Question for those in a marriage (about sex) ;)
Ok....so this has got me thinking and I am curious to hear what others think about it. My husband's business partner recently told my husband that he wasn't feeling fullfilled by his wife of 10 or so years. He was just fed up. He doesn't want to have sex 2-3 times a month. He desires more. As well as generally more affection from his wife. He drafted up a contract and told her his expectations, and explained to her that if she couldn't deliver them, he would have no choice but to find a girlfriend. Well so far it has worked.
Thoughts? I have mine.
Thoughts? I have mine.
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Oh man! I thought this one would be a fun topic!1
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What do you mean "Worked" He's getting more than before, or he got himself a girlfriend?0
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She is doing the things he asked of her.0
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Come on guys!!!!! :drinker: :flowerforyou:
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Maybe she needed a kick in the pants. But honestly it shouldn't have taken him writing something up to get her to do what he wants. If they were in a strong relationship, then they could have talked about it. Speak up!1
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I agree, he should have been able to talk to her. I wonder if he did but it didn't do anything so this was his last resort?
I know we don't know the details of everyone's marriages, but I feel in general, it is our spouse's responsibility to eachother to fullfill sexual needs. I know many don't agree with that though. (and it's obvious many don't make it a priority) I'm surprised this topic didn't get more feedback.0 -
I think when you get married you should want to have all kinds of sex with your partner. I know things get hectic, then there are kids on the way etc. But at the end of the day you married each other because (hopefully) they seemed like your perfect mate, and that goes to my idea that we are all glorified animals. It is at our very cores to want to have sex, eat food and do stuff that makes us feel good. I believe most disorders such as anxiety and depression are caused by the fact that a person does not do enough of what makes him feel good. That can be sex or a whole host of things. But that's my two cents!1
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I agree! And I think it's real BS when a partner starts withholding sex. Talk about being sold a bill of goods, right?0
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I think it should be our own responsibility to fulfill our sexual needs - and our spouses have the luxury of coming along for the ride. However, it is an incredible thing to be in a partnership with someone who cares about your needs and wants to help you take care of it!
I am shocked that he would draft up a contract. Way to blow the romance/spontaneity/fun out of it. And hey, maybe he doesn't do a damn thing to make his wife want to have sex with him? Farting on the couch and watching TV, expecting her to do 'wife' things around the house/not helping her out or whatever crappy husbands do - - these don't leave her much time to be thinking about screwing her husband.
I hope she wrote up her own contract of things she will expect in return! Maybe this could be like a vow renewal for them?
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If I drafted a contract for the wife. She would make me eat it. (the contract)1
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Ok....so this has got me thinking and I am curious to hear what others think about it. My husband's business partner recently told my husband that he wasn't feeling fullfilled by his wife of 10 or so years. He was just fed up. He doesn't want to have sex 2-3 times a month. He desires more. As well as generally more affection from his wife. He drafted up a contract and told her his expectations, and explained to her that if she couldn't deliver them, he would have no choice but to find a girlfriend. Well so far it has worked.
Thoughts? I have mine.
Maybe he wants you to be his girlfriend
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I think maybe he needs to find out why she is disinterested in sex. Maybe he is boring in bed, maybe she isn't attracted to him anymore, maybe it's him. If not him...he could possibly be her libido is not where his is at this time in her life. I think the best way is for him to be sensitive and talk..not draw up a contract. I think i would have sex with my husband LESS if he did that. Or i would be disguisted because maybe she has something else going on with her.0
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Maybe perhaps he isn't treating her with the respect that she deserves. After our first child was born, my wifes sexual desires with not there anymore. My sexual drive was still at full force, and this made me focus more on full filling my own needs through self gratification and porn. I tell you the truth when I say that that killed our sexual time together more than anything! I was totally hooked on this addiction and at the same time I was totally disrespecting my wife. This went on for several years, and than I was hit with a load of bricks and facing the facts that she was getting ready to leave me. She had her bags packed! I have since than, turned my life to Jesus Christ and have never looked back. With that being said, our sexual times are stronger now than when we were first dating. I am focused more on her needs rather than my own and vise vera.
I hope this helps.3 -
I jumped on here to see who is using sex as part of their daily/weekly exercise regiment....
I guess I'll chime in and see what happens...
Having been married 29 years (still married), the question has come up many times over those years in discussions with other couples; how much sex is right for a married couple? Should it be once a week, once a month, only on holidays and birthdays? Was the frequency discussed early on in the marriage or was there simply the expectation that it would continue as it was right after marriage, or even before? Should it be an obligation to satisfy the partner even if you are not interested? And of course what type of activities are fulfilling for both people?
I guess in respect to the contract and the girlfriend idea...was it really a contract or simply an outline of things he would like to do and that opened the eyes of his wife and she got excited about it? If a woman is not interested in sex any longer (or a man), should they be open minded enough to allow their spouse to find that satisfaction elsewhere?
