Am I thinking too much into it?

feathertouch
feathertouch Posts: 156 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hey all, I just wanted someone to clear up this for me and to rest my mind so here it goes...
I'm 20 and have been going out with my first boyfriend for 6 1/2months now...(yes I was 20 before my first boyfriend....freaking proud and happy about that too :P) We haven't argued at all, there has been one time we thought we were going to but ended up talking it out and were fine and dandy straight afterwards and ended up laughing at why we were having the discussion lol :D Anyway on Saturday night it was my friends 21st birthday so we all went out for the night and some alcohol (as tradition :P) started to play part. We all had a fantastic night. We got home and Con and I started to talk after play times :p he lent over me and held me then said "I want to tell you how I feel but I don't want you to run away and cry" I replied with "I won't cry but don't say anything if you are worried" he then turned around and said "I think I'm falling in love with you" ....it went quiet then we kissed. We spoke about it and basically what he ment was that he never wants this to end and if we ever broke up he doesn't and couldn't imagine himself seeing anyone else if we did break up. I told him that I don't want us to end either and that I never thought I would be so comfortable and happy for my first relationship but I'm scared of love. I'm not certain I believe in 'love' as and I'm not blaming it on relationships I've grown up with or around me but I just believe that people get infatuated with one person for a long period of time. It's a sad view on it and it's odd because when I do my own writings it either involves true 'love' or that of a broken 'love'. I hope I never hurt him and he told me that he understands were I was coming from but there is a difference between falling in love and being in love.....Doesn't it involve ending up at the same point...'love'?

Don't get me wrong, there have been hundreds of moments when I look at him and just want to say it but then I remember it may not be it and that it's just infatuation.

Here is why I'm thinking a lot into it, it's not necessarily because of what he said but why and when he said it. That night, when I was dancing with him a guy kept grabbing my arm pulling me over to him and his friends then said "awww my mate loves you" I just laughed and said "sorry, I have a wonderful boyfriend" We have spoke about trusting each other and we both do completely and he did say he just laughed and found it funny.
Also a guy Joseph I was texting 2 years ago, long before I met Con was there. He was dancing around but didn't acknowledge me as we haven't spoken since then so I didn't acknowledge him either and that was that and we all kept having a fantastic night :)
When we got home I checked my phone and I had a missed call from a number that wasn't saved on my phone, I went to call it back to see who it was but had no money in my phone then that guy Joseph text me and I never replied but said to con that he had text me and it was all cool.

That is why I'm thinking too much, did he only say that because he was worried and wouldn't tell me or does he actually not trust me and that was his way to make sure I wouldn't do anything when I know I would never do anything like that nor would I even spare of single thought on it because I am far too happy with Con.

I just need a little reassurance and also he was slightly drunk which kinda got to me because when we say it I don't want it to possibly because of the influence of alcohol but because we feel so strong about it. I'm not expecting him to say it soon nor for I to say it soon.....I can wait years lol

Let me know what you guys think :) please

Rattled little headcase Jackie x

Replies

  • stagknight
    stagknight Posts: 130 Member
    I have always viewed "Love" as a short term hormonal imbalance. I don't believe in it. But what I do believe is if your lover is your best friend then you have a life partner. The passion does wear off as you get older, the sex is less and what keeps you together is friendship. I expect to be shot down in flames by the true love crowd but I believe I am right.
  • PaleoPath4Lyfe
    PaleoPath4Lyfe Posts: 3,161 Member
    I have always viewed "Love" as a short term hormonal imbalance. I don't believe in it. But what I do believe is if your lover is your best friend then you have a life partner. The passion does wear off as you get older, the sex is less and what keeps you together is friendship. I expect to be shot down in flames by the true love crowd but I believe I am right.

    I believe you are right.

    Friendship and companionship is the glue that holds a relationship together
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
    I read your post twice and maybe I just have a short attention span, but I am still not clear what your question is. The impression I am left with is this: if you two enjoy being together and spending time together, and you care about each other, enjoy and treasure that part of it. I have been through a lot of relationships, and a huge reason the man I am with now is such a joy in my life is that we are friends too and genuinely have fun together, and it makes a huge difference in the quality of the relationship.

    You are right, falling in love and being in love are two different things, but they are both exciting and beautiful and valuable in their own right.

