Why cant I be comfortable with myself?

HannahK08
HannahK08 Posts: 35 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So.. Ive been wondering because this actually happens quite often.. Why are SOME fit or thinner people uncomfortable when a bigger person is comfortable with themselves. Now dont misunderstand.. I am bigger 275lbs to be exact but I DO NOT hate my body or myself.. I am however losing weight and going to the gym to be healthy and be healthy for my children because I believe thats very important and Im on the right track now.. and if Im thin I will be happy with my body as well. But I just dont get it when someone gets angry or distraught over that. Am I supposed to hate myself so you'll feel better? Im not angry at all lol just wanted to ask.

Replies

  • Presleyforpresident
    Presleyforpresident Posts: 172
    i think it has to do with society, as cliched as that sounds.
    society tells us that fat is unhealthy and not beautiful and shameful
    and when a larger person decides to actually feel good about themselves,
    people (i don't think their size matters) don't know how to react because it's completely against everything they've learned.
    they don't understand how a larger person can be happy with themselves when society has been telling us it's supposed to be the complete opposite.
    x
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate my body, but I can say that I'm displeased with many aspects. For me, it bends toward my competitive nature (which laid dormant for many years). I know I've made progress and I'm happy about that, but I want more. I want more defined abs or a faster 5k. My current displeasure is my with stretched out and deflated "girls". No augmentation in my budget so I just growl about what weight loss did to me in there. I guess I don't want to feel like I've "arrived" at THE weight/fitness level so that I keep pushing and challenging myself. Then again, I'm pretty tired so much of this may not have made sense at all.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
    My parents use to say "you are bad" and my aunt said you cant say that. It is suppose to be "what you are doing is bad." I think some people do not see the disconnect between their physical appearance and them. I do not eat or exercise like I should (bad action) but fully understand this does not make me a bad person. I think some people (at any weight) see the bad action (not eating healthy, not exercising) and equate that to them being a failure/bad person.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    Being comfortable with yourself is to be commended. Being so comfortable with yourself that you wear wildly inappropriate clothing for you body type can put everyone else in an awkward position. Many people value fitness as much for the esthetics as they do for the health benefits, if not more. It is uncomfortable to see "plumber's crack". It is worse if the person is obese.

    I just wish the people who are "comfortable" would learn a little bit about image management and personal fashion sense. Bad fashion sense on a 21 year old super model or athlete can be mitigated by the fabulousness of their physiques. Out of shape people have to work a little harder on fashion.
  • HannahK08
    HannahK08 Posts: 35 Member
    Yeah I dont wear clothes that are meant for a thinner person AT ALL.. lol I wear appropriate clothing for my size and I still look AMAZING :)
  • californiagirl2012
    californiagirl2012 Posts: 2,625 Member
    You are so far ahead of the game that you are comfortable with yourself. You should always be kind to yourself.

    I tend to be hard on myself even though I am way "under fat" and I spent most of my life over weight and/or obese. We tend to be hard on ourselves and it is a constant struggle. I am a constant work in progress in this area, but overall I am happy.

    it is a balancing act. You need to be kind to yourself, accept the attributes you were born with and can't change, but not be so complacent that you don't become the best YOU can be.

    Some thinner or more fit people might see you as being complacent, but only you know the true story. People tend to judge others without knowing the full story. Since I spent most of my life over weight yet constantly trying to not be I have much empathy for those overweight, especially if they are trying to better themselves. If they purposely let themselves go and expect other to take care of their health problems I have a harder time with that.
  • NextChapter60
    NextChapter60 Posts: 78 Member
    I haven't given much thought to what other people think of me, but I agree, most of the time I"m comfortable with who I am (at 230 pounds.) Long ago I decided my weight wouldn't define who I was, and I do anything I feel like doing - swimming, dancing, traveling, hanging out with friends. I'm trying to get healthier, and sometimes I think my "I'm fine" attitude gets in the way! I have to continually remind myself that my motivation is my health - because I'm not doing all this work just to be a size 8, I don't NEED to be a size 8!