Lot's of questions...no answers...sorry. :-)0 -
I think instead of writing a contract *slap!* This guy need to make his wife feel sexy. The main reason I quit having sex in my previous relationship was because my boyfriend never made me feel like I was desirable. He never flirted or snuck up behind me and kissed my neck... He expected to just get it when he wanted it... Usually when I'm already asleep. My new husband however will text me throughout the day flirting, and make me feel good about myself. Ya gotta work for it guys... keep your girls on their toes, and they'll want to have sex more often 2
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Amen!!0
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I doubt an ultimatum like that really worked. I think your coworker is full of it. If my husband gave me a contract I'd call his bluff or better yet tell him my new boyfriend was giving it to me so well he was redundant.2
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Well let me add a different twist..what happens when the wife wants to have sex more, some romance etc. and 2-3 months go by with no sex, and she pushes to find out whats the problem..then he blurts out, "did you ever think its because you have gained weight" and goes on to say the wife knew from day 1 he wasn't attracted to over weight women blah blah and yet she gained some weight over the 15 yrs together.. What would you say or do?? oh this conversation came up cuz the wife saw him 'taking care of his needs" he wasnt aware she saw him..0
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Selfish!0
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walkermom75 wrote: »I doubt an ultimatum like that really worked. I think your coworker is full of it. If my husband gave me a contract I'd call his bluff or better yet tell him my new boyfriend was giving it to me so well he was redundant.
Savage1 -
Ok....so this has got me thinking and I am curious to hear what others think about it. My husband's business partner recently told my husband that he wasn't feeling fullfilled by his wife of 10 or so years. He was just fed up. He doesn't want to have sex 2-3 times a month. He desires more. As well as generally more affection from his wife. He drafted up a contract and told her his expectations, and explained to her that if she couldn't deliver them, he would have no choice but to find a girlfriend. Well so far it has worked.
Thoughts? I have mine.
Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts.
Firstly, I have to take a moment to acknowledge that we (the forum/community) are working off third-hand information when forming a response to this, so it might not be accurate to the actual situation.
I think it's important to be communicative about wants and expectations. In that sense, I don't think it's a bad thing that he's asked "I want to have sex and have physical intimacy more often". That's what you should put forth if you feel like your needs are being neglected, and then you should listen to what the other side thinks about it. What troubles me is the fact that it's a topic that could be calmly talked over by adults, but it's been rendered as a "contract" where it's "do as I say or I leave you"... like holy *kitten*. If that isn't borderline abusive behavior and a serious red flag about the guy's deficient moral character and lack of proper priorities, I don't know what is.
TL;DR: If what you're saying is true and the guy literally gave his wife an ultimatum of "satisfy me more or I'll find someone else", she should get out of there cuz clearly he cares more about his dick than her wellbeing.happilymegan wrote: »Sex is arguably number one if not than number two in a relationship. It's what differentiates you from lovers and best friends.
I know you're probably just talking about your own opinion, but the way it's worded makes it sound like you think this is what should be or what everyone thinks. But I gotta ask, where does that worldview leave asexual people? Ace spectrum individuals (people who cannot or do not experience any sexual attraction) can still have perfectly fulfilling, successful romantic relationships. It seems unfair to invalidate them (sadly, ace people are used to it though). For that matter, where does it leave people too sick or geriatric to continue having sex?
"It's what differentiates lovers and best friends"
Hmm... This is just me personally (because the world is a wonderful tapestry of people with diverse opinions and experiences), but I've had for-fun sex with friends and some of my most intimate and tender moments with my S/O were nonsexual ones. Shrug.3 -
Well let me add a different twist..what happens when the wife wants to have sex more, some romance etc. and 2-3 months go by with no sex, and she pushes to find out whats the problem..then he blurts out, "did you ever think its because you have gained weight" and goes on to say the wife knew from day 1 he wasn't attracted to over weight women blah blah and yet she gained some weight over the 15 yrs together.. What would you say or do?? oh this conversation came up cuz the wife saw him 'taking care of his needs" he wasnt aware she saw him..
that's not a twist, that's a thread-hijack attempt
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walkermom75 wrote: »I doubt an ultimatum like that really worked. I think your coworker is full of it. If my husband gave me a contract I'd call his bluff or better yet tell him my new boyfriend was giving it to me so well he was redundant.
This is what I would expect, with a contract like this... wow....0 -
wolverine66 wrote: »Well let me add a different twist..what happens when the wife wants to have sex more, some romance etc. and 2-3 months go by with no sex, and she pushes to find out whats the problem..then he blurts out, "did you ever think its because you have gained weight" and goes on to say the wife knew from day 1 he wasn't attracted to over weight women blah blah and yet she gained some weight over the 15 yrs together.. What would you say or do?? oh this conversation came up cuz the wife saw him 'taking care of his needs" he wasnt aware she saw him..
that's not a twist, that's a thread-hijack attempt
Of a 4 year old thread. She made another thread asking this question and it went spectacularly terrible.0
This discussion has been closed.
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