venting about wifey GRRR!!!!

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johnnyg211
johnnyg211 Posts: 91
in Motivation and Support
i started lifting weights almost a month ago and she said she would by healthier food "she has" very little though,plus she still goes to fast food places (no prob right...wrong) she cant drive so i have to take her....she gets a account on here a few days after i did and said she'll start workinout and aint did **** yet...but when i missed a day she quick to say im messin up. ATLEAST IM GOING AND TRYING!!!!!!
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Replies

  • Jamers1213
    Jamers1213 Posts: 16
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    Well good for you for wanting to try...but you can't control what she does. I've been there done that, and it don't work.

    Are you not able to go to the grocery and buy food,,,,,?
  • johnnyg211
    johnnyg211 Posts: 91
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    yeah but i HATE shopping lol...i do go inside with her sometimes
  • TropicalFlowerz
    TropicalFlowerz Posts: 1,990 Member
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    All you can control is yurself,and how you do,.......sit down & hav a heart to heart w/ her about getting healthy(that u love her sooo much that you want yur lives to b long ones!)....cause deep down ,maybe she's scared yur gonna get all fine & trim ,.....& well, you can fill in the blanks....,OR,!!....maybe once she statrs seeing you do soo well ,she'll get motivated! either way COMMUNICATE!~ And whatever you do ,dont give up,luv yurself enough to make healthy changes~best wishes.~Amee
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Even if you don't like shopping, go with her. Also, can't she get her own license?
  • johnnyg211
    johnnyg211 Posts: 91
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    All you can control is yurself,and how you do,.......sit down & hav a heart to heart w/ her about getting healthy(that u love her sooo much that you want yur lives to b long ones!)....cause deep down ,maybe she's scared yur gonna get all fine & trim ,.....& well, you can fill in the blanks....,OR,!!....maybe once she statrs seeing you do soo well ,she'll get motivated! either way COMMUNICATE!~ And whatever you do ,dont give up,luv yurself enough to make healthy changes~best wishes.~Amee

    nice i'll try that long lives aproach aand see if it works
  • johnnyg211
    johnnyg211 Posts: 91
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    Even if you don't like shopping, go with her. Also, can't she get her own license?

    she working to getting her Ls
  • tameko2
    tameko2 Posts: 31,634 Member
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    Stop taking her to fast food. Just stop. Remind her that she made a commitment to do this with you, and that its important to you, and then stop enabling her.

    Also - make a grocery list (you can even find some sites that will create a meal plan for the week for you and give you a grocery list) then just go in and print it out. Shopping is much less annoying/painful if you just follow a list.
  • UrbanWild
    UrbanWild Posts: 48
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    I used to hate grocery shopping. But now I consider myself a seasoned pro. Think of it as taking control of your food, your choices. Do a meal plan ahead of time before you go and don't buy itmes that you don't need--just what you need to make the recipes you've planned for the week. It's very empowering! Don't rely on someone else for your success.
  • danwood2
    danwood2 Posts: 291 Member
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    Just keep up the hard work and prove to her that it clearly pays off with dedication to the working out and the eating habits... maybe one day it will >>click<< for her to make the same change or she will remain the way that she is. You definitely can't force it though!
  • MSmooth747
    MSmooth747 Posts: 55 Member
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    She has to helping the team out.

    If you are going to do it together, she has to be accountable to you and you to her.

    I started this diet because of my wife, I couldn't just say hey that sucks that you have to lose weight and just do my own thing.

    If I mess up I feel like I'm letting her down and she the same for me. Its just a part of marriage.

    If she is going to support you she needs to up her game!!
  • johnnyg211
    johnnyg211 Posts: 91
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    hmm nice ideas about planing the meals fo the weak ahead that just might work
  • amh1974
    amh1974 Posts: 79 Member
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    You need to block out her negativity. She's on a path of destruction and just hasn't seen it yet. Good luck!
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
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    Empower yourself and take control of your own fitness goals. It sounds like she is trying to sabotage your efforts. It may not be intentional, but it is easier to try to drag people down to our level than it is to try to climb up to something greater.