    Yes, you are thinking too much into it, in my opinion, but I also understand how that can happen, being an over-analyzer myself!
  • Kerri_is_so_very
    Kerri_is_so_very Posts: 999 Member
    I have always viewed "Love" as a short term hormonal imbalance. I don't believe in it. But what I do believe is if your lover is your best friend then you have a life partner. The passion does wear off as you get older, the sex is less and what keeps you together is friendship. I expect to be shot down in flames by the true love crowd but I believe I am right.

    I believe you nailed it! Nicely put!
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    I read your post twice and maybe I just have a short attention span, but I am still not clear what your question is. The impression I am left with is this: if you two enjoy being together and spending time together, and you care about each other, enjoy and treasure that part of it. I have been through a lot of relationships, and a huge reason the man I am with now is such a joy in my life is that we are friends too and genuinely have fun together, and it makes a huge difference in the quality of the relationship.

    You are right, falling in love and being in love are two different things, but they are both exciting and beautiful and valuable in their own right.

    Yes, you are thinking too much into it, in my opinion, but I also understand how that can happen, being an over-analyzer myself!

    You read that TWICE? Wow.
  • Beksnevin
    Beksnevin Posts: 22
    Stop thinking and just have fun! There are millions out there just looking or someone to care about them - just have FUN :o)
  • tadpole242
    tadpole242 Posts: 507 Member
    Love is just a biological imperative to reproduce and pass on the genes, The chemicals involved are not that uncommon, testosterone, dopamine norpenephrin, vasopressin, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. After the initial love has been replaced with attachment, all you are really left with is a ‘habit’.
    Moreover, as most people will admit, anything ‘habit forming’ tends to be bad for you. Love is like a bad case of OCD with added children
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    My take on love is that there are a million different levels and it sucks that there's only one word. Sure there's "like" and "infatuation" and "true love" but those just barely scratch the surface. I love my friends, I love my family, I love animals, I love sausage and I even love my boss and co-workers. Loving to me has never been an issue because I take it for what it is - fleeting or life long or many many stages in between. I've even fallen in then out and back in love with a few people in my life.

    Also, I totally agree that if your lover is your best friend that they will make an excellent life partner. I never truly understood that until Hubs came along and we'd been together for years. I know, duh!, right? But for some reason I couldn't wrap my brain around it that way. I knew I loved him and wanted to spend more time with him than anyone but to me, "best friend" is another chick that I feel that way about, not my husband! LOL!

    As far as the OP's boyfriend saying "I love you" when he may have felt their relationship was threatened. There's a possibility but overanalyzing his actions won't do you a bit of good. Either ask him about it to clear the air or let it go as a nice gesture and trust that he meant what he said.

    ETA: You can all have your opinions on the matter but I'm pretty sure I'm not still responding to some chemical reaction or am merely infatuated after being with Hubs for almost 15 years now, especially since we didn't pair up in order to reproduce.
  • KharismaticKayteh
    KharismaticKayteh Posts: 322 Member
    Firstly, everyone is different. I believe in love for sure. It's not a hormonal imbalance or anything like that, it's literally a state in a human relationship where you care for another's well-being. You don't love your parents or friends because of hormones, you love them because of your relationship with them. Loving someone romantically is the same in one sense - that sense of caring for another's well-being - but it's also different in another sense, as typically (though not always) a romantic love partner is one with which you might have sexual attraction, unlike the love one has for their parents (hopefully).

    Secondly, not a single person here can provide you with the answer for which you're looking, regarding Con. Each and every one of us can speculate and give ideas, but the only way you can find out anything for sure is to talk to him. Honestly, it sounds like you guys are off to a great start and you should feel completely comfortable asking him about it. Just flat out, "Hey, I've been wondering about something and I wanted to clear it up with you." Don't talk with a sad or nervous tone, 'cause there's nothing to be sad or nervous about, so just be matter of fact.

    Hope anything I've said is of some help.
  • chljlleal
    chljlleal Posts: 229 Member
    I have always viewed "Love" as a short term hormonal imbalance. I don't believe in it. But what I do believe is if your lover is your best friend then you have a life partner. The passion does wear off as you get older, the sex is less and what keeps you together is friendship. I expect to be shot down in flames by the true love crowd but I believe I am right.

    I believe you are right.

    Friendship and companionship is the glue that holds a relationship together

    I married my husband just over 12 years ago (before my 21st birthday). I am not sure about the hormonal and lack of passion side of things but I do agree that friendship and being able to talk about things is what has kept us together through some really tough times.

    your relationship is young, as are you, enjoy your time together and continue talking (and everything else).

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