Recent Tragedy

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2

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  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
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    I am sorry you are dealing with this. I've been in the same situation before. I was married to the father of my oldest daughter for five years, and he was unfaithful and physically abusive, which led to our divorce. I lost a lot of weight after that, because I was unable to eat.
    I would recommend something to get you through this rough time--counseling, maybe something for anxiety or depression if you need it. Just to get you over the hump. I am one who prefers natural remedies before I go the medication route (and so far, I've been able to avoid medications by using natural remedies). Here is an article with some information that may be helpful to you:
    http://mountainroseblog.com/herbs-heartbreak/

    Time will heal. Your life will go on, and you will learn to be happy again. Maybe even better than before. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. :heart:
  • sicilysclover
    sicilysclover Posts: 173 Member
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    I started my diet a week ago. I was doing pretty good. Trying to stay on track. I had a plan, I want to stick to it. Sunday night, today is Wednesday, I found my husband of 7 years and father of my two children has been cheating on me for the past 7 months. We've had a pretty rough relationship and I've been as strong as I can be and committed and loyal, but this is my breaking point. I'm lost, confused and have a million and one contradicting thoughts in my head all at the same time. I'm barely able to breath. I've been nauseous 100% of the time so my eating has been dangerous. As in not eating. I'm getting dizzy, I'm tired, but can't sleep b/c my mind is going a million miles an hour. To curb the dizziness I've been eating an orange or drinking water. I can't even lay down with my eyes open b/c I'm so nauseous. I ate a bagel Monday and threw up. I didn't plan that of course. I would never do it on purpose. I'm a food lover, that was why I started this diet/plan. I'm just so stressed I can't hold it in. Does anyone have suggestions of things that I could possibly hold down that would get at least some nutrients in me? It can't be heavy or it will come out, I'm sure. It can't be difficult to make/get b/c I don't have the will or concentration to get that done. Not now. Not 3 days later. Maybe in a week. I have no clue. Support and suggestions needed please.

    I have to say I really admire you for wanting to focus on your nutrition and for realizing that not eating IS a problem. You seem to be going through quite the re-birth right now - getting healthy and possibly letting go of a rough relationship. Focus on you, take it one day at a time. Talk about it - as much as you want to. Don't hold it all in and feel like you have to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    I know how you feel. It's heartbreaking, especially when you were so loyal and tried to make things work. I had similar symptoms for a good week or so, and the BRAT diet really helped. I also stayed away from caffine. If I'm already upset, it throws me into a full blown panic.

    I really recommend counseling. I went in the day after my relationship fell apart, and the therapist gave me great suggestions for dealing with the crisis. It gave me tools for dealing with the aftermath that were extremely helpful. Better to go in right away than try to figure in out on your own, imo.

    Also, I don't know what your personal beliefs are, my my faith was my rock during that time. Unlike my ex, I know God will never stop loving me and will never EVER leave me.
  • SweetBasil35
    SweetBasil35 Posts: 126 Member
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    Oh honey, I'm so sorry for what you must be going through right now. Eat to stay nourished. When you're ready, I highly recommend this book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. It was my bible for a while.

    Take a look at it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1346264149&sr=1-1&keywords=journey+from+abandonment+to+healing

    Lean on friends and family; you WILL be grounded once again. :flowerforyou:
  • UWWYellowbaby
    UWWYellowbaby Posts: 22 Member
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    I am sorry you are dealing with this. I've been in the same situation before. I was married to the father of my oldest daughter for five years, and he was unfaithful and physically abusive, which led to our divorce. I lost a lot of weight after that, because I was unable to eat.
    I would recommend something to get you through this rough time--counseling, maybe something for anxiety or depression if you need it. Just to get you over the hump. I am one who prefers natural remedies before I go the medication route (and so far, I've been able to avoid medications by using natural remedies). Here is an article with some information that may be helpful to you:
    http://mountainroseblog.com/herbs-heartbreak/

    Time will heal. Your life will go on, and you will learn to be happy again. Maybe even better than before. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. :heart:

    Thank you for the link! This is great advice as well.
  • UWWYellowbaby
    UWWYellowbaby Posts: 22 Member
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    I know how you feel. It's heartbreaking, especially when you were so loyal and tried to make things work. I had similar symptoms for a good week or so, and the BRAT diet really helped. I also stayed away from caffine. If I'm already upset, it throws me into a full blown panic.

    I really recommend counseling. I went in the day after my relationship fell apart, and the therapist gave me great suggestions for dealing with the crisis. It gave me tools for dealing with the aftermath that were extremely helpful. Better to go in right away than try to figure in out on your own, imo.

    Also, I don't know what your personal beliefs are, my my faith was my rock during that time. Unlike my ex, I know God will never stop loving me and will never EVER leave me.


