Recent Tragedy

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Replies

  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. I am so sorry. Even though you need to eat, you can't really force yourself or else you'll just throw it back up. Hopefully you can find a counselor who can get you in ASAP to help you figure out how to deal with this horrible situation.
  • jaj68
    jaj68 Posts: 158 Member
    hi.....I too recommend you see your doctor first. I went through a time when I physically could not eat or I would be in the bathroom. One week alone I lost 20 pounds because my heart was beating 4x faster than it should have been.(saw the dr. for that~` it was all stress related) Anyhow.....they told me to drink Ensure. Eventually life calmed down.
    I am really sorry you are going through all of this. Is your husband remorseful?
    I can image you are going to go through a large range of emotions. Know you have a great support system here.
  • rnhoppe
    rnhoppe Posts: 111 Member
    You are only an hour and a half from me :). I am in Oxnard.
    Thank you so much everyone. The BRAT diet was a great suggestion and everyone kind of leaned towards that. At least for now I think that's the best food route. I didn't even think of toast or anything simple. I just can't think at all. We have oranges at work all the time, which is the only reason I've had that.

    I moved to CA when me and my husband first married, so I have a small group of close friends here, but all of my long time friend, "sisters", and other practically family friends, and my actual family reside in the midwest. So I just feel really lonely even though I have a little support here.

    The suggestions for seeking help were good also. I've been on the phone non-stop to get my long distance support, but seeing someone would be good. These are the suggestions I needed b/c I feel so catatonic that basic things don't come to my mind. I'm strong enough to still cook for the kids and make sure their safe, but that's about all I have in me. I was making dinner for them yesterday (trying not to gag from the nausea) but just staring at the wall, letting some of it burn. The kids complained, I said sorry, they said OK and ate it anyways. This is the best I'm doing right now. It's so minimal.

    Where in CA are you? I just moved to CA and I understand what you mean about friends. All my friends are back east...don't have any here yet. It can get very lonely. If you want, send me a friend request.

    I live in Downey, in the LA area.
  • HotAshMess
    HotAshMess Posts: 382 Member
    So sorry. That is awful. I hope you find some inner peace soon. I personally get nauseous and sick when things like this happen too. My last really nasty break up.....I was nauseous and throwing up and not eating for days. It lasted 2-3 weeks. It was awful. If I had to recommend anything...I'd say start with some liquids to rehydrate yourself. Some gatorade or powerade if you prefer. I always get the "diet" ones, but you should get the full right now since you aren't eating anyway. Then shoot for some crackers. From there I would go for some basic soup (I love Mrs. Grass with extra noodles) or some tomato soup, maybe some jello or sugar free pudding, and build up from there.

    I hope you pull through soon. It is a tough place to be. I'm sending good thoughts and good energy your way!
  • tarag8100
    tarag8100 Posts: 60 Member
    Just want to give you a virtual hug. I don't have additional advice. Quite a few good suggestions on here already. so...

    {hug}
  • SweetBasil35
    SweetBasil35 Posts: 126 Member
    Oh honey, I'm so sorry for what you must be going through right now. Eat to stay nourished. When you're ready, I highly recommend this book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. It was my bible for a while.

    Take a look at it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1346264149&sr=1-1&keywords=journey+from+abandonment+to+healing

    Lean on friends and family; you WILL be grounded once again. :flowerforyou:

    I love reading, it always puts me in a different state of mind. It's relaxing, refreshing and lets me escape. I know this would be more of a self-help thing, but when I exited the military with PTSD, I held onto a book called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz. It was a lifesaver. I should probably find that one in my book collection too. But your suggestion is very intriguing. Thank you for the suggestion. I really really appreciate it.

    You're welcome, honey. One helpful thing this book walks you through is how to be "present" when anxiety gets the better of you. It's an exercise like this: As you feel your anxiety/panic build, take slow deep breathes, concentrating on your breathing and the feeling of your body (if you're sitting in a chair, notice where the chair touches your body, feel the weight of your hands resting on your lap). So basically, the exercise gets your brain focused on the "now" instead of the deep well of anxiety.

    The book says it better, but I thought it could be helpful to you now. Bless you.
  • HotAshMess
    HotAshMess Posts: 382 Member
    I might also consider a meal replacement shake if I were you.

    In the meantime, please remember that his actions, shame, guilt and whatever else are his to own. Please try to remember to feel YOUR feelings about the situation and not feel the things he should be feeling for his actions. You have children....please try to be strong for them so they know they can grow up strong and handle what life throws at them. I hope they don't know the situation, but I'm sure they know something is wrong....seeing you be strong through it will help them in the long run. They need you.

    Message me if you need to talk or there is anything I can suggest. I do take herbal supplements for sleep, anxiety and depression...I might be able to suggest some things when you are ready (as in, have dealt with some of the pain you need to feel because of something like this vs running for a magic cure)
  • UWWYellowbaby
    UWWYellowbaby Posts: 22 Member
    hi.....I too recommend you see your doctor first. I went through a time when I physically could not eat or I would be in the bathroom. One week alone I lost 20 pounds because my heart was beating 4x faster than it should have been.(saw the dr. for that~` it was all stress related) Anyhow.....they told me to drink Ensure. Eventually life calmed down.
    I am really sorry you are going through all of this. Is your husband remorseful?
    I can image you are going to go through a large range of emotions. Know you have a great support system here.