    1. Learn how to grocery shop. I hate grocery shopping, too. Always have. I do it anyway.

    2. When your wife complains that you aren't sticking to your plan, try to actively ignore the jabs. She is an expert in pushing your buttons, and will continue to do so as long as you keep responding to her taunts. "You're right, dear." Will totally throw her a curve ball and she won't know how to respond. Just stay calm and carry on. :smile:

    3. Learn to cook. Fast food is to be taken only in moderation, like alcohol. I don't know if it will work for you, but I set targets of "no eating out" times. I try to go 5-7 days before I allow myself a restaurant meal. Not only has my waistline benefited, but so has my budget!
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    i started lifting weights almost a month ago and she said she would by healthier food "she has" very little though,plus she still goes to fast food places (no prob right...wrong) she cant drive so i have to take her....she gets a account on here a few days after i did and said she'll start workinout and aint did **** yet...but when i missed a day she quick to say im messin up. ATLEAST IM GOING AND TRYING!!!!!!


    Get over it... She may have not been ready to start... She may have fear that she will fail and is sabotaging things... She may be afraid she will succeed...

    You can only control yourself and your behavior... If she won't shop "for you"... Go shopping with her... She nasty feel that you are pushing this off on her and she doesn't want to change things because you won't like them...

    invite her to work out with you... But don't say "remember when you said you were going to do this with me and you are letting me down if you don't work out with me" say "I'm going to the gym after work today I can swing by and pick you up and then we can go do ____ afterwards" (something SHE wants to do that you might not want/like to do"

    Download some interesting recipes... Offer to cook dinner... Don't say "from now on I'm going to make dinner once a week"... Just one day a week make dinner...

    lastly... Get over it... You can't change her... Don't pressure her... Change yourself... love her... Be patient... Change is hard
  • Erica27511
    Erica27511 Posts: 490 Member
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    Keep on doing what you are doing whether she is joining you or not. You are doing this for you and she will eventually see you are serious and hopefully be right alongside with you in your journey.
    Keep up the good work! :flowerforyou:
  • msacurrie
    msacurrie Posts: 144 Member
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    Might I suggest, if you haven't, talking to your wife about this instead of strangers? :) communication is the key!
  • mom2handh1975
    mom2handh1975 Posts: 224 Member
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    I agree that sometimes a spouse can be a pain in the butt. Know what, though? They pay attention to what we're doing, even if they aren't aware that they're doing it. My husband has been thinking more about what we're eating. He does 1/2 of the shopping, and I do the other 1/2. His half has gotten a lot healthier lately. Fast food doesn't have to be off limits, either. You can make good choices anywhere, it just means a little more work for you (and probably some bad calls along the way - I should know). Just keep doing what you've been doing, and before long you might notice that your wife is starting to look at food differently, too. Good luck! :happy:
  • saraemily5
    saraemily5 Posts: 116 Member
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    I agree - if you don't want to take her to get fast food, then don't. But IMO you need to show her unconditional love and support - no matter what she does. Who cares if she doesn't work out?? Who cares if she's not making better eating habits? Don't let that come between you. You can only control you. You cannot control her.

    I hear you. I've been hitting hte gym for almost 2 years now... and changed my eating... my husband has not. He has *said* a billion times he's going ot start working out, watching what he's eating, stop drinking soda, but none of that has happened yet. It used to bother me. But then I realized - I don't care *what* he does. I still love HIM for being HIM. Health and fitness is such a personal thing - the drive and motivation must come from within or it doesn't stick around. THe best thing you can do is show her that love and support and continue with your own journey. And who knows - as she sees YOU are serious about this and as she sees your body change and transform then she might find the motivation from within herself. But the minute she feels you are rejecting her for not getting 'healthy' then she will reject you and your lifestyle in turn.

    If she wont' buy healthy food then you need to get over your loathing for the grocery store and go yourself. If you don't want her buying fast food, then don't take her. Or if you do take her, get her what she wants, but get yourself the 'healthy' option on the menu.

    What she needs is love and support regardless.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    On line grocery shopping, try it. It typically costs about 5 extra dollars but they will put all the foods in bags for you and load them in the car for you.

    Win/ Win

    Most grocery stores have this and if there is not one that has it in your town, then I guess you will have to either deal with having to do something that you hate to do or deal hating what she wants to do. You both can not have your way, period. We can not force someone to do what we want them to do, trust me, if that were so there would be a lot more sober people in the world.

    Like it or not, one of you guys is going to have to do the work. Hummmm, who will it be?
  • GeekGirl23
    GeekGirl23 Posts: 517 Member
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    remember this is YOUR journey. If she chooses to do this then she has her OWN journey.

    You have to do what's best for you. If you have to shop then you shop. If you have to cook then you cook. In the long run you are the master of your own destiney.

    and then as you start to lose wgt or get fit she'll either have an epiphiny and start working out and eating well... or atleast you'll be fit for the next wife right?

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