    I do get pretty panicky sometimes, but mostly either mad or sad. I'm going to be reaching out for counseling within the next couple days, HMO doesn't really allow for immediate relief (that I know of), but I'm pretty sure I can cope with what I have right now until I'm able to do that. I know I can b/c of the kids... but internally... I'm a mess.

    Thanks for your support.
  • rnhoppe
    rnhoppe Posts: 111 Member
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    Thank you so much everyone. The BRAT diet was a great suggestion and everyone kind of leaned towards that. At least for now I think that's the best food route. I didn't even think of toast or anything simple. I just can't think at all. We have oranges at work all the time, which is the only reason I've had that.

    I moved to CA when me and my husband first married, so I have a small group of close friends here, but all of my long time friend, "sisters", and other practically family friends, and my actual family reside in the midwest. So I just feel really lonely even though I have a little support here.

    The suggestions for seeking help were good also. I've been on the phone non-stop to get my long distance support, but seeing someone would be good. These are the suggestions I needed b/c I feel so catatonic that basic things don't come to my mind. I'm strong enough to still cook for the kids and make sure their safe, but that's about all I have in me. I was making dinner for them yesterday (trying not to gag from the nausea) but just staring at the wall, letting some of it burn. The kids complained, I said sorry, they said OK and ate it anyways. This is the best I'm doing right now. It's so minimal.

    Where in CA are you? I just moved to CA and I understand what you mean about friends. All my friends are back east...don't have any here yet. It can get very lonely. If you want, send me a friend request.
  • WhatDoesLisa
    WhatDoesLisa Posts: 214
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    When you have stomach issues you need a few things to help...try Gatorade and saltines first. When you can keep that down, follow the B.R.A.T. diet...bananas, rice, applesauce & toast.

    Try the G2 (low calorie) Gatorade and stick to white rice. I am the queen of stomach issues and sometimes you have to eat like this to feel better. This isn't about dieting right now but getting you to feel better.

    Good luck and get yourself to therapy! Then you can feel stronger and focus on your goals and your kids.
  • UWWYellowbaby
    UWWYellowbaby Posts: 22 Member
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    Oh honey, I'm so sorry for what you must be going through right now. Eat to stay nourished. When you're ready, I highly recommend this book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. It was my bible for a while.

    Take a look at it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1346264149&sr=1-1&keywords=journey+from+abandonment+to+healing

    Lean on friends and family; you WILL be grounded once again. :flowerforyou:

    I love reading, it always puts me in a different state of mind. It's relaxing, refreshing and lets me escape. I know this would be more of a self-help thing, but when I exited the military with PTSD, I held onto a book called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz. It was a lifesaver. I should probably find that one in my book collection too. But your suggestion is very intriguing. Thank you for the suggestion. I really really appreciate it.
  • UWWYellowbaby
    UWWYellowbaby Posts: 22 Member
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    Thank you so much everyone. The BRAT diet was a great suggestion and everyone kind of leaned towards that. At least for now I think that's the best food route. I didn't even think of toast or anything simple. I just can't think at all. We have oranges at work all the time, which is the only reason I've had that.

    I moved to CA when me and my husband first married, so I have a small group of close friends here, but all of my long time friend, "sisters", and other practically family friends, and my actual family reside in the midwest. So I just feel really lonely even though I have a little support here.

    The suggestions for seeking help were good also. I've been on the phone non-stop to get my long distance support, but seeing someone would be good. These are the suggestions I needed b/c I feel so catatonic that basic things don't come to my mind. I'm strong enough to still cook for the kids and make sure their safe, but that's about all I have in me. I was making dinner for them yesterday (trying not to gag from the nausea) but just staring at the wall, letting some of it burn. The kids complained, I said sorry, they said OK and ate it anyways. This is the best I'm doing right now. It's so minimal.

    Where in CA are you? I just moved to CA and I understand what you mean about friends. All my friends are back east...don't have any here yet. It can get very lonely. If you want, send me a friend request.

    I live in Downey, in the LA area.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. I am so sorry. Even though you need to eat, you can't really force yourself or else you'll just throw it back up. Hopefully you can find a counselor who can get you in ASAP to help you figure out how to deal with this horrible situation.
  • jaj68
    jaj68 Posts: 158 Member
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    hi.....I too recommend you see your doctor first. I went through a time when I physically could not eat or I would be in the bathroom. One week alone I lost 20 pounds because my heart was beating 4x faster than it should have been.(saw the dr. for that~` it was all stress related) Anyhow.....they told me to drink Ensure. Eventually life calmed down.
    I am really sorry you are going through all of this. Is your husband remorseful?
    I can image you are going to go through a large range of emotions. Know you have a great support system here.
  • rnhoppe
    rnhoppe Posts: 111 Member
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    You are only an hour and a half from me :). I am in Oxnard.
    Thank you so much everyone. The BRAT diet was a great suggestion and everyone kind of leaned towards that. At least for now I think that's the best food route. I didn't even think of toast or anything simple. I just can't think at all. We have oranges at work all the time, which is the only reason I've had that.

