same situation, an athletic person before having children and then gaining weight afterwards. I agree with Secretlobster about Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It's a very real thing that goes so much deeper than your weightloss and outward changes. It's about how you feel inside. I also agree with finding a professional to talk to. BDD can (and I'm not saying it will) lead to eating disorders, as well as other more serious ways of trying to handle our feelings. There is no shame whatsoever in saying you can't see yourself for the beautiful person I know you truly are. And there is no shame in saying you need help. I know I did and I know it helps. I wish you the best in viewing yourself and celebrating your amazing accomplishment!
  • wolfettex3
    wolfettex3 Posts: 9
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    Thank you all for responding. I can see the loss when I put on old clothes. I just dont feel it. To be completely honest when I was heavier I felt better about myself and didnt worry about how I looked. I lost the weight by changing my diet and fitting in exercise in my dailly activities ( like doing lunges while doing carpets and squats when picking up house). I didnt have support because husband kept saying was fine the way I was. My eye opener was two weeks after having Grace my yoingest. I had to go on three bp meds amd fluid pill. It scared me with my family history. I want to see my kids grow up and be able to play with mu future grandkids. I am here for anyone who seriously wants to lose the weight the right way. It isnt easy but it is worth it. As for my issues with my body it is a mind thing. I just got used to being the old me. I too am shocked when clothes I just know wont fit fit. In a way I am scared of the mew me. I feel strange when people look at me. I get mervous when people comment on my weightloss. I am afraid it isnt for real. Anyone understand that?
  • zooathome
    zooathome Posts: 20
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    I try to understand where you are coming from but I am just starting this weight loss, healthy living journey. My goal weight is where you are right now and I am totally jealous that you are there!
    I know for me mentally and emotionally its so easy to get stuck in a rut. I am totally insecure about my looks and it was getting worse by the day. Wearing my hair in a bun, no make up, wearing t shirts and gym shorts all day. I mean I was so lazy that I would go 4 or 5 days with out shaving my legs or a few days with out washing my hair.
    Last week I made a change. I start to put make up on and take care of my skin. Im washing my hair everyday and trying to do something different with my hair. Im even committed to shaving everyday!
    With just a couple changes and starting to workout I feel like I am changing mentally and emotionally for the better. I feel prettier and Im sure with just a little more confidence I look prettier too.
    So maybe this will help you a little bit? Can you look at pictures of your previous self and pictures now? Do you see the change? I can imagine how your face changed. I am looking forward to having a jawline and slim neck again!
  • wolfettex3
    wolfettex3 Posts: 9
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    I know how that is. I have always been a tomboy so never did the hair makeup thing. I always wore loose fitting clothes amd hair in ponytail. I need help learning "how to be feminine". I dont even know where to start. I have three kids yhat wont even let me go to the bathroom alone. Thats why so many spelling errors. Trying to type and keep kids entertained at same time. I have no life outside my home. This site is the first time have spoken with anyone not blood related in a very long time. I live and breath kids. Husband doesnt understand that I am lonely. Sorry tmi. Well thanks again for support and I will keep you updated when the reality finally kicks in
  • Kyrosh
    Kyrosh Posts: 238
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    I have the same thing (I think...) When I look in the mirror, I know I lost a lot of weight, but most of the time I just don't see it. Even though other people comment me on how much weight I've lost... It's so frustrating sometimes... Good luck, and I'm sure you look great :smile:

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