Starting my journey, have around 180+ to lose

This is very long, sorry! I just wanted to get everything out, make this new life and journey official for me!.

I am currently at my all time high in weight. I should get my scale tomorrow but last December I weighed 332lbs, and I probably gained more since my boyfriend and I got our own place and was able to do our own shopping. (Sure you know what that means)

A little about me, I'm 34 woman, only 5'3", never been skinny growing up. At 16 I weighed 171. I have had several children, in fact my oldest who is almost 18 is going to have a baby. (Yes I'm young to be a grandma, but will be in January.) With my daughter having a child, it kind of motivated me to get my health in shape for her, and my new grandchild. I am tired of being the fat mom and failure in every ones life.

I have dealt with severe depression, general and social anxiety, and I'm tired of it. (Only tried meds for anxiety, I hated it. So I kinda stuffed myself in a house and just coasted by in life. My love is my computer and games I play on it. 6 years ago I met my current boyfriend who helped my depression a lot. I moved from the West Coast to the East Coast to live with him and at first I got a job at a fast food place (Had been unemployed for 10 years prior) and worked there for 2 years, it barely got easier. After that I pretty much went back to my couch potato ways, Dealt with a couple medical problems, but those are resolved or getting better.

I do still have anxiety issues, (It's bad that I can't really call on the phone to order pizza or answer the door.) I think losing weight will help some of that, at least I hope.

As it is, by the time I was 30 I lost both my parents, in 2007 my mom passed away at 53 years old, and in late 2008 my dad passed at 57. And I'm way more over weight then both of them. I just don't smoke like they did. I want to be around longer for my children. I also do admit, I kinda want to see old friends and say "Ha, look at me." But purely I just want to look and feel good. I hate shopping for clothes, it's expensive and I just end up wearing my boyfriend's shirts anyways. (He is bigger then me)

Back in February this year we got a 8 week old Border Collie mix from a friend of his who had a dog with pups. We both knew she would require a lot of activity and she is about 8 months now. Our goal was to walk her together and get fit. I have taken her for walks, but usually I do it for 1 or 2 days and just walk around the apartment complex once or twice then come in. Luckily she has been a pretty low energy level to what I expected (She has energy, loves chasing the cats in the house. :P, just not as much as I was figuring she have.)

We the last 4 days now I have pushed myself and taken her out for a walk, deciding this time to get out of the complex and walk down the street. Found out it was 1 mile walk total, my puppy has loved it and I have felt better. I timed myself last night and it took me 23 mins to walk the mile. And that's with the puppy stopping now and then to sniff the grass or a bush. Hoping to get my boyfriend to join me now and then, but he works hard so wants to play his games when he gets home and days off.

Walking comes easily for me, I am having no problems with it. I even added extra excercise last night by doing that one walk at home work video I found looking through these forums. I lasted for the whole video surprisingly, yes it did wear me out a bit, but I enjoyed it. Tonight I tried that Jillian Michaels 30d Shred, okay I didn't make it throughout the video, but I did my best. I have always said "Today I'll start losing weight." And thinking what it'd be like in one year from now, but then I go back to snacking and playing games and not moving at all. (My prior activity was basic house cleaning, and grocery shopping every 2 weeks.) Nothing much other then that. I can tell you one thing, it feels GREAT to move around. When I'm finally awake, I just want to move move move. So I get off the computer often now and walk around and stretch a bit. I am thinking of changing the walk route to increase more time soon.

I guess now I just need encouragement to keep going. Right now it is a big hard because my sleep schedule is around 9-10am til 4-6pm.. Major insomnia and hard to break the pattern I'm on. But I find walking at 10pm and 5 am when it's dark and cool out helps with the summer heat, so I don't mind too much. Afterall I'm getting out, right!.

Anyways, thanks for reading my novel of a post, it just feels good to put something out there so I have something to look back on, because I WILL DO THIS!