    He says sorry, but he's agreeing to the divorce. Saying he'll have more "respect" for me. Whatever that means. I feel like if he was truly sorry, he'd be fighting for us. But he's not. Plus, it's hard to believe a liar.

    Thanks for your support.
  • cdub78
    cdub78 Posts: 88 Member
    You should kick him in the balls so he can feel a smige of the pain you are feeling right now.
  • UWWYellowbaby
    UWWYellowbaby Posts: 22 Member
    You should kick him in the balls so he can feel a smige of the pain you are feeling right now.

    Sometimes I seriously consider it.
  • chicadejmu
    chicadejmu Posts: 171 Member
    I am so sorry. I can't imagine...

    If I were you, I'd try to get some Zofran from your Dr. It helps get rid of nausea. Obviously that's just a symptom of stress, but they hand it out more readily than anti-anxiety meds. And hopefully you can get in to see someone to get the anti-anxiety meds you need to help you through.

    I think meal replacements, milk and possibly applesauce, rice or baked potatoes would be good choices for you.

    I hope you start feeling better and can eat. Hang in there. This too shall pass...
  • Tamisha15
    Tamisha15 Posts: 83 Member
    First off, I'm sorry about what happened and can relate to your pain. I think at one point in a women's life over 75% of women have experienced what you are going through right now. Your first feelings are anger then you feel like you were never good enough, betrayed and worthless. You've never felt these feelings before and the emotions are so unbareable you can't even function. You tears come down so easily and the thoughts of another woman play over and over in your head. You ask questions that you really don't wanna know the answers to and you think about this all day and night. You compare yourself to the other person even though it really doesn't matter.

    As you can tell I know first hand what your going through. I can't say that those feeling go away but with time it gets easier to deal with. I hope and pray to GOD that you overcome this. For your children and yourself. You are beautiful, this was not your fault so don't put yourself in a place so dark that you can't see yourself out of it. I do think you should def talk to someone but if you decide to stay with your husband I wouldn't tell alot of family and friends. Even though you won't forget this they would make it much harder for you to heal always being a constant reminder of how he messed up, something your not going to want to hear over and over again. I'm glad that your going to seek counseling which I think the sooner you let all those feelings out to someone you don't know and who doesn't know you the healing process will get alot better. Again, you are beautiful and in my prayers.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
    Seek professional help... immediately. That's my only advice... and I don't mean your primary doc... I mean psychiatric help.

    This is NOT to be mean... seriously... you really need someone to talk to.
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
    I'm very sorry to hear that. I too went through a very similar situation about a year ago. My husband of 6 years also cheated on me and left us (my two kids, then 4 and 1) for this other woman. It does feel like death. I went down to 104 and I'm 5'4. I remember going to my Dr. and he wouldn't give me ANYTHING. Told me this was something I needed to work out in my head and then told me to have a glass of wine at night. I remember having percocets at home and taking those for the first 3 months. I don't recommend THAT AT ALL, but it was what i had to work with. Definitely see a therapist. It will help you so much. And surround yourself by people who love you. The pain does get better in time but those first couple of months are HELL.
  • Smiling_Sara
    Smiling_Sara Posts: 203 Member
    I started my diet a week ago. I was doing pretty good. Trying to stay on track. I had a plan, I want to stick to it. Sunday night, today is Wednesday, I found my husband of 7 years and father of my two children has been cheating on me for the past 7 months. We've had a pretty rough relationship and I've been as strong as I can be and committed and loyal, but this is my breaking point. I'm lost, confused and have a million and one contradicting thoughts in my head all at the same time. I'm barely able to breath. I've been nauseous 100% of the time so my eating has been dangerous. As in not eating. I'm getting dizzy, I'm tired, but can't sleep b/c my mind is going a million miles an hour. To curb the dizziness I've been eating an orange or drinking water. I can't even lay down with my eyes open b/c I'm so nauseous. I ate a bagel Monday and threw up. I didn't plan that of course. I would never do it on purpose. I'm a food lover, that was why I started this diet/plan. I'm just so stressed I can't hold it in. Does anyone have suggestions of things that I could possibly hold down that would get at least some nutrients in me? It can't be heavy or it will come out, I'm sure. It can't be difficult to make/get b/c I don't have the will or concentration to get that done. Not now. Not 3 days later. Maybe in a week. I have no clue. Support and suggestions needed please.

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you. As some others have said, I would seek professional help asap. You NEED to be will for your kiddos. Love yourself enough to get better! **HUGS**
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
    Also recommend the website: survivinginfidelity.com And going No Contact with your spouse.
  • Polly758
    Polly758 Posts: 623 Member
    So sorry for your marriage :(

    I have to say, this may sound harsh, but do whatever it takes to keep yourself together. Whatever it takes. If divorce is in your future then you gotta look and act perfect so you don't lose custody or end up getting unfairly treated in court.

