getting over abuse?
BeautyFromPain
Posts: 4,952 Member
When I was younger I was abused very badly physically and mentally, every day for years on end. I keep getting nightmares now and can't sleep through a night without waking up at least a few times.
I'm a lot stronger than I used to be, but how do I fully get over this?
Has anyone gone through this themselves?
I'm a lot stronger than I used to be, but how do I fully get over this?
Has anyone gone through this themselves?
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Replies
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i know how you feel. i was abused mentally as a kid and sometimes slapped. threatened quite a bit and then had bullies to deal with at school.
i sometimes have nightmares or just flashbacks quite often. something will trigger a bad memory.
have you tried counselling? i keep meaning to do it.
try and take your mine off it by doing something you enjoy.
i wish i could help more
you can always talk to me if you like :flowerforyou:0 -
thanks hun
hope it's okay for me to add you0 -
I would suggest some intensive counseling. It won't be easy to get over on your own. I am sorry you went though this.0
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Sometimes you can cling to your memories cause they're familiar to you.
Let it all go. Do not carry the burden of them around with you out of habit. Try and disassociate and distract yourself from any triggers you get.
And do not be afraid of pain. Pain can sometimes bring great change and pave the way for healing after. (edit: just seen your name lol. GMTA eh? :P)
Not very good advice perhaps, but this is what got me through.
GL x0 -
so far going on 17 years of nightmares where most of the time i'm being stabbed or shot and can feel it like it is really happening, or at the very least i'm being chased by someone TRYING to stab or shoot me, i normally have 1-2 "dreams" a month, the rest are nightmares,been through counciling ( a few times) and tried every drug out there, honestly the thing that has helped me the most is my excercise, i go all out during the day and more recently have been really tired where i pass out and most of the time i have just been having weird dreams, but for the most part nothing has really made it "better" in the way i think you are talking about, but that's me,and everyone is different, of course my views on life have generally gotten a little better with my losing weight and feeling better about myself so maybe that has something to do with it too? good luck and if you find a miricle cure let me know :laugh:0
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I was emotionally abused by my Mother, and physically too. The emotional manipulation, verbal abuse and abuse still carried on up until I moved out about a month ago. I was also abandoned by my Father, whom I DOTED on, at 12, after some pretty heavy family issues. I was also bullied, severely, throughout all the schools I went to (4 primary schools)
As a result, I am battling and have battled self-harm, severe depression, DP/DR and, I suspect, anxiety.
I'm nowhere near getting through it, sweetie. I'm a mess. I no longer self-harm (been a good 5 months or so
), and I try my best to do something in the day (when my depression was at its peak, I didn't leave my room, didn't sleep, didn't wash). I work almost full time, which does help a lot. But I am still struggling, daily. I'm just hanging on.
More disconcerting, however, is the DP/DR. DP/DR are disassociative disorders. Not very well known/documented, but they do exist. A simple google search will reveal to you that millions of people suffer with it. What a shame nobody talks about it.
Anyway, I digress. I hope that, one day, we can get through it. Big hugs, sweetie. You're welcome to message me anytime 0 -
Add me all, I could really use some support 0
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from what i've been though myself i don't think you can get over it,you just learn to live with it...good days....bad days !!0
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I have not been abused myself, but my younger sister had been sexually abused as a little girl (by a babysitter). It was only in the last few years that memories resurfaced and is currently suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with similar symptoms that you describe. She has been seeing a therapist and slowly has been getting better. My heart goes out to you and your pain. No one should have to go through that kind (or any kind) of abuse. I hope that you consider seeing a therapist and talking with her/him about your pain. I know that it's not fun (I have been witnessing the struggles my sister goes through) but you CAN grow past it. Also remember that, unless they were part of the abuse, your family & friends are not the enemy. They may not be able to understand everything you are going through, but they are there to help you succeed. Please reach out to them and know that their encouragement/advice is only to see you get/feel better.
-Allison0 -
I have not been abused myself, but my younger sister had been sexually abused as a little girl (by a babysitter). It was only in the last few years that memories resurfaced and is currently suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with similar symptoms that you describe. She has been seeing a therapist and slowly has been getting better. My heart goes out to you and your pain. No one should have to go through that kind (or any kind) of abuse. I hope that you consider seeing a therapist and talking with her/him about your pain. I know that it's not fun (I have been witnessing the struggles my sister goes through) but you CAN grow past it. Also remember that, unless they were part of the abuse, your family & friends are not the enemy. They may not be able to understand everything you are going through, but they are there to help you succeed. Please reach out to them and know that their encouragement/advice is only to see you get/feel better.
