Ok, I have a question....

fitdave69
fitdave69 Posts: 48
in Chit-Chat
just out of curiosity on everyone's thoughts....if someone is going through a divorce..do you think they should still be classified as married? Or do they have the freedom to live the life they want now? I know it can take months to have a divorce finalized....like I said, just interested in responses.

Replies

  • CanadianThunder
    CanadianThunder Posts: 84
    If you're actually getting divorced, then no. You're separated, live life as you wish.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    If you're actually getting divorced, then no. You're separated, live life as you wish.

    This. But don't go classifying yourself as divorced or separated if this would still be news to the other party.
  • Iceman1800
    Iceman1800 Posts: 476
    I would say no unless paperwork is filed. Lots of couples reconcile and if one is dating someone else, that person ends up hurt
  • Miss_dannii
    Miss_dannii Posts: 1,351 Member
    I think they are definitely classed as single, as long as they don't push the boundaries like for example if they are still living with their soon to be ex husband/wife, they shouldn't be bringing people back to the house etc.. but other than that I think the decision has already been made, they've already parted ways and they are just waiting for a piece of paper..
  • Show_Stopper
    Show_Stopper Posts: 656 Member
    I think if you're not living together anymore and basically just waiting on everything to be finalized then you're free to do as you please. However, every situation is different!
  • LeenaRuns
    LeenaRuns Posts: 1,309 Member
    If you're actually getting divorced, then no. You're separated, live life as you wish.

    This. But don't go classifying yourself as divorced or separated if this would still be news to the other party.

    My current situation :grumble:
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    I think it depends on the situation. If you are just separated and there is a chance for reconciliation then no. If there is no chance of getting back together and you want to move on....I don't see why not.......However I can't imagine how someone could move on right away unless it had been brewing for a while.
  • Drussander
    Drussander Posts: 266 Member
    What's wrong with "in the process of getting divorced" as a status description? BTW, you have always had the freedom to live your life the way you wanted, but that's another philosophical debate that has nothing to do with fitness.
  • IrishSin
    IrishSin Posts: 20 Member
    Having went through a divorce myself I have to say that your separated at that point. However, that being said depending on the depth of the divorce (whether there's a lot of mutual property to split etc.) It is in the best interest of both parties to not look for a relationship until it is finalized. Unless previously discussing it with the other party in the divorce. Because any behavior up to the court date can be used against one of the parties involved. In most cases if its a mutual agreement to divorce and they are remaining friends then its a non issue... hope that helps.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
    It depends on the laws in the state where the divorce is taking place. Some states have strange separation and divorce laws that have time limits, penalties, and other archaic rules in order to finalize a divorce. The only constant in every state/country is that once the divorce is finalized both parties are free to do what ever they wish....as long as it doesn't violate the rules set forth in the decree. After having unknowingly been involved with a guy in the middle of a divorce and getting called into court because of it, I stay well clear of any separated or "mid divorce" situations.
  • rachelhohenbrink
    rachelhohenbrink Posts: 179 Member
    If your truly getting divorced it's over. Just as long as your being honest with yourself and anyone you are letting into your life. I feel as though you are free to do "you".
  • rickgomez2003
    rickgomez2003 Posts: 91
    I think they are definitely classed as single, as long as they don't push the boundaries like for example if they are still living with their soon to be ex husband/wife, they shouldn't be bringing people back to the house etc.. but other than that I think the decision has already been made, they've already parted ways and they are just waiting for a piece of paper..

    I agree as i am going through the process now.
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
    I would say no unless paperwork is filed. Lots of couples reconcile and if one is dating someone else, that person ends up hurt

    ^^^This. As in, no, I wouldn't date any one until those divorce papers were final, but yes I would do everything else, as in finances, work, travel, TAXES, on my own. And that's how it has been for the past year. Love how the former husband is all like, "So, are you interested in anyone?" Jerk.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    If you're actually getting divorced, then no. You're separated, live life as you wish.

    This. But don't go classifying yourself as divorced or separated if this would still be news to the other party.

    My current situation :grumble:
    Ugh I'm sorry. That's awful.
  • Foxypoo61287
    Foxypoo61287 Posts: 638 Member
    My boyfriend is in the process of getting a divorce. He pays child support. She doesn't live there. But she keeps refusing to sign the papers. She keeps wanting more and more. He says he is divorced even though the papers aren't signed. I say he is divorced as well. I think if you have split, and are going about doing your own thing such as going out, have your own place, etc, I say live your life the way you want to.
  • fitbabe49
    fitbabe49 Posts: 19 Member
    It depends on your feelings. Are they still any? Do you respect your ex-partner? Are there children to consider? Do you date other people out of spite? Have you found somebody new, who you really like and want to start a new life with? There are lots of questions to consider. But basically, it is your life and when a relationship is really over, you are entiteled to live your life as you please.
  • Faintgreeneyes
    Faintgreeneyes Posts: 729 Member
    saying you are "divorced" and actually getting or currently "divorced" are different.

