A Womans Week at the Gym

JennaM222
JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM


If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.

This is dedicated to everyone who has ever hired a personal trainer :)


Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
*kitten* was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny ***** to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that *kitten* Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobics instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Replies

  • rlmadrid
    rlmadrid Posts: 694 Member
    Laughing out loud at my desk. Awesome!
  • katrwal
    katrwal Posts: 336 Member
    Oh, thanks - that was awesome! I'm glad I didn't wear makeup today - laughing so hard I'm crying...
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    A client sent this same thing to me. Hilarious!

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    i think it's becoming more evident to me that i don't have the same sense of humor as a lot of people.

    i found this amusing, but i didn't laugh, or even chuckle. something might be wrong with me.
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,078 Member
    LOL

    I felt like this somewhat, but it took months.
  • lilyinlove
    lilyinlove Posts: 441 Member
    Thanks for sharing!
  • SanyamKaushik
    SanyamKaushik Posts: 215 Member
    :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile:
  • ZoeLifts
    ZoeLifts Posts: 10,347 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • RubyWare
    RubyWare Posts: 51 Member
    This is too funny! I'm getting odd looks from my coworkers for giggling at my desk :tongue:
  • ROFL!
  • bartcal
    bartcal Posts: 40 Member
    Thanks for the chuckle at work.
  • I could not stop laughing!! Thank you :laugh:
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
    :laugh: I dig it
  • smurfette75
    smurfette75 Posts: 853 Member
    I've seen this before....but I stil LOL!!
  • taylor5877
    taylor5877 Posts: 1,792 Member
    Reposting for dummies:

    Im+not+sure+if+this+is+a+repost+but_d6ccaf_3807017.jpg

    I did laugh at this (the OP) the first time I read it though.
  • rmhand
    rmhand Posts: 1,067 Member
    LMFAO
  • mdelcott
    mdelcott Posts: 529 Member
    Best post I have ever read on MFP, LMAO
  • usc2626
    usc2626 Posts: 186
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Cassie8877
    Cassie8877 Posts: 177
    lol this is GREAT!!!! but i still want a personal trainer lol
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
    i think it's becoming more evident to me that i don't have the same sense of humor as a lot of people.

    i found this amusing, but i didn't laugh, or even chuckle. something might be wrong with me.

    I finally started laughing at Wednesday. LOL!
  • This made my day.
    Thank you!
  • shellebelle87
    shellebelle87 Posts: 291 Member
    i think it's becoming more evident to me that i don't have the same sense of humor as a lot of people.

    i found this amusing, but i didn't laugh, or even chuckle. something might be wrong with me.

    Same :ohwell:
  • MariaMariaM
    MariaMariaM Posts: 1,322 Member
    I just read the True Love thread and was laughing pretty hard.
    Now I came to this one and can't stop laughing. Pretty funny stuff!
  • This was hilarious.
  • MissLynne10
    MissLynne10 Posts: 64 Member
    Hilarious, love it.
  • hheater
    hheater Posts: 52 Member
    That was awesome! I laughed so hard!!
  • jody2807
    jody2807 Posts: 115 Member
    This is fantastic you have made my day :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • JacquelineD35
    JacquelineD35 Posts: 279 Member
    :laugh: :sad: :laugh: :drinker: this was awesome, thanks for sharing :flowerforyou:
  • Lyssa62
    Lyssa62 Posts: 930 Member
    that was a great late night laugh!! thank you :)