-Allison
Yeah, I've been talking to my teacher about my sleep problems and how I thought it was stress related so he is pretty much pushing me to see the school counsellor... I really don't want to though... last time I went to a counsellor they told my parents everything I said which in turn got me kicked out of home
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I have not been abused myself, but my younger sister had been sexually abused as a little girl (by a babysitter). It was only in the last few years that memories resurfaced and is currently suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with similar symptoms that you describe. She has been seeing a therapist and slowly has been getting better. My heart goes out to you and your pain. No one should have to go through that kind (or any kind) of abuse. I hope that you consider seeing a therapist and talking with her/him about your pain. I know that it's not fun (I have been witnessing the struggles my sister goes through) but you CAN grow past it. Also remember that, unless they were part of the abuse, your family & friends are not the enemy. They may not be able to understand everything you are going through, but they are there to help you succeed. Please reach out to them and know that their encouragement/advice is only to see you get/feel better.
-Allison
Yeah, I've been talking to my teacher about my sleep problems and how I thought it was stress related so he is pretty much pushing me to see the school counsellor... I really don't want to though... last time I went to a counsellor they told my parents everything I said which in turn got me kicked out of home
Being that you are over 18 years old, the counselor LEGALLY CANNOT tell your family (assuming that the age you've posted is correct). Make sure that the counselor is aware of that & that they are NOT permitted to share the information you give. If they do, you can contact the police, or a public-defender in your area (I know this seems extreme, but it is good to know your rights, or be sure that they have to keep your information confidential). The only time they are permitted to share info is if there is threat to your life or to anyone else's life. If you are younger, you don't need to tell me, but here are a few help-lines that you could call to get some further information/advice.
Healing Women Foundation - 1-800-477-4111
Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-548-2722
National Youth Crisis Hotline - 1-800-448-4663
If there is a free clinic in your area, you can contact them regarding help, or a local YMCA/YWCA could have information. I really hope this helps.
-Allison0 -
I have not been abused myself, but my younger sister had been sexually abused as a little girl (by a babysitter). It was only in the last few years that memories resurfaced and is currently suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with similar symptoms that you describe. She has been seeing a therapist and slowly has been getting better. My heart goes out to you and your pain. No one should have to go through that kind (or any kind) of abuse. I hope that you consider seeing a therapist and talking with her/him about your pain. I know that it's not fun (I have been witnessing the struggles my sister goes through) but you CAN grow past it. Also remember that, unless they were part of the abuse, your family & friends are not the enemy. They may not be able to understand everything you are going through, but they are there to help you succeed. Please reach out to them and know that their encouragement/advice is only to see you get/feel better.
-Allison
Yeah, I've been talking to my teacher about my sleep problems and how I thought it was stress related so he is pretty much pushing me to see the school counsellor... I really don't want to though... last time I went to a counsellor they told my parents everything I said which in turn got me kicked out of home
Being that you are over 18 years old, the counselor LEGALLY CANNOT tell your family (assuming that the age you've posted is correct). Make sure that the counselor is aware of that & that they are NOT permitted to share the information you give. If they do, you can contact the police, or a public-defender in your area (I know this seems extreme, but it is good to know your rights, or be sure that they have to keep your information confidential). The only time they are permitted to share info is if there is threat to your life or to anyone else's life. If you are younger, you don't need to tell me, but here are a few help-lines that you could call to get some further information/advice.
Healing Women Foundation - 1-800-477-4111
Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-548-2722
National Youth Crisis Hotline - 1-800-448-4663
If there is a free clinic in your area, you can contact them regarding help, or a local YMCA/YWCA could have information. I really hope this helps.
-Allison
My age is correct.0 -
Definitely see a therapist/counselor. It sounds like you have PTSD.
Also, have you tried yoga? The meditation element could be a big help.0 -
Also, have you tried yoga? The meditation element could be a big help.
Yeah, I do it once a week.0 -
They already took a part of your life from you, don't let them take anymore!!
I tell myself that all of the time...
You should really talk to someone professional just to get it ALL out, you will feel a lot better sweetie...Since you are over 18yrs old, the counselor cannot tell ANYONE else what you have told them...It's not the same as when you were young...Don't be worried, that is what they are here for....Just find someone that you connect with and feel like you trust. :flowerforyou:0 -
They already took a part of your life from you, don't let them take anymore!!
