Beginning Long Distance...

skinnyfithealthyme
skinnyfithealthyme Posts: 213
in Chit-Chat
Long story made short, I love my boyfriend to death and he loves me. But we're going to universities that are 15 hours apart and he leaves friday morning. This thread is NOT for advice about going long distance (although you're welcome to share any tips) but rather just how do I deal with the sadness. I feel like I can't even enjoy our last days together because no matter what I'm fighting back tears. I know that our relationship is strong enough to make it- that's not the issue. I just am going to miss him so terribly and I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to stop crying.

I am sorry for the depressing post but to make it relevant it's totally screwing with my progress (I keep feasting on dark chocolate and bacon) and I hate to be a debbie downer but if anyone has been through anything like this...maybe you could just tell me that it gets better. Or that it doesn't, I'd appreciate the honesty at least.

Okay, I'm done venting and I feel like a tard, if anyone wants to message me words of wisdom I would greatly appreciate it. I feel so lost.

Replies

  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Well there's constant communication(haha ask my friends) these days. It's not like decades ago when these relationships were nearly impossible.
    It's NOT easy. There are days after he leaves my house is so empty I don't want to get out of bed. But I do. And then I go to the gym, I work out. I hang out with my friends, I hang out with my kids.
    We plan our next visit, and that's fun.

    I do MUCH better when we have a visit planned, rather than when we both have stuff going on and aren't sure when it's going to be.

    We almost always get in an fight our last day/night because I am so sad, he can't even get me to speak. But you just kind of put one foot in front of the other and deal with it.
  • MissAlyGator
    MissAlyGator Posts: 185
    I recently lost a man who was my world and went through basically the same thing. Except, I'm pretty sure I ate more bacon then....not bacon haha. But, anyways, it does suck. I've found though that it really doesn't help to crash your healthy eating (well, it helps for a while....). If you eat healthy, you have something to feel good about!

    Hope you feel better soon :smile:
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
    Hmm about to do the same thing, (Los Angeles to Washington, DC) but fortunately I have had this experience before. It's certainly not easy, but since you two are both students, you can look forward to tons of breaks and holidays. Also, believe it or not, after a couple of weeks, it gets MUCH easier to deal with. Trust me. Plus, you'll be so busy with college... so your mind will be preoccupied. Stay strong. It's hard, but doable if both of you are willing to put in the time and effort required. :) Good luck!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Well, I am now married to my long distance love :) That said, I think that there is one thing that is AMAZING about long distance relationships...GETTING to miss each other! It's so exciting to have that excitement that you are going to see someone you have been missing!
  • jordyninja25
    jordyninja25 Posts: 21 Member
    I've been there. My fiancé and I are coming to the end of nearly 4 years long distance. It took me a long time to feel like I could get on with my life without feeling sad and missing him. But it definitely gets better and enriches your relationship in ways that might not occur if you weren't apart. But chances are that the next few weeks will be a bit tough but once you both get settled in a nice routine you'll feel better. Good luck with everything and best of luck to you and your partner :)
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    I've been in two long distance relationships. One with a guy that was 12 hours away and now with my husband who is in the military. You really do just have to suck it up and be happy. You still have to have your own time and "friend" time because if you don't, things can get tense. Maybe set fitness goals to keep you motivated when you don't have him and definitely set up visits as often as possible. Any long weekends you should try to spend together. Also, have skype dates...both of you pick up the same type of food and eat together and maybe watch a movie.

    If you let the sadness overtake your life, the relationship will fail. It is sad, but in my experiences it is true. You have to stay positive and upbeat because the other person doesn't want to listen to you crying all the time because you miss them. If you both are fully committed to making it work then you can definitely make it work!
  • RAFValentina
    RAFValentina Posts: 1,231 Member
    My boyfriend and I used to be seperated due to us both being in the military..often one of us is away for a long time... he's in Afghan for 4 months at the mo.

    We call, write to each other, send each other little pressies and plan what we're going to do when we are together and get all excited by that!

    In the mean time, smash the gym, focus on work and hobbies, seeing family etc. It won't stop you getting really down from time to time, but I've found myself making more good mates and finding training partners.

    I also planned a series of races for me to go to which kept me busy and focussed on something else, that really helped! I had something else to worry about, train for and get excited about (Adidas Thunder Run) - also I did that one for charity so outside of training and work and general life my focus got in to fundraising!

    When you feel sad, write him a note of why you miss him so much. You won't stop being sad, but you'll feel *less* sad and less frequently.

