How to deal at social occasions?

marthas3110
marthas3110 Posts: 21 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi folks,

I went to a BBQ yesterday and found by the end that I had over eaten. I was really cross, and I knew it was mostly because I had been bullied into it.

I know that sounds stupid, I'm a grown woman. But as soon as I got there and wanted a water instead of a beer, and didn't eat a bun with my sausage, one of the hosts just made a bee line towards me and wouldn't leave me alone for the whole evening. 'Why aren't you drinking?' 'you know what, you need a donut' 'why don't you want more? Go on, it needs finishing'.

This guy is someone I don't know well and I didn't want to offend anyone, or tell them I thought their social occasion was full of junk food. I managed to avoid the alchohol but I ended up eating a whole load of food just to be polite that I didn't want.

I feel crap and I don't know how I would have avoided it. It was awkward and embarrasing.

How would you guys have all handled this?

Replies

  • Illona88
    Illona88 Posts: 903 Member
    I use quite a few excuses.

    Like: "I've already had another dinner date and I'm still full", "I'm not feeling too well", "I can't drink, because off early work/driving etc.", something like that.

    It also helps that I have allergies, so a lot of stuff I can just avoid by saying I am allergic to it ;).

    If I am among friends, I just tell them that I am trying to lose weight and my closest friends already know this.
  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
    How do you feel about offending people you don't know well? I think responding with, "It sounds like you are drinking/eating enough for the both of us," would be well placed here. Then again, I am not well-socialized. :)
  • paulaviki
    paulaviki Posts: 678 Member
    I just tell people I'm watching what I eat! I tend to find if you are honest people are more supportive.
  • opuntia
    opuntia Posts: 860 Member
    I don't like to drink as much as others do on social occasions, because too much alcohol just makes me feel dizzy - but of course, people do like to keep plying you with drinks, so you can get as drunk as they are! What I do is drink the drink I've got very slowly - people only tend to give you more drink when your glass is empty. Another thing I do if I'm given a drink I really don't want, is to put it surreptitiously onto a table and leave it there - people don't really notice, because people often put their drink on a table and forget about it.

    Of course, if you don't want to drink at all, you could just say you're not able to drink at the moment for health reasons - if you make it vague like that, you can word it so it's not a lie, but if you're happy to lie, you could say you're on antibiotics. Or that you're driving. In fact, if you drive, you could drive to the social occasion, and then it's true. People always accept those reasons.

    I normally want to drink a couple of drinks, but if I didn't want to drink anything at all, I'd just say so, not rudely, but quite firmly - if you say it firmly and don't waver, making it quite clear you have no intention of drinking any alcohol, people generally respect that after a couple of attempts. It's all about how firmly you establish your boundaries. If you say 'Well, I'm trying to be healthy, but oooh, okay - just the one!' then people will take that to mean that of course you really want to drink, and that you'll be quite glad to be persuaded to drink a bit more. Also, I wouldn't tell them you're trying to lose weight - because that's a reason people can try to talk you out of (saying it's just a one-off treat, that you don't need to lose weight, that you need to have fun, etc. - there is a general understanding that people don't like being strict with themselves about watching their weight and are quite happy when their friends persuade them to have a few drinks or a nice big cake!).

    People don't tend to ply me with food, as I like to eat a lot at a barbecue, but if I was being given food I didn't want, I would use the same techniques. I've visited quite a few countries where your host will always refill your plate if it is empty, not to be a bully but because that is the etiquette there - so I've learnt to leave food on my plate so people don't give me more when I'm full.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    I would have smiled, eaten/drank, and moved on.

    It's one day... and one day won't undo all the hard work you've already done.
  • annafonte
    annafonte Posts: 82 Member
    I agree with dad106 - one day won't harm just dont do it everyday
  • eviegreen
    eviegreen Posts: 123 Member
    I agree with the previous poster. Unless you have these events all the time, it's okay to indulge a little. I find that enjoying myself for one day every so often keeps me from falling off the wagon.

    I'm not advising you to binge. But if you want a beer, have one. Drink it slowly, limit yourself to that one and tell your hosts you're stopping now so you can drive later. Or bring your own non-alcoholic or light beer. A lot of people like to socialize around alcohol, so if you can do it on your own terms, that's fantastic.

    As for food, I find that moderation is key to keep from overeating. (I would have gone without the white bread bun, too, though. Just because I don't like the taste.) During BBQs, I get a very little bit of everything. Spoonful of beans. Spoonful of potato salad. One hot dog without the bread. One scoop of ice cream. In the end, I find that eating small portions keeps people from asking, "Why aren't you eating this food I've prepared," and keeps ME from going over my comfortable calorie level. Hope this helps!
  • JennetteMac
    JennetteMac Posts: 763 Member
    Take a little, make it last and savour it.
    :drinker:
  • kornmaiden
    kornmaiden Posts: 109
    I would have smiled, eaten/drank, and moved on.

    It's one day... and one day won't undo all the hard work you've already done.

    I totally disagree with this, I would say it is YOUR right to put in your body the fuel you deserve. I focus on the people and not the food. Try saying that isn't on my food plan right now. If you can, arm yourself with something that LOOKS like a drink, water w lime in it or something. Fill your plate but fill it with salad or other healthy stuff. I always bring something healthy so that if here is nothing else there, I can at least eat what I brought. Folks usually appreciate it.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    I would have smiled, eaten/drank, and moved on.

    It's one day... and one day won't undo all the hard work you've already done.