I tell myself that all of the time...
You should really talk to someone professional just to get it ALL out, you will feel a lot better sweetie...Since you are over 18yrs old, the counselor cannot tell ANYONE else what you have told them...It's not the same as when you were young...Don't be worried, that is what they are here for....Just find someone that you connect with and feel like you trust. :flowerforyou:
Maybe... i dunno, I kinda feel like it's my fault :S0 -
My mother suffered from a brain tumor which caused her to react violently... no one knew why at the time, but as a child I suffered from it... getting hit with malaces, (those balls with spikes on them), wooden spoons, brushes.... my older brother copied her behavior and would hit me with baseball bats and such..... then I fell into it as an adult with an abusive ex-husband who put me in the hospital twice....
getting "over it" isn't easy. infact I don't think one can truly ever fully get over it. But you have to realize the abuse was not your fault... Love with all your heart and it can overcome any pain....
If you are having nightmares and such, I strongly urge you to seek help from a professional. They can help you work through this and perhaps prescribe you meds so you can sleep peacefully in the meantime.
Just keep in mind though, dreams are your brain's way of working through issues you ignore awake.0 -
They already took a part of your life from you, don't let them take anymore!!
I tell myself that all of the time...
You should really talk to someone professional just to get it ALL out, you will feel a lot better sweetie...Since you are over 18yrs old, the counselor cannot tell ANYONE else what you have told them...It's not the same as when you were young...Don't be worried, that is what they are here for....Just find someone that you connect with and feel like you trust. :flowerforyou:
Maybe... i dunno, I kinda feel like it's my fault :S
I know MOST of us victims believe that somehow it was our fault but IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT at all!!! Don't ever think that...That is something that abusers tell the victims to make them believe that so they won't tell....Repeat this "IT's NOT MY FAULT!!'0 -
I had a horrifying, abusive childhood. I went into therapy and got help. One does not "get over" trauma; one adapts themselves to live with what happened in ways which don't cause further pain.
I understand about not wanting to see a counsellor at school since yours broke your trust and ethical obligations, but try again. There are counsellors who aren't like that, so keep trying to find the right one and keep trying to work on you.
Rise Above, friend. You can do it and a lot of us do.0 -
Still not over it.0
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I have another idea.... use your anger and pain in your workouts.... with every punch and kick let some of that hurt get released... I do it, and I can bet a lot of us posting here do it too..... "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger", not only mentally, but physically as well.0
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They already took a part of your life from you, don't let them take anymore!!
I tell myself that all of the time...
You should really talk to someone professional just to get it ALL out, you will feel a lot better sweetie...Since you are over 18yrs old, the counselor cannot tell ANYONE else what you have told them...It's not the same as when you were young...Don't be worried, that is what they are here for....Just find someone that you connect with and feel like you trust. :flowerforyou:
Maybe... i dunno, I kinda feel like it's my fault :S
It's not your fault! Cruel people abuse others because they are unhappy with their lifes. I blame it on my dad. He was the adult. He should have stopped that witch. But he didn't. I have been out of the situation for 7 yrs now. He got divorced when i was 18. It was my fault then haha
I haven't seen him for nearly a year now. I don't want to speak to him. He cheated on his gf. But that's another story.
Oh and i don't talk to my grandparents because they knew something was going on because they didn't want to lose their son. Pathetic.
I just changed my surname to my mums maiden name and that has made me feel so much better.
So maybe it'll help if you don't have any contact with certain people?
You can get through this. You're better than this 0 -
They already took a part of your life from you, don't let them take anymore!!
I tell myself that all of the time...
You should really talk to someone professional just to get it ALL out, you will feel a lot better sweetie...Since you are over 18yrs old, the counselor cannot tell ANYONE else what you have told them...It's not the same as when you were young...Don't be worried, that is what they are here for....Just find someone that you connect with and feel like you trust. :flowerforyou:
Maybe... i dunno, I kinda feel like it's my fault :S
It's not your fault! Cruel people abuse others because they are unhappy with their lifes. I blame it on my dad. He was the adult. He should have stopped that witch. But he didn't. I have been out of the situation for 7 yrs now. He got divorced when i was 18. It was my fault then haha
I haven't seen him for nearly a year now. I don't want to speak to him. He cheated on his gf. But that's another story.
Oh and i don't talk to my grandparents because they knew something was going on because they didn't want to lose their son. Pathetic.
I just changed my surname to my mums maiden name and that has made me feel so much better.