    I would say if both parties are in agreement and the paperwork has been filed, I think then you can lead life as a free person.

    If you are just saying your divorced and both parties are not on the same page- then no dice.
  • lissaann22479
    lissaann22479 Posts: 163
    Having went through a divorce myself I have to say that your separated at that point. However, that being said depending on the depth of the divorce (whether there's a lot of mutual property to split etc.) It is in the best interest of both parties to not look for a relationship until it is finalized. Unless previously discussing it with the other party in the divorce. Because any behavior up to the court date can be used against one of the parties involved. In most cases if its a mutual agreement to divorce and they are remaining friends then its a non issue... hope that helps.


    I agree 100% with this statement!
  • HotCuppaJo
    HotCuppaJo Posts: 476 Member
    I think it totally depends on the situation... In MY case, it was over WELL before papers were filed, and he was already seeing someone new before he even moved out of the house! Lol. SOOOO, I felt just dandy, starting my new life before the ink was on the paper. Not everyone's situation is the same as mine, though. Just my two cents... :flowerforyou:
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
    My boyfriend is in the process of getting a divorce. He pays child support. She doesn't live there. But she keeps refusing to sign the papers. She keeps wanting more and more. He says he is divorced even though the papers aren't signed. I say he is divorced as well. I think if you have split, and are going about doing your own thing such as going out, have your own place, etc, I say live your life the way you want to.

    I can see why she won't sign the divorce papers. Maybe she is hurt that he moved on while they were still married.
  • sharleengc
    sharleengc Posts: 792 Member
    I think it depends on the type of person/couple you were.

    I don't think there's any right or wrong answer. Every couple is different but in general. But, I also think that both parties involved need to be on the same page as far as what is going on because if one person thinks there is a chance of reconciling and the other starts dating, the divorce may get a whole lot more complicated.
  • Cold_Steel
    Cold_Steel Posts: 897 Member
    It really just depends on your situation. I know it sounds shallow but if there is a lot of money or property involved all divorce attorneys will offer this advice - DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN(or guy if its a girl) ! Why? As others have said any actions leading up the finalization can and will be used against you. You may have not have been adulterous in your marriage but you are hard pressed to argue if you develop a relationship after the separation.

    Most attorneys will suggest you not date or see other people until it is finalized.

    Also, why are you in such a hurry? The fact that you are makes a bit suspicious - 3 -6 months is not that long to be single, enjoy it. Live your life, otherwise it is pretty suspicious.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    I think until a divorce is final, the person is still legally married. I would avoid anything that might cause legal or ethical problems. One of my friends still has issues with her ex claiming she cheated on him because she had a boyfriend before they were technically divorced. Be careful, especially if child custody is part of the equation.
  • nbhobbes
    nbhobbes Posts: 284
    Live as you wish.. But if someone asks you tell them "I'm going through all the leagal BS redtape of a divorce. We are done though.. No chance of getting back together."
  • danwood2
    danwood2 Posts: 291 Member
    Having gone through a divorce... it took 6 months to finalize. I was officially "separated" and did whatever the hell I wanted to but we didn't have any kids, so the process was pretty easy for me to get through. With other aspects that you might have to consider - and if those actions could be used against you in court during hearings - you have to watch out. I have seen some nasty drag out divorces in my friends that was not pretty at all - to where they tried to leverage the "dating life after separation" against them.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I think it needs to depend on the relationship and the state you live in. In my state, you have to live separately for 1 year before you can get a divorce. I was living separately from my ex-husband with no intention to get back together for 10 months before I started dating my current husband and my divorce from my ex was finalized 6 months later. My current husband and I have been together for 22 years.

    I have no idea if my ex had dated during the time we were separated, but I am pretty sure he did since he wanted me to stay married to him and raise the child we had together while he had an "open" marriage. Just for him, not for me.

    I definitely got the bargain in the divorce, my son and my current husband.
  • Mctree20
    Mctree20 Posts: 137
    I would say single, but definitely a level of respect to your past partner is required until the final papers are through.

    Sure go on dates, but don't start sleeping with her best friend....just yet.

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