    I moved to CA when me and my husband first married, so I have a small group of close friends here, but all of my long time friend, "sisters", and other practically family friends, and my actual family reside in the midwest. So I just feel really lonely even though I have a little support here.

    The suggestions for seeking help were good also. I've been on the phone non-stop to get my long distance support, but seeing someone would be good. These are the suggestions I needed b/c I feel so catatonic that basic things don't come to my mind. I'm strong enough to still cook for the kids and make sure their safe, but that's about all I have in me. I was making dinner for them yesterday (trying not to gag from the nausea) but just staring at the wall, letting some of it burn. The kids complained, I said sorry, they said OK and ate it anyways. This is the best I'm doing right now. It's so minimal.

    Where in CA are you? I just moved to CA and I understand what you mean about friends. All my friends are back east...don't have any here yet. It can get very lonely. If you want, send me a friend request.

    I live in Downey, in the LA area.
  • HotAshMess
    HotAshMess Posts: 382 Member
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    So sorry. That is awful. I hope you find some inner peace soon. I personally get nauseous and sick when things like this happen too. My last really nasty break up.....I was nauseous and throwing up and not eating for days. It lasted 2-3 weeks. It was awful. If I had to recommend anything...I'd say start with some liquids to rehydrate yourself. Some gatorade or powerade if you prefer. I always get the "diet" ones, but you should get the full right now since you aren't eating anyway. Then shoot for some crackers. From there I would go for some basic soup (I love Mrs. Grass with extra noodles) or some tomato soup, maybe some jello or sugar free pudding, and build up from there.

    I hope you pull through soon. It is a tough place to be. I'm sending good thoughts and good energy your way!
  • tarag8100
    tarag8100 Posts: 60 Member
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    Just want to give you a virtual hug. I don't have additional advice. Quite a few good suggestions on here already. so...

    {hug}
  • SweetBasil35
    SweetBasil35 Posts: 126 Member
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    Oh honey, I'm so sorry for what you must be going through right now. Eat to stay nourished. When you're ready, I highly recommend this book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. It was my bible for a while.

    Take a look at it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1346264149&sr=1-1&keywords=journey+from+abandonment+to+healing

    Lean on friends and family; you WILL be grounded once again. :flowerforyou:

    I love reading, it always puts me in a different state of mind. It's relaxing, refreshing and lets me escape. I know this would be more of a self-help thing, but when I exited the military with PTSD, I held onto a book called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz. It was a lifesaver. I should probably find that one in my book collection too. But your suggestion is very intriguing. Thank you for the suggestion. I really really appreciate it.

    You're welcome, honey. One helpful thing this book walks you through is how to be "present" when anxiety gets the better of you. It's an exercise like this: As you feel your anxiety/panic build, take slow deep breathes, concentrating on your breathing and the feeling of your body (if you're sitting in a chair, notice where the chair touches your body, feel the weight of your hands resting on your lap). So basically, the exercise gets your brain focused on the "now" instead of the deep well of anxiety.

    The book says it better, but I thought it could be helpful to you now. Bless you.
  • HotAshMess
    HotAshMess Posts: 382 Member
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    I might also consider a meal replacement shake if I were you.

    In the meantime, please remember that his actions, shame, guilt and whatever else are his to own. Please try to remember to feel YOUR feelings about the situation and not feel the things he should be feeling for his actions. You have children....please try to be strong for them so they know they can grow up strong and handle what life throws at them. I hope they don't know the situation, but I'm sure they know something is wrong....seeing you be strong through it will help them in the long run. They need you.

    Message me if you need to talk or there is anything I can suggest. I do take herbal supplements for sleep, anxiety and depression...I might be able to suggest some things when you are ready (as in, have dealt with some of the pain you need to feel because of something like this vs running for a magic cure)
  • UWWYellowbaby
    UWWYellowbaby Posts: 22 Member
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    hi.....I too recommend you see your doctor first. I went through a time when I physically could not eat or I would be in the bathroom. One week alone I lost 20 pounds because my heart was beating 4x faster than it should have been.(saw the dr. for that~` it was all stress related) Anyhow.....they told me to drink Ensure. Eventually life calmed down.
    I am really sorry you are going through all of this. Is your husband remorseful?
    I can image you are going to go through a large range of emotions. Know you have a great support system here.

    He says sorry, but he's agreeing to the divorce. Saying he'll have more "respect" for me. Whatever that means. I feel like if he was truly sorry, he'd be fighting for us. But he's not. Plus, it's hard to believe a liar.

    Thanks for your support.
  • cdub78
    cdub78 Posts: 88 Member
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    You should kick him in the balls so he can feel a smige of the pain you are feeling right now.
  • UWWYellowbaby
    UWWYellowbaby Posts: 22 Member
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    You should kick him in the balls so he can feel a smige of the pain you are feeling right now.

    Sometimes I seriously consider it.

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