    Hope that helps.
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
    me and my boyfriend are 3000 miles apart...2 days by car, 8 hours by plane/car. So i get it but it's actually not ALL BAD. You learn how to express your love, to delay gratification, and to learn about the person in a way that you wouldn't if you were always in one another's presence. Don't get me wrong...i HATE IT and it SUCKS BIG TIME but I am trying to cope with it. ::hugs::
  • quill16
    quill16 Posts: 373 Member
    Without trying to sound like a Mom, (I'm 55 ) my heart feels heavy for you. I know you are sad and rightfully so. If your relationship was meant to be you can withstand it. I'm married 27 years and distance, joys as well as troubles. and uncertainty are the road of life. Take some time to put yourself first and do good things and take care of yourself. Maybe try something new and different to keep your mind occupied. Don't sabotage yourself out of anger or loss.It will take some effort, but keep going and be determined to be the best person you canbe to yourself and others
  • Ohmydaze
    Ohmydaze Posts: 403 Member
    My boyfriend is army.. but from a different country anyway. I tell myself it's practice for when he'll be deployed off to some scary place in the future. Long distance is hard, but you grow to accept it and it becomes normality. Think of all those romantic train station/airport reunions you'll get :) If you ever need someone to moan to about missing him, feel free to add me.
  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
    The sadness sucks - I couldn't do anything to help it in the run up to him leaving and the week or two after he left. So I just let it run its course. It does get better though, just make sure he knows how you feel and try and enjoy the time you have left. Communication is key.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    You are going to have a blast at college meeting new people and trying new things. You can still love him, but love yourself too and let yourself grow. Don't limit yourself at college because you have to go back to your dorm and Skype, and don't always be texting him, as that is a quick way to lose opportunities for friends. In time, you will find yourself adjusting to the situation.
  • weemer78
    weemer78 Posts: 4 Member
    Just thought I would give my view I was in the navy for years and I couldn't cope with saying goodbye so we would just enjoy our time together and on the day I left I used to get up get dressed kiss the sleeping child kiss the wife and leave while they were both asleep I tried to leave once when they were awake but It broke my heart and I ended up teary all the way back to the ship. The time away makes the time together more valuable.
  • heartsoulshannon
    heartsoulshannon Posts: 59 Member
    In my experience (8 years as an Army wife ... Two15-month separations... one of which included an entire pregnancy, labor&delivery, and first 5 months of our youngest daughter's life.) the days leading UP to the separation are almost worse than the separation itself. You'll have days where it's cake (generally, these are the days that you're super busy BUT you still get to hear from him for a few minutes) and you'll have days where all you want to do is eat chips, bacon, ice cream, and chocolate. It's awesome to have a guy that's worth the wait, though! :D
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    I met my husband in July 2006 online, he proposed on the phone in April 2007, we met in person for the first time in July 2007, I went back home to Arkansas (he is from Indiana), then we decided we wanted to be together so I went up there again and we got married in a court house in November 2007. Our first year of marriage was when we got to get to know eachother in person and he got the deployment call a few days before our 1 year anniversary in November 2008. He left January 2009 for a year to go to Iraq. He was more attentive and him being away brought us closer together. I know about long distance so you can add me if you want :smile:
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    I have been married to a military man for almost 6 years. We have done long sitance for about half of it, once we went 13 months before he got leave to see me. And our communication was limited. It can work. Do things out of the ordinary not just phone calls. But if you are both in college send fun theamed care packages. Maybe a collage of pics, cocert/movie tickets/ random items that you two did together for his room.

    Also, nothing more romantic than an actual had written letter spritz with your perfume and sealed with a kiss


    good luck hun!
  • EndlessSacrifice
    EndlessSacrifice Posts: 325
    My boyfriend and I started out long distance, and it's been that way for the past three years. In just under a week, he will finally be moving in with me. The past three years have been rough, but definitely worth it. I'm not going to lie to you. It will definitely be extremely hard and depressing when you guys have to say goodbye for however long you'll be away from each other, but you will make it through. Long-distance requires ten times more effort than a normal relationship, but if you're in love and determined, things will be just fine. I wish you guys the best. If you ever need someone to talk to or anything, I'm here for you.
  • ellenxmariex3
    ellenxmariex3 Posts: 165 Member
    My So and I were high school sweethearts and are long distance during college and live together over breaks. We're 1000 miles apart but since he has no money there are no visits until I come home for breaks.

    I know how you feel. I leave next week (he stays in our hometown, I leave) and I'm already depressed about it. I want to spend every moment with him but with our work schedules that isn't possible. The best thing for this stage is to remember you will see them again and to think of a positive about where you are going/what you are doing. I'm focusing on the fact that I'm seeing my friends from college I haven't seen in 3.5 months. That helps.

    My way to keep from being sad is to stay busy. The day after my plane lands I'm going to Busch Gardens with my friends. That will help me from being too mopey that day.

    The best way to cope throughout the distance is to keep up the communication through letters, Skype, and calls. When I have a Skype call to look forward to, I'm much happier!

    Don't sacrifice having fun in college though. It's hard to find the perfect balance (my first semester was bad with it) but it's worth it. It will make your relationship better because you both will be happier individually.

    Feel free to message/add me if you'd like to talk about long distance relationships :)
  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,162 Member
    you are 18, and you're in love.
    8c2.jpg
  • stockholmhasago
    stockholmhasago Posts: 67
    My ex was military , so we were several states away for a long time. The key to long distance is, when other couples are sitting together on a Friday night wondering what to do, you and your man get to skype, or text, or call, and actually PLAN. That was our big thing--making plans. Even just the idea of being able to plot something together helped us both.

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