    As a single woman, I know I lose romantic opportunities because of my weight, but I have good friends, a loving and supporting family, and enough interests to keep me busy and happy for the rest of my days! I'll continue on my journey towards health, loving every day REGARDLESS of my size and what the media-led sheep think of me. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

    Best wishes on YOUR journey!
  • onyxgirl17
    onyxgirl17 Posts: 1,722 Member
    I love the top half of my body lol. It's the bottom half..... genetics led me to have cellulite starting at the age of 12. I was 5 foot 6 inches and 100 pounds at 16 years old (underweight) and still had cellulite on my thighs exercising 2 hours a day.

    I realized it was never gonna go away and gave up trying lol. I also learned to accept myself more.

    I'm actually less self-conscious at 160 pounds then I was at 100 pounds ................
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
    So.. Ive been wondering because this actually happens quite often.. Why are SOME fit or thinner people uncomfortable when a bigger person is comfortable with themselves. Now dont misunderstand.. I am bigger 275lbs to be exact but I DO NOT hate my body or myself.. I am however losing weight and going to the gym to be healthy and be healthy for my children because I believe thats very important and Im on the right track now.. and if Im thin I will be happy with my body as well. But I just dont get it when someone gets angry or distraught over that. Am I supposed to hate myself so you'll feel better? Im not angry at all lol just wanted to ask.

    I think it's awesome that you don't hate your body or yourself. I'm pretty much the opposite and I'm at 250. I had a bad day at a water park today and I am working very hard to get these awful negative thoughts out of my head.
    Screw everyone else and keep loving yourself.
  • dbarchus
    dbarchus Posts: 42
    Interesting....I was thin for most of my life, very thin and didn't have to work too hard to stay that way until menopause. I spent all my life hiding my God given thinness, because it was embarrassing when people heavier than me made a big deal about it.

    At 46 and in menopause, my metabolism changed and I gained weight slowly and steadily, until I just couldn't find comfort in the buying larger sizes anymore. I could no longer do my morning yoga poses with comfort...my stomach and thighs ballooned.

    Two years later, 9 lbs heavier, I didn't have to bear the envy as much, but I was no longer comfortable in my body.

    So here I am, within .2 lbs of my goal weight and back to people tell me how lucky I am.....and I am, I feel blessed, but darn it, it was WORK, and I did that! ;)

    So, I'm just saying, it comes from both sides....it's human nature.
  • EpicRosie
    EpicRosie Posts: 30 Member
    It's like skinny girls are told that they need to be skinnier while larger girls are told to be comfortable in their own skin so even though a girl is skinny they still feel like they have to make themselves look thinner.
    Also in some cases (like for me) who you perceive as a skinny girl is just a girl who has a bit of weight to her and has just mastered the art of using clothes to cover it up. So when people complain that i'm tiny and I just need to start wearing skimpier clothing in reality I would look worse in smaller clothes.
  • musicalsoul207
    musicalsoul207 Posts: 15 Member
    I've pretty much always been bigger. And for the longest time, I felt like it wasn't okay for me to be comfortable in my own skin. Even back when I was thinner (at one point, I was only 156.... in comparison to my 216 right now) I felt like I was fat because I was still bigger than the "skinny" girls and it used to drive me crazy when they'd complain about their bodies. As I've gotten older and matured a little, I've realized, pretty much everyone has some sort of body issues. Mine is the pooch-ey area I have on the bottom of my stomach. But for the most part, I'm comfortable with myself. I'm going through this journey for me, because I want to be healthier, because I don't want to be on like eighteen different kinds of medication when I'm in my 50s like my parents. And if someone wants to scream at me and call me "F***in porky pig!" I'm going to not let it bother me, because I love myself.

    Also, I disagree with the person who said larger girls are told they need to be comfortable in their skin. I mean, to some degree, yes, because I do follow some blogs that are all about accepting yourself and loving yourself regardless of your size, however I've spent pretty much my whole life being made fun of for being fat or having someone tell me I need to diet and it's cause some dangerous situations for me health-wise.

    Personally, I think everyone should learn to love themselves regardless of their size. I know it's hard, but I think everyone would be a lot happier if we all worked on that instead of tearing others down or constantly hating yourself.

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