Mental Anguish

Dont let yourself get too down! Its really hard to do this alone and harder when you feel like nothing is progressing!! I totally get that. Are you part of a gym? It really helps me to surround myself with other people who work out, even if I dont know any of them! Lol.
You've already lost 9lbs! Thats awesome. Soon it will be 19lbs then 29lbs and so on. You just have to keep going. Dont stop no matter how bad you feel or if you cheat a day or whatever.
Be careful of consistently being too far under. You want to make sure your body is getting the nutrition it needs.
Good luck and dont give up!

I don't loose every week like it says I will but i'm always under my calories. I'm just frustrated and this is my rant

Just remember that weight loss isn't linear! You'll have days and weeks where you'll lose some, gain some, or stay the same. It's the long term that matters. If you keep at it, you'll be a healthier, stronger you, no matter what the scale says.

I totally understand how it feels when you're doing everything right but not seeing a result. I know because I've failed so many diets before because of that. I don't know for how long you have been determined to lose weight, but in my case, most of my past failed diets didn't last longer than a month. And this is because I became impatient when I did everything right but didn't see much result every week. But this time when I joined mfp, I learned a lesson by looking at other people's success stories that I can't just expect to be in the shape I want in only a month or two, and that all these people who have achieved their goals have been patient and consistent for about half a year to a year. So, this time when I didn't see any result during my first month, I just told myself that I have to keep on doing the right thing and be patient, or else nothing's ever going to change if I quit again. I'm glad I continued on and didn't measure my weight every week for a while (all along following my diet plan), because when I measured myself after six to seven weeks or so, I had lost more than I thought I did. That motivated me a lot, which is what's keeping me to go on.

And about the calories thing, I know what I'm doing isn't the ideal way, but I never really record how many calories I consume per day on mfp. Of course, it's good if you can do it, but it's hard for me personally since I'm from another country and the foods I eat are hard to calculate into calories. But I do try to estimate and look at calories for those that I can. For example, I didn't used to look at calories when I ate candies or snacks. Well, now I do since the only thing I have to do is to flip and see what the nutrition info says. And my goodness, I never knew candies and snacks had so many calories in them before I started to care about calories by joining mfp. Now that I know how many calories these sweets have, it's a little easier to resist them and feel the need to work out extra amount if I do eat them. And I think of calories in terms of how much I consume them in a week. So if I eat a lot today, I eat less for the next day or two, so I can get to 3500 kcal deficit by the end of that week to lose a pound.

Also about getting motivation, yeah, it's hard to depend on someone near you. I've tried it also, but it never really lasted. I guess that's what's good about mfp. People on mfp are the people who are serious about weight loss, so I get motivated just by looking at their posts even if I don't really have many mfp friends. And I motivate myself as well! I use mfp blog to just rant about anything I want, kinda like keeping a diet diary. Whenever I do something good, like resisting a dessert or something, I just write about how proud I am about myself on my blog. And when I pig out and feel bad about myself, I write about that too so I can remind myself not to do that again later.

I guess my bottom line is, we shouldn't ever give up! There are going to be ups and downs for sure, and worse, weight plateaus for no reason. But I'm sure that if you just keep on going, your body won't resist for too long. I say this because I never believe in it myself before either until I actually experienced it after being strong for two to three months. I hope what I wrote can be some help to you, and good luck to both of us!