I need to rant and I'm sorry...

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245

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  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    Mistake 1) moved out of country with a boyfriend - knowing there is a risk things could go south in a non-marriage relationship

    Mistake 2) Hounding a guy that is complaining about being hounded all the time (>.<) TIP: As a dude when we complain about this crap.. DROP IT... show US it doesn't bother you! Don't hound us more about it, that's just going to make us want to tick you off with it even more.

    Pretty much agree with this one.
    I let her come and go as she pleases without an interrogation as to where she is going and what she's doing. I expect the same in return. We DO communicate well and we will usually volunteer the information as a matter of courtesy. When we are both home for the evening it would be highly unusual for either of us to just get up and leave without mentioning why we're leaving or where we are going. But during the day, she works, I work and sometimes we have something to do after work that might change our typical arrival time back home. Not a big deal, we're adults about it.
    If she was constantly asked me "why are you 15 minutes late, where did you go, what did you do" I would feel smothered. That's not conversation, that's interrogation and no one appreciates it.

    ^^yup. I would hate the idea of having to account for every little thing I did!
  • 007bondage
    007bondage Posts: 631 Member
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    I appreciate all your advice . We had a serious talk today without getting heated and I think it was definitely needed .. We resolved a lot of issues and have had a great day :).. Im so happy thank you all for being there for me .

    Glad I could help (by doing the typical male thing and saying nothing) :drinker:
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
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    ignore him for a few days. give him what he wants.
  • Doesntplaynice82
    Doesntplaynice82 Posts: 119 Member
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    Get rid of the roommate guys tend to "show off" and pretend they don't care in front of their friends.
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
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    I agree with what somebody else on here posted about doing the same to him.. My husband pulled some crap on me the other day and lied about where he was going. I found out hours later that he was somewhere completely different and hanging out with friends rather than at the store when I thought he was coming right back... He didn't come back until very late that night. So the next day I did the same to him and he definitely did not like it. I say give him a taste of his own medicine and maybe he'll see where you're coming from. He shouldn't be hiding anything from you. If he continues like that then you might want to take a break from him altogether until he can learn to be respectful.
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
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    Abuse is abuse no matter what you call it. Even if it's "just verbal."

    Edit: read it wrong, had to change what else I posted.
  • RubyRubixcube
    RubyRubixcube Posts: 258 Member
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    only read the OP's original post, but sounds like something similar to what my bf and I have just been through... stay strong, we shouted for nights, didn't talk for days and then I offered to leave. We didn't talk for a few more days apart from snappy comments here and there... things are on the up & up now, I think we both just needed to realise some boundaries & needs with each other
  • Stinkytoe
    Stinkytoe Posts: 17
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    Sounds like an irresponsible, manipulative, piece of sexist ****.
    I would give him what he wants and ignore him, then leave with out telling him where you are going. ... WHICH IS HOME, because I would be DONE with that relationship.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
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    Remember this hun...Once a cheater, always a cheater. WTF? I'd pack my **** but hey, that's me.....I hope you find resolution soon...take care.
  • GypsysBloodRose26
    GypsysBloodRose26 Posts: 341 Member
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    It is amazing how a single question is hounding and interrogating. So frickin' stupid.
    Mistake 1) moved out of country with a boyfriend - knowing there is a risk things could go south in a non-marriage relationship

    Mistake 2) Hounding a guy that is complaining about being hounded all the time (>.<) TIP: As a dude when we complain about this crap.. DROP IT... show US it doesn't bother you! Don't hound us more about it, that's just going to make us want to tick you off with it even more.