    I totally disagree with this, I would say it is YOUR right to put in your body the fuel you deserve. I focus on the people and not the food. Try saying that isn't on my food plan right now. If you can, arm yourself with something that LOOKS like a drink, water w lime in it or something. Fill your plate but fill it with salad or other healthy stuff. I always bring something healthy so that if here is nothing else there, I can at least eat what I brought. Folks usually appreciate it.

    Did you even read the OP or just bee-line for my post?

    Op mentioned she didn't know the people well/didn't want to offend and that there wasn't many healthy items since it was a BBQ.

    In a situation like that, you make the best of it that you can.. and that would be to smile, eat and move on.
  • crazygracee
    crazygracee Posts: 34 Member
    I was in your shoes last week as we had my hubby's annual office family bbq. Started off "calorie counting" which meant 2 sticks of chicken kebab, salad and coleslaw. But I didnt feel comfortable as I said it is a joyous occasion which involves us getting together as families. So I said, I will have a day off and eat what I like and just enjoy the day. I ended up eating on that day all my lunch and dnner allowance - kebabs, hotdog (yes on a bun), crisps with lots of bottled water in between! We finished at 530pm and I checked my MFP allowance to find I still have 51 calories left but I am so full I didnt even need to eat dinner! Add the little cardio I did that day, I was still under my cals by 200+

    My day off day turned out really great, i had fun, I didnt feeel out of place and felt happy that I didnt need to count calories. I also had very little exercise the days after as we were on holiday and ate more than what I planned. BUT when I weighed in a week later, guess what, I still manage to lose 1 lb! I was delighted, but to be honest, even if I gained weight last week, it wouldnt have mattered as I know that I am still committed to losing weight and having a day or week off to enjoy yourself is worth it.

    So I guess, what I am saying is, take a day off from time to time. It is allowed!

    G x
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    It's one day... and one day won't undo all the hard work you've already done.
    I agree to some extent, but it really depends where you are in the process of weight loss. For some people, one bad day at the wrong time can be a slippery slope.

    In a larger party situation, I've found the that host generally doesn't know the difference if you tell them you already at a lot when they were off talking to other people...I just say "gosh, everything is so good, I've already stuffed myself on it" (and tell them I had a lot more on my plate to start out). As far as drinking...usually "I'm driving" should suffice (or, "I drank too much last night").

    When I host a party, I generally do try to make sure everyone is eating, and happy...and has enough (or doesn't feel like they can't go back for seconds if they want), so don't worry about hurting their feelings. I'm sure your friend was just trying to be a gracious host
  • marthas3110
    marthas3110 Posts: 21 Member
    Thanks for all your suggestions guys.

    I think what I need to remember is that I have a choice in the matter. Whether that choice is to accept the food and enjoy myself, or to be firm and hold my own, I think I feel more positive in doing both from now on without worrying about it.

    I appreciate your support so much, it's such a great community here!
  • MeltingCandlewax
    MeltingCandlewax Posts: 42 Member
    I guess i would have delt with it, either by having one drink and nursing it all night, or tell them I have medical issues and not allowed to drink or I am on medication. Funny i was making dinner the other night for friends and my friends all know i am counting calories, but i had no clue what to make. My friend said you know what it is about hanging out first and food is secondary.
    i wound up making a chicken dish and every one liked it. I guess when it is possibly going to all be junk food, maybe eat something before you get there, or just eat the smallest portion of whatever is there if you are hungry. It really doesnt matter what everyone else thinks it only matters what you think. If it is going to make you feel yucky afterwards, don't eat it. just my 2 cents. Don't be embarressed in social situations if what are you doing with calorie counting makes you feel better. Especially if you don't know these people that well.
    I think someone i dont remember if it was LA weight loss or weight watchers (long time ago)
    "looking/feeling or being thin is better than __________ (fill in the blank) tastes."

    PS: if it makes you feel better somebody also reminded me the other day that one day probably won't do much damage. i was over by more than 1000 calories the other day.
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
    You know, it never even crosses my mind that someone would be offended by me not eating a certain amount of food at an event like that. I mean, if someone close to you goes out of their way to make something especially for you, it might be rude not to try it, but why in the world would anyone care how much you eat at a barbecue? My usual response to someone offering more is just to say, "I'm totally fine, but thanks; everything was delicious by the way." If they continue, I just say, "No really, I'm fine." And change the subject.

    I can't imagine that if you turn down all these helpings of food that you don't want that these people will be holding it against you and upset about it later. They probably don't care or ever think about it again (would you?). And if they did, are they people you really want to be around anyway?
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    Just say no. No one can bully you into eating something you don't want to. What you eat is up to you and you alone.
  • momtokgo
    momtokgo Posts: 446 Member
    I just stand my ground and say "I'm full, really, thanks, I can't eat another bite". As for drinking, I don't drink and no amount of peer pressure at a bbq is going to make me put down my water and pick up a beer.

    I have tons of food allergies though, so I don't really eat anything unless I know where it came from and how it was made. A bbq is my worst enemy, I can't have meat, dairy or gluten. Thats pretty much all bbq food, except salad.
  • Helloitsdan
    Helloitsdan Posts: 5,564 Member
    Heres the deal.
    You probably burn about 2200-2800 cals a day.
    How many cals did you eat at this BBQ?

    If you are set to 1200 (Hope not) then you probably did your body a favor.

    Also believe it or not, youll have better fat loss by overeating or even TDEE eating 3x a week as opposed to a straight cut.
    Hormones and stuff.

    So dont sweat the small stuff chika!
    You did your body a favor!

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