So maybe it'll help if you don't have any contact with certain people?
You can get through this. You're better than this
Only problem is that right now I really can not afford to move out.
And it's ridiculous, my brother used to abuse the crap outta me but told me it's normal cos we're siblings... sure being stabbed and getting chased down the street with a knife is my fault? Having my head beaten against the ground till I was concussed and I was bleeding from my ears? Whatever but because he is autistic my parents tell me it is ok cos he didn't know what he was doing, and it was my fault. Well maybe they should have tried to stop it! 0 -
[/quote]
Only problem is that right now I really can not afford to move out.
And it's ridiculous, my brother used to abuse the crap outta me but told me it's normal cos we're siblings... sure being stabbed and getting chased down the street with a knife is my fault? Having my head beaten against the ground till I was concussed and I was bleeding from my ears? Whatever but because he is autistic my parents tell me it is ok cos he didn't know what he was doing, and it was my fault. Well maybe they should have tried to stop it!
[/quote]
they should not have blamed it on you. they should have stopped it.
there is help out there for parents of autistic children. are you still getting hurt?0 -
Only problem is that right now I really can not afford to move out.
And it's ridiculous, my brother used to abuse the crap outta me but told me it's normal cos we're siblings... sure being stabbed and getting chased down the street with a knife is my fault? Having my head beaten against the ground till I was concussed and I was bleeding from my ears? Whatever but because he is autistic my parents tell me it is ok cos he didn't know what he was doing, and it was my fault. Well maybe they should have tried to stop it!
[/quote]
they should not have blamed it on you. they should have stopped it.
there is help out there for parents of autistic children. are you still getting hurt?
[/quote]
Not physically.0 -
i wish i could just drag you out of there.
tomorrow, go and make an appointment to see a counsellor
they also may be able to suggest what you can do about moving out. do you not get any support from the government?0 -
They already took a part of your life from you, don't let them take anymore!!
I tell myself that all of the time...
You should really talk to someone professional just to get it ALL out, you will feel a lot better sweetie...Since you are over 18yrs old, the counselor cannot tell ANYONE else what you have told them...It's not the same as when you were young...Don't be worried, that is what they are here for....Just find someone that you connect with and feel like you trust. :flowerforyou:
Maybe... i dunno, I kinda feel like it's my fault :S
It's not your fault! Cruel people abuse others because they are unhappy with their lifes. I blame it on my dad. He was the adult. He should have stopped that witch. But he didn't. I have been out of the situation for 7 yrs now. He got divorced when i was 18. It was my fault then haha
I haven't seen him for nearly a year now. I don't want to speak to him. He cheated on his gf. But that's another story.
Oh and i don't talk to my grandparents because they knew something was going on because they didn't want to lose their son. Pathetic.
I just changed my surname to my mums maiden name and that has made me feel so much better.
So maybe it'll help if you don't have any contact with certain people?
You can get through this. You're better than this
Only problem is that right now I really can not afford to move out.
And it's ridiculous, my brother used to abuse the crap outta me but told me it's normal cos we're siblings... sure being stabbed and getting chased down the street with a knife is my fault? Having my head beaten against the ground till I was concussed and I was bleeding from my ears? Whatever but because he is autistic my parents tell me it is ok cos he didn't know what he was doing, and it was my fault. Well maybe they should have tried to stop it!
I am so sorry, OP. I wish you peace and love 0 -
I was molested by my step-brother-in-law and my older sister. My older sister was violent with me. I have been dealing with these issues for 25 years. I have found that one day at a time is the key. I had major trust issues for many years and I still do. I have flashbacks at times when trying to be intimate with my spouse. My exhusband was bipolar and abusive to my oldest son. He was also verbally and mentally abusive to me. It will get better, dear.0
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never. but you must stop it from continuing. get help. get out.
there are some aspects I've been able to move on from easier than others. I have forgiven. I am not angry at them. I understand that it wasn't my fault. but I blame myself for allowing it to continue. I don't trust myself. I am needy, jealous and insecure. I haven't had a normal relationship. I lost someone I might have had a chance with because I got too attached, felt I wasn't good enough, worthy. I was jealous of another woman. maybe I believed too easily that it was right.
I've had counseling but I still can't stop the negativity towards myself and control tge irrational jealousy.
good luck! please do what you can to get out!0 -
I was abused sexually, physically, mentally as well. It has been a long process, but I have built a very happy life for myself and have a family of my own now. It is still a part of me, and how I see the world and sometimes I get triggered. I understand.0
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