    Avoid pills if at all possible-- you don't want it coming out that you're on crazy pills. It's not true and it's fair, but you just gotta be careful. Court is not gonna be pretty and hopefully you can avoid it.

    Get a therapist and see a lawyer now. Charge it and pay later. Borrow money from family. This is hard but just hold out until you get the papers and then you can lose it.

    As far as food goes, I'd say try for smoothies. Get some yogurt and frozen fruit and protein powder. Try not to think about diet right now, just do what it takes to get food in you and keep going and being the awesome mom I know you are.
  • Goal_Driven
    Goal_Driven Posts: 371 Member
    That is terrible and I am so sorry for your tragedy. It's very understandable that you feel sick and can't keep your food down.. but I agree with one of the earlier posts... they said to treat yourself like you have the flu.. or a stomach virus. Drink gatorade, sprite, ginger ale and eat soups and lightweight warm foods. Munch on bread and crackers. But yes, be strong for your wonderful children, I know they'll be there for you too. Confide in others close to you, like family members and if the stress and sickening feelings doesn't go away, go see a doctor. I am so sorry.
  • Jennifer_Lynn_1982
    Jennifer_Lynn_1982 Posts: 567 Member
    First off, I'm so sorry!!!

    Secondly, something in your profile struck me, you mentioned that you were going to stick with this (weight loss journey) no matter what life threw at you....such strength! Remember that you have more strength then you feel you have right now and in time you will feel better. I agree with what others wrote, look for as many close friends. (near or far) to work through this, along with professionals too.

    You're MFP family is here for you too!
  • kmbrooks15
    kmbrooks15 Posts: 941 Member
    Thank you so much everyone. The BRAT diet was a great suggestion and everyone kind of leaned towards that. At least for now I think that's the best food route. I didn't even think of toast or anything simple. I just can't think at all. We have oranges at work all the time, which is the only reason I've had that.

    I moved to CA when me and my husband first married, so I have a small group of close friends here, but all of my long time friend, "sisters", and other practically family friends, and my actual family reside in the midwest. So I just feel really lonely even though I have a little support here.

    The suggestions for seeking help were good also. I've been on the phone non-stop to get my long distance support, but seeing someone would be good. These are the suggestions I needed b/c I feel so catatonic that basic things don't come to my mind. I'm strong enough to still cook for the kids and make sure their safe, but that's about all I have in me. I was making dinner for them yesterday (trying not to gag from the nausea) but just staring at the wall, letting some of it burn. The kids complained, I said sorry, they said OK and ate it anyways. This is the best I'm doing right now. It's so minimal.

    I remember that feeling. At first, I just felt numb. Then I gradually began to get really ANGRY at him. I felt hurt, angry, betrayed, a whole gamut of emotions. That's where a counselor can help you, though...they help you process through all those feelings and find a way to deal with them that works for you. Everyone deals with this kind of thing differently. It will take time and a lot of work, but what better time to work on your health, too? You'll need to be as healthy and strong as you can be.

    Think of it this way, too...if you go to court several months from now (not sure what kind of time frame you'd be looking at for a divorce where you live) and you are strong, healthy, and head held high, that will be the best revenge against him. You can go in there calm and strong and wipe the floor with him! It will be a process to get there, but you can do it. Just start with baby steps. No one can expect you be that strong right now; you're still in shock to some degree. But as the shock starts to wear off and the pain really sets in, use that pain as a motivator.

    One word of advice: don't let ANYONE, and I mean anyone, counselor included, try to dictate a time frame for you to "get over this". I had this happen from a couple of people, who made comments such as "aren't you over this yet?". If people say things like that, distance yourself from them. There is no set time frame for the grieving process, and don't let anyone try to tell you there is.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    this is why I hate men.......

    I am so, so, so sorry that that happened to you. I know that if it was me I would be doing the exact same thing. I truly feel so much for you.

    I suggest getting yourself to your primary as soon as you can. He or she will be able to direct you towards something to help with the nausea, stress, and can even get you a referral to someone who can provide you some grief/mental health counseling. This is a terrible thing to have to go through. Take some time for yourself with a counselor. i swear it will help immensely. But now, do not let yourself be alone. Spend time with kids, family, friends, read, work out, do SOMETHING. for me at least I would rip my skin off if that happened to me and I just had to sit there and think about it. You can get through this.
  • laurenw1992
    laurenw1992 Posts: 62
    I personally feel you are doing very well considering your circumstances. You should be proud because a lot of people (me included) would have broken down completely.

    If a divorce is the way your headed, then you should perhaps try and invest all the negative energy towards him into yourself? If anything it's an incentive to lose weight to show him what an idiot he's been, and how much he's missing out on.

    I hope you manage to get some help, you deserve to be happy. If you ever want to talk i'm here chick :)

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