Advice on Changing Who I Am.

OnTheWayToPerfection
OnTheWayToPerfection Posts: 115 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am so, overly negative.
I have horrible anger issues.
My patience has deminished.
I let things get to me.
I only see the bad in people.
I'm sarcastic.
I complain over the most trivial things.
I'm out of control!
I'm a down-right b!tch.

And I need to change.
But I don't know how.
Maybe if I make a list of one nice thing to do a day. One thing that's out of the ordinary for me.
I've thought about going back to anti-depressants, but that is where I gained ALL of my weight...

So, I'm asking for help on how to change ME.

The only thing I am truly happy about with myself is succeeding at losing the 25 pounds that I needed to lose.

Replies

  • OnTheWayToPerfection
    OnTheWayToPerfection Posts: 115 Member
    *Bump
    Serious Issue.
  • Jexebel
    Jexebel Posts: 67
    What are you negative about? mayeb you are just focussing on the negative things and ignoring the things you are being positive about.
    What are you angry about?
    I too have very little patience, it's just a trait, some people have it, some dont. You can work on it though.
    What do you let get to you? Specifically?
    I find, a lot of people SUCK. And everyone has 'bad' in them, including you. It's how people are.
    Sarcasm is a good thing. I'm sarcastic. All my good friends, taht I enjoy spending time with, are sarcastic. People who don't like sarcasm and don't get it are lame.
    Out of control how?
    I'm sometimes told I'm a *****, I think it comes with being sarcastic and dry.
    Why do you need to change so much? It's you? Are you really unhappy with these things? Do you have friends and family? If you do, they like you for who you are and probably would want these things changed.

    Congrats on the 25lbs. Perhaps all you need is to find a way to accept yourself.
  • Mellie289
    Mellie289 Posts: 1,191 Member
    Have you considered seeing a professional therapist? I think they could really help you change how you think. If this is your personality we're talking about rather than a current state of mind, I don't know how much can be changed, but it sounds to me like it will take a lot of work.
  • joecollins9385
    joecollins9385 Posts: 355 Member
    talk to a therapist, or a pastor, or try looking at the positive side of life. you said you lost 25 lbs. be happy about it, thats better than a lot of people have done. find a hobby, or join a league something bigger than yourself to be a part of.
  • ThreesCompanee
    ThreesCompanee Posts: 33
    I think the same things about myself.

    I think you have to take life one day at a time. Sometimes, one minute at a time. I have 3 kids and there are times that I find myself getting so upset with them. My patience with them is non-existant occasionally. I will find myself yelling at them and thinking "what am I saying?!?!" I try to take a deep breath and ask myself if I have to really be this upset. 99% of the time, the answer is no.

    Basically, if you find yourself getting heated, ask if the situation is worth getting upset about. Then take a deep breath and let it go.

    Congrats on your weight loss.
  • sherisse69
    sherisse69 Posts: 795 Member
    I am so, overly negative.
    I have horrible anger issues.
    My patience has deminished.
    I let things get to me.
    I only see the bad in people.
    I'm sarcastic.
    I complain over the most trivial things.
    I'm out of control!
    I'm a down-right b!tch.

    And I need to change.
    But I don't know how.
    Maybe if I make a list of one nice thing to do a day. One thing that's out of the ordinary for me.
    I've thought about going back to anti-depressants, but that is where I gained ALL of my weight...

    So, I'm asking for help on how to change ME.

    The only thing I am truly happy about with myself is succeeding at losing the 25 pounds that I needed to lose.

    ***

    You mention that you have taken anti depressants, but have you ever talked to someone, meaning a counsellor, or psychologist? I ask because it sounds like you are angry - but you don't seem to know why - or maybe you are not ready to face whatever it is. I point this out, because I went through this. I was mad at the world. I was bitter with life. I was just down right pissed off. I finally went and made an appointment with a psychologist - which led to heart wrenching, draining, AMAZING journey of finding myself, gaining strength, and believing in my own worth.

    I don't believe for a second that you are a '*****" at your core. I think that you just may need someone outside of your circle to help you find the source of your hurt and anger. You can be happy, but you have to WANT AND BELIEVE YOU DESERVE TO BE.

    Best of luck, truly :)
  • OnTheWayToPerfection
    OnTheWayToPerfection Posts: 115 Member
    I have been to a therapist before, but it just wasn't for me. I also can't afford $50 a visit when my insurance doesn't cover it.
    Money plays a huge roll in my unhappiness...

    I have a lot going on in life and it's taking a toll.
  • lynnprice
    lynnprice Posts: 101 Member
    Totally get how you feel. Been there. Re-visit it from time to time. It sucks.

