I need girl advice ladies and maybe male perspective!!!

FitJoani · May 2008

I know this has NOTHING to do with working out at all but just a general question. I am notorious for missing the obvious, I kinda lack common sense. No matter what area of life, and especially with guys. When I was heavier guys never gave me a second glance, except one, and we have been dating for quite some time(it WAS one of the date break up and now we are back together deals) but this guy has been thru it all with me, and has seen me at my worst including when I was 200 lbs and said I am gonna get thin, he coulda left and found someone else but stuck around. I am also NO good with sharing my emotions and last wee in so many words he told me he loves me. It through me back a little and I told him I wasn't sure what to say, but I am almost 100 percent sure hes the one(but cant say that cause there are NO gaurantees) but he was understanding and I do feel very very very strongly for him and I am just scared he is gonna hurt me if I give him my heart. I hope I didnt blow it!!! So that is my question I didn't completely mess up did I???????

FitJoani · May 2008

I know this has NOTHING to do with working out at all but just a general question. I am notorious for missing the obvious, I kinda lack common sense. No matter what area of life, and especially with guys. When I was heavier guys never gave me a second glance, except one, and we have been dating for quite some time(it WAS one of the date break up and now we are back together deals) but this guy has been thru it all with me, and has seen me at my worst including when I was 200 lbs and said I am gonna get thin, he coulda left and found someone else but stuck around. I am also NO good with sharing my emotions and last wee in so many words he told me he loves me. It through me back a little and I told him I wasn't sure what to say, but I am almost 100 percent sure hes the one(but cant say that cause there are NO gaurantees) but he was understanding and I do feel very very very strongly for him and I am just scared he is gonna hurt me if I give him my heart. I hope I didnt blow it!!! So that is my question I didn't completely mess up did I???????

Shannon023 · May 2008

So many questions...

How old is he?
How long have you been together?
Do you share the same interests?
Do you like his family?
Do you have the same opinion re:children? Having them? Raising them?
Do you have the same $$ philosophies??
Will you enjoy his company when the passion wears out?

You're young, sweetie. Sooooo much time ahead of you to find "the one". {{hugs}} I was 30 when I got married, but was such a irresponsible party-girl in my 20's it's a good thing I waited.

My $.02. No change given.

teshlovely · May 2008

I should not give out advice but I can give you my opinion. I would tell the guy that I was sorry and that he just caught me by surprise. Then let him know how you feel and take that chance with him. Girl he loves you no matter what weight you are and he respects you. I say if he loves me and respects me and hes good to his momma than its good to go. Its rare to find that good guy that is just for you so if you find him take the chance.

Im happy for ya chicka.

Oh yea take it slow. Have that relationship and when your mentally and financially stable then take the next step.

greysweatshirt · May 2008

I don't think you blew it at all. It's really great that you are being honest with him and not just saying "I love you" just because he said it to you.

Although those are small words, they have a BIG meaning! This way, when are you ready to say it to him, he will know that you really mean it. Just take things one day at a time, enjoy what you have together.

kerrilucko · May 2008

You didn't mess up, you shouldnt say such important things until you are sure you mean them AND feel comfortable saying them. If he's REALLY the one, he'll understand.

TamTastic · May 2008

I don't think you messed up. I can completely understand your hesitation and not wanting to share your feelings until you are 100% sure you know what they are. That is actually very wise of you and will save both of you a lot of heartache!

And if he truly cares about you the way you think he does, then you haven't pushed him away for good. He will understand and give you the time you need to figure things out.

Good luck!!
Tami

sgtinvincible · May 2008

I don't think you messed up. If anything I would encourage you to be honest with yourself. If you are hesitant, there is a reason for it. Focus on working that out.

There is absolutely no reason for you to respond the same way just because it might be considered polite. This is *love* you are talking about. As Grey said, they are small words with big meaning. Talk it out with him. I can tell you for sure though, that you *must* be bestfriends before you can be anything more.

I hope you and he are able to come to a reasonably mutual accord.

cinandchris · May 2008

I certainly am no expert and the only one that can really answer this is you. But, from past experience, I can tell you that if you were not ready to explode with excitement when he told you this, and that you did not know how to respond, then you should not jump into anything too fast. Since you really care about him, stay with him and take it slow, but if deep inside something just isn't sure, then please don't settle. You are young and you have plenty of time to decide if he is Mr. Right or not.

FitJoani · May 2008

So many questions...

How old is he?
How long have you been together?
Do you share the same interests?
Do you like his family?
Do you have the same opinion re:children? Having them? Raising them?
Do you have the same $$ philosophies??
Will you enjoy his company when the passion wears out?

You're young, sweetie. Sooooo much time ahead of you to find "the one". {{hugs}} I was 30 when I got married, but was such a irresponsible party-girl in my 20's it's a good thing I waited.

My $.02. No change given.

28
almost a solid year(of general dating and he has hinted at it before)
I like his family he likes mine and they like me and mine likes him
we both do want kids after a couple years of marriage
we do have the same money theroys
I just enjoy being with him he is a friend as well

auntkaren · May 2008

I agree with graysweatshirt, I don't think you blew it either. If your not 100% sure then give it more time , you must have had your heart broken before to be so concerned about it happening. You should perhaps tell him you care for him very much , things may seem a bit awkward for him now when he wants to tell you he loves you. So say whats in your heart like you told us to help him understand where he stands with you.

FitJoani · May 2008

I agree with graysweatshirt, I don't think you blew it either. If your not 100% sure then give it more time , you must have had your heart broken before to be so concerned about it happening. You should perhaps tell him you care for him very much , things may seem a bit awkward for him now when he wants to tell you he loves you. So say whats in your heart like you told us to help him understand where he stands with you.

I have and when we did split up it almost seemd a part of me was missing and he told me the same thing and he NEVER ever once lied to me, he was raised never to just as I was

FitJoani · May 2008

thank you all for your advice!!! My best girlfriend told me that I am the person he went to to get consolation on a bad time in his life, and he was there when I was heavy and supported you through it he cooks dinner for you after a long day at work how obvious does it HAVE TO BE!!!!!!!!!) I think deep down I am convinced it would never have happened to mebut I may be the only one who doesnt see it.

I need girl advice ladies and maybe male perspective!!!

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