Dismantling the Automatic Circuits

After the emotionally exhausting message that I posted yesterday morning about Old Reliable, I promised myself that I would not write on here again until next week. However, I had one of those "AHA" moments that helped me to learn alot about my dysfunctional relationship with food this morning. If just one person benefits from reading this, then it is worth the time spent writing it.

Yesterday, I completed a brief to the Supreme Court of Texas. This morning, I had a 9am hearing in Rockport, Tx., on a motion for new trial. Now, normally, a 9am docket call is no big deal. I am a morning person and happy to get productive earlier in the day than later. However, Rockport is a sleepy little fishing and water recreation village located right on the Gulf of Mexico 30 miles north of Corpus Christi, Texas. More important for purposes of this story-- Rockport is 170 miles south of Houston. In order to both make the 3 hour drive to Rockport and be completely prepared for this morning's hearing (involving sufficiency of the evidence to support attorney's fees awarded in a summary judgment), I needed to be awake at 3am. Now, I may be a morning person, but 3am is usually right smack dab between my first and second trips to the little litigator's room overnight. Nevertheless, I set my alarm and did what I had to do. After shepardizing the main cases to be discussed and outlining my notes, I jumped in my car and pointed it south toward Rockport on Highway 59 around 5:10 a.m.

Before I reached the highway entrance ramp, I instinctively steered into the driveway to Whataburger. I reached the window and started to automatically order what, over the years, had become my "usual." A couple of sausage, egg and cheese taquitos, a couple of hash browns and ... yeah, you guessed it... a Diet Coke. As if that caramel colored, artificially sweetened bubble water would magically wash over my breakfast and begin furiously pulling the calories out of it. When the server in the drive thru lane asked what I wanted, I literally opened my mouth, froze, then realized that maybe I ought to quickly calculate what my breakfast would do to the rest of my eating day. Let's see... 900 calories for the taquitos, 400 for the hash browns... EEK!!! 1300 calories, oodles and gobs of bad fat, and more than my daily allotment of sodium for my "on the fly" 5:30 am breakfast.

I knew I needed to eat because I was really, REALLY hungry. But I knew that I could do better than 1300 calories and all of my day's sodium and saturated fat. After some quick figuring on my smartphone, I realized that I could have an egg mcmuffin with an extra egg and no cheese for 330 calories and much less fat and sodium. I even added 2 hash browns for 140 calories each, to come up with a filling AND satisfying 610 calorie breakfast. Lots of protein from the eggs, some carbs from the hash browns, and much needed caffeine from the 33 gallon garbage can sized Diet Coke (I exaggerate, but that sucker was huge).

Before this message precipitates a lot of strident "you could have had a much better quick breakfast if you..." responses, I do know that with some better planning, I could have gone in a much more healthy and nutritious direction. And perhaps when I am further down this wonderful path to better health, I would have. But for me, cutting 690 calories and lots of sodium and saturated fat off of my intended breakfast is a step in the right direction. More to the point, it was a big step in recognizing and then severing the automatic circuit in my brain between going on a "road trip" in my car and "rewarding myself" with whatever I wanted to eat because I was being productive and having to take a long car trip.

Hours later, after having my motion for new trial granted and the final judgment vacated, I left the courthouse. It was a brutal argument, lasting about 40 minutes with a lot of emotional back and forth between me and opposing counsel. I have a definite memory of getting in my minivan and being ready to pull out of the courthouse parking lot.

Writers use the phrase "the next thing I remember," as a creative writing device. I am not doing that here. I was so jazzed from the argument and the good result for my client that, quite literally, after putting the vehicle in reverse, the next thing I remember is being in the parking lot of a McDonalds a few blocks from the Aransas County Courthouse. I am so programmed to seek out emotionally satisfying (numbing?) junk food, that my mind went on autopilot and unconsciously steered my car to the nearest junk factory. I pulled into the parking lot. Before I opened the car door, I realized that since the hearing was over, I had time to feed myself with real food rather than junk food. Ten minutes later, I walked out of a nearby grocery store (HEB, if that matters) with my bag of reduced sodium turkey breast, 2 cups of fresh pineapple, 2 cups of assorted berries (blueberries, raspberries, blackberries and strawberries), and two liters of water.

So here it is, 2pm. I am quite satisfied (food wise), and have lots of calories left for the rest of the day. But that is not the important part of what happened. As a result of my 5am to 1:30pm business round trip, I now understand that there are certain external cues that put my unconscious internal eating machine into "high gear." Going on "road trips" is definitely one of them. I learned that by being conscious of the choices that I made, I was able to cut over half of the calories that I initially intended to eat. I learned that if I had planned ahead, I could have done even better by preparing a satisfying large cup of nonfat or low fat cottage cheese and assorted fruits, or oatmeal and assorted fruits for half-again of the calories and a fraction of the fat and sodium that I actually consumed. Finally, I learned that even though my court experience was a positive one, with positive results, being on an adrenalin high from strenuously arguing my client's points once again revved up my unconscious eating apparatus. Without the pressure of time constraints, I took the time to trade a junk pit stop for a nutritious and satisfying snack that filled my belly and nourished my body for the trip back to Houston.

They say that recognizing a problem is the first step in solving it. While this morning involved a 350 mile roundtrip drive, I think it included an even bigger step for me in dismantling the automatic circuits that have contributed mightily to my dysfunctional relationship with food over the years. I may not be where I want to go, but taking steps like this morning, I'm confident I will get there.

Have a wonderful rest of your Thursday.

Scott R. in Houston, Tx.