    Pretty much agree with this one.
    I let her come and go as she pleases without an interrogation as to where she is going and what she's doing. I expect the same in return. We DO communicate well and we will usually volunteer the information as a matter of courtesy. When we are both home for the evening it would be highly unusual for either of us to just get up and leave without mentioning why we're leaving or where we are going. But during the day, she works, I work and sometimes we have something to do after work that might change our typical arrival time back home. Not a big deal, we're adults about it.
    If she was constantly asked me "why are you 15 minutes late, where did you go, what did you do" I would feel smothered. That's not conversation, that's interrogation and no one appreciates it.
  • javagsd
    javagsd Posts: 82
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    We can't talk someone into feeling something other than what they feel. I totally get that you are feeling that he doesn't value your needs for communication and inclusion, but the Respect St. goes both ways. Consider that he might feel disrespected because he's made his feelings clear and asked you directly to back off, but the subject keeps coming back up. You both are asking each other to make changes. If neither one of you are willing to modify your expectations of each other it is indeed a control battle. Everyone loses in those.
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
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    leave his sorrie worthless *kitten*!
  • WABeachWalker
    WABeachWalker Posts: 133 Member
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    I think that I would also feel isolated being in a different country. To add to that, the further isolation of an unsupportive boyfriend seems almost too much to bear at once. Do you have family that you can connect with? Who or what is your suppot system beyond MFP?

    The good news is that by surrounding yourself with loving, caring individuals you can overcome the situation you now find yourself in. Friend me if you'd like. You can do just about anything One Day At a Time (ODAT). Take care of yourself. <3
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    All of you (for the most part) should just step back and listen to yourselves...

    do it to him?

    call him out?

    get off his back?

    These are not comments to help a healthy relationship. Who does those things??

    Talk to him. If you cant work something as simple as this out (and yes, this is a SIMPLE problem) then you two should reconsider any relationship until you are ready for commitment, honest and being trustworthy, and trusted!

    If you have to question where he is.. and if he feels the need to deny you that information, then you are simply playing childish games.
  • ChasingSweatandTears
    ChasingSweatandTears Posts: 504 Member
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    (I am sending you a private message instead :) )
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,691 Member
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    he's prooooooooooobably ....doing something he shouldnt......

    he seems immature, and either unwilling or unable to communicate with you like an adult. I would not tolerate for too long, you will get walked all over.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    He is a great boyfriend..

    A great boyfriend wouldn't laugh with his friend about you being upset. Sounds pretty childish to me.

    And I don't think it is unreasonable for you to ask where he is going.
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
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    Mistake 1) moved out of country with a boyfriend - knowing there is a risk things could go south in a non-marriage relationship

    Mistake 2) Hounding a guy that is complaining about being hounded all the time (>.<) TIP: As a dude when we complain about this crap.. DROP IT... show US it doesn't bother you! Don't hound us more about it, that's just going to make us want to tick you off with it even more.
    Duc, I agree with point 1 but not point 2. he can do whatever the hell he wants, and she doesn't care. she is not hounding him, she just wants to know where he is and what he's doing and there's nothing wrong in that. my husband and i both trust each other and have this unwritten rule that we always know where the other is to keep that trust going, and so i'm not up late at night wondering if he's gotten in a car accident or sleeping with another woman. if a man has a problem with sharing where he goes and what he does in a day with his woman, then obviously he has something to hide. otherwise, what's the big effing deal? just get over it and tell her for god sake she's not holding you back. why is it such a hassle?
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
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    All of you (for the most part) should just step back and listen to yourselves...

    do it to him?

    call him out?

    get off his back?

    These are not comments to help a healthy relationship. Who does those things??

    Talk to him. If you cant work something as simple as this out (and yes, this is a SIMPLE problem) then you two should reconsider any relationship until you are ready for commitment, honest and being trustworthy, and trusted!

    If you have to question where he is.. and if he feels the need to deny you that information, then you are simply playing childish games.
    This
  • stillthesamegirl
    stillthesamegirl Posts: 112 Member
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    Like I said I talked to him.. We worked it out. I know he was nr doung anything wrong . I always worry about him when he is even with his family and it bothers him. So he chose not to tell me because he wanted to show me that I need to chill out. It was not right of him to deal with it that way, but he is not a "bad" guy and he is bothered when I treat him like one because of my ex's. He is not worthless or sorry and I will not be leaving him. I appreciate all of your input but I guess I forgot that people don't know him so it is easy to assume he is a certain way based on what I said. Anyway we have it all figured out and I think the main issue was us not communicating well... NOT that he is hiding anything or that i thought he was lying. Oh and someone said "once a cheater, always a cheater" . He has NEVER cheated lol. Anyways like I said I do appreciate the advice from people who took the time out to assess the situation!

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