unsupporting spouse?

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Zoggy3333
Zoggy3333 Posts: 43 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been on MFP since Feb and it has been very helpful for me. My wife gives me little "digs" sometimes when we go out to eat, such as, "you dont eat anything" (this is when I order a low carb plate). or sometimes she complains that I put down a scrap piece of carpet when I do my Insanity workout saying it ruins the carpet underneath.

These are just two examples. It is almost like she does not want me to lose weight.

Does anyone else have this problem and how do I handle it without having an arguement?

Thank you, feel free to friend me for support and motivation.

Replies

  • jzsor12
    jzsor12 Posts: 69
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    I'm not married and I exercise at night when everyone is asleep so nobody is bothered.
    Just tell her how you feel and how you want her to be supportive.
  • viad25720
    viad25720 Posts: 57 Member
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    My husband can be a little unsupportive as well. Like two days ago when I said please do not buy that chocolate cake if It's in the house I will be tempted! Needless to say he buys, n I'm glad I hAve work or I'd Prolly b eating it right now.

    I get the feeling she may be insecure about u losing weight, even subconsciously. Like If u look better u may leave or something because I can see no other reason for her to do this. I remember years ago when my husband was working on himself and looking good, the worry crossed my mind a little (even if u have no intentions........) Just saying. Maybe encourage her to do well with u n make her own little self improvements to boost her confidence.

    Or there's a chance she is just nagging cuz she doesn't want u to ruin carpet! Lol
  • hymiesmom1
    hymiesmom1 Posts: 11 Member
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    I'm sorry you are experiencing this! Have you tried to get her involved? Maybe she is concerned you are getting in shape for reasons other than improving your health?? Perhaps if she feels included she would be less likely to make snide remarks.

    If you have invited her to join, then let her know how hurtful it is when she makes those comments. I'm sure you already know...communication is key.

    My hubby doesn't workout or eat healthy (he is naturally thin) and sometimes he teases me. But most often he tries to do things to help...for instance he will select a restaurant that has healthier options.

    Good luck and keep up the good work!!!
  • TexasRattlesnake
    TexasRattlesnake Posts: 375 Member
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    One sided weight loss can be damaging to relationships.

    I'd sit down and talk about how you feel about the negative statements rather than letting it fester. It's really difficult for people on two completely different paths to maintain a healthy partnership without a ton of work and communication.
  • imwithgizmo
    imwithgizmo Posts: 146 Member
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    Pretty much what has been said already. Also, I just want to say good for you for taking the steps to get yourself healthy! No matter what she says, or how she feels about it, this is YOUR body, and YOUR life and you deserve the best health!

    Not knowing her, of course, it could be anything. But I do hope you have a talk with her, and share your reasons for wanting to get in shape, even if one of them is to look better! Nothing wrong with that. And give her a hug.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    You should check her texts.
  • Melanie_RS
    Melanie_RS Posts: 417 Member
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    It's always a little scary when someone starts changing - for the better or worse - so expect her to put little digs in there to try to maintain the environment she's used to. Just love her and give her time and give her A LOT of attention, she'll soon like the rewards and assurance that changes are going to be good and beneficial.

    don't react snidely or negatively - this will further increase her insecurities about the whole change...but stick to your guns at the same time.

    when she gets her digs on you just act playfully with her - nothing disarms someone more when you can at least make them laugh. She'll come around, it's just that change is scary. :D
  • TexasRattlesnake
    TexasRattlesnake Posts: 375 Member
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    You should check her texts.

    If there was a need for that, then they don't need to be together.
  • catwoman_40
    catwoman_40 Posts: 5
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    My husband use to like to fry food while I was working out. It's all I could smell & think about. I called him out on it & it hasn't happened since lol
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
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    I had this issue with my husband when I started last year. I let him get to me and after a week of eating poorly, I gave up trying altogether and gained it all back. He liked me when I was heavier...or so he thought.

    He left for basic military training at the end of May and that day I started my fitness journey again. I am almost back down to where I was last time weight wise, but now I can run and I look thinner from running. When he saw me at graduation, he was so shocked and he definitely enjoyed the other benefits (increased flexibility and sex drive ;) and now he is more supportive...plus he loves that I can go for a walk and not be tired or we can run together. And he said as long as I do the cooking and shopping, I don't have to worry about him wanting bad things in the house and bringing them in. Works fine for me since we're getting stationed in Japan so I won't be working and will take on the roll of "housewife"

    Long story short, it is hard when the spouse isn't on board and you should definitely talk to her because it is a scary thing. As others mentioned, try to include her, because it works much better if you can go on the journey together. If she resists, explain why it is important that you get in shape and that you want to be able to live your own life and not let your weight hold you back anymore.
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    She's afraid because your changing and she fears there won't be room for her in your new lifestyle or you'll find someone else who fits into it better.
  • amsohs85
    amsohs85 Posts: 166
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    From what i can tell this is a common problem. Part of it may be that she feels a little jealous because you are focusing on yourself or possibly because she fears that other things will change if you change your appearance. I dont know how old you are or how long you've been married but some women consider a husbands sudden interest in getting fit as a sign of trouble in the relationship (i.e...your about to stray). She may simply be uncomfortable with her own weight and eating habits but doesnt want to face those feelings.

    Let her know that the comments bother you and you need her positive support. If theres something shes always wanted to change or do for herself express an interest in her doing that. You could both make changes that will benefit your marriage because individual interests are integral to a healthy relationship as much as shared interests are. :smile:
  • vmekash
    vmekash Posts: 422 Member
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    Does she realize she is being "unsupportive?" I ask because maybe she DOES support your journey, but is just being inconsiderate w/ her comments. Let her know that you feel like you don't have her support when she says such things. She may not realize what she is doing. :)
    (I could see myself behave the same way. Luckily, hubby lets me know when I'm doing it. But I swear, I don't realize it until he says something.)
  • StormyLlewellyn
    StormyLlewellyn Posts: 96
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    Hang in there. Let her know what this means to you...
    It is hard to let go of the way things used to be...
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
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    it's because your in the lifestyle change, i have the same trouble with my wife. i just keep doing it and she's actually support me once she sees the improvement.

    hope both of you can fix this.
  • gwendy09
    gwendy09 Posts: 2 Member
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    I have the same problem but you need to think about you if she love you she will support you. I know it will be so much easier to have your spouse to do this with you but is time to change love yourself more :-) in my case we even have a gym membership together and he does not use it and still eats whatever he want and bring lots of tempting foods home I try my best to be strong but is really hard is like he wants me to fail... And sometimes thats what makes me want to get to my goal even faster to prove a point dont give up you come first no matter what.

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