    Meditation, not medication. The Ultimate Happiness Prescription by Deepak Chopra. I can't say enough how this book saved me.
  • SKP1986
    SKP1986 Posts: 392 Member
    Totally get how you feel. Been there. Re-visit it from time to time. It sucks.

    Meditation, not medication. The Ultimate Happiness Prescription by Deepak Chopra. I can't say enough how this book saved me.

    I haven't read this book, but I started looking at Buddhism as an addition to my philosophy and a lot of the mindfulness exercises and meditations have already started helping in ways I can't even describe. I'm not pushing Buddhism specifically, but meditation in general can really help and there are so many different styles that it's a great fit for almost anyone.
  • candb
    candb Posts: 238
    You sound like my husband. Based on who I know him to be, you're not a **** to the core. If you're anything like him, you have exceedingly high expectations and get pissed off when the rest of the world (and yourself) doesn't live up. Just try and take a step back and realize that you cannot control everything. Focus on what you do have, not what you want, and be thankful for that. Work each day on writing one thing about your life that you are thankful for down. It can be small things. Most of the things we have in life are small things. But those small things will add up and as you start to look for them you'll realize that you already have so much to be happy about.
  • OnTheWayToPerfection
    OnTheWayToPerfection Posts: 115 Member
    You sound like my husband. Based on who I know him to be, you're not a **** to the core. If you're anything like him, you have exceedingly high expectations and get pissed off when the rest of the world (and yourself) doesn't live up. Just try and take a step back and realize that you cannot control everything. Focus on what you do have, not what you want, and be thankful for that. Work each day on writing one thing about your life that you are thankful for down. It can be small things. Most of the things we have in life are small things. But those small things will add up and as you start to look for them you'll realize that you already have so much to be happy about.

    That IS me.

    Thanks, I'll try that, along with reading The Ultimate Happiness Prescription
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
    I have been to a therapist before, but it just wasn't for me. I also can't afford $50 a visit when my insurance doesn't cover it.
    Money plays a huge roll in my unhappiness...

    I have a lot going on in life and it's taking a toll.

    Yup, so you're not a bad person, you've just got bad stuff going on (and a history of bad stuff). If you can't afford a therapist (and can't find a free or cheap one - many of them have sliding scales of payment) then you'll need to do whatevery you can on your own to deal with your issues.

    I do suggest you work on your underlying issues, not focus on the surface behaviour. You'll need to find whatever combination of things work for you whether it's religion, spiritiuality, cognitive behavioural therapy (you can get books, website etc to help yourself), art, music, exercise, primal screams, cooking, medication or whatever it is that helps you deal with your thoughts and feelings.

    Reach out and seek help!

    For myself, I've had quite a bit of counselling, I find going to church very helpful, yoga, swimming and walking outdoors. I've also written a journal off and on as I've needed to get my thoughts on paper.

    Good luck on your journey!
  • zestyzaftig
    zestyzaftig Posts: 103 Member
    You sound a lot like I used to.

    There's only two things I can convey after having healed from many years of maintaining a pessimistic attitude while embracing a destructive (to myself and others) lifestyle:

    1- It takes a LOT time to heal from whatever caused you to be the way you are. I had improve the hard way, no counseling or prescriptions. I'm a control freak perfectionist who wants what I want NOW, and am willing to work my butt off to get it, but I can't make time go any faster. Learning to let go and accept that I really have very little control over the big machine called Life was the hardest step at all, but definitely the most fulfilling.

    2- The fact that you've been able to evaluate yourself and objectively define the problems you see in yourself is incredibly important. The trick I found to actually applying that knowledge was to *constantly* monitor my behavior and thought processes. Whenever I'd start to let negativity take control over me, the little red flag would go up in my mind, and I'd try very hard (mostly successfully) to reverse the process and take back control. It's a challenging process at first, but after a while, a rhythm of healthy self-awareness comes into play. It also does wonders for self-esteem to not immediately have an emotional reaction to every little situation that isn't all puppies-and-rainbows.
  • AddieOverhaul
    AddieOverhaul Posts: 734 Member
    I think writing can help a lot, as well as slowly retraining your thought process. When you catch yourself in a negative thought, try to stop it and turn it around. try to focus on the positive. Life can't be all bad! For one, you look great! try to write down each night went well that day, what you are grateful for or anything else positive. When you are focusing on the negative ask yourself if it is really that bad, is it really the end of the world?

    I also find that if you are around other negative people they bring you down, so maybe take a look at who you are spending your time with. The fact that you recognize these things about yourself and want to change them is a big first step. Good luck!

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